An: I apologize for any spelling errors as I don't have a beta for this one-shot.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. That honour belongs to J.K. Rowling.

Sexiest Witches in Hogwarts

Harry sat behind his desk watching his seventh year students filter into his class room. Today he wanted to review their progress with the Patronous spell. The class room slowly filled up and Harry noticed that a few of his seventh year Gryffindor's were late again. He would have to take away points from his favourite house. He hated this part of teaching. Ravenclaw had won the house cup last year and Professor Flitwick was betting that they would win again. Harry had 50 galleons riding on Gryffindor. Professor Malfoy was flapping his mouth that Slytherin would win this year but Harry had taken away fifty points this morning because two Slytherins had hexed a young Hufflepuff in the corridor so he doubted that Slytherin would win. Currently, Hufflepuff was in the lead which his wife was very happy about. His wife had not been in Hufflepuff when they were in Hogwarts but due to a lack of Hufflepuff teachers, his wife volunteered to take the position as head of house until a more suitable candidate became available. The House Cup had now become a personal battle between Harry and his wife. Gryffindor just couldn't seem to keep out of trouble and the headmistress suggested that they seemed to be following in the footsteps of their head of house. Harry of course faked outrage at this comment and told her that boys would be boys.

Indeed Harry's Gryffindors had been late and he was forced to take five points from each of them. He looked at his notes briefly before reminding his students about the purpose of the spell. Half way through his explanation Harry realized that his Gryffindors weren't paying attention, again. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that they were passing a piece of parchment around the classroom. Harry always wondered how obvious he and Ron must have been when they weren't paying attention. From a teacher's perspective it was very easy to identify students who were not paying attention. Harry summoned the paper to him and held it up for inspection.

"This is a long role of parchment." Harry declared as he idly looked at the length.

The boy who he had summoned it from went very pale and other boys were looking threateningly at him.

"It's a pity your homework can't be this long Mr. Crumpet." Harry declared to the entire class.

There was a small laugh from the girls but most of the boys seemed to be frozen in horror. Harry looked at the bottom of the list. The number ten was accompanied by the name of a fifth year girl and a detailed description of her with comments from the boys. Mr. Crumpet had been adding information about a closet that he had snogged her in. Above her name, number nine, was a sixth year Slytherin that, according to the comments, shagged half of Hogwarts. The boys must have made a list of the popular witches at Hogwarts.

"What is it Professor?" one of the girls in the class asked him curiously. This girl reminded him a lot of Hermione. She always came to the front of the class and avidly took notes as he spoke. She was the top of most of her classes and had taken up presidency of S.P.E.W.

"Ms. Fogheart, it appears to be a list." Harry said leaving out the rest of the details.

A few of the boys of the boys exhaled.

"Professor, a list of what?" Ms. Fogheart asked. Harry groaned and a couple of the boys threw her nasty looks. Just like Hermione she couldn't let things slide unexplained but Harry had no intention of embarrassing the boys in public. It would be extremely irresponsible of him and his wife wouldn't approve of such a misuse of his position. Since becoming a teacher, his wife had made sure that Harry did not encourage the students in any disorderly behavior. His wife knew him well and he was afraid to cross her.

"Ms. Fogheart, it doesn't matter. Now, can I please see your Patronous?" Harry asked her.

A fond looked spread over her face and she instantly produced a Patronous in the shape of an elf. Most of the class snickered at her and Harry had to remind them about proper behaviour in his class. He continued going through the class asking each person to summon their Patronous. At the end of the class three Gryffindor boys approached him.

"Yes" he asked as he packed away the notes for that class.

"Uhm, Professor, we were wondering if we could get the list back?" The boy in front asked.

"Mr. Crumpet, I confiscated this item from you. I can not in good conscience return it." Harry said firmly as he began searching through his desk for the notes that he had made for his third year class that he had next.

"Please professor, I'm sure you did something like this when you were in Hogwarts" The boys pleaded.

