Disclaimer: I don't own any of it. Not even the computer I wrote it on.

Summary: Dick was having a bad day, and the only thing standing between him and oblivion was the girl camped out in front of his door.

Feedback: Reviews are fun. Like a barrel of monkeys. Why anyone would put monkeys in a barrel…I don't know, but it's supposedly a lot of fun.


Dick was having a bad day.

The day before, he got a letter from his mother telling him that she was only going to pay for college if he, like, passed, which was just totally ridiculous. So the entire night was spent sitting on Logan's couch writing a paper that probably wouldn't earn more than a D anyway. Then this morning his alarm didn't go off and he was 20 minutes late to class, he completely bombed his test in his last class, and on top of all that Logan was driving him fucking crazy ever since his little crush on Parker what the hell? crashed and burned into nothing because apparently Ronnie was number one in everyone's life.

Even the call from Cliff while he was in the parking garage telling him his divorce was final failed to cheer him up.

So when he got home he was going to finish off the bottle of vodka in his dresser then pass out until Monday. And the only thing standing between him and oblivion was the girl camped out in front of his door.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

He saw her cringe slightly before tearing her eyes from her computer screen to look up at him.


He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms across his chest. "Great observation, Nancy Drew. Now. What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Doing. Here?

She gathered up her things, shoving her laptop in an overnight bag he pretended not to notice. "I'm here to see Logan. He asked me to come over and help him update some things on his computer."

"Well, Logan's not here."

She climbed to her feet and narrowed her eyes at him. "Really?" She said sarcastically.

"Whatever." He turned towards the door, dismissing her as he searched his pockets for his keycard.

A soft throat clearing behind him had him turning back around before he could unlock the door. "Oh my god." He rolled his eyes when he saw that she hadn't moved from where she was standing. "What the hell are you waiting for, an armed escort back to your dorm?"

She stared at him seriously. "I'm waiting for you to open the door and let me in."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." He held up a hand and shook his head at her. "Dude. So not gonna happen."

"Look." She said, getting annoyed. "I told Logan I'd help him and this is the only free time I have all week. So, open the door, or I'm gonna go downstairs and get my own key so I can come in whenever I want."

"Yea." He scoffed. "Like they're gonna give you a key."

She shrugged. "You wanna bet?"

He glared at her for another minute, they gave an annoyed growl. "Fuck. Fine." He slid his keycard through the lock and shoved the door open.

She stared when he didn't move from the hall.

Dick continued to hold the door, as he gave her another eye roll. "Well? Are you coming in or not?"

She shook her head. "Yea. Sorry. Thanks" She added, giving a nod towards the door.


Mac got a notepad and a few discs out of her bag while Logan's laptop booted up on the coffee table.

Dick grabbed a beer out of the fridge then, after glancing over at Mac, reached back in to get a bottle of water. "Here," He tossed the bottle over the back of the couch where Mac caught it with both hands.


He twisted open the beer and took a swig. "So, what's wrong with the computer? It's not, like, broken is it? Cause I used it last night it was, like, totally fine."

"There's nothing wrong with it. Logan just wanted me to clean it up a little and install some updates. Nothing major."

"Oh, so you'll be out of here in, like, ten minutes then? Great. Cause, you know." He pointed at himself with the neck of his bottle. "Plans."

She shook her head without answering him and sat down, moving the computer to her lap. Her eyes widened at the screen. She quickly looked up at Dick. "Logan still has a picture of Veronica on his desktop?"

He shook his head. "No. He changed it when he started up with Parker. It was them doing some Kama Sutra pose in the library." He shook his head. "Whatever. I change it back to the one of Ronnie whenever I use the computer."

Her forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Why?"

"Dude, he's totally in love with the her. They, like, belong together."

"Just because they're in love doesn't mean they should be together."

Dick shrugged. "Maybe not. But he doesn't love Parker, so I'm stickin' with Ronnie unless he finds someone better." He walked around the couch and grabbed a surfing magazine as he dropped onto the end farthest from Mac. "Besides, Parker didn't invite one hooker over while she was dating Logan. So uncool."

She made sure he couldn't see her face before she smiled.


Mac's eyes flew skyward when she heard Dick clear his throat, ready for the 20th round of 'are you done yet' in the past five minutes.

She could have leapt for joy when he started to say something else. That feeling lasted the entire four seconds it took her to realize what he was saying.

"So, are you still dating that guy Beaver Redux, or whatever his name is?"

She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes. "His name is Bronson. And no we're not still dating."

