What Hurts the Most

Author's note: hey how is everyone doing? Well I'm sad because Supernatural is done for the season…anyway, here is my newest story!

Chapter summary: 'The fact that I have to sacrifice everything and end up with nothing hurts the most.' Dean's POV.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

Who am I? I am Dean Winchester. I'm the oldest with a little brother named Sam, and we were both born to Mary and John Winchester. If you just looked at me, without knowing anything about my past you would say I'm your average ordinary guy. If I had to tell the truth and be honest, I would tell you that I am most definitely not ordinary. I hunt anything supernatural for a living, my mother died when I was four, my dad died to save me and to make things worse, I may have to kill Sam if I can't save him from the demon. To sum it all up, I would say that it looks like I am at the brink of empty.

What hurts the most
was being so close
and having so much to say
and watching you walk away
and never knowing
what could have been
and not seeing that loving you
is what I was tryin' to do

Sometimes I'm barely even holding it together. I hate walking down the street and seeing families holding each others hands and have happy smiles on their faces. Every time I see them, it hurts. It hurts to know that my life was never like that. It hurts to know that my family has and never will be like that. I may not show it, but I just wish I could just be normal and have no worries.

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

I try my hardest to convince people that I'm okay and that I am tough and always will be tough. Truth is I'm not. I panic all the time. I panic because I have a silent fear of losing more people I love. I already lost my mother and my father; I may lose Sam next. Asides from family, I may lose friends I love. I may lose Ellen, Bobby or most importantly, Jo. That's what hurts too; because I have to save other people, I can't have my own happiness and fall in love like I want to.

What hurts the most
is being so close
and having so much to say
and watching you walk away
and never knowing
what could have been
and not seeing that loving you
is what I was trying to do

I wish my dad were here sometimes. He may have favored my brother and never noticed me, but he's my dad. I have to love and care for him. I never told Sammy this, but dad was my hero. He was a fighter and always stayed strong. Sure, Sam thinks that I am strong like him and I'm a fighter but there's something behind that. It hurts to know that Sam will find out sooner or later that I am not strong.

What hurts the most
is being so close
and having so much to say
and watching you walk away
and never knowing
what could have been
and not seeing that loving you
is what I was trying to do

I've lost too much. I've lost everything.But it's not like I lost everything without knowing it! I have to give it up forcefully. I have to give up what I want and love for other people so they will be safe. The fact that I have to sacrifice everything and end up with nothing hurts the most.

Not seeing that loving you
that's what I was trying to do

Who am I? I am Dean Winchester. I'm the oldest with a little brother named Sam, and we were both born to Mary and John Winchester. I have lost everything and am left with nothing. I give up everything just so other people can live and be happy. Needless to say, I am at the brink of empty. That's what hurts the most.