L and the Chocolate Factory

Chapter VI.

"What do you mean 'they can't'?" demanded Mr. Salt, one hand gripping the edge of his seat tightly while holding Veruca's hand with the other.

"There's no knowing where they're going," said Wonka merrily, promptly ignoring the incredulous stares the adults (and Raito) threw at him. "Switch on the lights!"

Instantly, the tunnel was illuminated with soft whitish yellow light. It revealed the spacious cavern in its full glory. Everyone was awed by its size alone. But there was simply no time to admire the view, as the boat suddenly swivelled and dove sharply, the way a rollercoaster dives after it reached its highest peak.

Of course, everyone more or less began screaming bloody murder of a certain chocolatier (which had been edited out of the film because that would like totally destroy the G rating of the film). At least, everyone who is not a chocolatier (it was his idea after all) or a detective.

Finally, the boat slowed down.

"What the—how come you're sitting there calmly?!" Raito demanded as he recovered, glaring at L who casually dipped his finger on the chocolate river and sucked on it.

"Sitting like this causes you to develop an amazing sense of balance, Raito-kun. Will you not try it?"

"No. More likely, I'll develop an amazing osteoporosis instead."

"People," Wonka called, barely getting the attention of the guests who were nearly having a nervous breakdown. "Keep an eye out, we're passing very important rooms here. "

They passed halls which sported names of various creams and fillings. There were the regular flavours like, chocolate, strawberry, caramel and mocha; other less than usual creams and flavourings like cotton candy, bubblegum, popcorn, soda and peanut butter; and some downright weird such as fish paste cream, sea cucumber cream and hair cream.

It's quite hard to imagine a treat having hair cream in it.

Mrs. Beauregarde pointed this out. "What do you use hair cream for?

"To lock in moisture, heh," replied Wonka as if it's the most obvious thing in the world (which it was).

The boat passed another hall where a cow was being whipped by some Oompa-loompas.

"Somehow, I've seen this coming..." Raito said, twitching.

L turned to Wonka. "Whipped cream?"

"Precisely," said Wonka, nodding.

Veruca raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't make any sense."

This apparently ticked the chocolatier, as he said rather irately, "For your information, little girl, whipped cream isn't whipped cream if it wasn't whipped with whips. Everybody knows that."

"Apparently, not everyone," said Mr. Teavee disapprovingly. "That's animal cruelty."

"Ah, but I at least don't make mince meat out of them and serve them for dinner. Eating their innards and what-nots is crueller, don't you think?" said Wonka smugly.

"Are you a vegetarian, Mr. Wonka? How wonderful! I am as well, after all I do have a figure to watch," exclaimed Mrs. Beauregarde, delighted. "You have diet-friendly sweets here?"

Wonka stared at her weirdly. "Diet? What an awful sounding word that is... Does it having to do anything with insect excrement?"

"As expected of a chocolatier, he didn't know the word," Raito commented lightly. "Of course, it would be foreign to one who's life is dedicated in making fattening, additive and generally life-ruining wastes called 'sweets'."

He found himself being pinned by twin glares of death from two eccentric persons, causing him to sweat-drop in massive amount.

"Evil, sugar-hating fiend!" Wonka accused, pointing right at Raito's nose.

"Raito-kun, I know how much you loathed to be chained to me... So would you perhaps prefer to be chained to Misa-san and Matsuda-san instead?" L asked, knowing the threat was effective as Raito's usual refined features paled.

"You don't have to go that far..." Raito muttered, not liking the mental torture the threat has just given him. Needless to say, he was scarred. And to think it was just his imagination...

Wonka suddenly straightened up, eyes alight. "Stop the boat! I want to show you guys something."

The boat slowed to a stop in one of the docks. Everyone disembarked with varying degrees of ungainliness, from the exciting (traumatizing) boat ride.

"What is this place?" Violet asked, blowing a bubble.

"This is the Inventing Room!" Wonka announced. "Now this is the most important room in the entire factory, for reasons that should be quite obvious so I wouldn't need to explain because, really—"

Everyone stared at him.

"Why don't you just get on with it?" Mike demanded.

Wonka paused, as if not getting over the fact that he had just been told off. "Well... Alright then. Every one, enjoy yourselves, but just don't touch anything. Okay? Go on, scoot."

Everybody dispersed to investigate the Inventing Room. It was filled with various gadgets, smoking tubes and bubbling concoctions of diverse colors. Oompa-loompas can be seen here and there in lab coats and goggles that covered three fourths of their faces testing various... uh... stuff.

Raito and L, however, did not join the others in enjoying the room. Instead, they were hunting for the washroom.

"Wonka-san said to turn left after that red tube."

"Does that look red to you? That's magenta."

"Considering that the others are various shades of blue, I say this is red enough."

"Ryuuzaki, will you just be quiet and let me look peacefully?"


"Thank you."

"...There's actually a door that says washroom over there."

Raito twitched. "You could have told me that when we passed it in the first place, you know."

L shrugged. "I want to look around the room."

