-Disclaimer: InuYasha, Sesshomaru and the description of Sesshomaru's mother are the property of RumikoTakahashi. However, Cassayah, Siam, Liliyah, the name Lady Shankoutetsu, and the now badly disfigured skank Racyene O'Toole, belong to me, myself and I, however if anyone wants to borrow her to mess her up a little more, feel free. Muhahaha!!!
-This ain't Yaoi, if that's what you want, go somewhere else.

-Chapter V

-New Life

InuYasha sat quietly on a branch in the middle of the opulent courtyard of the palace of Lady Shankoutetsu staring blankly at the waning gibbous moon. His mind was miles, and years away, lost in his thoughts of Kagome, Cassayah and Liliyah, Kikyo and Siam and even Racyene.

If anyone had told him of Sesshomaru's actions toward the human girl with his being ignorant of the entire story, he would have thought Sesshomaru beyond barbaric, possibly worthy of immediate death. To so cruelly disfigure young and beautiful girl with her entire life ahead was more than he had thought even Sesshomaru capable of.

But InuYasha was far from ignorant. After telling InuYasha the last bit of the story, Sesshomaru had looked at InuYasha as if expecting damnation from his half-human brother. Quite the opposite, as far as InuYasha was concerned, Racyene O'Toole had received far, far less than she deserved. In fact, had it been InuYasha, he didn't think he could have mustered the restraint to prolong her suffering by sparing her life.

Sesshomaru had made a comment then about that being what made himself the superior brother, InuYasha was "all passion and no finesse."

They hadn't finished debating the merits of that comment before they came to the stairs leading to the palace and they were interrupted by the happy greeting of Sesshomaru's ward Rin and the more stoic, but no less gracious greeting of his mother Lady Shankoutetsu.

InuYasha was a bundle of nerves, meeting the woman who had been mated to his father, knew him better than anyone, and rumor had it, knew his mother Izayoi as well. Their re-arrival had been late in the afternoon and Sesshomaru had wished to see his Obaasan before she retired for the evening so he had shown InuYasha to a room and hadn't been seen since.

InuYasha, never one to spend much time indoors had gravitated to the courtyard and the nearest tree, his thoughts had immediately swung to Kagome and how much he missed her.

Kagome and Cassayah. They sounded very much alike, both strong, brave and beautiful women. But both had eventually broken and taken their lives. He didn't understand, couldn't get his mind around what it was that had pushed Kagome to pick up that arrow that night and plunge it into her chest. Out of all the times he had gone to Kikyo, what was different about that night?

"My son told me I might have luck looking for you in the trees."

The sudden voice made InuYasha jump and his heart sped up slightly, then he grinned a little and jumped down.

"Lady Shankoutetsu" He bowed politely "Old habits die hard I guess."

"As I told your Kagome, my friends call me Lady Shan, please do so as well."

"Thank you, Lady Shan."

"Sesshomaru is with Rin settling her in for the night, he will join us shortly for a late dinner. I am pleased I got a chance to meet you at last InuYasha, I've been quite curious about you for many years. As you know I was mated to your father The Lord Inu no Taisho, but I was also friends with your mother Izayoi as well."

"I had heard rumors."

"She was a dear, sweet woman InuYasha. We were great friends for a number of years."

"I always wondered, if she came between you and father...I know she..."

"No, no InuYasha. Sesshomaru says that he told you of Cassayah and Liliyah, then he no doubt told you how things were with your father and I. If anyone should be apologizing it is perhaps I."

"You? I don't understand... ?"

"As I said, your mother and I were friends for a number of years. On occasion we would meet in the village and on one of these occasions your father came just as Izayoi was leaving. They were quite taken with each other. I was young InuYasha, sheltered. I was stuck in an unhappy mating and wanted out. I didn't understand the prejudices between human and yokai and yokai and human because my family held no such prejudice. Had I known..."

"You are the reason my parents came together?"

"Yes." She paused and looked at the moon sadly "I am sorry InuYasha, for everything Izayoi suffered. For it truly was my fault."

