AN: So I have been trying to get to everyone's POV for these little stories. However, this next one needed to be in either Edward or Bella's POV, and since I just did Bella, Edward it is. If you remember, in the last one, Bella was left to explain a "used" condom to Charlie and Edward is plotting his revenge on Emmett…again. Read on. And p.s. thank you to all my reviewers, I am feeling the love :)
"I can explain that." Bella was looking horrified at the condom on the floor. I had thought right before leaving that I should get it, but then an idea came into my head. This was my revenge on her for participating in Emmett's little prank. It was just far too amusing to pass up. I hopped up into the tree near her window and watched her fall back to sleep. Charlie came to check in on her before going to work. I swore even as a police chief he worked far more often than normal. It was Saturday, a normal day off, and he was going in at eight.
When he saw the condom on the floor his face turned a dangerous shade of purple.
After all the trouble they went through telling me they WERENT having sex, and now I find this! On the floor! They didn't even bother to get rid of it…she is NEVER seeing that boy again!
"I'm waiting," Charlie growled angrily. I couldn't help it, I laughed a little. Bella's face changed suddenly. Even though she didn't look around for me, I had laughed too loud. She knew I was here. And she knew I was watching. Oh there was going to be hell to pay later.
"Um," she mumbled. She was trying to think of a lie that would work. She didn't want Charlie angry and she certainly didn't want him forbidding us to see each other any more than he already did. He was furious. I hadn't thought about Charlie finding it. I thought perhaps Bella would come across it when she woke up. She would find it strange and embarrassing and she might be a little angry with me but it wouldn't be a big deal. Things were not going as I had planned.
"In school, we just did a whole unit on Sex Ed. And they gave us condoms, you know, just in case. And after last night…you know that whole conversation…I just wanted to see…what they looked like. I thought I put it in the trash. I guess I missed. I was tired."
Her voice was hopeful. She was lying her butt off. Charlie watched her for a long moment and then sighed.
"Are you sure that is all?" he asked. The suspicion was not gone from his voice or expression. Bella nodded enthusiastically. She smiled sweetly, trying to work her daughterly charms on him.
"Of course I am sure. Now you better get to work—everyone will be wondering where the fearless leader is," she teased. Charlie's face wavered and then broke into a little smile.
"Bella I just want you to be safe," Charlie said as she led him out the door. They walked downstairs. I could hear their conversation even as they disappeared from sight.
"I know. And I am, I promise," she said in response. I was sure she was blushing.
"And Edward? Is he safe? With you I mean."
"Always, believe me." I could hear the smile in her voice.
"And he doesn't ever…make you do things you don't want to do?"
"Of course not! Edward would never do that!" I felt a pang of anger. How could Charlie think so little of me? Did he not understand how much I loved Bella? Clearly not.
"Okay Bella, I believe you. Oh and Bella? I would appreciate if next time you were…uh…experimenting with things, you would…clean up after yourself."
There was utter silence after that. I could almost see the look of disbelief that was sure to be on her face. Charlie wasn't angry anymore, just worried. I heard the front door open and close in his departure and then the cruiser pulled away from the house. As soon as he was far enough away I started laughing hysterically. After a moment I lost my balance and fell out of the tree I was sitting in. I hit the ground with a loud thud, still unable to stop laughing.
It was only after I was able to control my fit of laughter that I noticed Bella standing in front of me, her hands on her hips. She was furious, I didn't need to read her thoughts to know that.
"EDWARD ANTHONY MASON CULLEN!" she shouted. I sprang to my feet, gauging her facial expression. This was going to take some finesse. I wanted her to calm down, and not be so angry with me. I also wanted her to help me get Emmett back.
"Do you have any idea how much trouble we almost got in? I thought he was going to have a heart attack! After we told him we weren't…you left it on the floor for him to find?"
"No Bella, I didn't mean for Charlie to see…I thought you would find it…and at the time it seemed…funny," I managed to say. I was still laughing a little. This did not help my case. She was still mad.
"Well he did and you are so lucky that he believed that horrible lie I told him! What if he hadn't?" she demanded. I walked to her, keeping about a foot between us. She crossed her arms across her chest. I sighed.
"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you in trouble. Forgive me?"
I was using what Bella had named the "apology voice". I knew that I could dazzle her if I so chose and on certain occasions, it was necessary. This was one of them.
"Edward how could you think it would be funny?" she asked. The anger was dissipating from her voice. Now she just sounded confused and upset. I was getting to her.
"Well that is what you get for getting me naked in front of Carlisle. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was?"
