A/N - I'm going to start posting some of my Remus/Tonks one-shots. I'll be posting them all in this story, as opposed to numerous one-shots. There will be a variety of genres. Something for everyone!
This first oneshot was written for the January rtchallenge over at livejournal. The prompt was "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." – Winston Churchill
Nymphadora Tonks sighed, and wondered again how she could have actually ended up in this position. How she somehow managed to be lying on the dining room table in the formal dining room of number twelve, Grimmauld Place, with a half-naked Severus Snape on top of her.
A half-naked Severus Snape who was currently passed out.
To be fair, he did warn her that this might happen. The passing out part, not the lying on top of her half-naked part.
A second sigh blew past her lips and she briefly wondered if it would hurt him too much if she simply pushed him off of her and let him fall to the floor. A very satisfying visual went along with that thought, repayment for all the years he tormented her at Hogwarts.
"Rennervate," Tonks said, staring at him. It didn't work. Then again, her wand had been knocked to the ground when he fell on top of her. Her wand hand was currently pinned between her and Snape.
"This is all Hestia's fault," she muttered angrily. Tonks had been talking to Hestia and Kingsley in the hallway before the Order meeting started when Snape let himself into Headquarters, still wearing his Death Eater robes.
Snape had looked uneasy and instead of going into the parlor, where the meeting was going to be held, he went into the dining room, closing the thick mahogany doors behind him.
Immediately, they had been worried. There hadn't been a superior look or sarcastic comment out of the man. When five minutes had passed and he still hadn't come out of the dining room, Hestia asked in that wispy voice of hers if someone should go check on him. And in the conversation that followed, Tonks had been volunteered to check on him.
There had been no answer to her knock. That was when she really had started to worry. Even as much as she disliked him, Tonks knew how important he was to the Order and certainly didn't wish him bodily harm. Or at least permanent bodily harm.
Tonks had opened the heavy dining room doors to see Snape, robe off and trousers around his ankles, attending to a nasty cut on his thigh. She had started to leave but then he told her that he required her assistance.
It had taken countless questions, but apparently Snape had been hit with a couple of different Hexes at the Death Eater meeting, one which caused the wound on his leg.
Using the Healing training she received as an Auror, she had cleaned the wound and started to wrap it as well. After the meeting, he could go to Hogwarts were Madame Pomfrey would Heal it completely.
But then Snape had told her that he took a pain killing potion that could cause him to pass out. That had been seconds before he actually passed out.
On top of her.
On the bloody dining room table.
"Rennervate," she said again, concentrating as hard as she could.
The doors of the dining room opened and Tonks shouted out, wanting to get help. But then they immediately closed again.
"Bollocks," Tonks muttered. "That's it, Snape. Only men I really fancy get to be in this position and I'm sure it won't surprise you when I say that you are not one of them."
She paused, dwelling momentarily on the bloke that she did currently fancy enough to want on top of her on a dining room table. For almost a month now, she and Remus Lupin had been flirting shamelessly. She kept hoping and hoping he would ask her for a date, a dinner, a drink, even, but so far, nothing doing.
Back to business, with her free hand, Tonks grabbed Snape by the shoulders and with considerable difficulty, rolled over to her side. Snape continued to roll, but Tonks grabbed him by his shirt in time.
A moment later, she was sitting up, still holding Snape by the shirt to keep him balanced on the table.
Now that her wand hand was free, she could summon her wand. i "Accio /i wand," Tonks said confidently. One second later, Tonks' wand was in her hand.
"Rennervate," she said again, pointing her wand at his temple. Snape stirred immediately and groggily sat up.
Tonks jumped up off of the table and reached out to steady him when he seemed to be close to teetering off of the table. He then seemed to realize that he was half naked in front of her and grabbed his robe to cover up.
"I'm going to assume you're fine now," Tonks said, trying not to smile at his obvious discomfort.
"An accurate assumption, Nymphadora," Snape sneered, though the tone wasn't nearly as biting as she was sure he intended. He still must be feeling the effects to the pain potion.
"The meeting's probably started and I'm sure everyone wants to know what happened at your meeting," Tonks told him, backing up towards the doorway. She was enjoying Snape's discomfort far too much to leave the dining room quickly.
The moment she closed the door behind her, Tonks had to put her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. Then composing herself, Tonks walked into the parlor, where the meeting hadn't quite started yet.
When she entered, Tonks noticed that everyone in the room seemed to be staring at her. "Wotcher," Tonks told the room as she walked across to take her customary position next to Sirius. Remus wasn't here yet; he must still be trying to recruit.
