L and the Chocolate Factory

Chapter I.

With deliberate slowness and obvious concentration, the world's greatest detective pushed a chocolate-covered index finger into his mouth, trapping the said digit between his lips and began to gently suck on it. He then unhurriedly pulled out his index finger from his mouth, only to replace it with his thumb, which was also laced with the melted treat. The sugar-fixated detective would have gone on all day like that if not the soft sound of his gentle sucking began to irritate the younger man sitting next to him.

"Will you quit it already, Ryuuzaki?"

The detective shifted his dark eyes away from the monitor that he had been concentrating on, to the young Yagami beside him. The brunette returned the hollow gaze with a pointed glare.

It was still early in the morning, and already, the Kira Investigation Team found itself at a loss. The Yotsuba group had no suspicious activity going on at the moment, so the team was left with nothing much to do but to do the mundane task of double checking all their existing documents for that one clue that would get them back on track. But so far, that vital information eluded them.

Raito had taken up the habit of pretending to read documents, as his mind actively sought out new ways to distract the investigation team, and thus use the Death Note to achieve his 'perfect world'. But of course, being chained to a sugar-fixated, insomniac genius detective, having such peaceful daydreaming time was beyond rare; it's impossible.

He had an uncanny feeling the distractions were done intentionally.

"Is there something wrong, Raito-kun?" asked L politely through his thumb, ignoring the fact that the other young man was glaring daggers at him.

Yagami Raito groaned. "Your chocolate had been all but melted in the wrapper. Do you really have to wipe it clean with your fingers?"

"Hai. One shouldn't waste food, Raito-kun. Think of how many people go to bed hungry."

"But you've been licking on your fingers for the last twenty minutes!"

L gave him another blank look that seem to say 'so what?' before turning back to his computer. Just when Raito thought he would ignore the last statement, the gangly detective pulled out his thumb before he answered.

"That was the last chocolate bar in my stash after the ban, Raito-kun. I intend to enjoy it to its last, melted sweet drop."

Only then did Raito remember that Watari had banned L from eating sweets for a week five days ago, as per the detective's dentist's recommendation (or appropriately, 'threat'). Of course, L didn't listen to the old man and went on eating the diabetic stuff he called 'food' in what he calls 'secrecy' (popping several strawberry-filled éclairs in his mouth when apparently no one was looking, or 'accidentally' pouring the whole container of sugar cubes in his tea cup). Watari didn't attempt to tell L to lay off the sweets however; Raito supposed the old man knew that his stubborn boss wouldn't let go of his sweets as easily.

The sucking sound was then replaced by the loud, steady clacking sound of keys being punched by the spindly fingers of the detective, which Raito unfortunately found even more irritating than L's quiet thumb sucking.

He threw a particularly savage death glare at L, knowing that the detective was typing in such a way to irritate him.

"Careful, Raito-kun. A death glare such as that has just made my suspicion that you are Kira rise by seven percent. Only Kira would stare at me like he was expecting me to drop dead where I sat."

Raito frowned. "I'm not Kira."

"Hn. So you say."

Raito stared at the impossibly irritating detective, who simply latched his index finger between his teeth.

So, with nothing else better else to do, he simply grabbed a piece of paper and began listing down all existing names he knew (under the pretense of listing down names of the next possible third Kira targets), hoping one of it was L's.

It was good practice when he got his Death Note back.


Two days after with nothing but the sound of the clacking keys and pages being turned being heard in the room (Matsuda had dozed off a good three hours, so the others were thankfully spared of his mindless prattle), it wasn't a surprise when everyone nearly leapt out of their skin at the sudden sound.

Mogi scattered his papers.

Aizawa fell on his chair.

Mr. Yagami grabbed at his chest as if Kira targeted him.

Raito dropped his pen.

And, Matsuda shrieked a girly shriek.

All of them, except L, whirled on the young cop incredulously.

"Whaaaat?" he whined, raising his hands in defense. "I was surprised!"

"Somehow, I don't believe you," thought Mogi, Aizawa, Raito and Mr. Yagami at the same time, before turning to see what had startled them first. Their eyes quickly found the source, and were in for another shock.

The genius detective had fallen headfirst on his desk, with drool seeping out of his open mouth. His wide eyes were even larger than usual and held a more disturbingly listless look. His skin was also paler than usual, if that was possible. He was still gnawing on his thumb and whimpering slightly.

