The next day, after the two had sobered up, and Naruto had remembered what they'd talked about earlier, he'd quickly rushed over to the tower for explanations.
"You and Sakura were born at almost the same time and a seal was placed on her, so the Kyubi was almost sealed in her," the Hokage explained. "But then you were born and Minato made the decision."
The Fox froze and decided that having Naruto as a container was much better than being locked into 'that pink hell' and that he had to do something nice for him.
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"How about I give you enhanced senses, advanced healing with emergency regeneration, and boost both your chakra and stamina levels?" the fox asked.
"Oh boy... wait, don't I already have that?"
"You're welcome," the fox said grandly.
The fox chuckled. "And I promise to be less of as ass when you want some of my chakra."
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"So the combination of the bloodlines does what?" Naruto said, pretending he had just been lost in thought for a moment.
The Hokage look a bit embarrassed. "I was hoping not to have to explain this to you until you were older."
Naruto raised an eyebrow. "I've lived this long without a dojutsu, so even if it doesn't do anything important I'll still like it for the ability to annoy others with the fact that I have it and it's proof I'm related to two powerful clans."
"So you'll be happy as long as you can annoy other people with it?"
"Yep. I'd rather earn my skills, not that I'm above a free boost – I'm not stupid, but I like the fact that most of what I have I've worked for."
"Like the quick healing and huge chakra reserves?" the old man teased.
"Both acquired naturally by my body fighting against the demonic chakra that leaks into my system," Naruto said smugly.
"I never thought of that," the Hokage admitted.
"Yep, now tell me about by bloodline so that I might annoy some idiots!"
The old man chuckled. "Alright, well I'm glad you want don't want a boost, because really... have you ever heard the phrase 'make love, not war'."
"Yeah," Naruto replied cautiously.
"Well unlike the eyes it sprang from it really applies in this case. The 'bedroom eyes' is controlled by intense sexual feelings..."
"Like a wet dream?" Naruto asked bluntly.
"Exactly! If you have an intense enough wet dream the 'bedroom eyes' will likely become active. It's a combination of the Sharingan and the Byakugan so it comes out as a lighter red that-"
"It's not pink is it?" Naruto interrupted. "Cause pink would be a bit hard to deal with as a guy."
"No," Sarutobi assured him. "It's actually a shade of red that makes people think of sex."
"Why would a shade of red make people of sex?"
"Um... do I need to have the talk with you?"
"Nah, I'm good. Cleaning adult theaters and being assigned chores in the red light district taught me everything I need to know."
"OK, Well let's just say it's an organic red like when a certain set of lips gets engorged by red blood flow..."
"My dojutsu is that shade?!"
"Yes and people associate it with sex subconsciously, unless they've never seen... lips in that condition, so only virgins see it as blood red."
"That doesn't sound too bad," Naruto ventured. "I think I can handle that."
"Good. Now like the Byakugan your pupil vanishes and your field of view expands to well over 250° degrees, which is less than their 360°, but still quite a boost over normal vision."
"Yeah, hard to blindside someone with that. So do I get to see through solid objects and close tenketsu with it?" Naruto asked excitedly.
"Um... not exactly," The hokage admitted. "What you can see through is a bit more limited and requires a bit of heat on the other side, you know, lighter materials and heat differential..."
Naruto simply raised an eyebrow and waited.
"Like those malfunctioning imported cameras we had to replace at school..."
"I can only see through clothes," Naruto said flatly.
"Yes, but you can also see in infrared if you push it."
Naruto nodded. "Would I be right in guessing that everything about my eyes has a sexual purpose?"
"I'm afraid so, that's why I said they were for love not war. I know it's hard to believe, even I have a difficult time conceiving of the odds involved, but your Mother's parents' genes combined to form a stable dojutsu that is centered almost solely on sexual activity. Most of its uses are instinctive, fortunately. No scrolls or techniques have been recorded for it, but then you'll only be the second holder for it, so that's understandable."
"Well at least I don't have to worry about a traitorous sannin hunting me for my eyes," Naruto joked.
"Yes," the Hokage said woodenly. "Not a single traitorous sannin will hunt you for your eyes."
Naruto looked at the sweating Sarutobi suspiciously. "Orochimaru doesn't want my eyes?"
"No, not remotely," the old man said, relaxing a bit.
"How about a loyal sannin?"
"I highly doubt Lady Tsunade would want your eyes," Sarutobi said uncharacteristically sarcastic. "So enough about that."
Naturo almost fell for it. "The pervy sage wants my eyes doesn't he?"
"The toad sage?"
"That's a silly idea. Jiraiya doesn't even know about your eyes.
"And if he did?"
Sarutobi winced. "Then he would probably move heaven and earth to get them."
Typed by: Maltor