I'm Dead (But I Don't Know It)

Tom Sez: My boy! My spiritual brother! My vicarious alternate me! Nooooooooo!

O - kaaay. So I'm taking this stuff waaaay to seriously. (It's making me ssstttrrreeeeetttccchh my words out; that's a critical issue - and 'medicine' ain't gonna cut it on this one.) It's depressing me no end, so I had to write something to make me feel better. I hope it does the same for you.

Tom Also Sez: The ending is an ending, but I might want to continue this piece - maybe. Call it a 'backdoor pilot' if you will. If you like the way it's going, lemme know, and I'll see what I can do. I think it could actually become something decent, but would you put it in your 'fall lineup'? (My mind just went to the gutter for a second, and I am so sorry. Or am I?)

(Also Tom Also Sez: Yes. Yes, I am.)

Can You Feel The Disclaimer Tonight: Four months until the next new Grey's Anatomy, which I don't own. I hate not having closure, don't you?

George lay flat on his back on the hotel bed, staring at the ceiling. The patches of bumps and dips made him think of a unlabeled topographic map that represented an unfamiliar desert.

Which of these deserts is largest by area?

A. Sahara
B. Gobi
C. American Sandhills
D. None of the Above

He heard Callie's voice, gentle and calm. "Honey?" she asked. "Can I get you something?" He looked over at her. She was standing by the phone, room service menu in hand. That was Callie for you. Concerned. Loving. Helpful. Unfortunately, even she wouldn't be able to provide the thing he wanted most. Unless, of course, room service had a spare time machine laying around.

Which of these scientists' theories essentially disprove the concept of time travel?

A. Newton
B. Einstein
C. Curie
D. None of the Above

"I'll have two cheeseburgers, one with no onions," Callie said into the phone. "Extra cheese on both. A double order of French fries. And a hot fudge brownie sundae, no nuts." She looked at George. "And extra-extra whipped cream." A mischievious grin played on her lips.

He tried to return her expression, but his facial muscles didn't want to come to the party.

How many muscles are used to smile?

A. Ten
B. Thirteen
C. Nineteen
D. None of the Above

Callie hung up, and walked back to the bed. She gazed at him tenderly for a second, then the resolve kicked in. "Shit happens, right?" she asked, her voice determined. "You'll apply for reinstatement - "

George closed his eyes and groaned.

She was undeterred. " - you'll get back in, and you'll do your internship again. And this time, it'll be a breeze."

He frowned. Hard. "Why? Why will it be a breeze? Because I won't make all the same stupid mistakes?"

Which of George O'Malley's stupid "screws" was the stupidest?

A. Screwing up his first surgery (a basic appendectomy), causing the death of a patient
B. Screwing a sad and lonely Meredith Grey, a woman who didn't like him-like him, and he kinda knew that
C. Screwing his best friend Isobel Stevens - while drunk, of course (and then liking it; uh-oh) - instead of staying with his wife
D. None of the Above - yeah, right

Callie grimaced. "That's not what I meant, and you know it."

George sighed. "I - I feel so - lost. I was ready. I studied hard. I knew most of the answers. It wasn't like I thought I'd aced it, but - " He fought a sob. "I didn't think I failed. Never in a million years would I think that I just..."

"I know," she replied, sitting next to him and stroking his hair.

"I can't go back," he said. "I can't."


"You don't understand. It's not just the year. It's the place." He bit his lip. "The people. All those doctors and nurses and orderlies. Seeing them stare at me. Hearing the whispers."

Callie's head tilted. "Whispers."

"'What's he doing here?' and 'Didn't he flunk out?' and 'George O'Failure' and whatever else they can think of. I can hear everyone now, clear as a bell."

"Nobody will do that," she replied.

"Yes, they will." George's cheeks puffed a bit. "Plus, while I'm on rounds with my fellow interns - my second set of fellow interns, no less - I'll bump into Alex or Cristina or Meredith or Izzie - "

Which woman should George O'Malley want to spend the rest of his mortal life with?

A. Callie, his beautiful, supportive, hot-hot-hot wife
B. Izzie, his beautiful, supportive, hot-hot-hot best friend
C. Both - which isn't a real option, and he knows it
D. None of the Above - which is what he should've picked for everybody's sake

" - and since they'll be actual doctors with patients and cases and whatnot, we'll have some awkward silence, and say our 'see ya arounds' and that'll be it." George chuckled humorlessly. "I might as well take my now-worthless diploma and three hundred thousand dollars in student loan debt and see if I can get my high school job back, working the fryers at a KFC."

Callie breathed, then said, "So you've got a career plan. Good to know."

They stared at each other for a moment, then she smiled. It made his cheeks feel warm. "I don't deserve you," he said.

"No. You definitely do not." She leaned down and kissed him, gently at first, then with a bit more heat as he started to respond.

Which of the following is a sign of sexual arousal on Callie O'Malley's body?

A. "Hungry mouth", featuring tender, juicy lips and active tongue
B. Rapid heartbeat and respiration, caused by speedy removal of fuzzy sweater, black jeans, and assorted undergarments
C. Quivering muscles and soft sweet skin, not limited to her stomach, thighs, and - you know
D. There's a 'D'? Jeez, O'Malley...can't you put a test aside for anything?

...stomach, thighs, and - you know...

...oh, yes, you can...

By the time George and Callie managed to tear themselves away from the bed to open the door for the room service cart - which they had unanimously (and loudly) declared needed to be left in the hall - the cheeseburgers were cold. The fries were limp. The ice cream was soaked into the brownie.

And they wolfed down every bite.

"You're feeling better," she said, sipping from a tall iced tea.

"Mm-hmm," George said. He dropped his spoon on to the empty dessert bowl. "That was delicious."

"It was," she replied. "Not KFC, I know..."

"Funny." He shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry - I'm sorry that I've been so - in myself. I haven't even congratulated you."

"On the Chief Resident thing? Yeah, it's cool." Her voice was oddly quiet now.

"Cool? It's better than that." He knew Bailey was broken-hearted about not being named to the position, and he knew why. Now Callie was acting sort of cavalier about it - which may have been just an act, sure, because she knew George and Bailey had a very real bond, and jumping up and down to celebrate a victory over someone he cared deeply about wasn't going to win her anything - but it still sparked a tiny bit of resentment in him. It was another surprise, one that was not wanted - since it was at least the second one today.

Callie seemed to sense his hurt. "You're right. It's much more than cool." She offered an apologetic smile. "Bailey not getting it, that doesn't bother you?"

George shrugged. "Shit happens, right?"

Which body part would Miranda Bailey break off George O'Malley if she was in this room right now?

A. Arm
B. Leg
C. Head
D. None of the Above - but it is a part that George has a significant attachment to...

He shuddered. "Please forget I said that."

Callie smiled. "Done."

The End (Unless...)