Mr. Yagami, recovering first, hurriedly approached the detective and inspected him carefully. The other members stood by cautiously, worried for the sugar-aficionado prodigy; Raito, however, wasn't sure what to feel if his rival had finally killed himself from consuming too much sweets (he would be ecstatic, of course, but to think that the sweets had beaten him in killing the world's three greatest detectives that happened to be a single person was very off-putting).

After some time, Mr. Yagami stood up, his eyes hidden from the glare of the overhead lights. The others tensed up when the oldest member of the team (next to Watari) didn't face them.

Matsuda, being the naïve fool that he was, bravely broke the silence and asked, "Chief? What happened to Ryuuzaki-kun?"

The older Yagami, however, ignored Matsuda and jammed his finger on a button in L's desk. Instantly, the "W" screensaver appeared.

"Watari-san," said Mr. Yagami grimly. "I lost."

Several seconds of silence ensued.

"I figured as much. Fifty bucks, Yagami-san."

He wasn't called a genius for nothing, as something clicked in Raito's head. He blinked. "To-san, Watari-san, you made a bet if Ryuuzaki could survive a week without emptying his 'secret stash' of sweets?!"

Watari gave a short chuckle. "Hai, Raito-kun. Matsuda-san, please go out and buy as much sweets as you can at once. No one needs to see more of Ryuuzaki-kun's withdrawal episodes…"

As everyone went back to his own tasks (with a few smirks and grimaces), Matsuda shrugged on his coat with a troubled look. He paused by the door and glanced at his associates.

"I don't get it. Is Ryuuzaki-kun sick or something?"

Predictably, no one answered him.

Matsuda gaped at the rather long list he had been given. His heart sank to the bottom of his damp boots. Sure, he admits that he doesn't contribute much during the planning stage of the investigation; and he readily agrees with everyone's thoughts that he tends to mess things up. He doesn't normally complain on doing 'field works', as Ryuuzaki calls them, going off to bakeries and candy shops for treats.

But this

His left eye suddenly developed a twitch.

Is pure…

His hand slowly crumpled the poor paper. The crunch of which brought music to the young cop.

Completely inexcusable…absolutely unjustifiable…

Matsuda threw the crumpled paper on the ground and stepped on it with an uncharacteristic vicious look on his face.


"What the hell do you take me for, huh?!" he yelled, stomping angrily at the battered paper. As he was in the middle of a street (he lost his bearings during his emotional realizations), his weird behavior making many passersby step away from the young cop. "I'm a freakin' cop! Not some goddamn delivery boy!"

"Hey!" cried indignantly by some random delivery boy passing by.

The sudden sound of Sesame Street ring tone of his phone snapped him out of his enraged tirade, and he immediately scrambled for the device on his pocket.

"Aa! Chief! …um, I just reached the shop. …Hai, hai! …So that would be… um," quickly scooping the crumpled paper from the ground, he whipped out a pen from his coat and began scribbling. "Two extra boxes of petit fours… Chocolate chip ice cream, a gallon—oh! …okay, so two gallons, and um… Aa! Hai, two dozen chocolate bars. Got it."

Matsuda clicked his phone off and sighed.

"I hate this job," he said glumly, pocketing the torn paper and heading towards the sweets shop, like he was supposed to do ten minutes ago. A commercial ad in the TV center made him pause. "Golden Ticket? …AAAH! I got to get one! Ryuuzaki-kun will be totally pleased!"

Raito thought no one would ever match Ryuk's withdrawals from his beloved apples. The bizarre way the shinigami distorts his body into impossible positions was plain creepy. But the sugar-aficionado detective was definitely living up to the competition.

He watched rather apprehensively as L curled himself up into a ball on the floor with his thumb on his mouth and began rocking himself. The dark-haired prodigy's normally wide eyes were even wider than usual, and his breathing came in long sighs.

If Raito didn't know any better, he would have said L was having a severe depression case. He just couldn't put it past the usually unperturbed detective.

As the others initially expressed their confidence that Raito could talk sense to the overly miserable genius, Raito sighed, knowing he was trapped. So crouching down in front of the rocking detective (who visibly flinches away from the invasion of his space), Raito forced out a smile (which looked as natural as day, given his superb acting skills).

"Hey, Ryuuzaki," he said gently. Being chained to the detective for a long time now, Raito surmised that there are only two things that can catch L's attention: sweets, and his work. "C'mon. Let's go back at the desk and look at the data I've found. I think it's rather important."