InuYasha considered Lady Shankoutetsu's words. Finally, he knew how his parents had met, so Sesshomaru's mother could have freedom. That just fucking figured. Everything that screwed him and mother always seemed to benefit Sesshomaru someway in the end. Maybe not Sesshomaru in this case but his mother.

And now here she was, happy and free, living her life and would be for many many years to come and where was Izayoi? Where was his mother? Long dead and buried, after being cast off by her people, cast from her home, sentenced to a life of widowed hell alone with a halfbreed son. Taunted, tormented, treated like trash even though she was a Hime.

Then InuYasha remembered Izayoi's laugh. True, she didn't laugh often, but when she did it was the most real thing about her. There was the other side of his mother that was too easy to forget when he he remembered how painful life had been for them.

The Izayoi that was happy because she had found her great love and been loved greatly in return.

InuYasha reflected on the light in her eyes when she spoke of his father, of how he made her smile and laugh and brought her silly little things from his travels like the wooden crane that she cherished with all her heart and InuYasha still had hidden away within the roots of Goshinboku.

Izayoi had been happy with the Inu no Taisho, even if it wasn't for a long time, it had been and that was the important thing. Just as he wouldn't trade a moment of his life with Kagome for anything.

Besides, he couldn't be too mad, if they hadn't met he wouldn't have been born, and then Kagome would be in her time dating that dumb ass Homo Hobo, Dodo bastard or whatever his name was.

"What happened to mother was wrong, and it was awful for her, still, she wouldn't have changed a thing if it had meant not having the time she had with father, or my not being born. She wouldn't have held anything against you Lady Shan."

Lady Shankoutetsu looked over at InuYasha and nodded.

"And you InuYasha?"

"I hold nothing against you either. Except maybe..." InuYasha smirked into the darkness, the sarcasm forming on his tongue.

"Except..." Lady Shankoutetsu cocked an eyebrow, making her the mirror image of her son.

"That you felt a need to have Sesshomaru."

Lady Shankoutetsu laughed, the sound like a tinkling of a fine crystal chandelier met with a spring breeze.

"That, my dear InuYasha, is an issue you would have to take up with your father."

"Tell me, did the parents of that girl ever attempt to get back at Sesshomaru for what he did to her?"

"Racyene O'Toole you mean?"

Inuyasha nodded.

"Oh, nothing serious, there was the usual bluster and posturing of course, threats of retribution. But, what could they do? They were three humans against Lord Sesshomaru, heir to the Lord of the Western Lands, the great Inu no Taisho."

"You sound as if that wasn't a good thing."

"It was, but what Sesshomaru did to the O'Toole girl, as warranted as it was, it was the first step down a lonely path for Sesshomaru. When he returned that night and told me of what he had done, all traces of the young, sweet, Sesshomaru were gone and a hard, cold stranger had taken his place. His face showed no emotion, not even victory. Cassayah and Liliyah took Sesshomaru's heart with them to their pyre that day."

Lady Shankoutetsu rose from the settee and began towards the palace once again.

"As for the O'Toole girl, months passed and never was she seen, rumor spread of her many suicide attempts, sixteen within the first three months I understand. Eventually word got out about how she managed to survive so many attempts and shortly after a horrible confrontation between Lord Hyak and Mr. O'Toole, New Wales mysteriously burned to the ground. After that, the family returned to Wales I understand. After that is anyone's guess."

"And that is why Sesshomaru hates humans so much, why he hated me so much."

"True, it is why he hates humans, but in your case, I would say it was because it was a painful reminder for him to look upon your face."

"I don't understand."

"You are your fathers mirror image InuYasha, you share the same markings when your yokai blood comes to the surface. You are not the first to bear such a remarkable likeness."

"You mean..." InuYasha looked at Lady Shankoutetsu, eyes wide. He swallowed hard then took a deep breath. "I look like Liliyah? That's why..."

"He never said as much out loud, but he never had to. We both saw it the one time we journeyed together to see Izayoi and welcome you to the world. Sesshomaru had never been fond of Izayoi, her being human, but I think deep down there was a part of him that was excited about having a little brother. When he saw you, looking so much like his precious Liliyah, he closed off that part of himself, deciding it would be easier to hate you."

"All this time" InuYasha shook his head "All this time and I never knew. I thought I had suffered, but compared to what Sesshomaru has been through, my pain seems pretty insignificant."