People were whispering. Whispering and staring at her. What in Merlin's name was going on? "Sirius, why is everyone-"
But she was cut off when Professor Dumbledore and Snape entered the room. The Headmaster started speaking right away. While he talked, Sirius leaned over and whispered, "Naughty girl," in Tonks' ear.
"What?" she hissed.
Sirius just looked innocent and focused his attention on the Headmaster.
The meeting was odd. That was the only way to describe. The highpoint was when Hestia Jones burst into giggles as Snape gave his report. Tonks knew he was fine when the withering glare he gave Hestia stopped her laughter at once.
Once the meeting ended, the room emptied much more quickly than usual. Tonks stayed where she was, wanting to get some answers from Sirius.
"What's going on?" asked Tonks when the room was empty.
"Tonksy," Sirius said with a slight slur. "I didn't know you had it in you. I mean, the miserable git had needed a decent shag for years, I just didn't think it would be you to give it to him."
"What?" demanded Tonks. "What are you talking about?"
"Hestia saw you and Snivellus shagging on the dining room table," said Sirius.
"Who's sleeping with Snape?" asked Remus curiously, as he walked into the parlor, still wearing his overcoat.
Tonks froze. Of course this was exactly when Remus would get to the meeting. Merlin, she didn't want him to hear this awful lie!
"Apparently Tonks is," Sirius said accusingly. Tonks' face fell, crushed that Sirius spoke before she could.
"You're sleeping with Severus, Nymphadora?" Remus asked softly, a hurt expression crossing his face.
All Tonks could do is bury her face in her hands to keep herself from screaming, crying or laughing. She wasn't sure which might help the situation. So she ended up doing a combination of all three.
"I'm. Not. Sleeping. With. Snape!" she yelled.
"But Hestia saw you-"
"Snape was passed out, Sirius," Tonks said with frustration. "Use your head. You heard what happened to him at the meeting. Do you think you'd be up for a shag if you'd been hit with that many Hexes?"
Sirius suddenly looked thoughtful, as if he was truly trying to figure it out. "No, probably not," he said finally.
"Did Hestia tell everyone?" asked Tonks. "Does everyone think I'm sleeping with Snape?"
"Well, you know how we all gossip about each other…"
Tonks looked up and caught Remus' eye. "I'm not sleeping with Snape, Remus," she said quietly.
He smiled and Tonks knew at once that he believed her. "Sirius, why don't you go down to the kitchen and start restoring Tonks' honor?" asked Remus.
"Sorry, Tonksy," muttered Sirius as he left the room, closing the door behind him.
Tonks put her hand to her cheek and knew the best thing to do was simply laugh. So that's what she did. Remus came over and sat next to her.
"If Snape found out about the rumor, I think he'd be more horrified than I was," she chuckled.
"So what caused the rumor?" Remus asked curiously.
She quickly ran through the events that led up to Snape being half-naked on top of her and much to her relief, Remus laughed with her.
"All I was trying to do was help," Tonks sighed.
"No good deed goes unpunished," Remus commented. He then softly added, "Nymphadora…"
Tonks looked up, her breath hitching slightly in her throat. "Yes, Remus?" she asked. He was looking at her with an expression she hadn't seen before. There seemed to be excitement and fearfulness mixed together.
"I think I'm going to end up owing Severus a favour," Remus said, leaning in towards her slightly. "All this business made me think."
"Thinking is always good," teased Tonks, gazing at Remus with what she hoped wasn't too silly a look. Could this finally be the moment that she had waited so long for? "What are you thinking about?"
"You," Remus smiled. "Us."
"I like to think about that, too," Tonks admitted shyly.
Slowly, he took her hand in his and gave her a heartbreakingly lovely smile. "Do you suppose we should do more than just think?" he asked.
Tonks didn't bother to answer with words. She leaned forward and captured his lips between hers. Almost immediately, Remus let go of her hand and wrapped his arms around her waist, bringing her close.
They kissed for what seemed like ages, but in reality was only a few minutes when the parlor door burst open.
"Tonks, I'm so sorry-" It was Hestia, looking at both Tonks and Remus with their arms still around each other. "Oh."
She immediately closed the door behind her and listening carefully, Tonks could hear the footstep clamoring back down to the kitchen.
"You realise that she's going to tell everyone what she just saw," said Remus conversationally as he kissed her neck.
"Let her," Tonks laughed. "This is something I don't care if everyone knows about."
Tonks knew by the way Remus kissed her then that he thoroughly agreed.