Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Or Trix. The good thing is, you all know that. The bad thing is, I still have to do this disclaimer. Because there are stupid people in the world. You all know that, too. Unless you're one of them.
The Misadventures of Sasuke the Great
A special presentation made specially by
Rain-chan, for lack of a better name at the current moment,
for you, the readers.
The infuriating beep of the alarm sounded. Sasuke, who normally would have snapped awake at the first beep (because he's cool like that), groaned, rolled over, and pulled the covers over his head. Something in his mind told him that today was a bad day, and he wanted nothing more than to sleep through it, although, at that moment, he couldn't quite recall what "it" was. To top it off, he had a sore neck from sleeping in the wrong position and that horrible beeping was giving him a splitting headache. He listened to the beeping in annoyance.
That was when it hit him. Like a sack of potatoes being tossed out of a cannon at 90 MPH. Or remembering that you have a huge project worth 25 of your final grade due that day and have done none of it. The horrible truth dawned of him in the most unpleasant of ways.
Today was his birthday.
Sasuke made a strangled sound in his throat. He hated birthdays almost as much as he hated that accursed brother of his.
He let the beeping of the alarm continue for another 20 minutes, at which point the just could not take it any more. He threw off the covers in a grouchy fashion, and promptly fell right out of bed and onto the hard, cold floor. He pulled himself up by the nightstand, bringing his fist down on the stupid alarm clock, determined to take his anger out by silencing that thing forever. Sadly, as soon as his hand came down upon the helpless machine, it slid on the smooth wood, and so with the arm supporting Sasuke and the arm trying to kill the alarm clock, resulting in a slipping Sasuke and a terrible crack on the head, forehead smashing right into the edge of the nightstand.
Today was going to be a long day.
Sasuke looked into the bathroom mirror and rubbed the red mark that was smack-dab in the middle of his forehead. It hurt like crazy, and was making Sasuke even more grumpy than he had been when he first awoke. It didn't help that his corn flakes had been stale, the had been milk lumpy, and all that was left to eat was that horrible Trix cereal. Sasuke had decided to go without breakfast after a short contemplation of his options. He rubbed his forehead again, causing the bump to throb, causing Sasuke to get even more irritated, which, as it would happen, let to a broken bathroom mirror and some rather deep cuts on Sasuke's hand. All this, and the he hadn't even left his house.
After bandaging his hand up, which was difficult on account of it having been his good hand smashing the mirror and therefore had to be bandaged with his not-so-good hand, Sasuke finally made it out the door. His hair was tousled, more than usual, anyway, his shirt was wrinkled from the incident with the door hinge, and his pale skin was even more pale than usual. As he tripped down the front steps, he hoped against all odds that no one knew it was his birthday. We all know, of course, that it was a lost cause, and Sasuke himself probably knew his situation was hopeless.
As luck would have it, as soon as he made it out into the open, Sasuke came across the first person of the day. Actually, it was the first person and the first person's dog. Yes indeed, it was Kiba.
"Hey, Sasuke!" Kiba smacked Sasuke so hard on the back that Sasuke almost choked. Luckily, his mouth was so dry from sheer horror that he had nothing to choke on. "Heard it was your birthday"
Sasuke got over the coughing fit he had suffered in place of choking. He decided to play stupid. It worked for Naruto. "W-what?"
"Yeah, you know, those fangirls are on their way over here right now." Kiba continued talking, ignoring Sasuke's pathetic attempt to save himself. "You can hear them from a mile away." He cocked his head to one side, listening.
"Woof woof!" said Akamaru in agreement, and then he whined, because dog's ears are much more sensitive than people's, and the terrible screams were torture.
Sasuke believed Kiba to be exaggerating, but he, too, listened for a moment to humor the guy. And to his complete mortification, he could hear the screeching.
"It's Sasuke's birthday!" The shout came from approximately a mile away.
Kiba grinned in satisfaction. "Am I good or what?" Then he began a hasty retreat. "Well…see ya." With that lovely farewell, he and Akamaru took off running.
Sasuke immediately decided to do the same.
Tripping over the tail of a cat unlucky enough to be in the way, Sasuke rounded the corner of the street. He should have been home-free, since he knew of a nice, quiet spot in which he could hide.
Unfortunately, it was Tenten's shopping day.
"Watch it!" Tenten yelped, dodging to get out of Sasuke's way and almost dropping her bag of apples.
The screams of the fan girls grew ever closer. Sasuke's eyes widened in horror. Abandoning all dignity in a desperate attempt to save himself, he dropped to his knees and began to beg.
"Lord, Tenten, please, please hide me!" Sasuke sobbed. "If you have any mercy or pity or whatever-it-is in your heart, please hide me"
Needless to say, Tenten was rather scared by this begging-Sasuke. She wondered for a minute if he was possessed, or something. She decided she'd rather not wait and find out. "Yeah, sorry, you're creeping me out." She then turned and began to walk away.
