DISCLAIMER: Supernatural belongs to Warner Bros., Wonderland Sound and Vision, McG, Eric Kripke, and Robert Singer. I am only borrowing their characters for my own personal pleasure and no permanent harm will come to them.
SUMMARY: Wincest, Sam/Dean, After Dean's teary confession at the end of CSPWDT. Dean breaks down, and Sam comforts him.
SPOILERS: Up to CSPWDT (Season 2, Episode 4), and also the secret that was revealed in Hunted (Season 2, episode 10)
RATING: R, language and adult scenes
Italics are thoughts
After Dean's breakdown on the roadside, for the first time in his life, Sam was left speechless. Sam was the one that always claimed that talking about everything would help, but when Dean went emotional, leaning against the hood, Sam didn't know what to say to make it all right. After what felt like hours, actually it was only minutes, Dean went back behind the wheel, wiping all evidence if his crying episode off his face. Sam looked up into the sky, gave a sad sigh, and followed suite.
10 miles into the drive, Dean suddenly commented, "Look for the nearest hospital, we're getting your wrist fixed up."
Surprisingly, Sam only needed his wrist set in a cast, and was told to give his right arm a vacation. Taking 2 bottles of strong painkillers, both boys left the hospital for the road again.
The drive to another worn-down motel for the night was silent, not the normal silent, but the "I-don't- know-what-to-say" silent, not so awkward, but not comfortable either. Upon checking in, no words were exchanged between the brothers, and Sam for once, didn't try anything.
Sam was the first to hit the showers. Dean was sitting on the bed flicking through channels, not really watching anything. He was relieved that Sam didn't further interrogate him after his confession earlier in the afternoon. Hearing the shower stopping, Dean gathered his things, and when the bathroom door finally opened, letting out a cloud of steam, Dean zoomed past a rather shocked Sam (who was pushed out of the way), nearly slamming the door in the process.
Sam glanced confusingly at the closed door behind him, the towel hanging loosely from his fingers. Shaking in exasperation at Dean's behaviour, he ignored him, and continued his after shower activities. If he wants to act like that, then fine, be like that.
Nearly an hour had passed, and the shower was still running. Sam was worried. Sure, Dean is the girl when it comes to showers, but even an hour is over his limit.
"Dean," Sam called from where he was sitting on the bed watching a documentary on dinosaurs.
When no answer was heard, Sam went up to the bathroom door and knocked.
"Dean, you alright?"
Still no answer…
"I'm coming in…"
Dean, being Dean, locked the door.
Dammit Dean, why did you have to lock the door?
After picking the lock with his trusty paperclip, Sam entered the room quietly. There, behind the shower curtain, was Dean's huddled figure rocking back and forth under the lukewarm water. Stepping into the still running water, Sam turned the water off. Now standing in the shower stall, he could see Dean's shaking shoulders, and with the water off, he could hear faint sobs from the mass below him. Looking at the sight of Dean like that, all torn and broken, just broke Sam's heart a little more. Even when he's alone, he cannot even break down all his walls and be vulnerable in the open. You don't always have to be the strong one here. It's okay to feel pain. That's not weak.
Spotting the largest towel on the rack, Sam pulled it off, and stepping further into the stall, he lowered himself until he was eye to eye with Dean, and covered him with it. He can only imagine the reason behind Dean's unstoppable sobbing. Still receiving no response from Dean, Sam sat down on the damp tiles in front of Dean with legs either side of him before gathering him in his arms. Dean's not going to admit it, but fight now; he just wants to stay forever in Sam's comforting embrace, this safe and secure lock of gangly arms.
He must be more torn up than I thought. Dean would never give in to an embrace without a fight. Even when we went back to home, he wasn't like this. But of course, Dad just died, you can't just be fine after that.
Only was it when Dean's sniffles and trembles died, did Sam dare to speak again. "Come on; let's get up before the tiles freeze us up into ice men."