"Whether or not I did or didn't is not the issue here. The fact is you were caught. I will pass the list on to Filch." Harry said irritably as he couldn't find his notes for the third years.

The boys' eyes turned the sizes of saucers and Harry narrowed his eyes at them.

"What's on this list that you don't want anyone to see?" Harry asked sternly as he reached into his bag to pull out the list he had packed away with the seventh year notes.

"Nnnoothing Professor." One of the boys stammered.

Harry retrieved the list and his eyes slowly started snaking its way up through the parchment. He had read ten and nine and he assumed that the list went up to one or at least Harry hoped the boys knew to count up to one. Sometimes you never knew with Wizards. The descriptions were quite detailed and some of the boy's comments were a bit rude but these were hormonal teenage boys. Harry eyes had reached to the description of the number one witch and a lot of the boys indicated they would shag her if they ever got the opportunity. Harry's eyes saw words such as luscious lips, perfect breasts and curvaceous body used to describe the number one witch and as he read the name attached to the description, it took every ounce of self control not to torture the boys on spot. He clenched his fists tightly and exhaled deeply.

"100 points from Gryffindor and detention for the rest of the year now get out of my office before I do something I regret!" Harry yelled and the boys left without blinking.

By this time half of his third year class had arrived and Harry's outburst had scared them to the back of the classroom. Harry took several long slow breaths but he couldn't ease his raging anger.

"Ahh Professor, are you alright?" a frightened Hufflepuff asked from the back of the classroom.

"I'm bloody all right. Let me see your Patronous now!" He snapped. The window at the back of the class room exploded and shards of glass rained down on his students.

The students screamed and there was a mass scamper to get out of his class room. Harry dropped his head in his hands; this was all his wife's fault. He would have to visit Madame Pomfrey and apologize for the incident. Harry took a few deep breaths and then fixed the broken window. Every piece flew back into place and Harry was satisfied that he had regained control of his magic.

Harry headed up to the hospital wing but Madame Pomfrey had refused to see him as she was too busy and Harry decided to head to lunch. He was disappointed that his wife wasn't at the head table but at the same time a piece of him was relieved. The headmistress was conveniently absent and Harry had a sneaking suspicion that he would be called into her office for a little talk. He absent mindedly glanced at the giant hour glasses that kept track of the house scores and felt a twinge of regret as he saw that the Gryffindor score had dropped significantly. Harry finished up eating and headed for the teachers lounge. His wife would most certainly be there pouring over her student's homework.

Unfortunately, Harry passed Professor Malfoy on the way to the lounge and Malfoy had no qualms about pointing out the giant lead that Slytherin now had over Gryffindor. Harry did his best to ignore him and entered the teachers lounge. Harry felt another twinge of disappointment as his wife wasn't there. He took up his usual seat next to hers and tried to concentrate on correcting homework that his fifth years had handed in the day before. He was having a tuff time preparing them for their OWLS and it was times like these he wondered why he had ever become a teacher. His students depended on him and it scared him. The last time he had faced a Bogart it had taken the form of a student yelling at him that it was his fault that they failed. It bothered him that the future of so many depended on his ability to impart his knowledge to them.

After some time staring at the first piece of parchment that he had pulled out, Harry decided to pack up and prepare for the boy's detention that night. He needed to find something that would be a suitable punishment but at the same time won't hurt or kill them. Harry pondered on it for some time and after glancing at his hand an idea occurred to him.

Later in the evening Harry sat in his office awaiting his Gryffindors arrival in his office. The headmistress hadn't called for Harry yet and he had a sneaking suspicion that his wife would be dealing with the situation instead. She was the head of Hufflepuff afterall.

"You're late" Harry barked as the boys finally entered.

"Sssorry Professor." The youngest boy stammered.

"Stop stammering. Gryffindors are supposed to be brave." Harry pointed out angrily.

The boy cowered and Harry wondered why the sorting hat had put him in Gryffindor.

"I have decided what your detention will be." Harry declared. "Do you see those objects there." Harry said pointing to the front of his class room.