"No!" Sasuke howled. "Please don't do this to me"
The fangirl screams became even louder. Tenten stopped and contemplated the situation. She sighed. "Well…I guess I might know of one place…"
"Are you sure this is the only place?" Sasuke's knees were jamming into his chin.
"Yep." Tenten stepped back and surveyed the scene before her, which was basically Sasuke smushed into a kitchen cabinet. Sasuke highly doubted it was even Tenten's own kitchen, considering the fact that she had climbed in through a window.
Without warning, the windows began to rattle, snapping Sasuke out of his thoughts. An earthquake? Of course not. Just the fan girls drawing closer. Tenten glanced at the window she had pried open with a crowbar (A/N), slammed the cabinet door, and made her escape.
Sasuke blinked in the sudden darkness. The door had smashed his nose. Great. The sound of a stampede grew closer. To his horror, Sasuke could hear everything they were saying. Or, rather, screaming.
"I got Sasuke TOMATOES!" screamed one fangirl.
"Tomatoes? OMG! Me too!" screamed all the others.
Sasuke groaned. The windows rattled harder, and the individual screams all mingled into one unceasing roar. For a minute, Sasuke panicked, wondering if, like bloodhounds, they could track his scent. Maybe they could smell fear, too.
Luckily, the fangirls did not sniff Sasuke out like rabid dogs. The street grw quiet once more as the horde of fangirls passed. Several people, not as lucky as Sasuke, screamed as they probably got run over. Sasuke breathed out, thinking he was safe, when he heard a whistling sound. Yes, a whistling SOUND. Because it definitely was not actual whistling. Footsteps sounded in the empty kitchen. What had Tenten done?
For an irritatingly long time, Sasuke was forced to sit in that tiny cabinet. His left leg fell asleep. His arm was bent in a painful position. His neck hurt. And then, the footsteps grew closer. So did that horrible whistling noise. The cabinet door was suddenly, without warning, yanked right open.
Horrified, Sasuke found himself staring at a certain someone. A certain someone in greem spandex. He was greeted with a screech.
"Sasuke! What are you doing in my cabinet?!" Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point.
One day, Sasuke thought. One day I'll get Tenten back for this.
Rock Lee was doing a strange nervous-scared-surprised-shocked dance in the kitchen, going around in little circles. "Sasuke has stolen the heart of my beloved, and now he has come to steal my silverware, too"
"I don't want your stupid silverware!" Sasuke yelled.
Lee stopped abruptly. "You…do not"
"No, I don't. What I want is to get out of this cabinet, out of this house, and out of this village, preferably"
And that was when he heard it. A high-pitched scream. Fangirl #57 had slept in, and, having been late for the mob gathering, had been home to hear Lee screaming in his kitchen.
With that scream, Sasuke fell out of the cabinet. He picked himself up, looked around frantically, and spotted the kitchen window. Not having a crowbar, he smashed right through it and took off running down the street, leaving a very confused Rock Lee in the kitchen to clean up the mess.
Sasuke limped down the street. He'd twisted his ankle in the frantic dash. The fangirls were probably gathering to discuss his imminent capture. He was getting hungry. How could things possibly get any worse?
People should know better than to ask that question. Right after thinking it himelf, Sasuke heard a distant rumble. He felt a rather large raindrop fall on his nose.
And then it started to pour.
Sasuke began to feel very, very emo. He watched the dirt turn to mud as he trudged through the deserted street. He was, in fact, so absorbed with his being emo that he did not see the only other person outside until it was too late.
You're probably thinking that it's Sakura, right? That something sickeningly romantic will happen and everything will end in butterflies and rainbows, hmm? Well, there are three problems with that theory. One, this is not filed under the "romance" category. Two, this is not a one-shot. It has more than one chapter. Three, I like to make Sasuke suffer. Like I said, this is not a one-shot. It's not even a romantic comedy. Therefore, it is far from the sappy romance some of you may have been expecting.
No, the person standing in the street was none other than Neji. And he was petting a rabbit.
There, I'm tired. My hands are all shaky and so it's taking forever to type this. Plus, I've been overcome with sadness for the fanfic I have yet to finish. Check it out, and I will. If I get one more review, it continues. It's called Once Upon a Friday: Gone Terribly Wrong. Or something along those lines. I was playing Baten Kaitos Origins instead of doing something productive. Ah, bliss…Anyway, this is a mean, multiple-chapter fanfic that must get reviews to live. It feeds on your reviews! GIVE! No flames. Flames are for people who are too stupid to think of anything good to say. By the way, I did this very late, so if there are errors, deal with it.
A/N: When asked why she was carrying a crowbar, Tenten failed to answer with anything more than a nervous laugh and a "Oh, you know..."