Chapter 1

At first I hadn't minded so much. He had still cared enough to apologise and try to make it up to me, but as the months went by that all stopped. He expected me to get used to him never being around. You might be confused now, but I'm talking about my husband of 18 months James Potter. Don't get me wrong, I love him. I love him more than life itself. I just miss him. And whether I stay with him or leave him, I'll never get to see him.

James is an Auror and an active member of the Order of the Phoenix. I know there is a war going on, but I still expect to see my husband for more than a few days at a time. He goes away a lot, for months at time. I know James is ambitious and wants to make it to Head Auror, but I'm his wife surely he should be able to make time for me.



"Sorry I had to go into work early this morning," said James to his wife of 6 months.

"Nothing new there," she muttered.

"Lily I am sorry," said James sincerely.

"I know," she sighed. How could she be mad at him when he was being so genuine and sweet? It's not as if he was at a bar getting drunk, and picking up women. He was working to stop Death Eaters from killing innocent people.

"How can I make it up to you?" he said suggestively.

"I'm sure you'll find a way" she sighed, getting tired of his excuses.


If it had been anyone else, she wouldn't have put up with it for so long. But it was James, he was different. James was her weakness, she would put up with more crap from him than she would anyone else, because she loved him and when he was home she was so happy.

Lily's parents had been killed in a car accident, and James was due to go on a mission. He told her he couldn't leave her, and she had actually thought that he was going to tell his boss to send someone else. But he didn't. He had just postponed it, and that was what angered Lily the most. He had pushed it too far, and she was sick of being put last by her own husband.



It was the day after Lily's parents funeral, James was due to leave on his mission any minute now. Lily was sitting in the living rocking back and forth on the sofa, staring at the wall. James had just come down the stairs with his bag.

"That's me… it's time for me to go," said James quietly, his face was full of worry seeing how upset Lily was.

"James… please don't go," she said, tears falling down her face.

"I have to, you know that."

"No you don't" Lily said angrily. "Tell them to send someone else, you are not the only Auror in the country Send someone else, just this once"

"I can't Lily. This is a big Op. If I pull it off, I'm up for promotion," James tried to explain.

"If? If you pull it off, if you don't it's because you are dead. Isn't it enough that my parents are dead, and my sister doesn't want anything to do with me? And now you are going out to risk your life tooSure, just let me lose my entire family in one week, I suppose that's less cruel than drawing it out for years."

"Lily… I'm not going to die… I can do this."

"Stay here with me," she begged. "Please don't leave me now, I'm begging you now don't go."

"I have to," sighed James sitting down next to Lily. Lily leaned over and clung to James.

"No you don't Please, I'm begging you don't leave me please" sobbed Lily.

"Don't do this, you know I don't want to go," said James feeling guilty.

"But you're going to anyway It doesn't matter what I say, you're going to go anyway aren't you?" said Lily pulling away from him and looking him in the eye.

"It's not that…"

"Yes or no? Are you leaving?" said Lily calmly.

"Yes but…"

"Then go!" said Lily coldly. "Go on piss off!"

"Lily sweetheart…"

"I said piss off, and don't bother coming back"

"You don't mean that," said James.

"No but I wish I did," said Lily, she got up and walked out of the room. He didn't stop her, he just got up picked up his bag and left.


She had thought about just leaving, while he was gone. How long would it take him to notice she had left him? Would he even care? Did he care about anything besides work anymore?

A few weeks after he had left, Lily had thought she might be pregnant. She actually packed a bag and started to look for flats. She was going to leave James, because she couldn't let a child go through what she was going through. She couldn't let a child come second with their father. She had even hoped that it would shock James, that he would see what he was doing to her and cut down his hours and the amount of missions he went on. But when she eventually worked up the courage to do the test, it was negative. So she stayed where she was, she didn't have any reason to leave him now. She didn't really want to leave James, because despite all the pain and unhappiness she still loved him as much as she ever had.

James had been gone for seven weeks now. Lily was walking home, wondering when he would be back this time, when someone in a mask stepped out of the shadows.

"Ah, a lonely Mudblood…" sneered the masked man, taking a slow, arrogant stride towards Lily.

Lily instantly reached for her wand out of her pocket, but the Death Eater was too quick.