"We all have our pain to bear InuYasha, and to each of us there are things that makes ours unique. What makes the difference is what one does with the pain. Do you use it to learn a lesson and grow? Or do you use it as an excuse to turn yourself off. My Sesshomaru may be many centuries older than you InuYasha, but he is the one who is now perhaps just beginning his life."

"Do you think he is? Beginning his life?"

Lady Shan smiled "Yes. Finally, I think he has begun to live again."

Lady Shan reached over and squeezed InuYasha's hand.

InuYasha stopped running for a moment, allowing himself a second to treat his eyes to the beauty of the sunset, wondering if Kagome was sitting on the small rise behind the hut watching it and thinking of him. He rolled his eyes at himself and took off at a steady pace once again. If he could keep this up he should be back in the village before dark, back to his Kagome.

He couldn't resist the urge to quicken the pace, just a little bit.

Sesshomaru had decided to stay at the palace a few days longer, and while InuYasha had been more than welcome to stay, Sesshomaru knew that he would want to get back to Kagome. Inuyasha grinned, remembering their parting the morning before.


"Well bastard, since your leaving me to my own devices to get home, guess I better get going."

"Really InuYasha, were you expecting me to hold your hand? Or were you perhaps holding out hope for something of a more intimate nature...if that is the case, I apologize, you still do nothing to tempt this Sesshomaru."

InuYasha grinned and chuckled softly "Keh, you ain't exactly Kagome yourself Sesshomy."

"You will not call this Sesshomaru by that name."

"Of course not." He nodded in agreement.

"InuYasha, thank you, for everything."

InuYasha just shook his head "No, thank you, for showing me what an ass I've been, how close I came to losing everything."

"But you have lost nothing brother, she is there waiting for you. Though I am sorely tempted to take her for my own."

"Don't make me Kongosouha your ass." InuYasha gripped Sesshomaru's shoulder, his eyes saying what his mouth could not.

"As if you could." Sesshomaru smiled in return.

InuYasha began to run towards home, towards Kagome, but he stopped and looked over his shoulder.

"Hey, don't be a stranger. Sesshomy."

A bolt of electricity flicked out just missing him and he laughed over his shoulder.

"Imbecilic hanyou." Sesshomaru's grin was cocky, InuYasha wondered if the glint in Sesshomaru's eyes was a reflection of the sun, or if it was a flash of the Sesshomaru who died four hundred years ago.

The Sesshomaru who lay buried all these years under the sakura tree with Siam, Cassayah and Liliyah.

-end flashback-

InuYasha stopped outside the hut, inside he could hear her sweet voice humming while she worked at some task, the sounds of the others absent. He took a deep breath and he picked up her scent immediately.


His Kagome.

InuYasha found himself thinking of Cassayah and Siam again. They had loved one another, yet they never told each other. Fate had intervened and in the end there was no happiness for anyone. Their fate would have been his had Sesshomaru not been there to revive Kagome the night she plunged the arrow into her chest.

Siam, Racyene and Cassayah-InuYasha, Kikyo and Kagome. There stories were so different, but yet they were the same. Sesshomaru had given him a peek into his life had things been different. No, Kikyo hadn't been the manipulator Racyene was, but there was a part of her that was. The part that claimed InuYasha's soul, even though she was already dead. The part that continued to call for him, even after they had admitted they no longer loved one another and she knew he loved Kagome.

InuYasha felt wetness drop onto his hands and he looked up into a clear sky, then at his hand again. Tears...they were tears. His tears.

He kept his face hidden as he stepped inside.

"InuYasha? You're back!"

Kagome's voice in front of him was as gentle as her touch on his shoulder. He shifted, unable to look into her eyes, pulling her to him and wrapping his arms around her waist tightly.


Kagome sunk her fingers into his hair and rubbed the backs of his ears. He crushed her even tighter to his chest

"InuYasha? Are you okay?"he lifted his face to hers, unashamed of his tears as their lips met.

He nodded and lifted her in his arms and carried her to her futon.

