Title: Just a Glance…
Author:
Jade Pilot
Timeframe:
Pre-TPM
Characters:
Obi-Wan, Siri
Genre:
Vignette, AU
Keywords:
Siri-wan
Summary:
Song Fic. to Killer's: "Fire!"

Songs lyrics in Italics


You're sitting next to me

But the rules include not touching.

I want to keep you all to me

But I'm afraid that the all-seeing eye is watching.

I feel the gentle tension whenever we are near one another now. There is an inclination between us that I have not felt with any other soul. Not merely gravitation, but a seductive pull that robs me of any coherent thinking as I try to concentrate. Sitting near you during meditation, I long to reach out and feel the warmth of your smooth skin against my hand.

I school myself for fear that my forbidden thoughts will be detected. Slowly, I open my eyes and check to see if anyone would notice if I take your hand and bring it to my lips. The mindful eyes of masters are always upon us. Do they know? Do they suspect our feelings? Can they sense my desire to posses you completely?

I observe the light glinting off your sun-kissed hair, the curve of your resolute chin and the pulse beating in your creamy throat. Then you open your eyes to me, blue meets blue and I see a smile tug the corners of your soft lips, just before you look away. My hand moves towards you and then falls bereft to my side…

And yes everybody is here, everybody is here.

And I know, and I know that they

Will be reminding me of decency.

And every time that I make up my mind

I find that I lack the ability.

I see the surreptitious looks we receive as we walk into a room together. Rarely are we alone anymore. They have seen to that. We are shadowed now and never left to pursue that which we so strongly desire. Questions hang in the air between us and those seeking the answers. Not him…they say… for his master would never let it come to that. And she is much too ambitious to throw away all that she has worked so hard for. Surely not… they think… and yet there is something…

I resolutely decide that too much is at stake and steel myself against this obsession I have for you. Expulsion is unthinkable whether as their punishment or my salvation. I believe so firmly that I can put this passion aside, until I see you and I am once again lost. My walls tumble so easily with just a glance from you and then a smile.

Counting in the rain to fall before the thunder comes.

Counting on the rain to fall before the lightning strikes.

I'm playing with fire and tempting the storm.

Fire!

No good can come of this I know that all too well. I can feel the tightening of the noose, the building retribution that is sure to follow if we proceed any further. Stolen kisses and moments alone are scarce now. And yet I relish this bitter sweet interval and do nothing to hasten or end it. I'm inviting their displeasure, but basking in your warmth. I want to hold you for as long as I may, my love, but the watchman is at the door.

Your company has become an addiction.

I need a fix, at least a fraction.

All this is public information

Because I am unable to hide this emotion.

As I stand before the council, I am warned to proceed no further with this attachment I have for you. They have seen it too many times not to know what will happen next. They lecture that the code was born from wisdom and protects us from mistakes that could prove disastrous. I offer no words of spurious denial for I am unable to shield my ardent feelings any longer. My eyes blaze as they instruct me to end even our friendship.

But the urgency to see you is so compelling, like a physical ache at times. My breath catches in my chest when I think of never being near you, never touching you again. I find myself waiting in the hall where I know you will pass by. Just a glance, then a smile is all I need to quench this fever for a time.

I should be sleeping instead of dreaming.

I should be keeping myself from…

I awake discomfited and drenched with sweat as I sit up in my bed. This has become my nightly ritual, but still takes me by surprise. I make my way down the long empty hall to the refresher to wash away the uneasiness these phantasms have wrought. My all-consuming dreams have become my curse and my blessed sanctuary for in them I can be with you. Together in my twilight world we can love without fear of reprisal. There is no need for pretense here and I wonder do you experience this, too? Do you feel the flame?

Counting in the rain to fall before the thunder comes.

Counting on the rain to fall before the lightning strikes.

I'm playing with fire and tempting the storm.

Fire!

And still I watch for you, though seeing you is a sweet torment. We rarely chance upon each other and never without the accompaniment of our masters. In those rare meetings my eyes search your face for some acknowledgment, some sign of the emotion that was once so strong between us. I feel the displeasure from your mentor, but continue to court the admonishment that will surely come as a result of me tentatively reaching out to you.

I perceive no response that lets me know you still harbor any intense feelings for me. I lower my eyes in a respectful demeanor, as we part and go in different directions. But then as you follow your master around the corner; I see you turn your head ever so slightly and through lowered lashes, meet my eyes with a glance and then a smile.

And I know…

Counting in the rain to fall before the thunder comes.

Counting on the rain to fall before the lightning strikes.

I'm playing with fire and tempting the storm.

Fire!