Disclaimer: Death Note and all of its characters belong to their respected creators, not me… if said anime/manga did belong to me the series would be rated M for all the L and Light yaoi. (Whee, yaoi!)
Note, I am also aware that Light's name is pronounced "Raito", not "Light". I'm used to the way it's spelled in the manga, so that's how it will be spelled in this story.
by Nameless Ookami
And without you is how I disappear
And live my life alone
The pale specter gazed down at himself, fascinated with his ghostly transparent limbs and body that he now possessed. Such fascination, however, did not succeed in covering up one important fact: he was dead. L, the famous, infallible detective, was dead. No, he was only joining the many other victims claimed by Kira, by Light Yagami.
And now that he was gone, what would happen to him? He watched the members of the task force calling him by that fake name of his, gathering around him and the killer currently holding the detective's lifeless shell in his arms. They were obviously concerned now, but what about after all this excitement died down? Would they forget about him? Would they simply feel disappointment for losing their most skillful player in this game of hunter and hunted with Kira? Would they care about him, the strange sweets-loving boy, and not just about the brilliant detective? The chance that they would were slim.
But it was Light that he was most concerned about. Did Light care that he had killed him? Did he care at all? L decided the chances of that were even slimmer. He let himself hover just above his corpse, staring into Light's eyes. He searched those cold orbs for any sign of warmth, for any sign of regret or sadness… anything! But there was nothing.
"Do you know, Light-kun," the phantom detective whispered, "that true tragedy is when a person becomes aware of a fatal mistake when it is too late to change their fate?" He raised a ghostly hand, stroking the killer's face, even though he couldn't feel his skin against his hand. "It was…a mistake…"
A mistake to grow closer to the very person who was his top suspect in the Kira case. A mistake to fall in love with him. And, what was worse still, it was a mistake that L didn't turn him in when he heard those two words.
By the time he had heard those two words it was far too late to turn him in. L couldn't turn him in. L didn't want to…
He never wanted this night to end, he remembered himself thinking, as he stared into those eyes. He had wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly as if afraid he would leave him if he let go. He let his head fall against Light's chest, closing his eyes and enjoying his presence. For the first time ever, the Kira case had been pushed to the back of his mind.
"Ryuzaki… L…" Light whispered. "Are you awake?"
"Yes, Light-kun. What is it?"
There was a long pause. For a minute L thought his lover had fallen asleep again.
"I… I have something to tell you." He was sitting up now, looking down at the young detective. L froze. That tone of voice, that look in his eye, it was the sort of look and tone L had come to recognize only by listening in on countless police interrogations… it was a confession.
A confession that L didn't want to hear.
"L… I-," He cut him off.
Don't say it… please…
"Light-kun, I'm tired. Can't this wait until morning?" Light stared at him in shock.
"I thought… don't you want…?" His eyes softened. "Yes. It… it can wait." He gently pressed his lips against the detective's own. "I love you." L didn't remember when he had ever been so happy.
"I love you too, Light."
Light… not Kira…
He could feel himself happily drifting off back to sleep, beside his lover, beside Light. Suddenly he heard the rustling of the sheets, and felt Light's breath against his ear.
"L… I'm Kira."
He waited for him to lie back down, and fall back asleep. When he was sure the killer beside him was in a deep slumber, L wept.
"You didn't really mean that, did you, Light-kun?" He withdrew his hand from Light's cheek, no longer wishing to feel the other man's skin against his own. "I was just someone in your way, someone you had to eliminate." He turned away, unable to look at him anymore.
How could it all have come to this? The one person L had enjoyed being with, the one person L had come to care so much about and even love…
"That doesn't mean anything to you, does it?" He asked that cold, emotionless face. "It doesn't matter at all."
"Why don't you care? ANSWER ME!" He knew he was simply being hysterical, but this pain… oh the pain he was feeling! He collapsed into his trademark sitting position, burying his head in his arms even though his ghostly sobs did not need to be quieted. He was in so much pain right now. Every fond memory he had of him, all of their playful arguments they had to test each others' wits, and those few tender moments they had shared… they were all lies.
Make it stop… make the pain stop…
"Is that what you truly want?" L looked up with a gasp. If he were alive, the sight he was seeing right now would have killed him all over again. He could feel himself trembling as he stared into those fathomless black sockets. A long, gleaming white skeletal hand emerged from the figure's billowing cloak, reaching towards him, while the other hand held a large scythe. The figure ginned a wide, toothy smile.
"Who… are you? A demon?" The skeletal head was thrown back in a laugh. After a few moments it looked at him once again.
"I am someone who can take away your fears and your pain. I can give you strength… and power." The grin widened. "I am the Shinigami King." L stared back at him, skeptical.
"How would…?" The King continued to smile.
"Take my offer… and you shall see."
What offer? What would happen? There was high probability that this was all a trick, some sick way of getting his soul, L thought. He could agree and end up getting imprisoined by this thing… this King… or… or what?
Or stay here? Drifting around this place with memories of him still etched into his brain? Staying here with his pain? L hugged his knees to his chest, trembling at the thought.
No more pain…
But what would happen to me?
I can't go on like this!
No, this can't be the only way-
But this pain…
"Take it away…" He whispered. "Take this pain away!" The King smiled, offering the fallen detective his bony hand. His own hand trembling, L reached out and grasped it.
Suddenly he screamed. He felt the skin of his back somehow being ripped open. What had he done? What was happening? He finally collapsed, shaking. He looked up at his new, obsidian wings, still shimmering with his blood. He gently stroked the long soft feathers, drinking in their appearance. How pretty they were…
L turned his head, gazing at the young boy holding the body. He was handsome… and had a while before he would die, as he could see from those numbers over his head, but he felt nothing else toward him. Was he supposed to? He could have sworn he did, at some point… L shrugged. Oh well.
"Don't forget this, my newest subject." L smiled, accepting the Death Note being offered to him. He leapt into the air, disappearing with his King.
He had been holding himfor a while, even after he had lost all his warmth. He let his fingers run themselves over his cold skin, over his unruly black hair. Then, Light bent down, pressing his lips against his. A single teardrop trailed downt the killer's cheek.
"I love you," He whispered.
The lyrics shown in the beginning belong to My Chemical Romance, from their song "This is How I Disappear". Just like Death Note, My Chemical Romance does not (unfortunately…) belong to me.
This story actually went through a couple of rewrites before it was finally posted. I'm happy that I was finally able to come up with a draft that I was satisfied with, although I must admit I'm a little shocked that it turned out to be so utterly depressing… I need to write something happy, or my readers will think there's something wrong with me! (WHICH THERE ISN'T, BY THE WAY.)
Hope you all enjoyed it, and thank you for taking your time out to read the fic!! Reviews are welcome, and constructive criticism is appreciated! (No flames, please. If you have anything negative to say at all then at least give me some advice on how to improve!) Thank you all again!