"This one get tired of just holding your hand?"

Her eyes shot open and she slammed Logan's laptop closed as she turned to face him. "So I heard that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas."

Dick had to cover his mouth to keep from spitting his beer on the floor. "What?" He asked with a cough.

"But you did get out of it pretty quick. Really dodged a bullet there, huh? You do know there's a reason the vows are 'till death do us part' not 'till the end of the weekend'."

He shot her a glare. "Fuck you." He threw his magazine on the floor before marching to his room and slamming the door.

She jumped off the couch and stormed in after him, giving the door another good slam.

He spun around to face her. "Get out."

She looked around his mess of a room. "I see the divorcee lifestyle is treating you well."

"Go to hell."

"But I'm trying to console you." She put some fake sympathy in her voice. "That's what friends do. Console each other when a relationship doesn't work out because, oh I don't know, we find out that the boyfriend who took everything and left us naked and alone in a hotel room while he was on the roof trying to kill our best friend thought of our whole relationship as his beard, or because some drug induced stupor made us believe that bimbo-of-the-week was the one. That's what friends are for, right?"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Is that what you want to hear? I was drunk and angry and you were just there. So I took it out on you. Okay? I'm sorry. What do you want from me?"

Her voice shook when she spoke. "Was it true?"

His answer was immediate. "No." He shook his head. "Look, I don't know if he loved you. We didn't really talk about that kind of shit. But I know he cared about you. You weren't his beard."

She nodded. "Okay."

"So, everyone knows I got married?" He asked quietly.

"No. Just me and Veronica. And Mr. Mars. And Wallace. What the hell were you thinking, Dick?"

He half-shrugged. "I was tired of being alone. And she was willing, and we were already in Vegas. So I thought, what the hell."

"Well as long as you thought it through." She said sarcastically.

He sighed. "There's this huge hole inside of me. And if it would just hurt, I could live with it, but it's just empty. And it's there every day, and I can't make it stop."


"No. Just...you don't fucking get it! I have no one. My dad's who the fuck knows where. Mom doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself. And Beaver. Fuck. My little brother's a killer, and a rapist, and he's dead..."His voice started to break. "And I don't know what to do anymore. And no one understands." He leaned back against the wall then covered his face with his hands as he let himself slide to the floor.

"I was switched at birth with Madison Sinclair."

His gaze immediately shot up to meet hers. "What. The. Fuck."

"There was a big lawsuit and everything."

"Fuck!" He threw his arms in the air. "Dude, I'm sitting here all, like, emotionally unstable and shit, and you're dropping this on me? Christ." He covered his face again. "Fuck."

Mac slowly moved to where he was sitting and dropped to the floor next to him. They sat like that, inches apart on his floor in his dark bedroom, until she noticed his shoulders start to shake.

"Dick?" She reached her hand out, but he looked up and it took her a second to realize the tears on his cheeks were from laughing.

"No, I just..." He managed between laughs. "I was imagining Madison Sinclair sitting on a lumpy couch, eating fried chicken, and watching football."

"Nascar." She corrected seriously.

That brought on another, more hysterical bout of laughter.

"I feel like I should be insulted." She pouted, but couldn't keep the smile off her face.

He sobered slightly as he looked towards her. "You know, Madison totally looks like a Cindy."

She tilted her head at him. "What about me?"

"Cindy? No."

"No, Madison. Do I look like a Madison?"

He looked at her seriously for a minute then shook his head. "No. Mac. You look like a Mac. And that chick from Ghostworld." He laughed. "I totally wish I could remember her name."

They grew quiet for a few minutes. "Dick."


"I..." She stopped to take a breath. "Look, it'll probably get really sappy if I start telling you that you're not alone, so how 'bout instead, I just say I'm not doing anything Sunday so if you want to find out what her name is, I could bring the movie over, and..."

He nodded. "Yeah. Okay. That'd be cool." He smirked at her "I totally knew you had that movie."

She leaned her head back against the wall and wrinkled her nose as she looked at his room. "You really need to clean up in here."

He smiled. Yeah, today totally sucked. Beaver sucked. His mother sucked. College sucked. The people that made his clock sucked. Calculus sucked. Logan with his stupid crush on Parker sucked. The marriage license people in Nevada sucked. Ronnie sucked. And the stupid maid that stopped cleaning his room just because yelled at her one time sucked.

But at least he wasn't planning on drinking half a bottle of vodka anymore.

And Sunday was gonna be awesome.