I Prefer The Real You
Pairing: GaaraNeji, NaruSasu
Summery: Neji performs the Sexy jutsu. Gaara gives his opinion on the technique. Featuring feminine,prettyboy!Neji and Superseme,perverted!Gaara. Don't read if you are teetering on the brink of insanity, because this will push you over the edge.
Disclaimer: I don't own it, cause, if I did, it'd probably be a yaoi hentai series by now...
"Uchiha's right. You are a dobe,"
Naruto flashed the ivory eyed beauty a foxy grin, letting that comment slide for now. Not only because that was Sasuke's pet-name for him, but also because Neji looked so adorable and feminine right now. Dressed in a white satin robe, his raven hair hanging in silky tendrils around his face and clutching an enormous white pillow to his chest, he looked prettier than Sakura ever did.
And he wasn't just saying that because he was full-blown gay.
He decided not to tell Neji that, though. He was sure that the brunet would change that opinion of him by knocking Naruto into the next time zone. It had happened before; not in a literal sense, of course. Rubbing his head in remembrance, he conceded that calling Neji a "girly ponce" wasn't the smartest thing he had ever done, in retrospect. One minute he was cackling as Neji cracked his knuckles, and the next he was lying on some old lady's couch in her living room, having just been knocked through the wall- by a Gentle Fist user of all people!
Lee may have been a natural Drunken Fist user, but Neji was a natural Iron Fist user, Naruto discovered that day.
He shivered, remembering the look of anger which had clouded the brunet's stunning eyes as those words escaped Naruto's mouth. Now he knew why people didn't want to make Neji angry. He was fucking scary when mad.
"-and I still fail to see how this jutsu will help me to perform better on...Are you listening to me?"
"Huh?" he asked intelligently. He concluded that Neji sounded oddly like Iruka-Sensei telling of a naughty student when he "tsk"ed like that, though he knew that his bitchy friend would only clobber him if he told the brunet what he was thinking.
"I said, I fail to see how this jutsu will help me to perform better on missions,"
He spoke each word slowly, so that it sounded like he was talking to a small child or somebody with mental problems.
I bet I know which one I'm supposed to be, Naruto thought.
"Because, if you need information from a man, what better way to get it than by seducing him?" the blond asked, stretching his arms above his head.
Spotting a notebook sitting on a dresser, he snatched it up before the brunet could blink. He realised that he would get the crap beaten out of him if he didn't put the book down in a minute, judging by the slight tick which had developed in the Neji's right eye.
"Naruto, put the notebook down and nobody gets hurt," he said.
He would have received more of an indication that his subtle threat had been heard if he had told it to the pillow currently clutched in his arms. Instead of being a nice, kind, generous person, Naruto chose to be a complete bastard and flipped open the book, his eyes widening with each page he turned.
Gaara, Gaara, and yet more Gaara. That was the contents of the notebook. Every page he turned was filled with doodles of the red head, his name scrawled all over the pages in enormous intricate writing of various fonts. Gaara reading a scroll, Gaara eating a salad, Gaara in the onsen...just a few of the pictures Naruto encountered on his journey into the crazy mind of one Hyuuga Neji.
Eventually, the book was snatched out of his grasp by a furious brunet who appeared to had overcome his momentary petrifaction. Completely mortified, he yanked open his dresser drawer, throwing the book inside, then slammed it shut again.
"Sooooo...Gaara, huh, Neji?" Naruto said, grinning his dumb blond head off. Neji wanted to jam the nearest solid object into his eye socket.
"Yes," the brunet snapped, his blush receding to a faint pink, "What has it got to (poke) do (poke) with (poke) you?"
Rubbing his now-smarting chest, the blond grinned mischievously.
"I'll keep your secret," he began.
"At what cost?" Neji asked boredly, back to being his cool, calm, straight out of the ice box self.
"Do the sexy jutsu for me?" he asked imploringly.
"Alright," Neji answered immediately.
"Pleeeeaaaase? I just want to see what you look like...wait, did you say you'll do it?"
"Yes," Neji said mundanely, "Now stand back. I'm going to wow you with my sexiness,"
Naruto moved to the other side of the room, no at all concerned about getting blood on the immaculate, plush white carpet. He was gay, afterall; why would he nosebleed over a girl? Now if Sasuke-teme got in here and performed a strip tease...Well, Neji would have to change his white satin sheets to red satin sheets to match the carpet. And the blood-soaked teenager who would be unconscious on the floor due to blood loss.
