This is it guys. The final chapter ever...unless of course I get sudden inspiration and decide to put more up but I wouldn't hold your breath...and please don't kill me for finishing this off, especially a certain reviewer who knows exactly who they are. Its just not fair on you if I keep going when I've run out of things to make fun of. I would just like to thank everyone who's reveiwed or favourited or alerted this. Your lovely reviews make me smile and I'm going to miss them. By the way I'd love for this to hit 100 reviews...not hinting or anything...

Thank you to roughdiamond5, Mystik Genie, Avatarded, Skoteinos Metamfiezomai, PhantomoftheBasket and Raven Black and Jinks Loather for reviewing the last chapter.

The stated people committed from movies do not fit in with the time period but I'm afraid I cannot help that. This one is for Miss Mary Lou.


"I'm not crazy!" Christine screamed blood curdling as the men in white coats dragged her out of the building kicking and screaming. "There's a ghost who's really a guy but pretending to be an angel sent by my dead father! He's teaching me to sing and is killing people because he loves me."

The men hauling her off exchanged glances.

"This one's crazier than most!"

"Oh, I don't know…what about that girl who said her brother had been kidnapped by a Goblin King and forced her to complete a puzzle in 13 hours, which was really only about 5 in the real world, all because he loved her (1)? Or that girl who insisted that her husband was immortal and ferried souls so that his head didn't turn into a squid (2)? Or those kids who told us they'd been missing for months because a boy had whisked them off to a world with Indians and mermaids and where they never aged but a pirate had tried to kill them because they could fly (3)?"

The first shook his head. "Good thing that Vicomte chap warned us about this one. She might have ended up getting people hurt."

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Meanwhile…

Erik sighed dejectedly at his organ and shook his head. They'd taken away his light and inspiration. Now what was he supposed to do?

After a moment's silence over his loss Erik shook off the melancholy, decided that Christine had deserved it because she talked too much and having made the decision he drew a piece of paper towards him and dipped his quill in the inkwell. The words flowed easily as he started to draft the advertisement.

Wanted

A new assistant, student and inspiration to the

PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

Auditions for the part to be held in the Paris Opera House.

Then he added a date and time and slipped the envelope to Madame Giry.

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The next day a crowd had gathered on the stage. The girls were all milling around, practising scales and eyeing up the competition suspiciously. Some were even jotting down sabotage ideas onto pieces of paper, then cackling evilly and quite manically. It wasn't too surprising that many of the girls stayed well away from these ones. Suddenly a voice boomed the word "Silence" and it echoed around the room, sounding like it was coming from everywhere…nevertheless most of the girls immediately looked at Box 5.

There was a muffled 'dammit' as Erik realised they knew where he was hiding but he carried on regardless. "You all know why you're here…"

"To pay homage to the Phantom!" a fan girl squealed. "We love you Erik!"

Immediately Erik pressed a button and the girl disappeared down a trap door.

"Don't interrupt me," he said calmly. "In case you don't know, I have a space free for a person to be the object of my obsession. My previous student was apparently insane and has consequently been committed. Now line up on the stage."

The girls did this…those who didn't do it quickly enough disappeared through holes in the floor.

For a while Erik ummed and arhhed and eventually he eliminated several of the girls, saying they didn't look inspirational enough. Most trooped out at this point, muttering under their breath or crying uproariously…however one in particular refused to be eliminated in such a way and turned to face Box 5.

"How dare you get rid of us because of the way we look!" she screeched. "Hypocrite! You've got a hideously ugly deformity scarring your…" she didn't get to finish the sentence as, once again, a trap door opened and she fell in with a squawk. This time those assembled could hear her pain filled screams before it shut on them. The assembly gulped simultaneously and turned nervously to regard the Phantom's box.

"Don't go against my decision," he hissed, "that is, if you want to live." There was silence. "Now," he continued, "if you could all leave the stage then enter one by one."

The girls all gladly fled from the stage then started to jostle and push each other into some semblance of a queue.

"Who's first?" Erik shouted and a dazzling vision floated (literally) onto the stage, hair billowing beautifully in some unknown source of a breeze that was denied the other girls. Glitter sparkled in the air surrounding her.

"Name?"

"Ruby Diamond Sapphire Sparkle Amanda Jasmine…"

Erik hit the button before she could finish and shuddered as she disappeared from sight. "A Mary-Sue," he muttered in disgust and called the next one in.

This one came in dragging her feet. She was completely covered in rags and dirt and somehow still managed to look beautiful.

"Name?"

"I don't have a name. Both my parents died before they could give me one and my uncle was so cruel that he also never gave me one. I wasn't important enough."

"Erm…" Erik, momentarily thrown, checked his list. "You want to be my pupil because…?"

"Because none of the boys at school like me and I've never had a boyfriend and my life totally sucks."

Erik suddenly dived for the trapdoor button and the girl disappeared down the hole. Erik breathed a sigh of relief. Another minute and he would've accepted her because he felt sorry for her and fallen in love with her because of it.

"Another Mary-Sue," he muttered then shouted out: "If there are anymore Mary-Sues lurking back stage then leave!"

