"You better damn well hope my daughter's not pregnant, you foot-licking, lap-warming, sorceress-loving little bastard!" Seifer yelped as the man slammed him against the wall quite effortlessly. "I knew you were trouble, as soon as I saw you enter the town again and here you… My poor little girl, look at her!" Dana, the girl that Seifer had potentially knocked up (in his own words), was an expert at looking just like a little angel. She stood nearby with an irresistible pout on her face (at least, irresistible to Seifer when he'd been inebriated, which she was equally skilled at getting men in just the state of). Her father seemed to melt at the look, and Seifer seemed to gag. He'd found out just what a father's love meant over the years: absolute blind tolerance of the beast called Woman. Woman was evil, Seifer was convinced. At least, conventional Woman was evil, as whenever they were involved, there was usually some slamming around by a significant other, father, or sibling. And it usually hurt like hell, too. The way he reasoned, he couldn't help he had animal magnetism. The danger and breaking of the laws usually had something to do with that, but then again a strong back and money usually helped, too. "You're gonna marry her!"
"WHAT?! Wait wait wait… I just slept with her, I didn't get her pregnant."
"You're going to marry her in case you did get her pregnant. She seems happy with you anyway, so you shouldn't really think of it as a bad thing. I'm saving you from sin. Hyne will be happy, young man."
Seifer didn't seem too pleased at the notion. "Hyne can lick my big hairy ass for all I care. She consented and I don't think this is fa-AAAAAAAAH!" He was reminded just how hard a father could squeeze when provoked. "Hyne bless our marriage, sir," Seifer squawked as he tried to pry the man's fat fingers loose from his throat.
"That's what I thought! Hear that, Dana?" Seifer didn't hear the rest of the conversation, as he was trying to restore blood flow to his head from the tight grip the man had on him.
And so, it had been six months since then. Seifer thought about it as sweat dripped down his brow. Dana wasn't exactly a bad woman to be married too. She could cook moderately well, had good sense in buying his clothes, and didn't burn his pocketbook too much, but he just couldn't see himself with her forever. Then again, he couldn't see himself six-feet-under nor floating in Balamb Harbor either, so she looked pretty damn good as a meat shield from her father. Sitting up on the roof of the hotel, he looked out at the sea, his hair tousling in the fresh, salty breeze. He missed home, the patter of military boots on Garden's floor, the rush of adrenaline as his gunblade clashed against his rival's.
Speaking of rival, he put looked down and saw the messy brown tuft of hair below that he hated and loved so much at the same time. "Lucky bastard." Squall was currently being jerked around by Rinoa with fishing poles. Yes, they were going fishing in the harbor, free of wedding rings and commitment. He was tempted to fling his hammer at them. The only real satisfaction that Seifer took from watching them was the displeased look on the young man's face.
Seifer couldn't hear what they were saying, but judging from the way Squall was standing, he could tell that not all was right in his world. Rinoa was dressed accordingly for a day of sitting in the sun, and even had Squall carrying her little cooler of drinks. Squall? He was dressed in his normal garb, and looked quite separated from the notion of handling cups of dirt and worms. In fact, he looked like he would rather be run through with a hook than spend a day in the sun. Seifer sighed and shook his head, seeking to climb down. However, he found that his ladder was gone, and so was his assistant. "Mackenlie, they're not gonna find your body," the bishie said underneath his breath. They knew he was mildly scared of heights, his little underlings did. And when Seifer was ready to come down, one should've believed him. The last time an incident like that had occurred, he'd ended up in a wagon-load of hay in Hayden. It'd been rather catchy to Mackenlie, but Seifer hadn't found it nearly such. He'd sprained his wrist in that incident and the farmers there had lost a good bit of hay. The holy-thumping harlots (his special name for Haydenites that he used more often after he discovered the village) hadn't found it funny either. The next month spent in the village, Seifer had been stared at as if he'd grown another head, especially by the Trabian immigrants that seemed to love to try and talk gibberish to him on any given day while he was doing things one-handedly.
The blonde certainly didn't want another incident like that, so he decided he would patiently wait for his dearly beloved assistant to get tired of the joke. And then make him wish he was dead when he got him alone. Good times, good times.
In Squall's Area of Irritation…
"Squaaaally… C'mon, bait my hook for me." Rinoa was plopped down in hot pink short-shorts and a white tank top, flip-flops dangling precariously over the water. He scowled as he noted her hair held back in two pigtails, one behind either ear like a little girl. It made him want to hurl his breakfast.
"I have to get to a meeting, Rinoa. I don't have time for this."
Turning, the girl scowled at him. "You never have time for me anymore. It's always work this and work that. I think you need to have a little fun! You're going to be turning… Er…" She counted two years on her fingers. "You're going to be turning nineteen soon, and you're not even acting your age. You're going to be thirty before you hit twenty one, Squall. C'mon, have some fun with me for once, please?" She batted her eyes at him. "Pretty please with sprinkles and sugar and strawberries on top?"