Using Willy Wonka's washroom was an experience Raito wouldn't forget even if he tried. It was sort of a car wash for people. It could be called people wash for all its worth. I wouldn't be able to describe it, because that's just how indescribable it is.

When Raito emerged from the stall (with a crisp, clean shirt that looks as if it had been washed and ironed all the while with him in it), he was pale and shaking. "I... I never wanted to be dirty ever again..."

L, who had stayed outside the stall (and recorded all of Raito's muffled yells and screams of pain and horror with his tiny audio recorder for blackmail purposes), stared at him.

"I never knew your hair could be so shiny, Raito-kun. Somehow, it makes me want to try it too."

"NO!" Raito yelled in panic. Then, he paused, recovering his composure. "Honestly. Don't."

Curious, L glanced at the stall, which looked innocently back at him. It seemed normal enough. "I should have one installed at the headquarters."

"Don't even think about it," Raito growled, dragging the detective away from investigating the stall.

L let himself be dragged back into the room, with a thoughtful look.

Raito had not been the only one with a curious experience in the washroom. As he was waiting for Raito, a soap dispenser caught L's attention. Not because it looks like a soap dispenser (because otherwise it just looks normal so it wouldn't be interesting), but because it looks exactly like a sugar dispenser (which happened to be L's favourite thing in the world next to his trusty fork).

Thinking that a sugar dispenser should have sugar in it, L picked it up and inspected it; he was surprised to say the least. There's no sugar, but there is some kind of lolipop in it.

"Truthy Pops?" L read.

There was a tiny inscription on the wrapper, but there was simply no way to read it right then. L had brought his handy magnifying glass (because he grew up believing all detectives should always have a magnifying glass on his person), but with Raito falling relatively quiet after a ceaseless amount of banging and yelling, it would seem that the younger prodigy was finished.

"Ryuuzaki! RYUUZAKI!"

L blinked, eyes focusing on the face right below his nose. Okay, so not really because that would be totally uncomfortable. But it's close enough to make L uncomfortable.

"I would appreciate it if you remove your face away from my person, Raito-kun. I value personal space after all."

Raito's left eye twitched as he straightened up. "I thought you fell into coma while standing up."

"Technically, that wouldn't be possible because in comatose state—"

"I wouldn't put it past you if you do. You're weird that way." Raito interrupted, walking ahead. "Let's join the others."

L followed silently, fingering the lolly that he hid in his pockets.

By the time they arrived, the rest of the group were gathered in front of a very large tank. In it, an Oompa-loompa, garbed in a diving suit, picked up a round candy and handed it to Wonka once he surfaced.

"Thank you. These are Everlasting Gobstoppers." Wonka announced, holding the rounded candy up. "You can suck on it all year, and it will never get any smaller. Isn't that neat?

Violet looked up, interested. "It's like gum?"

Wonka stared at her as if she asked if she could grow a cactus on her nose. "You can't grow a cactus on your nose."

Everyone stared at the chocolatier.

"I... never said I could." Violet said.

Wonka blinked. "Oh? Oh. Okay. What was that you asked?"

"I asked if that's like a gum." Violet said impatiently.

"No. Gum is for chewing. And if you try chewing one of this Gobstoppers, you'd break all your little teeth off." Wonka said, throwing the candy back at the water tank (which hit an Oompa-loompa just getting off the tank causing the little man to fall back into the water with a splash).

The group followed the chocolatier as he moved to another section of the room. But L's attention was caught by a bunch of lollies stacked in a nearby table. It looked exactly like the lolly he got in his pocket.

"What are you looking at?" Raito asked, noticing his companion looking entranced at something. When he realized what L was staring at, he twitched. "Are you planning on nicking that? Tch. Stop it. Have you seen that?"

Raito pointed at the group, where Wonka was showing everyone the side-effect of his Hair Toffee. The Oompa-loompa looked noting more like an accumuated bunch of hair from a local barber shop.

"You might turn in a pale, stick-like figure with a big head—" Raito paused, looking at L over. "Not that you don't look like that in the first place..."

"Should I be offended by your insults, Raito-kun?" L asked, shoving both of his hands on his pockets and shuffling towards the group. "It would seem that the further we go into this tour, the more frequent your insults come. I wonder why is that."

Raito paused, looking thoughtful. "That's true."

"That only proves that your guard is lowering. Perhaps I may catch Kira in this tour..." L said, almost to himself.

Gritting his teeth, Raito followed him. "I'm NOT Kira."

L ignored him in favour of watching Wonka step near another machine.

"Watch this!" The chocolatier said excitedly, pulling some levers and pushing buttons here and there. The machine burst into life, sputtering and whistling in an alarmingly loud volume as it goes.

Everyone stared as a small compartment emerged, producing a thin piece of gum.

"You mean that's it?" Mike demanded.

"That was... kind of anti-climatic, doesn't it?" Mr. Teavee muttered.

"Do you even know what it is?" Wonka asked, twitching.

Violet was the first to answer. Naturally. "It's a gum."

Wonka's whole countenance immediately lit up. "Yeah. It's a stick of the most amazing and sensational gum in the whole universe. You know why? You know why? Cause this gum is a full three course dinner all by itself. Ha-ha!"

