My Name Is Fllay Allster

Full Summary: (One-shot) "My name is Fllay Allster. I've been living in an insane asylum for the past two years."

Main Pairing(s): FllayKira

Side Pairings/Hints: CagalliAthrunMeyrin (a little) LacusKira

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Opening Theme: Believe (Gundam SEED Third Opening Theme)

"My name is Fllay Allster. I've been living in an insane asylum for two years now." That was all she'd ever say. That was all she could say.

At first I shrugged it off as seeing I deserved it. I was the one who almost didn't manage to protect her after all. But as time went on, I realized that she wasn't saying it in her will.

There was something wrong with her.

It turns out that Fllay's been fighting this brain tumour inside of her, for quite some time now. The doctors told me that this wasn't an ordinary kind of brain tumour. If it was then they could've solved it easily.

"But Fllay-how could she get it?" I asked desperately trying to reach her. "Fllay hasn't been taking any drugs!"

I was wrong. In fact, Fllay had the same kind of disease as Rau, but she did so well to hide it. In fact, she's been hiding it for more than five years.

That was two years ago. In my opinion, today was no different than the exact same two years ago; although Cagalli and Athrun has 'broken' up and Meyrin already stolen Athrun's heart, I see no difference.

People are still the same. The same vanity and evil still is lurking around. Although, we've been through many harsh time people haven't changed. Naturals still detest coordinators for being 'special,' whereas the coordinators still detest naturals for shunning them out into space.

Fllay's no exception. Just the other day, when Athrun and I went to visit her she went mad with grief, anger, hatred and sadness.

"Fllay, these lovely nice two boys are here to visit you." Clara-the nurse- smiled gently at her patient.

"My name is Fllay Allster. I've been living in an insane asylum for the past two years." Fllay chirped happily.

"Do be careful with her, she's rather fragile." Clara said to the dark-haired males.

"Fllay,"I said quietly as I sat across from her. "How are you?"

"My name is Fllay Allster." The red-haired girl replied.

"Fllay…" I squeezed my eyes shut hoping to prevent the tears that are threatening to fall down.

"Kira," Athrun laid a hand gently on my shoulder. "It's best if we go." He said firmly but gently. He knew whatever past his best friend shared with this girl must've been painful.

"My name is Fllay Allster," Fllay continued.

"Fllay, do you hate me just because I'm coordinator?" I questioned; ignoring Clara's widened eyes when she heard the word; 'coordinator'.

Fllay never responded with what I had thought she would. True, she didn't reply with "My name isFllay Allster," but I never expected this.

"Get out! Get out!" Fllay shrieked. "Get away from me, you filthy coordinators!"

"Fllay-"I reached out a hand to hold, to reach her but Fllay slapped it away.

"I don't want any of you coordinators acting friendly with me!" Fllay sneered. "I hate all of you coordinators! I wish you would all die!"

It was this time around that I should've known I would lose her a second time. The warnings were so clear: foreshadows and signs, they were everywhere. Their presence still lingers here. And yet for my own selfish sakes, I lost myself in the dream.

"Fllay!" Clara yelled at the same time Athrun shouted, "Kira!"

"Kira, are you alright?" Athrun immediately ran beside me.

I didn't respond immediately, my chocolate brown locks covered my eyes thankfully. Only did I look straight into Fllay's eyes did she see the tears in them.

"Fllay…I'm sorry," I murmured as I hastily got up and left without saying "goodbye" like I usually do.

Fllay felt a pang of guilt inside of her, but she forced it into the back of her mind. There was no reason for her to feel guilty after all she doesn't even know this coordinator. So she shouldn't feel guilty, right? Right…?

Wrong again.

Tick-tock tick-tock goes the clock.

"I'm terribly sorry about this sir," Clara apologized to Athrun. "Your friend must've been hurt. She isn't always like this."

"She's usually a very sweet girl," Clara continued. "She only acts like that, when she hears the word Coordinator."

"It's…alright." Athrun forced out. "I've got to go."

After Athrun told me what happened, he encouraged me to pay another visit. Although, I told him I could never love Lacus the way I love Fllay he still supported me. I owe him so much.

However, even with Athrun's acceptance it wasn't enough to bring back my hopes and dreams that I shared with Fllay. I always knew she hated coordinators, yet I chose to ignore it.

This was my reward. To think I could challenge God and go against the love I was destined for.

How wrong I was to think our weak house of cards could survive.

Tick-tock tick-tock.

"Mr. Yamato I presume." Dr. Hojo said gravely. "May I have a talk with you in my office?"

"Yes sir," I replied confused as Fllay watched me with interest.

As soon as I closed the door, I knew that the doctor held some bad news considering my situation.

"Mr. Yamato I am going to be brief and blunt to you." He said. "What I am about to tell you may be harsh but it is the truth."