His tears didn't cease as he claimed her as his mate, slowly, intensely. Their lovemaking was full of passion, full of pent of feelings, desires and the things he had longed to say to her from the moment he first opened his eyes on Goshinboku.

As they lay tangled in one another's arms in the afterglow, instead of the fear and doubt he had worried would come after taking her as his mate he felt only contentment. The old tradition of marking had been done away with years ago when it was found that a much smaller exchange of blood achieved the same result, now they lay watching their mating marks slowing fade into view on the inside of their wrists.

Kagome looked up at InuYasha, her heart ready to explode with happiness she was shocked to see the tears lingering on his lashes.

"InuYasha" Kagome wiped his face with her thumbs "Your crying."

"I know" He nuzzled her neck "I don't care."

"Is Sesshomaru still alive?" She giggled, still a little nervous about his behaviour

InuYasha laughed "Yeah, I let the bastard live, just for you."

"How sweet." Kagome grinned, then grew serious "InuYasha...Kikyo ..."

InuYasha shushed her. "Tomorrow. We can talk about it tomorrow okay?"

"Ok-ay" Kagome was surprised, she had been sure that Kikyo would be the first thing he would ask about.

"I'm sorry, for all the time's I hurt you Kagome."

"You've already apologized for that InuYasha. Is something wrong...did something happen?"

His mind flashed on Cassayah and Liliyah...he would tell Kagome, but not now. Now was for them.

"No...Yes...I'll tell you later okay?"


InuYasha rolled over and pulled her close to him, cupped her face in his hand, kissed her softly, then pulled her close again.

"Do you know Kagome? I mean really know, how much I love you?"

"As much as I love you?" She smiled, resting her head on his shoulder.

"What if I said I loved you more."

"Impossible" Kagome teased

"Don't be so sure love." He closed his eyes allowing everything about her to overtake his senses, her scent, her touch, her taste and her sound. There was nothing more beloved or more precious to him than the one he held in his arms.



-One year later-

Sesshomaru held Rin's small hand as they walked up the hill to the old Sakura tree. As usual the girl kept up her constant stream of happy chatter.

"I am very happy that we have come to visit with Obaasan and Obaasan-Yaka, but ...is it bad that I am anxious to be on our way as well?"

"Under the circumstances Rin, Obaasan and Obaasan-Yaka understand I am sure." He smiled and chuckled softly. He couldn't blame the child, he too was anxious to get back on the road.

They stopped under the Sakura tree at the tree grave markers and Rin opened the basket she had brought, taking out the bouquets of white lilies and placing one on each of the graves.

Rin wandered away to allow Sesshomaru several moments alone.

"Cassayah...Liliyah. I still feel somewhat guilty, though I know it is what you would want. Starting to live again after so long, to allow myself to feel things, it is rather strange. I find myself falling back into old ways a lot, particularly with BakaYasha. Since the new miko came into the village he has been talking non-stop about living on the other side of that damnable well of hers and leaving Rin and I behind. They say they will find me in the future, bah, what good does that do me now? Who will teach their offspring to behave as true yokai aristocrats should instead of the mongrel half-wit they have for a father? Kagome is a wonderful woman, but she can only undo so much damage..."

"Father!" Rin called from near the path "Obaasan is waiting lunch, you promised not to be long."

"Of course." Sesshomaru nodded at his adopted daughter.

"Please do not be angry that I have given Rin leave to call me father. No one could ever take your place my precious Liliyah."

Sesshomaru rose to join Rin and looked over his shoulder at the graves adorned with lilies.

'My Liliyah, my Cassayah...my first loves. First but perhaps not my only...I guess only time shall tell.'

Sesshomaru took Rin's hand again and began to make their way back to the palace.

"Father, do you think we will make it to Uncle InuYasha's in time?"

"I see no reason why we should not."

"What do you think? Is she having a girl or boy?"

"For Kagome's sake, I hope all their children are well behaved little girls like Kagome. For InuYasha's sake, I hope they are all hell raising little boys who drive him to within an inch of his sanity."

Rin giggled "Father, that's not very nice. What if Uncle InuYasha thought that about you?"

Sesshomaru thought of the likelihood of his ever having a child of his own. An heir for the Western Lands. Eighteen months ago he would have never thought it possible, but now...