A whole group of girls trooped out muttering to themselves, a couple of them Christine look a-likes.

The Phantom rubbed the sides of his temples in exasperation.

"Next," he stated tiredly.

This time it was Meg's turn to step on stage. Within three steps she lifted a finger to point at Erik and screamed, "It's the Phantom of the Opera."

"Megan, if you wish to be my new pupil you must cease at pointing my whereabouts out to anyone in the vicinity," Erik told her.

Meg nodded quietly, so he continued.

"Why do you want to be my new protégé?"

Meg thought about it for a moment, "Because I want to upstage Christine for once."

Erik nodded to himself, impressed. "A competitive spirit. Just what I'm looking for."

"Also I've been absolutely fascinated with you since before I can remember. I'd follow you anywhere."

"Well that makes the kidnappings easier," Erik said to himself and glanced back down at Meg. "Would you end up swooning over rich Fops?"

The blonde shook her head, "I do think Raoul is very handsome but he put Christine in an asylum. I won't be making that mistake."

Erik smiled. "Excellent."

At that moment, though, there was a crash and several sandbags fell from the rafters, each one falling directly next to Meg, and in some cases nearly hitting her. Not too surprisingly she screamed and ran off stage.

Madame Giry appeared.

"I have a message from the Opera Ghost," she announced, waving it in the air.

Erik stood up abruptly.

"That's impossible," he stated. "I'm right here."

That threw her.

"But…but the note…"

"Just read it," Erik groaned and sat back down.

"It says…bwah hah hah ha."

Erik blinked. "All right, you can go."

Madame Giry left and Erik was left muttering the message over to himself. "Bwah hah hah ha…brilliant! Why didn't I think of that?"

Finally he shook himself out of his reflections.

"Anyway…next."

The next girl was ordinary looking but had a sweet face. She kept her eyes demurely on the floor and stated that her name was Amy, she loved to sing, which was why she wanted to be his new pupil. She liked to learn but was very shy and had taken a lot of encouragement to even come and see him.

Erik was pleasantly surprised. Here was someone with character depth! Not only would she put up with criticism in her eagerness to learn (though he did hope she wouldn't keep bursting into tears – that might be a problem if she were that type of person) but he could also try and cure her of her stage fright. A challenge indeed! He was about to accept her on the spot when she suddenly fell through a trapdoor.

He frowned in bemusement and glanced suspiciously at the button, then at his finger. He hadn't done that…had he?

"Bwah hah hah ha!"

Growling Erik got to his feet.

"Whoever's doing that show yourself!"

A masked figure dropped onto the stage. She had shoulder length hair and was wearing a black cloak that swirled around her and a half mask.

"The audition was for replacement pupils not wannabe Phantoms!" Erik called down to her.

She bowed. "I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement," she purred.

"Doubtful," Erik retorted. "I will not be upstaged like this. Get out of here."

The Phantom impostor glared up at him. "Very well, but remember," she rolled her eyes spookily, "I am always there inside your mind." Then she swept off the stage.

Erik sat back down and shut his eyes.

"Nutcase," he mumbled.

The next person walked on stage and Erik opened his eyes to look at them…and actually screamed.

"What the hell?!?!?!?!"

Raoul stood on stage looking sheepish in a Christine wig. "Well…"

"I don't even WANT to know!" Erik exploded. "Get off the stage! Get off the stage!"

Raoul stomped off with a toss of the hair.

"That's it," Erik muttered. "That is the absolute, positive, final straw." He stood up abruptly. "I quit!"

There was a chorus of disappointed and horrified cries from around the Opera House.

"No! No you can't!"

"Yes I most certainly can," he contradicted firmly and prepared to storm out of his box when someone stood in his way.

"I'm sorry but I cannot let you leave," the girl told him firmly. "If you leave then there won't be any 'Phantom of the Opera' and then I will have no way of writing 'What if' fanfictions and then I won't get lovely reviews telling me I'm great. So I'm afraid you have to stay."

Erik took a dominating step forward and loomed over her.

"Are you going to try and stop me?" he asked threateningly and reached for the PunJab Lassoe.

The girl stood frozen and undecided for a moment then grinned goofily.

"I love your voice. Even when you're threatening people it sounds sexy."

Erik shook his head in disgust. "Another fangirl," he muttered and pushed past her.

"No wait!" she yelled after him. "We can make a deal. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaait!"

But Erik continued onwards, completely ignoring her, leaving her kneeling on the floor wailing pitifully.

And so there were no more 'What if' fanfictions, until one worthy enough should pick up the pen that the shattered fangirl had thrown to the floor in despair, or until Erik returned to reside again in the Opera House.

As it was the impostor Phantom took Erik's place and began a huge hit, though was never as popular as Erik.

Christine began star singer in the asylum and took the lead in all the Christmas productions.

Raoul liked the wig so much he never took it off.

Meg recovered from her near death experience and became the new Phantom's herald…and Erik?

Erik is as Erik always was. A complete and utter mystery.


(1) Labyrinth

(2) Pirates of the Carribean

(3) Peter Pan