"With all due respect sir," I blinked confused. "I don't mind."

"Good, because I suggest you stop visiting Miss Fllay Allster." He told me. "This place is a hospital for naturals. Not a place for coordinators to laugh and stare at us naturals for entertainment. If that's what you want I suggest you go to some nice zoo."

I couldn't allow that to happen.

"But why sir? I would never-"I started.

"Silence!" Dr. Hojo interrupted me slamming his hand on his desk. "You shall not question me! My orders are final! If you step so much a single step into this hospital ever again I'll shoot you myself!"

Before I knew what was happening, before I could think clearly; a fight started between Dr. Hojo and me.

"You hear me boy?" He yelled and took out a gun. "If you don't obey me I'll kill you!"

"Doctor, you're a doctor you're not supposed to shoot anyone!" I returned shocked.

"It doesn't matter if the person I'm shooting is a coordinator!" He screamed back with a maniacal grin that reminded me of Rau Le Creset.

How I burn with hatred and anger just thinking about Rau Le Creset.

"So you think they'll accept you? You think they'll all go on with their lives as if nothing happened? WRONG! They will fear, hate and admire you because of your abilities! They will never accept you for who you are! They will only care for your abilities! They will all want to become like you!" Rau laughed manically.

"Shut up! It's not true!" I shouted back.

"You know the truth! You're the reason, the cause for this world!" No, that can't be it. Fllay promised, she promised to protect me. I tightened my grip.

"Just shut up!" I retorted, but even so my memories came bursting outwards. Almost as if I had no control.

"I don't want any of you coordinators being friendly with me!" Fllay snapped angrily.

Hearing these words again made my heart clench and I felt as if salt has been pored over my wounds.

"It's fascinating, isn't it?" Sai smiled good-naturedly. "How well, this girl can sing, but is it because of her natural abilities? Or is it, because of her alternated genes that made her such a successful singer?" No; that can't be true. I-I'm not liked because of my genes. No…this can't be.

"I don't like you just because you're a coordinator. I like you because you're you." Lacus smiled. Those were…all just lies, weren't they? Isn't that right, Fllay?

Yes, that's right. Sometimes, we have to lie. In order…to make those we love happy and to protect them.

To protect them, that's right. I repeated those words over and over again like a mantra in my head. It did no good because what happened next was a blur. Even to me, the ultimate coordinator was shocked.

For one moment, Hojo was taking a shot at me but due to my coordinator abilities I easily managed to avoid it.

And because of previous war experience I ended up snatching the gun out of his hands and-


"Oh god," I whispered horrified at myself. "I killed him…"

"Murderer!" a girl's voice screamed triumphantly from the doorway.

My eyes followed her voice.


Tick-tock tick-tock.

Opening my eyes in horror I realized it was just a dream. No matter how many times I dreamed it, no matter in how many ways, it always ends up with me shooting Hojo with Fllay in the doorway, allowing that maniacal grin take over her lovely features…

Shaking my head, I tried to get rid of such thoughts. There was some truth in that dream, however, Hojo did ban me from visiting Fllay and we did fought-quite a few times actually-but I never shot him.

Nor did Fllay ever look at me like I'm some disgusting slug, unless you count the times people said coordinators within her range.

Nonetheless, I chose a rash decision even on my part it was huge gamble. But I didn't care I was with her. I was happy; it was like a dream presented to me in this cold closed up world of mine.

However, dreams never last.

"Mr. Yamato, do you love me?" Fllay asked suddenly one day. Apparently she gained back her speech, however her memory are now up to a point where it's irretrievable.

"I do Fllay, I really do." I told her sadly.

"Then tell me," her blue eyes meeting my own amethyst eyes.

"I love you Fllay Allster."

"I love you too Kira Yamato," she smiled innocently.

This was how our relationship started a second time. This time, she wasn't using me for any reasons, this time she actually wanted to be with me. But like I said dreams never last long enough.

Today was the first real anniversary of Fllay and my relationship. It was also her birthday ironically. I had myself all dressed up in a suit and even bought lilies for her. They were her favourite flower. I planned to take her out somewhere nice to eat dinner.

She did tell me that they never allowed her to go out. Not even once, if she ever wanted to go out they would just leave her in the backyard for a couple of minutes.

Therefore I told her I would be bringing her out to eat. This earned me a squeal of delight and a peck on the cheek. She couldn't be happier.

"She's sick?" I repeated after the nurse horrified. This was the news I received when I arrived. "Has her disease has gotten to its final stage?"

"Yes and no, apparently it's just a cold she came down with," Clara corrected. "It's nothing serious you don't have to worry."

"Can I still go see her?" I insisted.

"Not today," the blonde nurse shook her head. "She's resting….maybe tomorrow?"

