Chapter 13

She Is Brighter

Disclaimer- I own nothing, I give full credit to all owners, I only use it because I love it!!

Well things are going pretty well right now. I plan to enjoy every moment because I know it won't last forever. My speech went very well, I don't think I'll ever forget it and it's been over a year now since I did it. I was nervous when I stood in front of the class but I was able to get through it. I looked at nothing and opened my mouth, surprisingly words came out.

Music blares in the background, a single person stand by the window, the moonlight the rooms only light. Tears fall steadily down her face as a promise is broken not forgotten. A girl's dreams feel shattered a will no longer there. The same question asked every night. "Will anyone care if I'm no longer there? "This is something no one should feel or think but yet, it happens, I ask you why? Well after finding out firsthand, I found my answer. It is from poor motivation, negative comments from family and friends, and it is from the courage that is lost from all of this.

Parents encouraging words are suppose to keep us motivated so our dreams can become reality. What happens when the motivation is no longer there? Do those dreams still come true? I thought if my father told me I couldn't do something, or become someone, I would be my own motivation. I never needed to hear someone tell me what I couldn't become. But, as I got older my eyes opened up and I started believing what he said and accepted them as the truth. I changed, and tried new things, some things, I liked, others I didn't. After some time I started to believe that I wasn't good enough to do anything. When all I heard was you can't do that you're not smart enough, soon nothing mattered in my life. I didn't care about school or friends, but never dear there is a solution. I laughed a lot, and even fake laughs can change you, and listened to different music. When I was down or upset I would listen to a lot of dark songs, and dark bands. I soon realized that other then changing what was on my mind it really wasn't helping. I was becoming more depressed. When I hit rock bottom I had no choice but to climb back up. Someone once said "the further you must climb, the stronger you will become as a result." I changed my music to something more upbeat, which was hard because when I was mad I didn't feel like listening to Cascada, but it got better. My advice to you is to try a new routine because I know it can help. Keep telling yourself what people told me. "This is my story and I will end it end the way I want it!"

Negative comments can affect the body and mind; they can make you believe that you have no purpose and that you will be good enough. I grew up with it but when I was little I thought and knew that they were things to make me better, or could be. Now I know that I was being used, I put down so that the people that told me those things could make me what they wanted me to be. Only their plan backfired I became very cold and dark, I felt lost, stuck in a dark void with no way out. I was a threat to myself after some time. At one point I started asking myself if I would be better off dead, if anyone would care if I left this world. Only after some of my older friends got involved was I finally able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was able to leave that void, that land of nothingness. They knew the old, happy me, but they also knew my family issues and even though I never wanted them to get involved but I have never been happier that they did. They saved my life, they were able to stay by my side and encourage me to keep going with my life and what I loved to do. Without them I might not be here today, they also found the problem and opened my eyes to it and even though we can't solve it yet. Just knowing what caused it helped, stay strong and in the light. Friends are the solution to this problem you may not want to get them stuck in the middle but if they really care for you like mine did I know they can help. In other words let those who want to help, help. Mine are the reason I can stand here! I can do anything no matter what anyone has to say!

This brings me to my next major topic and that is courage. Courage is something we all have inside of us but die to things in our lives it can become hidden. I used to be very outgoing and talkative but due to everything that was happening I became quiet and shy, I hate when I become the center of attention my stomach gets butterflies and I start to panic. But through hard work and a passion to continue to do what I love I can do the things I love so much. AS soon as I started not worrying about what other people thought about me I could go back to my old self. I went to the New York Anime Festival last December. It was my first ever convention my brother and I ever went to and we cosplayed. Not only did I go as my favorite anime character I went as guy! It was a blast and I got to experience firsthand what others were talking about. Now I can't wait to go to another and hopefully enter their skit contest! My goal is to stand in front of a large group of people and not be scared and timed!

Do you see what I'm saying, I realized that courage is still in me but only after I realized this was I able to do everything after. I know this would have been easier if someone told me this ahead of time like I'm telling you but I think it has made me stronger. Everyone has courage lurking inside they just have to find it, like the cowardly lion. He was scared to do things until he was told he had it unleash his courage that it was inside him all along.

Okay right about now I bet your asking yourself why did she tell me all of this, why spill her story to me? I could tell you some made up answer but the truth is because I'm hoping that my story will be able to help you. I didn't do any part of this for myself. I was told this quote once it was "What I do I do for you." I live by that quote because everything I do, I do to help someone else. The people that helped me never once worried about themselves and now it's my turn to return the favor. Even if this only helps one person I'm happy. My day is made just knowing that, that person is able to see that they aren't alone and they can save themselves before it's too late and they do something they will regret.

