I admit, I read MarySue fics every now and then. –is shamed-

But I always end up thinking, "If 'I' ended up in Middle Earth, I'd probably have a mental breakdown and off myself. xx Romance last of my problems."

So here it is. An account of what an ACTUAL girl would do if she fell through a portal, puddle, magical fairy toilet, etc. and found herself in ME.

March 17th, 2007.

Dear Diary,

Somehow, I'm in a forest. It's quite green. Which is funny, since last I remember there was snow on the ground.


They always tell you to stay in one place when you're lost in the woods, so…that's my plan. The way I figure, I'll be outta here in an hour or two.

…I think I need to lay off the tequila.

March 18th, 2007.

Dear Diary,

No rescue party yet. Thought I saw a helicopter in the sky earlier, but it ended up being a bird. Or a tree branch. I don't know.

I'm kinda hungry here. For the life of me I can't figure out which berries are poisonous and which aren't, and I'm not QUITE hungry enough to wing it.

It looks like it's about to rain. So help me, when I get out of here…I'm never leaving my house again.

March 19th, 2007.

Dear Diary,

I stole an acorn from a squirrel. My arms are scratched up, but it was worth it.


I really wish I had some of that anti-bacterial crap. Maybe a pizza or two. Dry clothes would be nice too.

…I think I need a new plan. I'll find a town eventually if I follow the river, right?

Now where the hell is a river?

…Fuck, the squirrels back. Stupid thi-

March 20th, 2007.

Dear Diary,

It's raining. AGAIN.

That squirrel really did a number on me. Dumb rodent. I tried to kill it and roast it but…that didn't really work out that well. I might have twisted my ankle after I tripped into a ditch when the bushy tailed DEMON jumped my face.

I love my life. I really do.

March 21st, 2007.

I tried to get out of this stupid forest. It was hard, what with the whole dizzinesshungerpainsnofoodnofoodnofoodnofoodnofoodnofoodnofoodnofoodnofoodnofoo-


I think I'm starting to hallucinate.

It's not good when the trees start to talk to you, right?

….I told it to shut up.

And it KICKED me.

March 22nd, 2007.

Dear Diary,

It's day 6 since I've been trapped in this brush infested wasteland.

Would you like to know how much I've eaten, beside that acorn?





It tasted horrible.

March 23rd, 2007.

Dear Diary,

I found a bunch of wild mushrooms by a stump I tripped over! MUSHROOMS. FOOD.

I would DANCE if I wasn't so delirious by now!

Instead, I will EAT THEM.


With my TEETH.

March 24th, 2007.

Dear Diary,

I think my intestines are trying to strangle my appendix.

On the upside, I found out what half-digested mushrooms look like.


I'm just going to lay here and try to drown myself in the dirt.

March 25th, 2007.

Dear Diary,

Screw this. I give up.

I'm near a pond where I tried to catch some fish. I failed, naturally.

I'm cold.

And hungry.

And probably suffering from food poisoning.

The trees are talking again. I heard one call me a dork.

I hope a brush fire spontaneously erupts.

March 26th, 2007.

Dear Diary,

I wrote a will on a rock with mud.

That pond has been looking pretty good lately.

Drowning is not so bad, right?

With my luck I'll evolve lungs at the last moment.

Well, here goes.

So long, Diary. Tell the Rescue Team…

Up yours. Hard, fast, and no lube.

There ya go. Oo Good grief, what…a mess.

XD Well, it was fun to write. That counts for something, right?