Start time: Sunday May 20, 2007; 9:06 PM PDT
This is my latest oneshot, and it's geared towards the humorous side of the fanfiction genre spectrum. What this is basically is a little argument between Malon and Zelda on who gets to be with Link gone awry, with Link caught in the middle and confused (just like every other teenage boy that would be caught in this kind of situation). It's set post-Ocarina of Time where Link wasn't sent back seven years in time so it's not as AU as my stories usually are, but the infrastructure of both Castle Town and Hyrule follow the maps in my profile (to a certain extent, since this is set in Medieval Hyrule). The idea of this story itself came from a game that my brother, my cousins and I were playing at my cousin's 22nd birthday party this past Saturday (May 19—Zelda's birthday in my stories), so I dedicate this one to them. The game Questions goes like this: a group of people (two at the least) take turns asking each other questions. Whoever is playing and says something not in question form loses. The last person is the winner.

I don't own The Legend of Zelda.

Sir Joshizzle

It's been about half a year since Ganondorf, the King of Evil, was sealed in the limitless void of the Sacred Realm, locked behind the Door of Time in the Temple of Time near central Castle Town. In those short six months, Hyrule has risen from its own ashes, from a wasteland barren from seven years of evil supremacy, to a bustling commercial and economic hub to the rest of the world.

The Hylian Royal Family was restored. Hyrule Castle and the surrounding Hyrule Castle Town was rebuilt, and the population was more than twice what it was before the beginning of Ganondorf's reign. Zora's Domain and Zora's Fountain was unfrozen, along with the some one million Zoras beneath the sheets of ice. Kakariko Village was permanently rid of all the vengeful spirits from the Kakariko Well and the nearby Graveyard. Lake Hylia was restored to its former beauty, it's crystal blue waters hiding the entrance to the sacred Water Temple to any intruders. The trees of Lost Woods and Kokiri Village, under the watchful eyes of the Deku Tree Sprout, returned to their lively green colors, and the spell forbidding any Kokiri from exiting the woods was broken.

Yes, Hyrule is in a state of a renaissance, shaking off the horrible age of evil and destruction that had plagued the land for so many years.

But what of the duo that saved the world from utter ruin? The Princess of Hyrule and the Hero of Time?

Zelda the princess and Link the hero… They are safe and sound, both residing within the inpenetrable walls of Hyrule Castle and watching the land that they fought so hard to protect flourish and blossom. They haven't known each other long, but because they are both bound by the Triforce, they feel as if they've known each other their whole lives, and because of that, they share a bond stronger than steel. They are quite the celebrities, not because they saved all of Hyrule, but because they are the country's favorite would-be couple… All except one.

That girl is Malon, the red haired daughter of Talon, the owner of Hyrule's largest farm, Lon Lon Ranch. She has a casual relationship with blonde Princess Zelda, sharing a friendly chat with Her Highness whenever she drops by the castle to deliver the milk. She also has a strong friendship with Link, because she gave him her best horse, a deep brown mare named Epona. They go back seven years before Ganondorf rose to power, when they were just kids. Ever since then, Malon has developed a crush on Link, which has caused friction between her and Princess Zelda.

Zelda also has a crush on Link; she has dreamed many times that he would be the one to rule Hyrule side-by-side with her. Both girls know the other has romantic feelings for Link. Both girls are determined to make Link her own. And while they fight, Link is stuck in the middle… completely oblivious to what's going on around him.

Zelda and Malon are sitting together in the castle parlor, across from each other with a polished oak coffee table between them. Malon just came to deliver milk for the week, but she asked to have a meeting with Zelda, citing "important matters."

"…So what is it that you wanted to talk about, Malon?" Zelda asked, crossing her legs and placing her hands on her lap.

"Princess, this is a matter that has been interfering with our friendship from some time." Malon spoke.

Zelda smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and adjusts her slipping tiara. "Malon, you're still calling me 'Princess'? 'Zelda' will do, okay?"

Malon nodded and a maid walked into the parlor with a tray of teacups, saucers and a teapot. She poured the two girls tea in their cups and promptly left the room.

"Zelda…" Malon started again, and then paused shortly. She had to admit that calling the Princess of Hyrule by her first name to her face felt kind of strange. "This is a matter that has been interfering with our friendship for zome time."

The princess nods slowly, lifting her teacup and sipping the green tea quietly. "And what would that be?"

"It's the situation about you, Link and I." Malon replied.

The blonde raised an eyebrow slightly.

"There's no denying, Zelda," Malon continued before taking a sip of her own tea, "that Link is a handsome man. There is also no denying that we both are obviously in love with him…"

"…I just wanted to let you know, Zelda, that it is I who will have Link's heart," the redhead states bluntly.

Zelda was taken aback. Malon just had the audacity to go to Hyrule Castle, call the princess in for an "important" conference, and without hesitation to claim Link as her own? "Excuse me, Malon?"

Malon rolled her eyes. "Zelda, would you please quit it with the questions?"

"What questions?"

The redhead raised an eyebrow. "Hasn't everything you've said so far been a question? …By any chance are you trying to begin a game of Questions?"

Zelda set her cup down on the coffee table and folded her arms in front of her chest. "Does it sound like I'm playing Questions?"

"Isn't that what you're doing?"

"Malon, why are you really here? I'm in the middle of negotiations with representatives from Labrynna, I'm interrupted by Impa telling me that you have come for important business, and all you do is play Questions with me?" Zelda let out a sigh of slight annoyance. There goes that trading arrangement with Labrynna.

Malon cauldn't help but break into a small smile. "But isn't it you who started this game?"

That left Zelda speechless. "…Just what are you trying to pull, Malon?"