"You never know Rin, one day, the imbecile just might."

-Modern Day

-Beathcourt Psychiatric Hospital

-London, England

The children played while their mother visited with an ancient uncle, their eyes fixed on the strange woman who sat in the corner, covered head to toe in black lace.

"Holy shit, that's her!"

"Thas who."

"Lacy Racy."

"Who's she? Never heard of no Lacy whatever."

"Bugger me, Everyone's heard of Lacy Racy."

"I aint."

"Duh blimey idiot. Where you bin? Lacy Racy is like a thousand years old"

"No one lives that long"

"She did, only cause a mummy scratched her up and made her ugly, then put

a curse on her so she couldn't die so she would have to suffer forever."

"What a load of shit!"

"Is so true! She's tried to kill herself like a million times and it never works. They lock her up for a while then let her out cause they say she ain't dangerous, on account of all she does is sit around mumbling the same word over and over again. Crazy as a loon that one is by now."

"Your the one thats crazy."

"You don't believe me? Walk by her and see if she's mumbling the word I tell you."

The boy whispered into the other boys ear then he got up and walked by the woman in the corner. He suddenly froze and blinked hard, then hustled back to the other boy.

"Well, what she say?"

"She...she..." The boy panted trying to catch his breath

"Well, spit it out."

"She...she said" He shook his head.




Hope you enjoyed the ending and the little twist at the end for Sweet little Racyene O'Toole.

And, just cause I know people are going to ask...Kagome's baby was a Girl and they named her Cassayah...lets go for the sweet schmaltzy ending eh? LOL

This story has been so interesting because it started out as a little three paragraph one shot where Kagome kills herself and grew into this. Since I never highlighted reviews, well...here we go...

ch 1, OMG yeAs! boo yah!
i just got home from another tirseome, boring, hot day at school, and was about ready to drop down dead right then and there, when i saw the e-mail about cassayah( is that how you spell it? sorry if it's wrong) and i literally did one of my super happy dances. lol!
well anyways, chapter rocked as usual, so yeah! keep up the good work!

Always happy to inspire a happy dance LOL

ch 1, Oh how cool...So this story is going to have alot of Sesshomaru huh? I LOVE IT!! Next to Inuyasha, Sesshomaru is one of my fav characters in the series.

Sesshomaru stories tend to have a lot of Sesshomaru in them :P---- LOL

Illidan the Half Demon
ch 2, Hmm, so that's what happened. Poor Cassayah, her heart must have been truly shattered upon hearing that. That truly sucks for Sesshomaru too. At least Sesshomaru pointed out why Inuyasha may have been so willing to go to Kikyo always. Excellent chapter btw. I look very forward to the next one.

That shouldn't be looked at as the total reason, but Siam, like InuYasha, at one point was sure their love was unrequited. By the time Siam discovered that Cassayah did love him, Racyene already had her hooks in too deep.

ch 2, .Well, theres a plot twist I didn't see come - blindsided me it did, I always just assumed Cassayah and Sesshou loved each other passionatly. Hm...update soon

ch 3,
So she killed herself, and never returned Sesshou's love - poor sesshou, so tragic! Update soon, okay?

ch 3,
replyGood chapter. This story is nothing like I would have thought. I THOUGHT that Sesshomaru and Cassayah had once been in love with EACH OTHER and that he tragically lost her somehow and still blames himself for not being able to save her ( like Inuyasha and Kikyo, in a way). However, I never would have thought that Sesshomaru would be the victim of UNREQUITED love. Goodness, we're all so used to everyone kissing the ground Sessh walks on, I guess it never would have occurred to us that someone would actually REJECT him in favor of someone else. That is a VERY nice twist. It's good to see Sesshomaru be less than perfect for once I really like this story.

Hehehe I'm not the master deceiver for nothing! LOL

Actually for the two stories to mesh together, Sesshomaru had to be a bit more of an observer...that doesn't mean it can't be truly personal to him as well though

ch 2, replyGreat start CJ! I always prefer the brothers getting along with little differences of opinions, rather than hating each other.

Me too...they are so much fun to work off one another! I am really looking forward to writing them together again for The Search Sequels, even though they were really OOC, I don't care, it was FUN!