I could see her face become introspective. She was thinking about that day again. It was horrible. I couldn't believe I had let her trick me like that. She blushed crimson and I knew what she was thinking about.
"It was funny and you know it," she stated. "This wasn't. Carlisle wouldn't do anything seeing that, other than being scarred for the rest of his very long life. Charlie could keep us apart…well of course except for when you come over at night. I don't want that."
I stepped closer to her again, making the gap between us smaller. She inhaled sharply, refusing to look into my eyes. She knew a few tricks herself about how to keep from being dazzled. I lifted her chin and looked straight into her eyes. They became wide.
"Forgive me?" I asked again, almost whispering. She blinked rapidly as I leaned down and touched my lips briefly to hers. She sighed.
"Damn apology voice," she murmured. I grinned.
"Now about this revenge. Emmett is going to get it. Just wait and see what I have planned," I said. This was going to be great.
As we walked back into her house I explained the whole brilliant plot. I would teach Emmett to start a war with me. He would know better after this. Bella got dressed in the bathroom while I waited in her bedroom. I waited patiently as she went through her morning routine. When she came back to me she smiled and sat in my lap.
"So when is this master plan going to happen?" she asked me.
"In a while when I bring you over to my house. Now remember I need you to get Emmett away from the house for a while, two hours max. Are you sure you can amuse him for that long?" I asked back. Emmett had a notoriously short attention span. If she managed to keep him entertained for two whole hours without giving anything away I would be very impressed.
"Sure, Emmett loves hanging out with me. Plus, you know, being the distraction is fun."
I grinned at her. Didn't I know it? She was quite a distraction—from the surety of my own eternal damnation, my life, my family, everything. She was very good at playing that part. Perhaps she wouldn't have such a hard time after all.
"Ready to go?" I asked. She stared at me, holding my eyes with hers. She was thinking, or trying to. Eventually she nodded.
"We have to run right?"
"Yes. I thought you said you don't mind anymore?" I questioned as I pulled her up around my back. She held on tight and sighed.
"No I don't mind."
We got to my house after a few minutes and I set her down. She steadied herself and they clasped my hand as we walked in.
"Remember Bella, a few hours is all I will need," I reminded her. She nodded.
"Oh Emmett!" Bella called at the base of the stairs. An instant later he was there. She smiled up at him prettily. She was calling on all of her charm today, first with her father, now with Emmett.
"Yes Bella, how can I help you?" he asked descending the steps blindingly fast. He was leaning casually against the railing at the next moment and smiled at Bella in return.
"How you would you like to spend some time with me, oh one of my favorite brothers?" she asked. She made sure to say one of her favorites just in case Jasper happened to hear her. She was always making sure not to offend people. I would never understand where her capacity for compassion and careful diplomacy came from.
"Of course I want to hang out with you. Its not going to be a weird third wheel thing is it?" he inquired. He wanted to see her obviously. However he figured that if he was going to have to spend the whole day with Bella and I he was going to bring Rose along. No use in being grossed out by siblings kissing each other if he could bring his own lover along.
"Oh no, it isn't. Edward has some things he has to do, but you know him, I can't be left alone for more than five minutes. So I was wondering if you wanted to hang out, you know spend some quality time together while he is busy. It shouldn't take that long right Edward?" she asked, looking at me. I shook my head convincingly.
"Sure Bella, what do you want to do?"
"Well first I was wondering if you could reinstall the stereo system you bought me for my birthday," she said very calmly. But I knew she was dreading having to explain why. I shot Emmett a look that very clearly said don't ask and he nodded.
"Of course I can Bella. When do you want to go?"
"Now would be good. Oh and can we run?" she asked. Emmett's eyes widened. He knew that Bella hated running. She had said so herself several times. He didn't know that due to her recent love of…extreme sports, she was no longer afraid. But he nodded anyway. She was doing well so far. She spun to face me and kissed me once. I smirked at her and she smiled in return. It was nice having her on my side for a change.
I watched as Emmett pulled her onto his back and began to run off into the forest. Now for the fun.
Approximately 1 hour, 59 minutes and 59 seconds later.
I called Bella's house phone and got no answer. I was ready for them to come back now. Everything was done. I called Emmett's cell phone and when he answered he sounded strange.
"Emmett, you can bring Bella home, I'm back now," I said.
"Okay Edward. We'll be over soon." I hung up the phone and waited. A few minutes later I saw them come walking down the driveway. Emmett was staring sheepishly at the ground and Bella looked…somewhere between embarrassed and infuriated.
"Never again Emmett. Never again."