Crickets chirped and random tumbleweeds appeared out of nowhere.

Although that's impossible since they're all indoors.

"Why would anyone want that?" Mr. Salt asked finally.

Wonka opened his mouth, then closed it again. He repeated this action twice before turning around, and whipping out his flashcards.

"'It will be the end of all kitchens and all cooking.'" Wonka read. "'Just one strip of Wonka's magic chewing gum and that is all you will need for breakfast lunch and dinner. This piece of gum happens to be tomato soup, roast beef and blueberry pie.'"

"Um... sounds great," Raito said uncertainly.

"It sounds weird." Veruca stated, looking at the gum distastefully.

The crickets would have chirped again, but a voice breaks the otherwise oppressing silence.

"I want to try it."

All heads whipped to look at the pale detective who had his hand raised and eyes alight.

"Ryuuzaki," hissed Raito, elbowing him discreetly. "Stop it!"

L looked at him. "You always urge me to eat proper food, Raito-kun. But I want to eat my sweets. I think this gum would serve both our purposes."

The detective reached out, took the gum and popped it in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. THAT was what L would have done, had not Violet reached out first and took the gum.

"It sounds like MY kind of gum," Violet declared. She removed her current gum and stick it behind her ear (making everyone else but her mother go 'EWWW') and was about to put the new gum in her mouth when Wonka spoke.

"I rather you didn't." The chocolatier said, looking squeamish. "There's one or two things that are a little—"

Violet raised an eyebrow. "I'm the world record holder of chewing gum. I'm not afraid of anything."

She popped the gum in her mouth and began chewing.

"How is it, honey?" Mrs. Beauregarde asked.

Violet's eyes had lit up. "It's amazing. Tomato soup! I can feel it running down my throat."

Wonka was still fidgeting. "Yeah... Spit it out!"

As everyone else's attention was directed to the girl, L was the only one who noticed the panicked look in the chocolatier's eyes.

"Hm... There might be some more errors to this product." L commented, pushing a thumb against his lips. "Perhaps I'm wise not to have tried it myself."

But Violet was beyond listening now. "It's changing. Roast beef, with baked potato. Crispy skin and butter!"

Mrs. Beauregarde looked on her daughter proudly. "Keep chewing, kiddo. My little girl is gonna be the first person in the world to have a chewing gum meal."

Wonka flinched. "Yah… I'm just a little concerned about the—"

"Blueberry pie and ice cream!" Violet shouted happily.

"—that part..." Wonka sighed, defeated.

"Nothing seems wrong..." Raito muttered to L. "At least she hasn't choked yet nor anything weird's been happening."

"No. You're wrong." L said quietly. And Veruca was the one who pointed this out.

"What's happening to her nose?" the British girl asked disdainfully.

Mr. Salt noticed it too. "It's turning blue."

Mrs. Beauregarde, concerned, grabbed her daughter and inspected her. "Her whole nose has gone purple!"

"W-what do you mean?" Violet asked, touching her nose. By this time, her whole face had gone purple.

Her mother stepped away from her, aghast. "Violet! You're turning violet!" She turned to Wonka, panicked. "What's happening?"

"Well, I told you I hadn't quite got it right cause it goes a little funny when it gets to the dessert. It's the blueberry pie that does it…" He was backing away from the group as he spoke. Then, hiding behind the machine, he muttered, "I'm terribly sorry."

Everyone stepped away from the blonde girl when she began swelling up into a gigantic size.

Violet was really panicking by now. "Mother? What's happening to me?!"

L decided to state the obvious once more. "She's swelling up."

"Like... a blueberry..." Raito finished, twitching. "I am SO not seeing this. This is impossible..."

"Yes. The existence of Death Gods is much more believable, ne Raito-kun?" L asked, attention focused on the frightened girl.

"You—" Whatever Raito wanted to say during that time, it was completely wiped from his mind as he glanced back at Violet. "Damn... That's one big blueberry..."

Wonka emerged from his hiding place. "I've tried it on like twenty Oompa-loompas, and each one ended up as a blueberry. Heh, it's just weird!"

Mrs. Beauregarde stared incredulously at him. "But I can't have a blueberry as a daughter! How is she supposed to compete?"

Veruca snorted in that prissy way of hers. "You could put her in a county fair."

Just then, they noticed the Oompa-loompas setting up for another intense production number.

Raito slapped his forehead. "I hope they're not wearing red leather this time..."


First of all, those lines you recognize from the movie, well..obviously they're not mine.. I'll edit the chapters after I finished the story so that proper credit can be given to the writers..

Woo! An update! Can you believe that? ...No, I can't... (-.-;)

I'm sorry for taking so long.. I just can't find any sites to watch the movie again.. Do any on you know of one? One with English subs, preferably, since I got to take note of the other lines in the movie.. If you do have one, please PM the link to me... I'd appreciate it to the bottom of my heart (plus it would mean a faster update)! (-,o)v

Anyway, I hope someone's still reading this.. Thank you so much for the support, you guys!

Please, please tell me what you think of this story... Thank you very much! (-,-)v