Disclaimer: Not mine. Rating: er... 13+ vague sex references.
Pairing: Sam Carter/Vala Mal Doran, ref: Vala/Daniel Jackson Set: post Pegasus Project. (and I haven't seen anything since)
Length: 1,964 words Notes: er. I don't know where this came from, but I blame surrealphantast. Thanks to karmaaster for cheering and encouragement and not smacking me when I was whining about no plot.

Just Relax.
by ALC Punk!

"So... this is where you come when you want to be alone."

Sam Carter ignored Vala for the moment, eyes going distant as she stared out over the valleys below them. Behind her, she could hear the motorcycle's engine settling, cooling in the slightly icy breeze. Vala had had a lot to say about Sam's mode of transportation. Starting with over-compensation and ending with a loud shriek as they'd taken off. She'd held on fairly tight until halfway up, and then seemed to relax.

"It's... nice."

"Nice?" Sam glanced sideways to find Vala peering down and fiddling with the zipper on her leather pants.

"Well," the ex-space pirate shrugged, "When you've seen one panoramic view, you've seen them all--do these come in red?"

The moment lost, Sam shook her head. "Guess so." She turned and headed for the bike, "We should head back before they miss us."

"Oh. Colonel Carter--"


"Fine. Sam. Can't we... stay out? I can try to enjoy the view?"

"No, it's ok." Sam picked up the helmet and pulled it on before handing the spare to Vala. "I don't know where I'd take you, anyway."

"Well, I am thirsty," prompted Vala. She tugged her helmet on and grinned. "And you did say we might have the whole evening off."

Capitulating, because she really wasn't looking forward to going back inside the mountain, Sam swung her leg over the bike. "All right, but first, some ground rules. No fighting, no picking anyone up, and NO talk about the Stargate, alien planets, or technology."

"Well, that takes all the fun out of it," Vala grumbled, climbing on behind Sam.

"Nah. Didn't say you couldn't con people."

Vala's reply was lost as she kick-started the engine, and Sam smirked as she grabbed on a moment later as the bike took off. Maybe it was a little too fast, but Sam had taken it easy on the way up. And the recklessness suddenly running through her veins begged for a little release.


It was a biker bar, and Sam had to peel Vala off the crowd of very attractive and leather-clad men before they could go in and get drinks. A few of them followed, and the brunette happily began flirting with them.

Rolling her eyes, Sam leaned against the bar and ordered two beers.

Three men tried to pay, and she simply gave them her best "don't fuck with me" stare. Suddenly, Sam was paying for her drinks. "Here."

Vala took the mug and took a long pull, then made a face, "This is what you drink?"

Refusing to laugh at her offended expression, Sam shrugged, "Sometimes." She didn't bother to mention that she preferred vodka to the crap in her mug. A mug of beer could last her all night, and no one would try to ply her with more until she was halfway done. At least, that's what the theory had been back in her college days.

"Pah." Letting one of her groupies take the drink, Vala smiled sweetly, "I'm sure one of you lads would know how to get a lady drunk?"

They scrambled towards the bar.

"In the fastest time possible!" Vala called after them.

"If I'd known you wanted to just get drunk," noted Sam, stepping around Vala and toward the pool tables. She naturally gravitated to them. Really. "I would have just taken you home."

"That a promise, Colonel?"

"Call me Sam, Vala."

"Sorry," Vala stepped to her side, and leaned over the pool table to watch the two men working it. "I keep forgetting. Sam."

Letting her interest stray, Sam noted the rest of the bar was still eyeing them a bit. She raised her mug to the nearest gawker and smiled. The man stared for a moment longer, then went back to his drink. So did the rest.


One of the men won the game, and Sam nodded before saying, "Bet I could take you."

He looked her up and down. "You're on."


Sam had beaten three of the bar's best, and now there was a crowd watching as the resident Champ oozed his way to the fore. Vala was to the side, holding court and smiling between five gentlemen. Figuring she could hold her own, if need be, Sam held out a hand. "Sam Carter."

"Brent," he grunted, then slapped a stack of money on the pool table. "I give you that, but you gotta take me, first."

"All right."

Sam was gracious. She let him break. It was a mistake that almost cost her the game. And only Brent's miss of the eightball gave her a chance.

Physics, she thought as she lined up her first shot. Planets in alignment, stars exploding--she knocked the cue ball, sinking the one ball. The rest followed quickly, and she paused to eye the eight ball before moving and taking the most difficult angle she could manage.

The entire bar held its breath as she tapped the cue.

Mathematics and precision controlled the trajectory as the ball careened off one bumper and slammed back into the eight. It sank itself neatly across from her.

"Nice game." Brent said, tone grudging.

Sam nodded, "Thanks." She took the money and folded it without bothering to count it. "Vala. Time to go."

"What, already?"

Handing her stick off, Sam reached into the group and snagged Vala by the back of her shirt. "Yes, already."

"Now, ya can't just deprive us of her, ma'am," wheedled one of Vala's men.

"I can and I will."

Before Sam could complete her threat, two men at the end of the bar suddenly started throwing punches at each other. Unfortunately, it was just the sort of thing the rest of the bar had been waiting for. Within seconds, utter chaos had descended. Sam found herself back to back with Vala for just a moment before she had to dodge a thrown pitcher of beer.

