HOUSE: Mary-Sue Version

A/N: Obviously House is not my character. Gosh.

A girl, Elixir Passion was brought to the hospital. She had long blonde hair, and voluptuous bosoms. With bosoms like that, who would look at her eyes? She had insanely red lips and even though she was in the hospital for an emergency, she looked devilishly attractive laying there in the bed.

She was wheeled into a part of the hospital where she was then placed in another bed where she was hooked up to all sorts of electronic whatnot.

The next time she woke up she was looking at an older man with a long face and big eyes. "This is House," some voice introduced off to the side. Elixir didn't bother to look over to the voice; the man in front of her was fiendishly attractive for being as old as he seemed.

"Miss Passion," He spoke with a slight lisp and Elixir tried to suppress her smile. He was adorable. "We believe that you have some sort of infection," there he was with that hot little lisp, "in your uterus…" He paused and she looked into those eyes. He moved closer to her and leaned over her face, "You wouldn't happen be a prostitute, would you?"

"Well, Mr. House," She smiled, "If you want me to be."

"I'll take that as a 'yes'," He stood up and turned to leave, "We'll be doing the test in an hour."

House was the last out the door, due to his crazy limp. "Mr. House," Elixir called him back, "I think I need an inspection now." She began to climb up to tempt him with her sexiness.

"Are you suggesting something?" House asked sarcastically.

"Am I?" She quirked an eyebrow and smiled devilishly.

House stood in the doorway. He dropped his cane. "I'LL GO GET SOME PROTECTION!" He shouted running down the halls.