Disclaimer: Stargate not owned by me.
Rating: K for this chapter.
Spoilers: Vague reference to when Daniel dies the first time.
Okay, I went away and thought about it...and realised that I can actually TAKE this somewhere...so...I really hope you like it, because I was going to struggle to write goodbye letters from them...I cried enough writing this one as it was :P.
Carter…oh for crying out loud this is a letter…Sam,
I never imagined I'd be saying goodbye like this. I was at least hoping that when that time came (and lets be honest here, I was hoping this time would never come) I'd at least be able to hold you in my arms, kiss your forehead and to finally, finally tell you how I feel.
Though, it doesn't take a genius to figure out how I feel, and that's exactly what you are. A genius, so unless someone has hit you over the head repeatedly with a stupid stick I think you already know how I feel. I'll tell you anyway. I love you Sam. And not the soppy romance love that they show in movies, but the kind of love that…let me start again.
I love your smile. I love your eyes (god, you had no idea how I could get lost in those eyes). I love your laugh. And though I always told you not to do it, I loved it when you giggled. I guess that's why I told you not to do it, my pulse would shoot of the scale whenever you did it. I love your brains, and even though I barely understand a word of it, I loved how you loved it. I love how your eyes would light up and would dance as you talked about whatever doohickey you were currently tinkering with. I love you for being a brilliant soldier. I love you for being a terrible cook. I love you. I love everything you have been, everything you are, and everything you will be, Sam.
Thinking back, I think I fell in love with you when you waltzed into that briefing room all those years ago. You waltzed into my heart as well Sam. You stamped your name on it with Indian Ink, and nothing get's that stuff out (as we found out with Daniel's one of a kind Navajo rug when we packed up his apartment the first time he died…boy was he pissed when he came back). Nothing managed to scrub your name of my heart. If anything, over the years it got darker and more deeply embedded. Not only was it stamped on my heart, but it was coursing through my veins…God Sam. You brought me back to life. I was cold inside for a long time before that. You walked into that room and it was like someone had lit it with a 10,000 watt bulb, you warmed me up. You made me want to live again Sam. And I thought no-one would be able to do that.
That's the only reason why I kept fighting the fight, hoping that one day we would get our chance to be Jack and Sam. And not General and Colonel. Or sir and Carter. Just…us. I just wanted to give us a chance at some stage. And I just…never thought it'd take this long to do…and that we wouldn't get our chance.
But you know? I don't regret much Sam. I've seen and done more in the past few years that I ever thought was humanly possible, and this time I got to do it with the women I love by my side every step of the way. Seeing and experiencing all the wonders that we saw and experience together. It was an honour and privilege to serve with you by my side. I could never have asked for a better 2IC. For a better friend. For a better something that we never got the chance to be.
I want you to promise me something Sam. Don't mourn for me. I lived an incredible life. I wouldn't trade it for anything…wouldn't change a thing. Even though some horrible stuff happened, you were there to help pick up the pieces. You made it all worth it for me. Just seeing that smile of yours made it all worth while.
Next Chapter will be up momentarily. Please review...chapters do get better and less depressing after this one.