Disclaimer: If I actually owned any anime series I'd hire people to write fanfiction for me!
Awaken as me
Naruto stared at his surroundings dumbly.
He'd been performing one of his favorite jutsu when suddenly everything had gone wrong.
He supposed interrupting a kin-jutsu by flipping off Sauske while still molding the chakra for the jutsu was a bad idea.
Everything looked almost three times its normal size and he was in the middle of the village.
'I managed to shrink myself and Teleport away from my team. Great, just great! With my luck the council'll try to declare me a missing nin like last time and I was only in the bathroom last time! When I become hokage I'm going to make them all listen to Sauske angst about his life and give his avenger speech in a locked room with no way out. Five hours of that'll break anyone!'
Naruto absently batted a thrown rock back at it's thrower without looking. A stream of curses filled the air behind him, as he stood there trying to figure out how he was going to fix this screw-up. Another rock thrown at him was batted back, along with half a brick and an empty sake bottle.
The mutters and curses were now coming from several directions and rising in volume, but he continued ignoring them as he tried to figure out how he was going to explain to his teammates how he had managed to escape certain death and made it home before them. They were sure to think he was dead and after they got over the fact that he was alive they'd probably kill him for making them worry.
'Temari and Hinata are great teammates but they sure are dangerous when you upset them.'
A crowd had gathered around the distracted nin and the number of items flung at him had increased. Naruto batted back most of the items, ignoring the ones that would miss on their own and pocketing anything useful, like kunais and shurikens, cause you never know when they'll come in handy and it always pissed off his opponents.
'They're a bit forgetful too. It seemed like they always forgot their tents and sleeping bags on long missions, so they had to share with me.' Not that he minded. He wasn't a pervert like Ero-sensei, but he wasn't neutered like Kabuto either.
'I swear that guy really knows how to hold a grudge. I've apologized every time we fight and he still goes berserk. I'd never intentionally rasengan someone there, well… maybe Orochimaru, but no one else.'
Shaking off the queasy sensation he always got, thinking of the missing nin's missing parts, Naruto returned the latest volley and pocketed a couple more throwing weapons and stuck a kodachi in the ground next to him, still lost in thought and ignoring the negligible threat of a large group of pissed off civilians.
'The girls have been acting really strange, ever since they beat up Kakashi sensei and took away his latest Ichi Ichi Paradise novel, Ichi Ichi 26: Three for The road. I wonder where the old pervert got the idea for it from? He came along on the last Snow mission and then rushed off to write it, but we didn't go near any bath houses and he always claimed he needed them for inspiration.'
Naruto was shaken from his thoughts as several Anbu begin breaking up the riot that had formed around him. Staring at the number of wounded and groaning civilians, he realized that this was a much more immediate problem.
The third hokage appeared in a swirl of leaves next to Naruto. "What is the meaning of this?"
Silence descended upon the crowd, before one of them yelled out that the brat had attacked them.
Naruto blinked, taking in the faces of the people around him, many of whom he knew had died during the sound invasion. Hell, the third hokage being alive and well alone let him know something was up.
'Well, at least Hinata and Temari aren't going to kill me. I wonder if you can get in trouble for breaking the laws of time and space?'
He wondered briefly why he wasn't really shocked or surprise, before remembering he had an immortal demon in his belly button. Everything else was fairly tame in comparison to that little fact.
The hokage sighed, "What happened here?"
Naruto shrugged and begin reporting events, as Tsunade had managed to pound into his head was required for all nin, especially ones who were going to be hokage.
"Well... the guy dressed in brown over there threw a rock at my head..."
"I was behind you! You couldn't have seen me!" The obviously not very bright man interrupted, before realizing he'd just admitted his guilt.
Naruto shrugged, "The window of the bakery reflects everything behind me. Anyway, I batted it back and he starts whining like a little girl and then a couple more people start throwing things, so I bat them back and even more people start throwing things. Only their aim isn't so good and they hit other people on the other side of me. So soon people are throwing things at me from all sides. I tried to protect myself by blocking stuff and wondered how I was going to get out of this."
"What were you doing before all this happened?" Sarutobi asked, hoping there wasn't a reason for the villagers to have begun the assault.
The time lost nin shrugged. "I was standing here wondering..."
"Wondering what, Naruto?" The old man asked kindly.
"I was wondering why everybody hated me." Naruto said piteously, remembering that this was indeed what he was doing the first time he'd gone through this.
"Well, Naruto..." The hokage began, wondering how he was going to cover this.
"You ain't gotta say nuthin' old man." Naruto replied, "They already told me."
"What?!?!" Killing intent filled the square as his eyes swept the crowd, searching for the guilty party. Denials and cringes met his glare, but no one admitted anything.
Naruto waved off the denials. "No one said anything straight out, but they yelled enough of the bits that it all fit together."
He started pointing to people in the crowd as he explained. "They yelled about me being a demon, all those people over there yelled about me being thefox. Several of them over there yelled Kyubi. That nin over their yelled 'Die demon fox, die.' and the silver haired one with the glasses muttered 'So that's the vessel' So put it all together, along with my only memory of my father and it was easy to figure out."
Naruto nodded absently to himself. "Oh, and those three Anbu over their stood around watching people throw things at me until they began to hit other people and then they stepped in to break things up."
The three Anbu quailed under the hokage's glare.
"Father?" Asked the young silver haired, glasses wearing nin, figuring he was already in over his head, so he might as well find out what he could.
Naruto nodded and lied his ass off. "Yeah, he had blonde hair and blue eyes just like me, but he was wearing that weird hat thing the old man always wears and he told me the he was sorry to lay the burden on me, but he couldn't ask another family to bear it and that he was proud of me and that one day I would be a great hokage."
The old man laid a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "So that's why you want to be hokage."
Naruto nodded and played it for all it was worth. "I want my pop to be proud of me."
The hokage sighed heavily. "I'm sorry you had to learn about it like this Naruto, but I'm sure the Yondaime would be very proud of you, even if you never get to be hokage. His final wish was that you be treated like a hero."
"What does the Yondaime have to do with my father?" Naruto asked, pretending to be confused, but glad that the old man was playing along with him. Shikamaru had suggested that fooling the civilians into thinking he was related to the fourth could have gotten them off his back when he was a kid, but he'd never suspected he'd get a chance to try it out.
His eyes widened as the hokage's eyes met his own. The old man wasn't just playing along with him, he was serious. The Yondaime was his father!
"The Yondaime was my father!? What the hell was my mother, the product of a forbidden love affair between a Hyuga and a Uchiha?" Naruto exclaimed facetiously, naming the two most famous bloodlines that the village had.
At the hokage's terse nod, Naruto's mind decided it had, had enough for one day and shutdown.
The entire crowd watched the small boy freeze up, his eyes staring at nothing. Despite the hokage's attempts he couldn't be roused.
"Well, that went well." The hokage muttered as he picked up the boy.
"This is a class five military secret. Anyone talking or writing about this will be executed, no exceptions!"