People Like Us

Rose was beginning to think that she should never have asked about Other Companions. She was beginning to feel that she really did not want to know about Other Companions at all. There were, she decided, far too many Other Companions.

"So this James McCrimmon was a real person?" asked Rose, remembering that time when she had met Victoria, queen, empress and general disliker of clique-y people in the midst of slaughter. Hmph.

"I called him Jamie," said the Doctor solemnly. "He had an awful lot of stamina." Rose gave him a Look. "For running away and stuff," he protested quickly.

"Yeah, right," said Rose, proving that maths was wrong when it said that two positives could never equal a negative.

"He was Scottish," the Doctor added, wishing they could land in Scotland again. He liked his Scottish accent very much. He did not like his Welsh one. The Welsh had mocked him when he tried it, and that made him a bit sad.

"That's…nice." Rose frowned, tried to work out how to turn the conversation back round to her. Because, really, it wasn't helping her confidence in her special place in the Doctor's hearts by hearing about all these people who weren't her.

"The Time Lords nicked Jamie from me," sniffed the Doctor. "And then dumped me on Earth. Gits. Serves them right I blew up the planet."

"I could always wear a kilt," suggested Rose.

"Wouldn't work. Tyler's not a Scottish name. And you can't wear another family's tartan." He leaned forward, eyes wide. "They kill you for that in Glasgow." He gave a firm nod. "Not in Edinburgh though. They're a lot more civilised in Edinburgh."

"Well, we could always-"

"It was never the same after that," said the Doctor emotively. Very, very emotively. For it was a tragedy in many ways that Jamie had been stolen. He liked Jamie. "I mean there was Jo."

"Another guy?"

"No, no. Jo. Josephine. I'm pretty sure she was a girl. Certainly looked like one. Course I can't be absolutely sure. But pretty sure. Pretty darn sure." He sniffed. "It was a bit odd though. She seemed to think of me in a rather paternal way. Electra complex, I suppose." He looked at her. "I don't suppose you can do any accents? I mean I know Scottish is out of the question, but how do you feel about Australian? I had a lot of UST with an Australian once."

Rose blinked, licked her teeth, and wondered whether UST was some sort of sexually-transmitted disease. "How old are you again?" she asked. She should probably remember the fact that he was an ice age older than her a little more often. Briefly, she wondered if she wasn't just the teensiest bit shallow.

"I walk in eternity," he said. With gravitas. Rose rolled her eyes, the Doctor frowned. "Don't mock my gravitas," he said.

"You know, I have Father Issues," she said, careful to capitalise the right words. "I don't think you're taking them seriously."

Well, he thought, at least she doesn't know about that time my ex killed Nyssa's dad and took over his body so he looked like a younger, eviller version of her father.

"My ex killed Nyssa's father and took over his body so he looked like a younger, eviller version of her dad," he said.

"What!" shrieked Rose.


He could see that Rose's teeth were grinding. "I like your hair," he said. "It's very…yellow."

Rose narrowed her eyes. "Yes, I know. I know exactly how much you like blonde hair," she said in a way which very clearly implied that she was insinuating Something.

The Doctor was shocked. "I'm shocked!" said the Doctor. He wasn't quite sure what he was shocked about, but Rose was insinuating Things. And the Doctor was quite sure that those Things were not innocent and fluffy.

"And schoolgirl outfits…and punting," she continued, wondering whether punting was some sort of Time Lord euphemism.

"You've been reading my diary!" exclaimed the Doctor.

"Well, if you will hide it under your pillow like an eight-year-old girl," said Rose. "Did you really abandon Romana in another universe?"

"I'm quite sure I have no idea what you're talking about," said the Doctor in the most unconvincing tone Rose had ever heard.

"And do you love her or hate her? Because sometimes there's these little hearts and sometimes there are badly drawn knives with blood dripping of them, and, to be perfectly frank, I find that a bit disturbing, Doctor."

The Doctor huffed. Dramatically. "Right. I don't want to talk about this any more. We are going to have an adventure. An exciting wonderful adventure where I can live in the moment, you can marvel at my genius and we can talk about trivial superficial things like how great I look in my glasses."

Rose wasn't quite that easily put off by the Doctor's tricksy ways. "And who's Susan?" she asked.

The Doctor made a high-pitched noise and ran out of the console room.