A/N: Disclaimer: If I owned Doctor Who, I think I would order a fluff only episode with lots and lots and lots of dancing penguins play kazooz and didgeridoos dressed in tutus. Wow, that rhymed.
Another weird fluffy funny random oneshot fic. Includes Jack. Just pretend he wandered in randomly after the Doctor regenerated. Wouldn't we all love that:D
The Doctor was grinning manically to himself, bounding majestically down the corridor to the TARDIS kitchen with hands dug deep in pockets, whilst whistling a happy tune, mainly about daisies.
He skipped in through the already open door, acknowledging the half-asleep Rose sitting at the kitchen table with a half-sketched wave, before immediately bouncing over to the fridge and wrenching open the door.
"Hmmm…" he clicked his tongue loudly in contemplation, considering his breakfast. Bacon? Nah. Cheese? Cheese toasties…yes! He reached carefully inside the fridge, dodging various other foodstuffs both alien and human, and picked up a large wedge of tasty looking cheddar cheese. His joyful whistling had now turned into tuneful humming, also a song about daisies.
He closed the fridge door automatically and made to move towards the bread bin, intending to ask Rose if she wanted any – but he suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, thoughts cast aside as his humming trailed off to nothingness.
He turned back to the fridge door to which his hand was still resting on the handle of, startled by this new complication. He pulled again; just to make sure he wasn't being stupid. Yes. It was true.
His hand was stuck to the fridge door handle.
"Doctor, you alright?" Rose asked in a drowsy voice, although the concern was evident.
"Fine…" he squeaked, still in surprise. He pulled sharply on his stuck hand, trying to get it free – but it only caused pain. What the…
Then the answer hit him like a ton of bricks.
"JACK!!!" he yelled angrily, making to put the cheese back in the fridge because of this new discovery – only to discover the cheese was also stuck to his hand like it had been growing there. "JACK! GET THE HELL IN HERE RIGHT NOW!!!"
He turned to look at Rose, who by now had realised what had happened and was trying in vain to suppress the overwhelming desire to burst into manic laughter. He sighed to himself, hooking the closest kitchen chair with his right leg and bringing it forward to sit on to wait for Jack to get there.
Jack looked more than a little sleepy as he stumbled wearily into the TARDIS kitchen, rubbing his eyes free of the cloud of sleep. Rose couldn't hold her laughter as she saw Jack's pyjamas – that of the 'two bears in love' collection.
"What is it Doc? Tryin' to get some kip here!" he insisted, suppressing a yawn and the Doctor bounced onto his feet – next finding out the seat of the chair was now stuck to his bum. Jack opened his eyes for the first time to the Doctor that morning – and burst into laughter along with Rose at the hapless superglued-up Doctor standing in a blaze in the middle of the kitchen.
"Jack!" the Doctor repeated angrily, trying to draw the attention back to him. But they were too far-gone now – literally collapsed with laughter – but no one made a move to grab either a solvent or his Sonic Screwdriver…which he then dully remembered needed replacement batteries.
"I'm sorry Doc!" Jack gasped, clutching at his now painful ribs from laughing too much. "That's just-" he interrupted himself with his own gasp of laughter again.
"Jack, this is not funny!" the Doctor yelled angrily, but Rose was shaking her head rapidly, trying in vain to stop giggling as she got up to move towards him.
"Yes it is!" she insisted as she tried to pull away the chair, brushing away tears of joy from her cheeks. Jack tried to help to, both managing to calm themselves down a bit as they struggled in vain to remove the chair. On the fifth pull the chair finally came away – along with part of the Doctor's trousers, reveal the colour of his boxers to the world.
"Get out of this room Jack!" the Doctor commanded as he turned as red as his underwear, both of the humans bursting into laughter again. He pointed with the cheese to the door. "Get out!"
"Oh how can I disobey the command of the cheese?" Jack just about squeaked out as he staggered to the door, blinded by tears and gasping for air.
"This better not happen again!"
But that was only the start.
Only a day after the superglue incident, the Doctor seemed to have forgotten all about it.
Infact, he was feeling on top of the Universe today. He was back to his usual robust self, skipping happily around the TARDIS, whistling. He hopped to Rose's bedroom door as though he were Bambi, calling her name gently.
"Rose?" he called in her bedroom door – but there was no reply. "Rose, you in there? I'm coming in." He pushed open the door gently, peeking inside. Nothing.
He frowned, turning back towards the Console Room, hands disappearing deep inside his pockets as he stared ahead towards the console room.
His mind was so on the whereabouts of Rose that he didn't even notice the thread stretched tightly across the corridor.
His foot hit the string, and it broke neatly with a 'ping'. Startled by the sudden sound he looked up towards the ceiling – just in time to see the bucket of green slime land squarely on his head with a yelp of surprise.
"Doctor?" Rose's call came from somewhere outside the bucket, and he lifted the bucket off of his head just in time to see Rose coming around the corner with Jack.
They both stopped dead at the sight of the glooped Doctor, and for a moment, no one spoke.
Then it hit home.