"I'm sorry Bella," he mumbled. Seeing Emmett so humbled by tiny little Bella was amusing to say the least. I walked outside to greet them and to find out what it was Emmett had done. Bella looked exasperated by the time they got down to the house.
"Have a nice afternoon darling?" I asked, stretching my words out. Bella sighed and held up her hands, trying to calm herself.
"Oh yes, it was wonderful. I had a great time." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.
I was beginning to wonder if something bad had actually happened. I raised an eyebrow. Bella continued.
"Well after putting my stereo back in my truck, I said hey, lets go into town. Main Street should have something to do, even if it's just goofing around in the grocery store. Well remind me never to take Emmett into the shopping plaza again! We were just walking along, looking into the stores. And low and behold Emmett sees something in the bookstore. He didn't tell me what it was and insisted on going inside. Do you know what he saw in the window?"
I shook my head.
"A karma Sutra book. Now normally I would have just indulged him and let him read it to himself for fun. But do you know what he did with it?"
Again I shook my head. She was getting riled up just thinking about this whole ordeal.
"He started reading it aloud. And commenting on it, like "Oh I've done that" or "Bella, this one is fun, you and Edward should try this". People were staring at us."
I dipped into Emmett's thought and saw images of incredibly strange positions racing through his mind. I glared at him. I didn't want to know which ones he had done, or which ones he had suggested to Bella. She glared over at Emmett as well and he actually flinched. It made me laugh.
"You think this is funny Edward? She can't stay mad at you for very long at least. When she is angry she is mean!" he whined. I had no idea Bella had the capability to be mean.
"Well maybe you shouldn't make her mad then," I suggested. I wondered what she had done to qualify as being mean to Emmett. I almost didn't want to know.
Thanks for the wonderful advice Edward. I hadn't thought of that. Even his thoughts were sarcastic.
A moment later Emmett went inside where he could find some pity in Rosalie. He slunk off, avoiding Bella's gaze as much as possible. The fact that he seemed so intimidated by her made me laugh to myself. It was only going to get better when he figured out what I had done. But I wouldn't bring it up now. No, I would wait for him to discover it on his own.
"So Bella, what exactly did you do to Emmett that he considered mean?" I asked as she walked over to me. Her anger was calming rapidly as she stared into my eyes. I liked having that effect of her.
"I told him if he didn't stop I was going to bleach all of Rosalie's things and tell her it was his fault. That or I was going to cut all of Alice's credit cards up and leave the pieces in his room for her to find. Either way he was going to get in major trouble. I could have just told you that he tried to kiss me and he would have gotten pummeled, but I figured he was already getting a big enough shock from you he didn't need a death sentence as well." She smiled up at me. Her smile faltered as I continued to stare at her, very surprised.
"Bella Swan those are posatively the most evil things I have ever heard from your mouth," I said. I was shocked that she even thought things like that, not to mention that she actually managed to threaten Emmett with them. She pouted.
"Too much?" she asked, making an unsure face. I shook my head.
"Absolutely not. I am just glad that you really can't stay mad at me for long. I am not sure what would happen to me if you told Alice I had cut up her credit cards…" I shuddered at the thought. I didn't want to know.
"He didn't really try to kiss you did he?" I asked, suddenly very worried.
"No of course not. He knows better. He doesn't actually want to die, no matter what he does to your car, or who sees you naked." She winked at me. I was taken aback, in a good way. I laughed and pulled her into a hug. She was ridiculous.
I am going to go buy that book…Rose might enjoy that one position…what was it called? I don't remember but it sure looked fun…
Emmett's thoughts were rushing past me. I had opened myself up to them in order to predict when he was going to go find out what I had done. I laughed to myself as I heard him getting closer, his mind intent on buying the book he had seen in town. He was headed for the garage. He flinched when Bella sent an evil stare his way but then she smiled and laughed. All was forgiven. By her at least. Emmett was about to be very, very mad. It was going to be hilarious.
"Did you finish everything?" she asked me as quietly as she could. Emmett was too wrapped up in his thoughts to notice she had spoken. I nodded, avoiding any words. He walked into the garage and then I heard a loud shriek, almost like a little girl screaming at the sight of a spider. That was satisfaction enough.
Emmet came racing out of the garage, holding something to his chest tightly. He looked utterly distraught. If he had been able to, I would have been sure he was about to cry.
"What did you do Edward?" he asked. I looked at his hands and in them was the sliver hood ornament from his jeep. I chuckled.
"My jeep Edward, where is it?" he begged. I shrugged. I was trying to play the innocent card, but I was enjoying myself far too much to be believable.
