Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
Someone asked an excruciatingly strained hypothetical question, which gave rise to a better answer by cpneb than I felt the question deserved, which gave rise to this. Don't know if you are familiar with the phrase, "An elephant has given birth to a mouse." But this story squeaks.
This is most definitely not part of the Best Enemies universe. I have never before written something which wasn't complete, but I'm making an exception for this. I don't know when or if it might be continued.
The Magus Zoroaster, my dear child,
Met his own image walking in the garden.
"Okay, why does the name Cyrus Bortel sound familiar?" Shego asked.
"He's head of the Consortium of Unethical Scientists, I've had you break in and steal inventions from him several times," Drakken explained.
"And what is it I'm stealing this time?"
"It's a love potion-"
"Love potion? Are you nuts… Wait, there's no need to answer that question - you already have with your request."
"I figure one drop in a bottle of my obedience shampoo and-"
"The obedience shampoo that was a total failure?"
"Well, we have five thousand cases of it in the time share lair."
Shego spoke slowly and distinctly, "It cost a fortune to make that stuff. You'll lose money on every bottle sold."
"Volume, the secret is volume!"
Shego shook her head sadly. He signed the paychecks so he called the robberies.
"Cyrus Bortel, again?" Kim complained to Wade. "Why doesn't he hire real security?"
"Because you're good for nothing… Wait, I didn't mean that the way it sounded."
"I know what you mean. Maybe I need to start charging people like Bortel who are just taking advantage of me."
"But you'll take it?"
"I'll take it," Kim sighed.
"Great, I'll get a ride for you and Ron."
"Ron can't make it."
"He can't, are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure. He's got a paper a week late for health class and Barkin is threatening to flunk him if he doesn't have it in on Monday. If he flunks we don't graduate together."
The flight was uneventful, and terribly boring. Now that she and Ron were dating the travel had become more fun than the missions themselves.
"All right, what am I helping you with this time?" Kim asked the scientist.
"The Enhanced Response through Olfactory Stimulation Potion works, in part, through pheromones. It makes the wearer more attractive in the eyes of others. There are other properties as well to give the effect greater stability. This concentrate," he said showing her a bottle, "is extremely dangerous. But after I dilute it into a vat of aftershave it will be weak enough to be safe."
"Piece of cake," Kim thought to herself as the scientist droned on. "A job this easy is so beneath my abilities."
"Piece of cake," Shego thought to herself as she got ready to crash in through the window. "A job this easy is so beneath my abilities."
Broken glass sprayed the room as Shego crashed in. She landed on her feet and stared at the young woman already in the room, "Princess?"
"Well, beating her just made the job worthwhile," they both thought.
Bortel fled the lab as the two women started fighting. Kim committed the error of making sure he was out of the lab and in the moment of distraction a kick from Shego knocked her back into a lab table, sending several bottles crashing to the floor.
Kim rose from the floor, wiping blood from her cut lip, "Is that the best you've got?"
"Plenty good enough to take you down," the pale woman snarled.
The blue ray that hit Kim took them both by surprise.
"What the hell was that," Shego demanded as she circled, looking for an opening in Kim's defense.
"I don't know. Maybe some sort of intruder alert."
"You feeling okay?"
"Yeah, why? I didn't know you cared."
"I don't want you to have any excuse when I beat the crap out of you," Shego hissed as she launched herself at Kim. The younger woman went down and they were rolling on the floor amid the chemicals from the broken bottles.
Outside the lab Bortel turned on the security video system and found, to his horror, the bottle of concentrate for Enhanced Response through Olfactory Stimulation, abbreviated as Eros potion #9, was broken. He had no idea what it might do to the two women and turned the sprinklers on in the lab, washing his fortune down the drain. After its contamination with the other chemicals he would not be able to salvage it for eBay sales the way he had planned.
"I'm finding it real hard to hate you," Shego murmured, staring into Kim's eyes.
"I know the feeling," Kim grunted before hitting Shego in the mouth with her lips.
The water from the sprinklers was cold, and Shego put her arms around Kim and drew the younger woman close. "Just for warmth," she told herself.
"Sick and wrong," Kim panted when their lips finally parted. Her hands softly caressed Shego's body, her touch bringing little moans of pleasure from the older woman.
"Absolutely," Shego agreed before her lips and tongue went to work on Kim's tender throat.
Kim had no idea where she was, or the lab was, or Shego was. But she recognized the huge figure in front of her, "You defeated me," Warmonga announced. "Even though it took two of you. Honor demands I challenge you both to a return fight within two revolutions of my planet. I am here to regain my honor. First I defeat you, then I defeat your friend."
