Based on this book I have (don't ask why I do, I just do) called, "I'm Not a Feminist, But…" Oh welcome, the humored, perverted crack. This is rated T, for some of the jokes are quite… inappropriate for younger readers. If you don't know how to make babies, which I'm sure most teens know how, don't read. I mean it; it will ruin your innocent mind. (My mind, however, has long been de-virginized.)
They had found it in Tenten's attic, a small floppy fluorescent-colored book. Tenten had picked it up curiously, before calling to the Hyuuga sifting through a box on the other side of the damp attic.
"Hey, Neji, I found a book."
"Put it in the book pile," he said absentmindedly, looking through weapons galore. His eyes scanned the rows of neatly placed metal, their blades all freshly sharpened. He had gotten quite a few cuts digging through the boxes.
Does everyone in Tenten's family have as many shurikens and kunai and senbon and maces and katanas and other sharp pointy objects as Tenten does? Apparently so. He lifted the weighty box up, shuffling heavily to the opening of the attic. Tenten wanted to start using her family's old weapons, since she complained her arsenal was running bare (i.e. only 5 hundred weapons instead of the glorious 5 thousand she wanted.)
Of course, Tenten wasn't really looking for weapons, moreover, she was looking for random crap in her clan's attic, having fun poking at his nerves and dressing up in floppy yukatas that must have belonged to her great-uncle.
Tenten shrugged, reading the red and white cover.
"I'm a Kunoichi, But…"
Neji's ears pricked up, as he turned to look at her, setting the box down first. His back seemed to thank him for reliving his muscles of such a weight, and now the better half of his mind was screaming at him to ignore Tenten and continue working. Unfortuneately, Neji and Neji's muscles tended to ignore that better half of his brain.
She was sitting on the floor, hair falling out in wisps from her buns and sticking with sweat to the nape of her neck. Her lips were pouted, as she carefully opened the first page, and read the owner.
"The Property of Yung Ling," she read, in a foreign tongue, before she looked up to stare wide-eyed at Neji. "This belongs to my great-aunt!"
Neji's eyebrows rose, quizzically.
"So?" Everything in this attic seemed to belong to some great-something-or-the-other.
Tenten stared down at the books in her hand, before a mischievous grin grew on her features.
"My great-aunt was a feminist."
Neji felt a lump sit unpleasantly in the back of his throat. This wasn't going to be good.
Tenten turned pages, scanning them before reading aloud, "Why are shinobi allowed to go topless in public even when some of them have bigger…"
Tenten stopped reading to giggle immaturely at the book, clutching it to her chest. Her shoulders shook as she laughed, a high tinkly and semi-annoying laugh.
Neji cleared his throat, settling down next to her to snatch the book away from her. His teammate abruptly stopped giggling to pout as Neji finished the sentence silently, blanching at how correct his assumptions were, and how disturbing his assumptions were. When did he begin to think so… like that?
Tenten smirked, asking with a voice dripping with sweet sarcasm, "Why is it so, Neji?"
Neji's eyes couldn't help glancing at her chest.
Since when had Tenten gotten a figure like Kurenai-sensei? He thought darkly, remembering the little fantasies some of the Hyuuga adolescents visualized when Kurenai came to talk about Hinata-sama. He had even experienced the intense glance of the woman, and his Byakagun activated reflexively, increasing the details of her body and irritably annoying his hormones.
He wasn't quite ready to think of what any male was to think when Tenten walked by, and to his grief, including himself. Neji glared at the book in his hands, and she pulled it away, flipping to the next page.
"Why do kunoichi have to cast the contraceptive jutsu when it's the shinobi that stick their…"
Tenten again stopped reading to giggle inhumanely, and Neji's brow twitched. Of course, his own manly appearance had been horrifically wounded, since Tenten was gazing perplexedly at him, eyes squinting.
"Hey Neji, you do have a…"
"I have that… lower organ, Tenten."
Tenten grinned, "Just making sure." She returned to her book before catching the slight pink on Neji's cheeks.
"Why is doing anything 'like a kunoichi' a bad thing – even for a kunoichi?"
Tenten paused to think, before glaring at Neji.
"You know, you once said that to me."
"Well, take it back."
"Chauvinist pig," she sniffed, before flipping the page.
"Why aren't blonde shinobi considered intellectually challenged?"
"They are. Naruto is retarded."
Tenten rolled her eyes, "But you keep saying Ino is incredibly dim for a mind-reader."
"Hn," Neji frowned, becoming increasingly aggravated by the book.
"How come the most lucrative magazine covers feature the best performing male and the best looking female?"
Neji smirked. Not necessarily true, I posed for one as the best performing male and the best looking one.
He gazed at Tenten as she flipped through a few more pages, scanning for juicy ones. Chocolate brown eyes studied the book, white teeth nibbling on her lower lip, concentrating.
Well, she wasn't that bad looking herself…
"If shinobi don't like drunken kunoichi, why do they try to get them drunk?"
Neji has never tried to get Tenten drunk, so how does that apply to all shinobi?
"If shinobi are more capable than kunoichi, why can't they perform simple household chores?"
Shinobi have maids to do that. Or at least, Hyuugas do.
"Why do shinobi claim they enjoy being with kunoichi with healthy appetites yet admire the ones that eat practically nothing?"
Is Tenten starving herself? Neji's eyes slowly began to wander down toned legs (she decided it was too hot to wear pants and preferred cotton shorts) and across lean arms. No, Tenten looked fine to him.
"Why are shinobi allowed to openly voice their preference for large breast size yet expect women to pretend… uh… you-know-what doesn't matter…"
Tenten stopped reading once more to blush and laugh, and Neji stared wide-eyed once more at Tenten's chest. Tenten glanced up at him, smirking.
Neji couldn't help but return it. His… ahem, wasn't so small either.
Their exchange ended and Tenten increasingly enjoyed the book, reading more.
"Why are the only fields kunoichi can outearn shinobi are prostitution and modeling?"
Neji's brows rose as he coughed. Tenten didn't clearly read that… did she?
"Tenten, you have never done any of those missions, have you?" he growled.
Tenten laughed lightly, "Of course not, Neji."
Neji nodded. He was sure to have a talk with the Hokage to make sure Tenten never does one of those missions.
"Why is a kunoichi only allowed to behave aggressively only if she's PMSing?"
Tenten behaves aggressively all the time, but he was sure she only was to PMS once a month.
"If shinobi are so into literature, why is the best selling novel still Icha Icha Paradise?"
Neji frowned. He didn't own Icha Icha Paradise, and he had some well-written novels. Tenten rolled her eyes, commenting, "I don't see why it's so great, it's not really that pornographic."
Neji's eyes widened, twitching simultaneously.
"Tenten… how do you know?"
"Who hasn't read it?" she replied lazily, flipping past more pages.
Tenten glanced up at him and smirked, "Well, Neji, you aren't necessarily the most… manly of shinobi."
Neji glared at her, "Take that back."
Tenten smirked, "Make me."
Suddenly, Neji pinned Tenten down below him, glaring down at her. Tenten's eyes widened as he allowed a feral smirk to pass his features before lips pressed down against hers. Instantly, all coherent thought left her mind.
How could she have ever thought that Neji wasn't a man? Damn.
"Does that prove anything to you?" he replied breathlessly, a perpetual smirk on his lips.
Tenten grinned, murmuring huskily, "I'm not quite sure, you'll have to show me again."
Neji smirked, "As long as you're not a feminist like your great-aunt."
A/N: I'm sorry for the crude humor, or the lack of humor actually, and if no one bothers to comment this because it's insanely crappy, I understand.