BTW, The Search Sequels will probably come around this fall sometime.

Illidan the Half Demon
interesting... I still wonder what gift that girl was waiting for. Immortatlity, or longer life span perhaps? Or most likely something else. Either way, it didn't matter in the end, lol. Siam was very much like Inuyasha I suppose, but like Sesshomaru said, very different also. Inuyasha finally found a reason to leave Kikyo completely, unlike Siam. But anyways, excellent chapter! I'm looking forward to see what else has happened with Sesshomaru.

Like I said above, by the time Siam realized Cassayah loved him, Racyene had her claws in too deep, the girl wanted immortality, and she got it. But the price she paid in the end...the price everyone paid in the end, was awfully steep. All for a young girls vanity.

ch 3,
replysniff poor Sesshy! The brothers are more alike than anyone could have imagined (except for you CJ!) - InuYasha's reaction to his brother's heartache shows how much he really has matured - Kagome knew what she was doing when she offered up a most unlikely travel companion

I often think Kagome is way too smart for InuYasha's own good LOL

ch 4, I hate to say this, as AWFUL as it was,...but what Sessh did at the end couldn't have happened to a nicer ! How could you laugh about casually causing the deaths of three people?! How brash, stupid, and cruel could you you be to have the nerve to brag about your crimes to the one who is suffering for them most?! Oh, no. I see where the cruel Lord Sesshomaru came from in this story. Your emotions have to be in total chaos for you to want to shut them down so completely. Nice chapter.

Was afraid I made her too much of a bitch...thanks!

Illidan the Half Demon
ch 4, Heh, sounds like Racy will never forget Sesshomaru, lol. But poor Sesshomaru, to lose his mate, daughter, and best friend, that would be more than enough to drive any person into a cold heart. I ponder whatever happened to little Racy. I'm sure living forever didn't pan out quite as well as she had hoped, lol. Anyways, excellent chapter. You've done great work.

Racy---Lacy Racy ...currently a Childhood Horror legend, with childhood creativity added over the years of course. I couldn't decide for the longest time whether to have her mumbling Cassayah, or Sesshomaru's name, or even Siam. But, Cassayah won out. Just seemed right.

ch 4,.Hiya!! this is really sad, and beautiful. Especially the part with Sesshomy screaming and screaming for Cassayah and Liliyah. I'm STILL crying. Please get the next chapter up soon. Out of interest, have you checked my poem? It would mean a lot... but its your choice. Please update! shipporinKIMS11

Send me a link, I looked once and I couldn't find it. I detest Mediaminer and avoid it like the plague.

ch 4, So much emotion in 1 chapter..well done! Racyene did not get all she deserved, but it was a nice start. The emotional outburst from Sesshy when he realized his mate and pup were truly gone was heartbreaking. You could feel the exact moment the ice surrounded his heart. I am worn out...in a good way ;D Thanks for the amazing chapter CJ!

Thanks...that scene was really difficult to write too.

That was a really good chapter. I loved it. But I have one request. . . could you please stop with the yaoi fan bashing it is getting annoying and you shouldn't be rude to people with certain opinions. I agree that people are stupid if they don't realize that this isn't yaoi because you have said it a million times, but it is rude. And if people are yaoi fans you have no right to tell them not to read your stories because they probably like stories and stuff that is not yaoi. So yeah. This isn't a flame but constructive criticism, in my opinion that is. Please don't label me as a yaoi fan cuz im not.

I felt the need to clarify here. I do not have a problem with Yaoi or people who read Yaoi. My problem is with INCEST yaoi and the people who think it is sexy for (in this case) two brothers to fuck one another.

There is nothing sexy about something that destroys people, that destroys someones heart and soul, that destroys families. Most often these stories start with a rape, another thing that is sick and disgusting, yet is glorified and made to be sexy by these people.

I am a incest survivor, someone who is unable to feel things first hand because I am so disassociated from my feelings its scary. I feel like a walking zombie sometimes. No joy, no happiness, no pain, just this lethargic apathetic blob who goes from one day to the next.

And I never told anyone not to read my story, only that if they are looking for that kind of sick shit, they are on the wrong page.


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