"Alright...Orioke no jutsu,"
There was a huge cloud of billowing smoke, which Naruto waved away with his hand. Then his jaw dropped. In front of him where Hyuuga Neji had stood moments ago was the most perfect specimen of womanhood Naruto had ever clapped eyes on. Instead of going for Naruto's approach and hiding his naked transformed body beneath clouds of smoke, Neji had henged the skimpiest lingerie you could imagine. White and frilly, it gave the impression of coyness and sex appeal at the same time. His bosom, even more impressive than Naruto's sexy jutsu form, could rival Tsunade's, something which the blond noted with alarm. His hair remained the same, as did his eyes, and pouty lips, though he had henged on some pale lip gloss. Long white legs led down to high heeled stilettos which made a muffled thumping sound as the brunet walked towards the blond.
"Like what you see?" Neji asked, his voice a sultry purr.
"Shit, Nej'!" he grinned, "If I was straight..." He trailed off, his smile still firmly pasted onto his whiskered face.
There was a knock on the window which made Neji jump and blush. What would he do if somebody saw him like this? Actually, he knew what he would do. It was just a question of finding where to put the body and making up a suitable alibi. Naruto would lie for him, right? He sure hoped so. He prayed to God that it wasn't Lee. He didn't want to have to kill his dearest friend. Or deal with Gai-Sensei's hysterics when he found out about the untimely demise of his favourite student.
Naruto slid open the window and the floaty white muslin curtains, letting in...
FUCK, IT'S GAARA! Neji thought, panicked, though his face remained inscrutable.
"Haruno told me you were here," the red head said, ducking under Naruto's arm to enter. He didn't appear to have noticed Neji yet, which suited him just fine, "Uchiha wouldn't tell me. He probably had some dumb idea that I was trying to steal you away,"
He paused, "Nice room," he said, "Fancy and...well there's a lot of white and gold. Whose bedroom is it?"
"Neji's," Naruto grinned, "Look, I got him to do the sexy jutsu!"
The brunet ground his teeth in frustration as the blond pointed at him. Gaara's eyes followed the path of his finger, looking Neji up and down.
"Well?" Naruto asked, "What do you think?"
Gaara smirked, making his way over to the flushed brunet. He stared until the tension was palpable, then spoke.
"Nice," he said, "But it doesn't do it for me. I prefer the real you,"
Neji gaped, his mouth opening and closing like a goldfish's. He dispelled the jutsu, feeling the comforting softness of his satin robe coming into contact with his sensitive skin once more.
"What?" he asked, wondering if he had heard wrong. Naruto watched from by the bed, knowing exactly where this was going. He wasn't looking forward to getting kicked out of Neji's amazing room, but he doubted that they would want an audience to witness what they were going to do. Unless they were voyeurs...
No. Neji blushed too easily. He would never consent to letting someone watch him going at it like a rabbit in mating season. Oh well, no matter. He could always go for a little romp in the bushes by the training grounds with Sasuke-teme. He made the cutest noises when he was sexually frustrated. He felt himself hardening just thinking about it. Yep, it was time to go. He doubted that they'd notice whether or not he stayed or went, so it didn't matter really. It was just that Gaara would really hurt him for upsetting Neji if he stayed, and he liked his balls attached, thank you very much. He climbed out of the window quietly.
"I said that I prefer the real you," Gaara said, reaching out to touch Neji's face.
"Y-You like me?"
"I paid a photographer to take pictures of you in the shower, in the onsen...generally anywhere you get naked. It's perfect wank material," he said, as though he was talking about the weather and not about invading somebody's privacy, "Nine times out of ten, the photographer came back covered in blood from multiple nosebleeds. He nearly hemorrhaged when he got a photo of you washing your ass,"
By now, Neji was blushing a horrifying shade of cerise.
"W-Washing my ass?" he squeaked, his hands clapped over his mouth.
"Yeah," he said, "That's my favourite one. It was worth the money I paid Jiraiya to take it. You were washing between your cheeks and you can see your tight little asshole close-up on it. At least, I imagine that it's tight. Is it, Neji?"
"I'm a virgin, if that's what you mean," he said, his eyes frightfully wide after hearing those sinfully filthy words leaving those full pink lips. They made his blood rush south, pushing his robe outwards into a tent. Neji prayed that Gaara wouldn't notice. No such luck.
The red head's eyes traveled down Neji's body, stopping on his scantily clad erection. He smirked, stepping forward to press his lips against the brunet's bubble gumk pink lips.
"Well, we'll just have to change that, won't we?" he asked in a low purr, his arms wrapped around Neji's slender waist.
If you were to ask why Neji was limping tomorrow, he would blush and say that he fell during training. If you were to ask Gaara why he was smirking tomorrow, he would say that he had just bagged the hottest boy you could ever hope to lay eyes on.
And, yes. Neji's asshole was as tight as he had imagined.
XD Che, I suck. Still, this was fun to right. I love the last line, don't you?
Ja Ne, all!