"Don't worry Emmett, I didn't do anything that can't be remedied," I said calmly. His face shifted from sadness and disbelief to anger. The only reason he didn't pounce on me was because Bella was resting safely in my arms. She worked as a distraction and as a deterrent from attack. I was going to have to remember that in the future.
"Where is it?" he demanded again. Bella chuckled a little and I could feel her vibrate against my body.
"Its…around," I equivocated.
"EDWARD!" he yelled. The look in his eyes was seriously frightening. The only thing he loved more than that jeep was Rosalie.
"It's just disassembled. I took it apart while you were reading about interesting sexual positions with Bella," I said. I thought back and didn't like the way that sentence had come out. "The pieces are around. If you find them all and can put them back together it will run just fine." It had taken me an hour to get every piece apart and another hour to hide each one. The hardest things to hide were the interior parts I had to hide them where they wouldn't get ruined if it rained. Some of them were big, but I managed to find spots for each of them. Even if those spots happened to be in Port Angelas…
He stared at me, gaping. I honestly thought his jaw was going to hit the floor the way they always showed it in the cartoons. His whole body shook. His mouth moved but no words came out. He was astonished.
"CARLISLE!" he finally managed to yell. I was laughing to myself when our father figure emerged from the house. He took one look at Emmett and got some semblance of what was going on.
"Oh no, I am not getting in the middle of this. I don't want to get involved. I have already seen too many of you naked," he looked at me, "in leather, " he looked at Bella, " or in very compromising positions." He stared at Emmett.
"I want no part of this," he added and went to turn away.
"I'll tell you who took the chocolate syrup!" Emmett called as Carlisle began to walk away. He froze.
Oh no! Esme was right...they know!
I shuddered uncontrollably. That was not something I ever wanted to think about.
"I give Emmett, what is going on around here?" he asked curiously. The suspicion in his voice was incredible.
"Edward…took apart…my jeep," he choked out. He held the hood ornament out to Carlisle as proof. Carlisle shook his head.
"Now Edward why would you do that?" he asked, clearly already fed up with this situation.
"Condoms," I replied. He looked puzzled and understandably so.
"Emmett decided it would be funny to throw condoms at me last night because Charlie took it upon himself to buy some for Bella and I. Well all said and done one of them ended up at her house last night and her father found it. He found it troubling, to say the least."
Carlisle suppressed a smile and nodded.Poor Bella, she must have been mortified…
Carlisle's thoughts accurately described it. I would have been too if I was the one stuck in that position.
"Did you wreck any part of the jeep Edward?" he asked.
"Absolutely not. All the parts are completely intact. If he finds them all the jeep will work when he puts it back together."
Emmett was shuddering with rage. I could tell by his facial expression that he was infuriated. I only found that more amusing. I would teach him to mess with my car or throw condoms at me. He turned and stalked toward the garage again. I growled as I heard the thoughts that went through his mind.
"Emmett if you even have even one more thought about messing with the Vanquish I will kill you slowly," I warned. He just growled back and slunk off to try and find parts of the jeep.
All told it took him three weeks to find every last part. In the end I had helped him find some of them because he couldn't. Rosalie put it back together, finding it more an interesting project than a nuisance. I thought he had finally given up the pranks and surrendered. I was the master. There was nothing he could do to top this.
It wasn't until a few weeks later I found out I was wrong.
I was at Bella's while her father was out watching some football game with some of his friends. I was indulging Bella that day, letting her think she was pushing my boundaries. Really I had just moved them slightly to be a little more relaxed and was letting her find the lines again.
My shirt was on the floor along with hers. She had a camisole on under it but it was small and hugged every curve of her body. I was enjoying it. I was letting her kiss my chest and stomach, taking in the pleasure of her lips against my skin. I was lost in it. Her lips had just placed a kiss below my navel when the door slammed open.
"BELLA!" her father shouted. We were in what looked like a very bad position. Charlie would never believe how in control I really was.
Bella sat up suddenly and looked at him in total shock. She looked between her father and me. Charlie was turning a dangerous color, noticing his scantily clad daughter, her half naked boyfriend and the place her mouth had appeared to be the moment before. Oh no.
"I can explain," she stuttered. I had heard that before.
"You know when Carlisle called me to come home and check on you, I thought that you were ill or something Bella. I had no idea…I thought you said…oh OUT EDWARD!" he bellowed. I looked apologetically at Bella, scooped up my shirt and then went out the door, glancing at her once more over my shoulder.
But as I made my way out the door a realization hit me. Carlisle had called Charlie to check on Bella? Oh I think not. That bastard!
He was going to die.
AN: Hope you enjoyed that one, it was a doozy to write. But fun, very fun.