Could you add worm-guts right on top of that? "I have to go, Rinoa. Have fun." He turned to head back to Garden, but he got tackled around the knees by the childish-looking woman. "Rinoa! Stop it!"
"Damn it, Squall, you're staying whether I have to hog-tie you or not! Don't make me do it; I brought rope!" She eyed her pack threateningly as she draped her arms across his shoulders. "I planned this out so that you could be stress-free for today. I even called and canceled your meeting, so you don't have anything to worry about…"
Squall turned and stared at her as if she'd grown six heads in front of him. "What? Rinoa… Stop trying to screw things up." He pushed her off of him and stood, straightening his clothing out. "You're gonna kill me for helping me. It was important, what we were going to discuss."
"More important than your personal life and girlfriend?"
Squall felt his blood pressure rise. "About seven levels of more importance. While you're wearing pigtails and flip-flops, there's another war about to take place. Stop screwing around." Hazel eyes snapping with anger, he turned on his heel and marched away. Rinoa glared at his back, crossing her arms and legs. She couldn't help but privately wonder how long the stick up his ass was. That was when she spotted Seifer watching from the top of the building.
"Squall, is that Seifer?" She hopped up and ran after Squall, pointing upward at the blonde. He was staring out to sea, as if he had nothing to do.
"So what if it is? Let sleeping lapdogs lie. I have to get back, let go!"
"How did he get up there? Oh my HYNE HE'S GOING TO JUMP!"
Squall privately thought how stupid that was. "Why would he jump? He looks like he's been working."
Rinoa was in tears, though. "Life must have sucked so badly for him after the Sorceress Wars that he can't function normally. Oh Squally!" She grabbed Squall's arm, buried her face in it, and wept. "He just can't jump! He would make a dent in the pier…"
Squall couldn't help but snort at the visual image of a flailing Seifer throwing himself off of a building only to land on Rinoa and make the pier collapse. He could only pray. "If he jumps, let him jump." Just be sure to try and catch him while he's doing it. Do us all a favor. Might give him a medal if he survives. He snatched away from Rinoa, deposited her on the ground, and rushed away before she could get up.
Rinoa, however, was not going to be silenced on the matter of suicide. She ran up to the hotel and started waving her arms to get the blonde's attention. Seifer only noticed her again when she started squawking like a large bird of prey. He glanced down at her and raised a brow. "I don't care what you're going through! It's not worth it! Think of the people you leave behind, Seifer!"
For a moment, Seifer thought back to when he'd attempted to sacrifice her to Ultimecia. He came to a solution in his life: there obviously wasn't a Hyne. If there had been, He would've been gracious enough to have allowed her to smother, explode, or in the very least, simply evaporate in Time Compression. Seifer regained the urge to fling his equipment at her, but simply turned his back away from her and crossed his arms and legs, still waiting on Mackenlie. I'm going to bury your body on the plains. I think next to the Fire Cavern, so respects can be paid to you from all the new little potential SeeDs. Where's the damn ladder, you screw up? Why does life hate me?
Rinoa ran around screaming about suicide, death, suicide notes, pain, and Garden. "We can get you help, Seifer! It doesn't have to end this way." She watched his unmoving back and then hopped up and down on the pier, irritating some of the fishermen that were nearby. "Doctor Kadowaki can give you some medicine to make you less depressed or something! Just PLEASE don't jump." Seifer vaguely wondered if she would go hoarse if left to scream long enough, so he kept ignoring her. By then, everyone was staring up at the blonde. "Whenever I'm depressed, I hug my bunny that Squall gave me: Mr. Wiggles!"
Seifer growled at the notion of clinging to a pink bunny. It made him sick to his stomach to picture Rinoa doing it, much less himself. "Go away!" He didn't even turn around to face her. When she didn't stop screaming about him coming down, he picked up his hammer, turned, and chucked it. Unfortunately, not only did it sail cleanly over her head, but he also lost his balance. Seifer screamed as he tumbled down the roof, bounced off of the rusty hotel sign, and landed with an enormous splat-crunch on the pier. People around winced as the girl ran to his side. "… You touch me and I'll make you eat your own flip-flops!" Rawr indeed.
Rinoa covered her mouth in shock and tilted her head, pigtails shifting slightly. The people around winced at the gunblader's right forearm, which was snapped in a sharp ninety five degree angle. "… It's okay. Doctor Kadowaki can fix this… And while you're waiting, Mr. Wiggles will make you feel all better, Seify. Everything will be A-OKAY! You won't have to jump anymore… And you can be happy happy happy!" Seifer vaguely wished he had a gun barrel in his mouth before passing out from pain and the shock of falling.