"Can I hit people?"



She lost track of Vala a moment later, and decided the best thing would be to make her way out of the melee. Dodging and kicking out, she made her way slowly to the door. Four broken noses, a broken wrist and three bruises later, Sam paused next to the doorway and scanned the crowd for Vala.


Waiting until there was a pause, Sam shouted. "VALA!"

The brunette glanced towards her.

"Time to go!"

A pout quickly disappeared when someone grabbed Vala by the hair. She dealt with them and began making her way over to Sam. She arrived just as the sound of sirens broke the night air.

"Oops. Really time to go." Sam snagged Vala's wrist and dragged her out the door where they both hopped onto the bike.

The engine started and they were off without bothering to put their helmets on. Normally, Sam would have, but she would prefer not to have to explain to General Landry just why Vala had been involved with a bar fight. Nor why she herself had just made over three hundred dollars at pool.

"That was fun!" Vala shouted over the wind.

Sam laughed, then coughed as a bug flew into her mouth. Taking the chance, she pulled to the side and spit. "Ugh." She grabbed her helmet. "Helmet on, Vala."

"Aww." But the other woman complied, still grinning madly. "So, that's what you do for fun, Colonel Carter?"

"Sam," replied Sam, her tone exasperated. "And, no. Normally, I just go home and sleep."

"How boring for you."

Sam rocked the bike and took off without answering.


They arrived back at the mountain with very little fanfare. There was a message from Landry about the advisability of removing Vala from the confines of the base, but Sam ignored it, as she'd ignored the ones regarding Teal'c over the years.

Entering the elevator, she glanced at Vala. "Better?"

Vala bounced, then frowned, "Well, yes. Except, now I'm not going to get laid."

A sputter of laughter escaped Sam, and then she doubled-over, unable to stop the giggles that escaped.

"Well, I'm glad someone's amused by my lack of sex," Vala muttered at her.

Sam eventually recovered as they reached the level of temporary quarters. "You wouldn't have wanted them, anyway. You don't know where they've been."

"They certainly don't know where I've been," replied Vala before she essayed a brilliant smile. "So, Sam, what are you doing tonight?"

"Sleeping," Sam said, her tone firm.


Rolling her eyes, Sam patted Vala's arm, "I'm sure you'll be fine. You do have fingers, after all."

"Yes, but you've got that vibrating thingie."

"What?" Trying not to flush, Sam simultaneously glared and wondered when the hell Vala had discovered that.

"Well, that is what it's for, isn't it? And I'm certain it's very efficient, given the naquadah power source." Vala gave her a cute look, "I don't suppose I could, say, borrow it for the evening?"

Sam resisted the urge to kill Vala, and coughed, "Uh, no. Sorry, but no."

"I'm stuck with my own fingers, then." Vala suddenly got a brilliant idea, to go by the way she suddenly smiled at Sam, "I don't suppose you'd like to apologize for it?"

The thought occurred to Sam that sex with Vala would be a very bad idea. Not to mention, "I thought you were straight?"

"I thought you were straight." Vala countered.

Impasse. Sam sighed, "Vala, the offer is very nice, but it wouldn't be right. For one thing, aren't you chasing Daniel?" And being amusingly annoying about it, too.

"Well, Daniel's nice. But he like crackers in bed and he always steals the covers. Besides, I really should get to know you better."

Sam swallowed. Really, the fact that Daniel had resisted this woman--despite her obvious charms--proved he was either gay, or very very dedicated to his dead wife. Or maybe Vala just annoyed him that much. "Vala, I--"

"At least just a kiss? To get me started? You can't imagine how long it's been since I had a nice kiss."

Damnit. Sam was actually considering saying yes. After all, it was just a kiss. A kiss couldn't hurt a damned thing--and she had to admit, if only to herself, that she was curious to know how Vala kissed. And so, she found herself answering, "All right."

"Good." Catching Sam's hand, Vala pulled her into the room she was using and closed the door.

Sam had time to take a breath and then Vala had her pinned to the door, lips on hers.

For a moment, it was chaste and rather placid. And then Vala tilted her head just a little, and Sam lost her train of thought. Oh, dear god. Her lips tingled under Vala's, and Sam really thought that was a stupid as hell cliche. Vala seemed to take her momentary immobility as a good sign and gently pressed closer.

Sam breathed out in a soft sigh and reached one hand up to cup Vala's cheek, kissing her back.

One of them moaned, Sam was never sure who it was, but it broke the trance she'd fallen into and she broke the kiss with a soft gasp.

Vala made a sound of protest and Sam had to stop her from claiming her lips again. "No. Vala. I should go."

"Fine." Vala pulled away and eyed her. "Just remember what you're missing, Colonel Carter."

Without bothering to correct the woman, Sam yanked the door open and stepped into the corridor, pulling it closed before Vala could stop her.

Before she could stop herself, she headed down the hall to her own on-base quarters.

Her fingers twitched and her skin itched.

It was gonna be a hell of a long night.

And the naquadah-powered equipment was not going to cut it.