The boys nodded.

"Good. They are muggle objects called blackboards." Harry explained. "Teachers use them to teach on but it can also be used to write lines on. You write with these." Harry said presenting the boys with three sticks of chalk.

Harry handed each boy a stick and they followed Harry to the front of the class room.

Harry held his wand and did a series of movements before words appeared in the air. "I want you to write this line on the board. Keep writing till I tell you to stop." Harry said with an evil smirk. The idea was similar to what Dolores Umbridge had done to him in fifth year but it would be as painful or as scarring for the boys. He was hoping the message would be clear though.

The boys each moved to their blackboard and cautiously tested out the chalk on the board. After a short time they got the hang of it and had soon filled the board with lines. Once the boys reached the bottom they were horrified to find that the boards had been charmed to erase once it was full and they were told to start over. The boys were in for a long night.


An hour had already passed and Harry knew his Gryffindors were extremely tired but he was hoping this would teach them a very good life lesson. Harry heard a soft knock at his door but before he could ask the person to enter, his wife came sweeping into his classroom. Harry raised his wand to erase the boys lines but he was instantly stopped by his wife's words.

"Don't you dare Harry James Potter!"

She walked over to the blackboard and read the line out loud. "I must not lust after another wizard's wife."

"Hermione" Harry started but was stopped as Hermione lifted her hand indicating for him to stop. Like a good husband Harry ceased his statement.

"Mr. Crumpet, Mr. Goldstein and Mr. Frigget, can you please excuse us for a while?" She asked kindly to the boys.

They eagerly shook their heads and scampered out of the classroom as if Peeves were behind them.

Hermione walked around the classroom casually before taking a seat at her old desk at the front of the classroom.

"Professor" Hermione asked innocently. "Care to explain to me why I spent most of my afternoon in the hospital wing with the third years from my house?"

Harry swallowed.

"I'm waiting" Hermione reminded him primly.

"Your robes are too tight." Harry blurted out as his mind miserable failed him to come up with a suitable explanation.

"Excuse me?" Hermione stated as she looked at her robes which had quite a bit of material flowing around her.

"This school is full of hormonal boys and since your robes are a bit tight they've been seeing things." Harry hastily explained.

"Harry is this twisted logic of yours trying to blame me for the incident today?" Hermione asked as she crossed her legs under the table.

"Uhhh" Harry muttered still trying to think of a way to explain his way out of this without revealing the list to Hermione.

"I hear this all started with a list Harry. Can I see it?" Hermione asked as she got up from the desk and moved over to Harry.

"List what list?" Harry asked as Hermione sat in his lap, an action that frequently caused Harry to lose his train of thought.

"This list you took from your seventh year class." Hermione whispered huskily in his ear.

Harry didn't know why he reached into his bag and pulled out the list but he blamed it on the lack of blood in his brain. Hermione opened the piece of parchment and read the title.

"Sexiest Witches at Hogwarts, Number One, Professor Granger-Potter" Hermione said as a light blush spread across her face. She continued reading the description as well as the comments out loud.

"I see most of the seventh years have made some … type of comment." Hermione said a bit embarrassed.

"Yes but its completely unacceptable." Harry indicated firmly as he wrapped his arms around his wife to comfort her.

Hermione giggled.

Harry frowned at his wife. Hermione only giggled when HE made her giggle.

"Don't be so threatened Harry. They're just boys. Why would I even be interested in them when I have the sexiest wizard at Hogwarts." Hermione said as she purposely shifted on his lap. Harry let a small groan escape him before he was able to gather his senses together.

"I'm not threatened. I don't like that fact that all of these boys are lusting after you." Harry stated defiantly.

"Harry there is no different between this and the fact that skirts get three inches shorter when entering your classroom." Hermione reminded him. Harry had quite a following of young girls that were eager to give him their virginity. Hermione regularly enforced the fact that Harry was a married man to the many young ladies that were half clothed in Harry's presence.