Malon sat in silence for a few moments. Then, a plan formed in her mind. "...How about we put Link on the line of this little game? Whoever wins gets Link?" Malon suggested.

"You'd actually bet Link on a silly little game?" Zelda's purple eyes grew wide at Malon's levity at the matter.

"Why?" The redhead smirked. "Are you afraid you'd lose? Afraid of losing Link?"

Zelda raised an eyebrow at her taunting. "…Winner gets Link, right?"

"So does that mean you'll play?" Malon took another sip of her tea.

Zelda just put on her best poker face, trying her hardest to look the least bit unnerved. She didn't know whether to take this seriously or not, but Malon's so determined about this, she's not going to take any chances. "Malon, what makes you think that even if you won, Link would choose you?"

Malon was stunned. Did Zelda just turn the tables on her—in her own game?

"Link is a hero, so don't you think that he should be living like one?" Zelda took her teaspoon and stirred her tea slowly. "…In a castle? …With a princess? …Like me?"

Malon stared at the blonde. Zelda looked so serious… so calm… so poised. Malon cleared her throat and put on her own poker face. "But then again, Link is an adventurer at heart, so don't you think living a life in the country, free of those pesky royal duties, is more his style?"

Zelda took a drink of her tea. "…To be honest, we are in no position to speak for Link, so why don't we just ask him how he would like to live out the rest of his life?"

The redhead nodded. "Just where is Link?"

Zelda almost broke into a sweat. She didn't know how to answer that in a question. She stayed silent. She saw a faint smirk form on Malon's red lips. She turned to the open doors, and as if on cue, she saw a rather tired Link carrying his sword and shield.

"Link, would you please come here?" Zelda yelled out into the hall, and Malon's eyes followed. Link turned to her, and his eyes lit up. He took his sword and shield and walked inside the parlor. He leaned into the blonde and kissed her on her cheek. He then walked across to Malon and did the same.

"Hey Malon," he smiled.

"…How do you do?" Malon asked.

Link raised an eyebrow. He's never heard Malon sound so formal like that. Then again, it's probably because Zelda's in the room. He shrugged it off and took a seat next to Zelda. "I'm fine. Just tired is all. Training those soldiers sure takes a lot out of you… So what's up, girls?"

"Link, what kind of lifestyle would you prefer?" Zelda started, turning to him. "Living on a dirty old ranch?" She glanced at Malon from the corner of her eye, who in turn was glaring daggers at the princess. "Surrounded by rogue animals?"

"Or do you want to live in a stuffy old castle?" Malon chimed in. "With arrogant aristocrats everywhere you look?"

Zelda death glared Malon, who just smiled sweetly at her.

"Well…" Link started, taking his floppy green cap off and running a hand through his hair. "I always thought that after my adventures, I'd settle down in the countryside and maybe be a ranch hand at Lon Lon…"

Malon's eye lit up and she beamed brightly, and Zelda turned to her, her eyes narrow slits like threatening snake eyes.

"But then again," Link added. "Living the royal life isn't bad at all. Plus, Zelda's dad offered me the a spot as one of the generals of the Hylian Army, and serving my country is what I was called to do. Doing that would be really nice."

Malon's face faltered and Zelda grinned triumphantly.

"But Link, don't you think that living in the city in the lap of luxury is for the sheltered, overprivelaged, and for those who are just too lazy to do a thing for themselves?" Malon simpered.

Zelda gasped at her comment, and quickly scrambled for a retort of her own. "But Link, everyone knows that the country life is for the dirty, the blue-collared, and the people too poor to live in the city, right?"

Both girls glared each other down angrily while Link was caught in the middle, his eyes darting back and forth between the two. "Girls… Is there something wrong?"

Both turned away and stared into the young man's big, deep blue eyes.

Zelda chuckled softly and shook her head. She knew that this was absolutely silly, betting Link on some stupid game. "Malon, don't you think it's time we stopped this?"

"Are you afraid you'll lose?" Malon smiled. Apparently, to Malon, this was no game.

"Aren't you taking this a bit too far?" Zelda asked.


"Can we just end this, Malon!?"


Link slowly scooted away from the two girls. What he wanted to know was why was it that everything they said were questions?

"How about right now!?" Zelda grew frustrated.

"Fine, but how would be stop?" Malon folded her arms, her tone completely calm.

Zelda opened her mouth, but now words came out. She thought deeply about what to say. If she said anything that wasn't a question, she'd lose Link for sure. If she just continued on, she'd give into Malon's schemes.

The princess picked up her cup and sipped the last of her tea slowly.

"…Malon, how is your father Talon doing?" The blonde girl finally asked.

"Daddy's just fine, but why do you ask?" Malon slowly raised an eyebrow. Why the sudden change of subject?

"Is he still sleeping all day?" Zelda asked again, not looking at the girl in front of her.

Malon scoffed. "Just as ever!" Malon cried out. But then she froze. A small gasp escaped her mouth and she pursed her lips together, covering her mouth with her index and middle fingers. She saw Zelda look up at her from her teacup with a mocking grin. Malon growled rolled her eyes. She got up from her seat, turned her heels, and without a single word, angrily stomped out of the parlor and out the castle front doors loudly, slamming the front doors behind her.

Back in the parlor, Zelda beamed victoriously while sipping her tea while Link sat next to her, scratching his head, utterly confused.

The young hero turned to her slowly. "…What just happened?"

Zelda's grin faded. She turned to him and raised an eyebrow. "Link, by any chance are you trying to start a game of Questions?"

And that's that. Writing this brought back a lot of funny memories from last Saturday. Try playing this game with your friends, you'll have lots of fun.

Review please, and remember to wear your Bicks.

End time: Sunday May 20, 2007; 11:15 PM PDT