After Dean had literally shoved Sam out of the way to get into the safety cell of the bathroom, he locked the door. That would stop him seeing me like this. Stopping for a minute to look at the mirror above the vanity, he was shocked by his ghastly appearance. God, I looked better after the heart attack. Stop the self pity act behaviour, and let's get showered before my clothes can stand up on its own. Stripping bare, he went into the shower stall without a backward glance.
He couldn't feel. Just like he said earlier to Sam, you don't need to be a genius to figure out that Dad had sacrificed his life and the colt to save his life. He hands were shaking as he turned on the taps. Why dad, dammit, why did you do it. I'm not worth it…Unable to hold himself any longer; he collapsed heavily to the floor sobbing uncontrollably. Dammit dad, didn't you know what your death would bring. Why did you dad…how could you…god…it's all my fault…now you're dead…oh god…and what about Sam…evil Sam…Not going to allow that to happen any time soon… I can't go on anymore…like this…god…
By the time Sam had came in, Dean was catatonic to the world around him. Feeling Sam gather him in his arms only made him sob harder. I'm supposed to be the strong one here, not you. I'm supposed to look after you. When did this happen…oh yeah…when dad died…what would I do without you
Sam all but carried Dean out of the bathroom and put him on the bed. The sight of a naked Dean did not faze him at all. After all, living around 2 guys for most of your life in tiny motel rooms, any privacy was hard to have. Dean seemed to have gone into a catatonic state; unable to do anything, lying there emotionless on the puke green sheets. Sam took the task of drying him off, and dressing him up in clean briefs and shirt. Covering him up with the comforter, Sam made to leave to go on the other bed, after riffling his hair. Only as Sam got up from the bed, did Dean rise from his stupor.
"Stay," Dean whispered to Sam.
Sam turned his head back to Dean, "what did you say?"
Dean, now suddenly feeling embarrassed under Sam's scrutiny, looked at his covers, not facing Sam and mumbled, "Can you stay until I've fallen asleep?"
"Oh, sure thing Dean," Sam went off to turn the lights, and lifting the covers, crawled into the bed Dean was currently occupying. Thank god this is a double, hell would freeze before we can fit." Sam pulled Dean until he was spooned behind him, chest to back. Curling his right arm over Dean, and laying his left arm over the pillow, they both drifted off to sleep.
Sam woke up to Dean sniffles. Seems the waterworks are on full force tonight. It's your fault dad for causing this; but then Dean would be six feet under now. Dean was curled on his side, with his back to Sam, as if hiding his tears, even though that didn't do any help. Sam brought his hand up to rub soothingly up and down Dean's back, all the while whispering meaningless comforting words in his ear.
Flipping his brother onto his back, Sam quietly said, "Shhhh, Dean. It's not your fault. It was his choice."
Need to know that you're here. Bringing his arm around Sam's neck, he pulled him down until their foreheads touched, resulting him looking straight into the depths of Sam's pupils. Dean closed his eyes slightly, and raised his head to tentatively touch Sam's lips with his. Having no indication of Dean's kiss, Sam pulled away abruptly and looked at Dean in shock.
"Please Sam, just tonight," I need this…please…Dean murmured softly.
Sam looked intently into Dean's eyes, seeing vulnerability there. Since I could remember, Dean never asked me for anything. He always thought of me, of dad, but never of himself. If I reject him, I would kill him. He's done everything for me, it's about I do something for him. Dean needs this…Nodding slightly; Sam then descended his lips onto his brother's. It's all about Dean tonight…
Slipping his tongue gently into his older brother's partially opened mouth, he filled tentatively around the inside of his mouth. Dean moaned in response, and slipped his hands under Sam's top, feeling the taunt muscles contract against his light touches. Sam moved his lips down, and latched his mouth onto Dean's neck. Sucking and nibbling softly, eliciting soft whimpers from his brother, his fingers wandered underneath his top and started to feel around.
Dean, wanting to see more skin, pulled Sam's top off, and in response, Sam started to rub and play around with his nipple. Not expecting that, he let out a loud groan and his back arched off the bed. Sam took off Dean's top, and further his ministrations on the dark nubs.