But even in his incapacitated state, (which turned out to be not so incapacitated) L's logical mind is still better than the rest. "How could you gather data?" he asked in a strangely duller than normal voice. "We're five feet from the desk and we're chained…"

Raito paused, cautious. Ryuuzaki's mind was sharp as ever. "I took them earlier today and it just slipped my mind to tell you."

L ducked his face again on his knees and began to rock more forcefully. He was also mumbling under his breath. Raito could hear vague snatches of it.

"…withholding vital information… delaying the investigation… apparent glee at my debilitated state… percentage of suspicion increased fifteen percent…"


L was deducting those things even while suffering withdrawals?

Just then, the door burst open and Matsuda came in hurrying forward, carrying boxes of cakes and large number of other packages. He looked like he'd been trashed. "I got them! But there's been a—OOOF!"

L knocked Matsuda with a kick, sending the young cop flying back at the doorway. L then sat in his usual fashion and sorted through the various sweets that littered the floor. Opening a box of petit fours, he took one gingerly and popped it in his mouth, sighing contently at the burst of sugar in his mouth.

As he rolled the treat in his mouth, only then did he notice the varying degrees of shock written on the team's face. "Is there something wrong, minna-san?"

Raito, after being dragged across the room after L, glared at him. Mr. Yagami cleared his throat, but didn't answer. Mogi merely turned his gaze away and wiped the sweat from his forehead. Aizawa went to check on Matsuda, who had apparently fallen unconscious. "Ryuuzaki, I think you killed him," he commented

L stood up and inspected the fallen cop. He poked him with his bare foot before walking back to his desk, carrying with him a half-gallon chocolate chip ice cream. "Don't worry, he'll live."

Just as the words left his mouth, Matsuda sat up with another girly shriek. Seeing that everybody (except L) was staring at him once again, so he grumbled, "Whaaat?"

"Matsuda-san!" called L before anyone else could speak. "Good work today. You may take the rest of the evening off."

The young cop apparently forgot the flying kick at the moment. Raito and the others could only sweat drop at the nonchalant manner of the detective.

"Really?" beamed Matsuda, leaping to his feet. "That's great!"

"Mhm," said Ryuuzaki, putting down his ice cream only to grab a chocolate bar. "Wonka chocolate bar? Ooh, I haven't tasted this since I was a kid!"

"Wonka…?" Matsuda, on the verge of leaving suddenly poked his head again on the doorway. "Oh! Ryuuzaki-kun! I just heard a wonderful news!"

"That's nice, Matusda-san."

"There was this ad in T.V.—"

"Raito-kun, switch camera two to full screen, please."

"—that chocolate bar that this Winnie – no! Winky? Aah! Willy! That's right! This guy Willy Wonka—"

"Ryuuzaki, there's someone walking down corridor 6. He's got something under he's cloak… Must be a folder."

"Watari, magnify screen 12 could you?"

"—There's a lottery ticket in the chocolate bar! Five Golden tickets! Everyone's talking about it—"

"Thanks, Watari. Raito-kun, that's Higuchi."

"I'll trail him."

"—The winners were announced all over the world! The prize is a tour in the Wonka chocolate factory for the five lucky winners! And that's not all, a special prize will be given to the one chosen by—"

"Hm, it looks like a company envelope... Watari, please have Wedy check on that envelope later. Something of worth should be inside, judging by Higuchi's protectiveness of it."

"—Wonka-san himself! Isn't it great?! People were all fighting for those chocolates! But… I managed to wrangle only five bars…" ended Matsuda lamely, realizing just then that no one was paying attention to him. He sighed. "Never mind, it wasn't important anyway," he mumbled dejectedly, turning to the doorway. "I'll take my leave, minna-san."

"Raito-kun, do you suppose Higuchi's—" L paused. He was staring at his chocolate bar.

Curious, Raito looked over. "What's wrong Ryuuzaki?"

L ignored the other prodigy to swivel his chair towards the door. "Matusda-san."

The young cop, on the verge of closing the door, looked back.

"Is this perhaps the Golden ticket you were saying?"

Clamped between the tips of the genius detective's index and thumb was a thin gold paper, swaying slightly in the air-conditioned room.


Edit - some minor corrections

Ahehe, the inspiration for this is quite predictable, don't you think? (-,o) But well, L having sugar-fixation had to be messed with sometimes.. (or always) And Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka was just amazing!

Please drop a line or two on what you think of this story.. Thanks a lot for reading!