But there never was a tomorrow.

"Alright," I ran through a hand through my hair. Our anniversary could wait her health is more important anyways.

I was wrong again.

Tick-tock tick-tock. There goes the clock again.

If only it was that simple. In exactly 48 hours after Fllay's brain tumour had reached its final stage, it had grown to a size that her skull couldn't carry, she couldn't breathe and she died.

"No Fllay," I felt numb with shock. "She can't be…she just can't…"

"She promised she wouldn't leave me…" No. Fllay just couldn't…she just couldn't be dead!

"I'm sorry Mr. Yamato." That was all Hojo could say to me.

Tick tock tick-tock.

That was the only thing that reminded me of Fllay. That mocking bird clock she hated so much. Up until now I couldn't understand why. I still don't. All my thoughts were on myself. I failed her a second time. I was supposed to save her! I was the man who took everything from her. I was the man who she hated and used. I was the man who she hated and yet at the same time: the man whom stole her heart. So it was only fair that I'd save you Fllay….so why Fllay? Why did you have to die a second time?

Now I wish I could go back in time. And if only, I could've done something earlier to stop her pain. If only I could've stopped her suffering. Fllay was always suffering, she was the victim. Not me, not Lacus but her. She was the one who was torn on whether to hate or love me. She was the one who suffered from an incurable brain tumour. I could only watch. I was just another bystander yet again.

So this is how it feels to be mocked, how it feels to lose the one who truly loved you: a second time.

"Tick-tock tick-tock," was the only thing the clock could say. That was the only thing it ever said, but at the same time it has said more hurtful words than anyone else had said to me before.

"My name is Fllay Allster. I've been living in an insane asylum for the past two years."

That was all she could ever say. That was all she ever said.

And finally, some distance away the clock finally stopped working.


Inu-chan: The end! Please read and review. And yes, I know not all everything in this story was based on the anime/manga but its fanfiction. Please give me some good feedback and thanks for taking time to read my story!

Optional Epilogue:

It's empty. Her grave, it's empty like usual. Although, I missed her dearly, those who knew her well were either dead or didn't bother to bring her gifts. She caused them too much pain. I'm no different. Yet I still bring her lilies every single day, in hopes that she knows I have never stopped loving her.

"Hey Fllay," I greeted, smiling sadly as I laid the white bouquet down and sat near the tombstone. "Lacus and I are living together with orphans, but there isn't any relationship. Not anymore. In the end, she wasn't you so I pushed her away…" I trailed off at this point and paused to think back on Lacus' and my relationship.

Although we've tried a couple of times, it just didn't work out. So now I sit here all alone with the only inheritance I got from Fllay. Her most prized possession left: her diary.

Opening up the first entry I read out loud:

"My name is Fllay Allster. I've been living in an insane asylum for the past two years now. I'm not actually insane, but because of my selfish desires not only did I destroy myself but I destroyed an innocent young man by turning him into a horrible weapon.

At first I felt nothing for him, but as time went on I fell in love with him…"

"That was my mistake." Fllay and I said in unison.

Although I couldn't see or hear her, I could almost just imagine her reading beside me smiling.

"Remember what I said, Kira? About protecting you? I'm sorry I lied to you but from now on I shall truly protect you with my feelings."

"No matter what happens I'll always love you, please don't forget that."
-Fllay Allster

"Fllay Allster," I murmured softly reading off the inscribed words. "May God lovingly take you into his embrace and forgive your sins. " I paused for a moment and gently ran my fingers over the letters of her name. They forget one thing. "And…"

"I hope you find your redemption."

Ending Theme: Find the Way (Gundam SEED Third Ending Theme)

Inu-chan: There! A happy ending, well fine: not really. Kind of, but anyways please review and tell me what you thought of the fanfic and not just because of the pairing! And yes, I know the font in the diary is hard to read, but it was the closest thing I could find to handwriting! Also, for the songs don't just consider how it sounds like but also pay attention to the lyrics closely! I've chosen them for a reason!

Although I could kind of see how nicely 'Find the Way' sounds after reading the epilogue. To say truth 'I Wanna Go To A Place,' worked too but Gundam SEED had more FllayKira so I chose it. Also it was my original idea to use 'Find the Way' and 'I Wanna Go To A Place,' came afterwards. Also, some parts are a bit confusing I admit, but it fit quite well to the story.

Hope you liked this one-shot Irui-chan! It took me so long to finish this! This is the most exhausting one-shot I ever had to write. However, I suppose I'm satisfied with the product.

Also, brownie points to those who knows what references I made and from what anime/book/manga/show! And extra points to those who know what the clock represents! I just want to say that I don't do sequels, at least not usually. So…there won't be a sequel to this story and to say truth I'm quite pleased on how to turn out. So please read and review everyone!