Dean's hands wandered lower and began his futile attempts of tugging Sam's briefs off. Sam chuckled softly into his ear, and helped his brother of expelling his underwear. He slid lower, and then pulled off Dean's briefs. By now, the covers were tossed to the floor by all the moving and wriggling.
Pulling himself up by his left arm, because my friggin right wrist is in a cast…humph….he latched his mouth onto Dean's again. His left hand wandered lower until it hit Dean's naval, Yanking lightly on his brother's blond pubic hairs, causing Dean to lift his hips up seeking for more friction. Sam cock stirred at the contact. Spreading precum around the head of Dean's cock, making the phallus grow instantly hard under his hands.
Suddenly Dean pulled himself up, and Sam looked at him in question. He searched for his duffle bag, which was conveniently right next to the bed. Pulling out lube and rubber, spreading his legs apart, head bent down, his body posture went rapidly timid, as he put the lubricant in Sam's hand. Looking up shyly, long heavy lashes resting just like that with his head tilted slightly to the side, made him look beautiful. Dean looks like a broken angel like that…he wants to bottom…I wouldn't mind if I was bottoming…it's about Dean tonight…
Sam looked at Dean for confirmation, and Dean nodded vaguely. Pushing him down onto his back, Sam started rubbing soothingly up and down the inside of his thigh to get his brother to relax. Scooping up a large amount of lube, he massaged delicately around the tight ring of muscle. Feeling his brother isn't still relaxing; Sam took Dean's cock into his mouth. Dean let out a loud moan, and during this distraction, Sam slipped his finger inside.
Dean couldn't hide his gasp of surprise at the intrusion, and automatically clamped tightly around Sam's finger. Finding his prostate and rubbing at it, causing Dean to arch off the bed in pleasure, Sam slipped another finger to join the first one. He started scissoring Dean's opening to prepare for the next phase.
Taking the foiled package, he put the condom on his achingly hard cock. Slicking himself up with a generous amount of lube, he aligned himself at Dean's entrance.
"Just relax, I'm not going to lie, this is going to hurt." Sam looked at Dean's wide eyes, full of love and trust.
Dean nodded unquestioningly at Sam. Sam's heart squeezed tightly at Dean's silent admission.
"You should lie on your stomach. It'll hurt less." Sam hand resting on Dean's side.
"I wanna see you" see all of you…give all of me to you…
Pushing his legs to his chest, Sam entered him slowly. After a few attempts, did he finally get his whole cock into his tight channel. Some tears leaked out of Dean's eyes from the burn and pain of the penetration. Sam looked at Dean sadly, and wiped the tears of his cheeks gently.
Sam stayed in that position, until Dean wrapped his legs around Sam's, and pulling Sam for a desperate kiss. He lifted his hips, encouraging Sam to start moving.
Dean's hand searched for his throbbing cock, but before he can do anything useful to it, Sam removed his hand, and started stroking alternatively with his thrusting of his hips. With the double sensations coming from the hand job and Sam dragging across his prostate at every stroke, Dean was in heaven, and two degrees shy from coming.
After a few more tugs, he couldn't hold it back anymore, and with a loud cry, he spurted white hot sticky juice all over his their chest and stomach. His ass clenching from the ejaculation triggered Sam to come to his release with a soft whimper.
Sam slipped out of Dean, and bending over the bed, he grabbed the nearest shirt, and wiped all their mess off himself and his brother. Finishing that quickly, he positioned himself so he was laying on his back, with Dean half snuggled on top of him. Head on his chest, Sam began rubbing soothingly on Dean's back.
"Sorry," Sam got up, dislocating Dean from his position, to get the covers off the floor that was kicked onto the floor during their intercourse. He returned to their original position, covering him and his brother up, and drifted off to sleep.
"Sammy," Dean voice broke into the night,
"Thanks," Dean mumbled into Sam's chest.
Sam only smiled and answered him with a squeeze. "Don't mention it."