A/N: Wooot! I'm on a writing binge! See, recently I've been super busy; blame stupid Shakespeare and his stupid play Hamlet. How I loathe thee…
So I haven't been able to write anything at all. I feel some reimbursement is in order :P
This was so fun to write:D Yea, this is definitely AU, it doesn't run parallel to the plot at all. It's also a bit OOC, but overlook that for the sake of the comedy!
Anyways, gimme reviews! Gimme! Gimme!

Sasuke and Naruto were eternal rivals. No one has any idea how the rivalry started, but it's not like they bothered to find it out; it has just always been like this since they could remember.

When you are talking about the Sasuke/Naruto rivalry, you aren't talking about any sort of simple rivalry. You were talking grand scale, major, and incomprehensible. They competed on ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.

Age 4

A cute blonde toddler in orange overalls sat on the floor of the daycare and started to build a tower of blocks.

"Wan block, two block, twree block" Naruto counted out with glee.

A dark haired toddler sat down next to the blond and glared at him with an egoistic air (something that was a feat for a 4 year old).

Sasuke also began to build a tower of blocks, but much faster than Naruto.

The blond boy noticed this and puffs his cheeks. He sped up his pace, determined not to be outdone by the 'Swupid pwrety boy'.

Vigorously, they build the towers up until it reached above their heads. Then they stopped and stared at one another, for both towers were 15 blocks high.

Naruto tried to jump up to place one more block on the tower but he was too short. Sasuke, on the other hand, was slightly taller than Naruto. He stood up on his tippy toes to place the final block on, making his tower 16 blocks tall! He turned to smirk at Naruto (though it was more cute than taunting).

Score! Sasuke: 1 Naruto: 0

Age 7

They had just happened to be taking the same path home. It wasn't like they were walking together or anything. Along the street, they spotted a vendor selling giant multi-colored lollipops.

"Ne…those sure look good." Naruto said, his mouth salivating.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I hate candy…"

Naruto ignored him and reached into his pockets, he came out with lint and a button. "Naw…I wish I could get one." He whined with a pouty face.

The dark haired boy looked over at the vendor again and grinned evilly (something only Uchihas can pull off at the age of 7!). He walked up the cart and picked out a bright red lollipop and handed the woman behind the counter a coin. He walked back, smirking at Naruto, while licking his lollipop.

"What! No fair, you said you didn't like candy!"

"I decided that I like them now."

"You big meanie!" Naruto crossed his arms and pouted. It made Sasuke almost want to share his candy…almost.

Suddenly, an idea sprang into the young blond's head. He blew Sasuke a raspberry and walked towards the vendor as well. "I'll show you!"

Naruto came up to the cart and stood in front of it, looking at the woman with big round eyes. His blue eyes wetted and shone, like that of a puppy's. He jutted his lip out and put his index finger slightly in his mouth.

"Those lollipops look awful good …" He rocked gently on his heels and looked away. "But momma says we can't spend any money on candy…I sure wish I could just have one…just a wittle insy taste will make me happy!"

You could just see the vendor melt into a puddle of goo. "Oh you sweet child! Heavens bless you." She handed Naruto a large rainbow lollipop. "Here, don't worry about paying. It'll be a crime to deprive such a cute child." The woman patted Naruto on the head.

"Thank you miss!"

Naruto looked back and stuck his tongue out at a dumbfounded Sasuke.

Score! Naruto: 61 Sasuke: 60

Age 12

The two of them walked through the hallway to look at the list that had the marks of everyone in the school written on it.

"Ha! I think I definitely did better in this exam! Just wait and look, I've probably even beat you!"

"Don't bet on it dobe."

"Stop calling me that!"


"Why you- !"

They continued their banter until they reached the list tacked on the wall. The two stared at it. Sasuke's name, of course, was right at the very top. However, Naruto's name…
(keep going)…
(down further)…
(almost there)…
Yes, right at the very bottom.

Sasuke snickered lightly, "as expected of the dobe."

Naruto's cheeks heated up. "Grrr…just you wait till next time!"

Score! Sasuke: 151 Naruto: 150

Age 15

It was during this time that Naruto fell in love with Sakura. He would always pick a seat behind her and try to have conversations when the teacher's back was turned. He'd ask for her to go on a date with him whenever he got a chance to. He'd be trying to get her attention all the time. Yep, Naruto was smitten.

But the thing is, Sakura didn't like him; she liked Sasuke.

'Why does she have to like Sasuke?' Naruto fumed. 'I've known him much longer than she has. How can she say she likes him if they've only known each other for a year. And Sasuke doesn't even talk to her!' He pouted.

Yep, Naruto was definitely smitten with Sakura.

On the other hand, Sasuke was well aware of Naruto's crush. So the next day, in favour of their ever-going rivalry, he arrived at school with Sakura hanging off his arm and his own arm wrapped around her. They were officially 'going out'.