"I know" Harry said. "But I know how boys think and I can't stand another man thinking of you that way. I am your husband; I love you more than anything else in this world." Harry confessed.

"I know Harry but you can't lose control of your magic the way you did this afternoon. What would have happened if you had seriously hurt someone? Professor McGonagall wants you to promise that it will never happen again." Hermione said in her lecturing tone.

Harry dropped his gaze. It was easy to lose control when things involved Hermione. "I promise." He muttered.

"Good, now I think the boys have gotten the point cancel their detention for the rest of the year." Hermione insisted.

Harry looked up defiantly at her and Hermione looked sternly at him. Harry caved. "Fine."

"I'm quite flattered to be on their list. I was never on the list when we were at school." Hermione teased Harry as she wrapped her hands around his neck.

"You knew about our list?" Harry asked in shock.

"Of course we knew about your list. We had a copy." Hermione said rubbing the tip of her nose to his.

Harry's mouth opened and closed like a fish. He always thought that the girls knew nothing of their list.

"Don't worry. I know you personally threatened some of the boys to keep me off the list. I was quite honoured but I never understood why you didn't keep Ginny off the list. I mean she was your girlfriend at the time." Hermione said thoughtfully.

"It's kind of an honour to be dating the number one girl on the list" Harry stated proudly.

"Well you're married to number one witch on the llst now but how come Ron didn't have a problem with Ginny being on the list?" Hermione asked

"He did but there wasn't anything much he could do." Harry said.

"You know, you're going to have to get accustomed to another man in my life soon." Hermione teased.

"What!" Harry blurted out.

Hermione reached into her robes and pulled out a small blue sweater that she had knitted.

"Another house elf?" Harry said incredulously.

"Honestly Harry, how daft can you be?" Hermione said shaking her head.

"What?" Harry asked innocently.

Hermione kissed him softly then nibbled at his ear eliciting another soft moan from Harry. He was so cute when he clueless.

"Look closer." She whispered in his ear.

Harry looked at the blue sweater and noticed a small spot of gold moving on the material. It was a snitch that fluttered about moving randomly through the material. Eventually, Harry realized that there was something written on the left of the sweater. Harry leaned closer and realized the word "POTTER" was written in red letters over the heart.

"Does this mean" Harry asked anxiously.

"Yes Harry, you're going to be a father." Hermione said happily.

Harry wasted no time in kissing his wife. When he broke from the kiss the first thing he said was he had to tell Ron and Draco. Hermione rolled her eyes, men and their egos.

"Don't go boasting. Ginny and Luna are also pregnant so you aren't the only expectant father." Hermione said knowingly.

Harry's ego deflated a bit. It wasn't fair. They had a running bet over who could impregnate their wife first.

"While your thinking of bets, I believe the house cup will go to Hufflepuff this year." Hermione stated proudly.

Harry nodded there was no sense denying it now. "What would you like?" he asked. He had bet his wife anything her heart desired if she won the cup.

"I always fantasized about shagging the Professor of Defense against Dark Arts on his desk." Hermione said as she nibbled on her bottom lip, an action she knew Harry adored.

Harry's eyes darkened. "Anything for you Mrs. Potter" he said before he indulged in her fantasy.


The three Gryffindors were waiting anxiously outside.

"Teddy, what do you think is going on inside there." The boy said looking at the closed door.

"Either she's helping us or they are both plotting our deaths."

"No, Professor Granger-Potter would never do that."

"Ahem" the headmistress said as she cleared her throat.

"Professor McGonagall!" They said in surprise.

"It's after curfew. I suggest you make your way back to your common room before Filch finds you." She said sternly.

"But" one of the boys started.

"I'm sure Mrs. Potter has things under control. I strongly recommend from now on you keep the wife of one of the most powerful wizards off your lists in the future. Now run along." The headmistress said with a small smile.

With one last look at the closed door, the Headmistress continued on with her rounds. She would enjoy the quiet halls while it lasted. In eleven years, when the next generation of Potter's, Weasley's and Malfoy's arrive, all hell would break loose.