"She's not my friend," Kim told her. "We just both happened to like our planet the way it was."
"Enough. I will defeat you, then her."
"You must really be frightened of me," Kim jeered, "to need a weapon like that to attack an unarmed woman half your size."
"Warmonga needs to no weapon to crush vermin like you," the green giant bellowed.
"Then why are you holding it?" Kim asked sweetly.
Enraged, the giantess threw the weapon to the side and dove at Kim.
The sensors in the lab indicated the air was clear. The two women glared at Bortel for interrupting their makeout session. "What have you done to us?" Shego demanded as Kim nuzzled her neck.
"It wasn't supposed to work this way," he told them. "Some of the other chemicals must have mixed in with the Eros potion and produced an unexpected effect."
"We're not complaining," Kim moaned as Shego stuck a tongue in her ear, "but are we going to stay like this?"
"I don't know! It was water soluble. The sprinkler should have washed all the chemicals off you. Unless, of course, it changed your fundamental body chemistry… Maybe some chemicals stuck to your clothes. Perhaps a warm shower-"
"Sounds wonderful," Kim whispered to Shego. "I'll wash your back."
"Uum, I want to wash your front."
Kim stood, panting, over the fallen form of Warmonga. She tried very hard not to show how much pain she felt.
"Kill me," the green woman demanded.
"I'm not a killer."
"Kill me, or I will be back again. It is an insult to let me live after a defeat."
"You'll just keep coming back?"
"I can only reclaim my honor with your defeat."
"And it is an insult to let a defeated enemy live?"
The giantess nodded her head yes.
"When you hold your hand like this," Kim explained, "it's called paper. Paper beats rock, that's when your hand is like this. But scissors, when your hand is like this beats paper. However, rock beats scissors."
"I do not understand…"
"Never mind, I'll play fair. On the count of three stick out your hand in one of those three gestures. One… Two… Three."
Kim cheated. She saw Warmonga sticking out a flat hand and quickly curled her hand into a fist. "Paper beats rock. You win. If anyone asks, you defeated me. Why don't you insult me by letting me live to tell others of my humiliation?"
"That was a victory?"
"We are a small and puny race compared with your people. It's not even worth your time to try and conquer us."
"Yes, that is true," said the giantess, visibly brightening as she convinced herself of this truth. "Your world has nothing of interest to my people."
"Oh mighty conqueror, could you please restore your defeated foe to her home before you return to your glorious planet?"
"Yes, I will. To show you the power of my people."
Kim breathed a little sigh of relief. Shego must have stolen the Eros potion after Warmonga beamed her aboard her ship. Kim would get a good night's rest before she had any chance of fighting her other green foe.
"Kim," Shego complained, "If you don't keep your hands off me I'm going to crash the jet. Pull that zipper back up."
"You never let me have any fun," Kim pouted.
"We've only been madly in love for an hour and a half. And I think we've already packed some fun in there."
"Not enough." Kim was silent for a minute. "What will my mom and dad say when we tell them we're in love?"
"I have to go in with you?"
"We're not going all the way until we stand in front of them and tell them how much we love each other."
"Oh, swell," Shego grumbled, "they're going to love that."
"They love me and always support me in my choices. They'll learn to accept you."
Kim called Ron before she went inside her house "Every muscle in my body hurts," she complained. "Why don't you come over? I'm going to take a shower and then I really need a back rub and some TLC."
"I'll be there KP, sorry I couldn't be along to help you."
"You couldn't have helped Ron, I was the one she was after."
Kim called to announce her presence to her mother as she got in the door, then headed upstairs for a long, hot shower.
Kim pointed her window out to Shego, "Can you sneak in there? It's going to take me a little while to prepare mom and dad for the fact I'm in love with you."
"Every minute will seem like an hour until your return."
"You love me that much?"
"No, I bore easily. Don't take too long, Princess," Shego said, pulling Kim close and giving her a deep kiss.
Ron had arrived slightly before Kim and Shego. He was in the television room killing time when Kim walked in the front door. He ran to her as quickly as he could and threw his arms around her, "I'm here for you, O beacon of my existence."
He stared at Kim, eyes wide in disbelief, after she slapped him. "Don't you ever touch me again," she hissed.
Shego went for stealth rather than speed in breaking in to Kim's room, which meant it was several minutes before she eased in. She locked the window behind her and was wondering where to relax when the door to the bathroom open, and Kim, wearing nothing but a towel, came into the room. Shego gave her a smile and a hug, "Sure you want to wait until we've told your mom and dad?"
She stared at Kim, eyes wide in disbelief, after she slapped her. "Don't you ever touch me again," she hissed.