Naruto fumed, oh how he fumed (let's just say there was a mountain of ripped paper in an empty classroom).

So Naruto told Sasuke that he didn't like Sakura anyways, that she was an ugly and haughty old hag and that Sasuke was stupid for going out with her.

He just smirked.

The next day, Naruto arrived at school holding hands with Hinata. Now they were an official couple.

"My girlfriend is much better than yours!" Naruto shouted at Sasuke when they met alone on the rooftop.

"Whatever dobe, mine's prettier."

"Hinata is way cuter!"

"Sakura's smarter."

"Hinata can cook!"

"Sakura…uh…looks good in pink."

"Hinata…um…talks quietly?"

"This is stupid, at least Sakura and I make better kissers." (That was a lie, Sasuke doesn't even want to touch her, much less kiss her. He only did this to tease Naruto.)

"Whatever! I can kiss better than any girl!" (That was a lie too, Naruto never kissed anybody)

"Hn. You're lying."

"No I'm not!"

"You are."

"Am not!"

"You probably don't even know how to kiss."

"Why you-!" Naruto could not let that one go, seriously, he had his pride to protect. He reached up and hooked Sasuke's collar with his finger and pulled his head down; their lips met.

After a second, Naruto quickly jerked back, realizing what he had just done. "I…er…I mean…" The blond stopped.

Sasuke was blushing.

Sasuke never blushed.

Score! Naruto: 311 Sasuke: 310

Age 16

It was the class camping trip, well, basically they were in the middle of nowhere with some measly tents and a teacher who can't even identify mushrooms. To make it worse, it was hot; extremely hot; the kind of day where it felt like an oven and you were a muffin.

Naruto sat on a rock by the stream, fanning himself. He donned a sweat soaked orange shirt and blue shorts.

Sasuke sat on the rock beside him, seemingly oblivious to the heat. But if you looked closely, you could see his bangs stuck to his forehead from the buildup of sweat.

"Ne, Sasuke, aren't you hot?"


"Ugh, I'm think I'm being cooked alive."


"Kami-sama, give me some breeze!"


"I think my skin's peeling."


"Sasuke, aren't you hot."

"Dobe, stop it. You're being annoying."

"But Sasuke! I can barely breathe in this heat!"

"Sure you can, you're talking aren't you."


"Look. All you have to do to cool down is go take a dip in the stream right here."

"You know I hate swimming." Naruto glanced down to his stomach where the scar was hidden under his shirt. It's not that he hated swimming, but more because he didn't want people to see his scar.

"No one's around. They won't see it."

Naruto looked up in surprise, he didn't think Sasuke would clue in on the fact that the scar was the reason he didn't like swimming.

Sasuke got up. "If it makes you feel better, I'll go in too."

"Really?" Naruto asked amusingly, Sasuke never swims, particularly because the girls would tackle him if he took his shirt off.

Sasuke pulled the dark blue shirt over his head and tossed it on the rocks. He walked over and splashed into the stream. He turned around to call Naruto over.

But Naruto could only stare. The water glistened and slowly ran off his chiseled chest, he was slim, but his figure held both strength and grace. Naruto knew that Sasuke was good looking, but he'd never seen him that close with his shirt off.

"Uh Naruto, are you okay? Your nose is bleeding."

Score! Sasuke: 481 Naruto: 480

Age 17

It was Valentine's day and Naruto had just embarrassingly handed a box of hand-made chocolates to Sasuke. He immediately regretted it though.

Sasuke stared at Naruto with an indescribable mix of emotions.

"You…like me?" He finally asks.

"W-What! It's just a box of chocolates!"

"Answer the question dobe."


"Just say yes." From behind Sasuke's back, he produces his own package of chocolates and hands it to Naruto.

Naruto blushes and accepts it. "Yes…I do. I have for the longest time."

Tie! Naruto: 500 Sasuke: 500

Age 18

The room filled with Naruto's pants as the bed creaked with Sasuke's ministrations. He licked and sucked down Naruto's neck, eliciting cute squeaks.

"Sasuke…why are you seme?" Naruto asks in midst of this.

Sasuke pauses. "Why? Because I am."

"But why can't I be seme?"

"Because you aren't."

"Why aren't I?"

"Because I'm taller." Sasuke grinds into Naruto, creating friction between their shafts. The blond moans loudly.

"And I'm good at foreplay." He licks Naruto's earlobe.

"And I'm stronger." Sasuke pins Naruto's arms above his head. He reaches over to the side of the bed and produces a pair of handcuffs. Then cuffs Naruto's hands to the bed frame.

"And because I say so." Sasuke smirks at the struggling blond.

Final Score! Sasuke: 691 Naruto: 690

To this very day, Sasuke and Naruto continue their eternal rivalry.
But somewhere along the way, they've stopped keeping tabs.

Love is like that.