Jack was the first to burst into hysterics, closely followed by Rose. The Doctor made no attempt to laugh; simply wiped away the goo from his eyes as he watched his companions collapse into fits of laughter for the second time in two days.
He made a vague attempt at trying to clear the goo from his long unmanageable hair – but only managed to get it all over his clothes even more…which was swiftly followed by even more gasps of laughter from Jack and Rose. He tried so hard to keep his cool, trying to bottle it up inside. Rose noted that he seemed to be getting redder and redder in the face, his fists were tightening, and he was starting to shake…
"JACK!!!" he screamed in a hurricane of provoked rage, just about stopping himself from leaping forward and strangling the life out of the man before him. Both of them immediately fell silent. "JACK, THIS IS JUST STUPID!!!"
"Why are you yellin' at me?" he asked, though if he was trying to promote innocence, he wasn't doing a very good job of it as he let out a snort.
"Jack, if this happens ONE more time I SWEAR I'll do something I'll regret!"
And off he stormed, back to his bedroom to shower for the second time that day.
The Doctor stepped warily into the Kitchen where Jack and Rose resided, not even bothering to look at them as he kept his eyes on his route at all times. For a moment he just hovered by the doorway, checking for trip systems and buckets from above. Once satisfied, he stepped through.
He was stepping so cautiously it was a joke, turning his head all ways in case of more traps or buckets.
Rose and Jack both watched him in high amusement, watching him tentively touch the handle of the fridge door to check for superglue before taking a step back, grabbing the handle and wrenching it firmly, immediately springing back with his fists raised in defence.
Once satisfied the milk wasn't going to leap up and attack him, he reached down tentively and tested the butter for superglue, then took it fully, before straightening up and slamming the door shut, ducking instinctively as something on top of the fridge fell over, but didn't make a demise downwards.
He started tiptoeing over to the top cupboard to get a plate ready for the next batch of toast Rose had put on for him for he feared the toaster would explode if he so much as touched it. He was moving so slowly.
Rose raised her spoon for her cereal, watching him carefully as she dropped it loosely onto the table. At the loud sound he suddenly jerked in surprise, immediately spinning around to face her, eyes wide. Rose smiled at him, the room still silent as the Doctor distracted both her and Jack.
Once satisfied it wasn't a tiger, he slowly turned back around to the cupboard above. It opened like a cupboard should – so far no detonations.
He picked out a plate, now growing in confidence. It was okay. Nothing was out to get him and Jack had taken the hint.
Just as he set the plate back down onto the table the toast pinged up, but he found that the sound did no longer startle him. He whipped out the toast, dropping them onto his plate.
No, not butter, he realised, staring down at the butter he had taken from the fridge. He wanted…he wanted marmalade.
He grinned happily, launching forward to the cupboard and throwing open the door, head stretching up to grab at the half-full jar he knew was standing ready and waiting for him. But before his hand could even touch it there came the sound of something sliding, like…like sugar…or…
Something was raining on him and he looked up above – getting a mouthful of flour instantly.
They were laughing again as he sprung back in shock, shaking himself over like a shaggy dog as tons and tons of flour kept falling to the space around him. He wheeled around, narrowing his eyes at Jack as he collapsed about laughing yet again.
"Alright!" he yelled marching forward towards the table where they sat in manic laughter. "This has gone far enough!" He dropped down into the available chair, and there was suddenly the instant rip of a booming fart that echoed around the room. As Jack and Rose started to hyperventilate he dug his hand under the cushion of his seat and brought out a whoopee cushion.
"You've been whoopee-d!" Jack managed to gasp out, whacking his fist on the table repeatedly, his entire body racked with laughter, as was Roses. She tried in vain to lift her head to look at him – but as she caught sight of her Time Lord covered in white flour she could only give in once again to the laughter, tears pouring from her eyes.
Suddenly, Jack's laughter died down, but Rose didn't stop. The Doctor watched him cautiously as he gripped his stomach, suddenly looking confused.
"OH God…that went down the wrong way…" he muttered as Rose finally stopped, now watching him with concern as she wiped her tears away from her cheeks again. But before she could ask what was wrong – he had already pegged it to the bathroom.
"What's wrong with…?" she began to ask the flour man sitting at the table with her, but he interrupted her with one of his grins, bringing out a brown bottle with the word 'Laxative' printed along the label.
"That should keep him busy for a while." The Doctor smiled, ruffling his white hair only to get a bucket of flour drop on his lap.
Rose was laughing again, reading off the jar. "Oh my God, that's so mean!" she insisted, taking the bottle of Laxative to examine it.
"Wait 'til you hear what I did to the loo seat," the Doctor said, unable to stop grinning. Sure enough, there was suddenly a loud shriek from somewhere down the corridor, accompanied with a howl of, "IT'S CLING FILM! IT'S BLOODY CLING FILM!" as Rose slowly started to die of laughter, the Doctor with her.
"Payback!" the Doctor declared as Rose set the bottle of Laxative back in the centre of the table.
"And he deserves it!" Rose agreed, slipping the tube of superglue back into her pocket.