When I finished I remember people saying that some things I said were very real. One student said that the parents' pressure can really affect the child. Others said similar things; I really wish I could remember what I got on it. I may have the page around here somewhere. This speech set up so much for me it is something I think will be forever proud of. It's so odd to look back and re-read it and remembered giving that. It really helped change my life, as odd as that might sound, but writing that, and this story made all the memories and feelings I suppressed come back and I saw how horrible things had gotten. I was really able to embrace the thought of change and start to become the person I wanted to be.

I'm starting my sophomore year in college and it's so nice to enjoy school again. Sure it's hard but I met some great people and am really learning what I need to follow my dreams. My parents still have no clue what went on with me and I'm okay with that, not telling them was my decision, and one day I may tell them. But, today isn't that day. I will say one plus side to everything that has happened, not only have a learned a lot from it but I can use it as material for acting when I need it. Those feelings never really fade and I can control how to really use it so that time of sadness is in used as my advantage. Since I want to be a voice actor, or even a normal TV, movie, actor this experience could really help if I have to be someone who is depressed, upset, whatever. I also want to help people that help people with depression, I don't mean drug companies, I can never support them, they make millions for something that can only half work and may cause suicide, yea, no, not something I like.

In my freshman year of college I got to re-do this speech with more research, audio that played behind me, and visuals, that speech was amazing and made me really want to go to schools and talk to students there. Anyway what I'm getting at is that things have gotten pretty awesome for me. Writing this story and posting it up for the world got hard at times for me but I knew it had to be done. I really enjoyed writing this even if it took forever to finish. My goal is to now write it as a novel, I want to change a lot for different reasons but I think it would be cool to get it out there from someone who isn't a doctor or a forty year old, no offense.

Yes, there are a lot of awesome references in this story from Final Fantasy VII Crisis Core, to music…the title of the chapter is a title from a really awesome song, the band is The Mitch Hansen Band, go check them out…*cough, cough*.

Anyway I want to prove to you that life goes on and you can beat depression and be happy. Just like me! From the words of Jack Fair "Embrace your Dreams!" Doing that really makes a difference. I'm such a nerd I know but, nerds have more fun. I want to leave you one last song, one that has been stuck in my head since I heard it and then saw a really cool fan-made video to it. If you know the artist I'll give you a hug fan-girl style, and a cookie? Love you all.

~Bulla Briefs~

Haunted by the past
A nightmare that seemed so unreal
I wish that I could turn back time
And spare the pain that we both feel
And now we've changed
Things will never be the same
(Things will never be the same)

We were foolish then
But our trials served to make us strong
The burdens are not yours alone
We've sought the answers for so long
But they're not free
They cost you more than they cost me
(My brother…)

I promise you, there is nothing I won't give
To see this through
Return the soul to where it lives
I promise you, I'd go everywhere I've been
To find a way to make atonement for my sin and see
See your smiling face again

When we've paid the price at last
And we are whole once more
Life will be the way it was
The way it was before the day
She slipped away
Together we'll redeem that day

And I promise you, there is nothing I won't give
To see this through
Return the soul to where it lives
I promise you, I'd go everywhere I've been
To find a way to make atonement for my sin and see
See your smiling face…

(I promise…)
(I promise…)
(I promise…)

I promise you, there is nothing I won't give
To see this through
Return the soul to where it lives
I promise you, I'd go everywhere I've been
To find a way to make atonement for my sin and see
See your smiling face again

Bulla sat back in her chair and exhaled, she was so happy to be done with writing. "Ugh now I have to type it." She closed her notebook and got up to walk to her bed where Goten was sitting. He opened his arms around her. "I love you but can we watch the ending now, I have been thinking about it all day." She said to him with sparkles in her eyes. He started laughing at her getting all giddy about a show. "Yea it's all ready are you comfy?" She started bouncing up and down on his lap, "yes, yes, yes, now play it, oh and I warn you I may cry because the last one was a cliffhanger and I nearly cried then." He laughed again and pushed play. "Bulla, you have changed so much." "Is that good or bad?" "I would say good, very, very good."
"Do you like it?" "I love it." She pulled away as the opener started playing. "Kiss, kiss, fall in love!"She jumped up and started dancing; by the time the show started she was back on Goten's lap. Things were looking pretty good for her; Goten couldn't help but smile at her. She had changed her life around and could tell she had never been happier. She looked at him and smiled before looking back to the TV.

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Okay all done with this story. The last chapter got a little off topic but I think I saved it…I think. I thank everyone again for reading this and reviewing. Oh and for those of you who were wondering if Bulla would be okay I guess you figured it out but I was basing her off me and my experiences so as long as I was alive and able to write Bulla would survive. Love you all, thanks again.

~Femalefighter~