Disclaimer: I own no anime series or any cartoon series for that matter.
Ranma stared at the man in front of him.
He was a rather large man with arms the size of tree trunks and a gleaming bald head, in fact the bronzed figure seem to be completely devoid of hair, not to mention legs…
Ranma looked down at the old Arabic lamp he held and the smoke trailing from its spout to the hovering figure.
"Genie, right?" He asked cautiously. Ranma had learned the hard way that just assuming you're right about something was a bad idea when it came to magic.
The towering figure responded in a booming voice. "I am the Genie of the lamp. You have woken me from my slumber by rubbing my lamp. I grant three wishes, no more, no less."
Ranma winced. Waking magical beings from slumber was usually a very bad idea.
The Genie's booming laugh filled the Tendo's dojo. "It's not a problem mortal. I was just taking a nap before dinner. Fear not, I bear you no malice or ill will."
"I don't fear nothin'." Ranma shot back, automatically responding to the perceived insult.
The Genie just grinned and spoke in a softer tone. "I already know of your fears young one, including the neko-ken. I was just assuring you that I seek not to harm you and indeed shall aid you as much as the rules allow."
Ranma relaxed a bit, pleasantly surprised that his chance foot-in-mouth disease hadn't screwed him over once again.
"I studied your file and reviewed your life before appearing here before you, so unless you really make an effort to offend me, I'll take no offense at your words."
"I have a file?" Ranma asked curiously.
"I had some wind spirits investigate your life, while I stood in the mists of time, watching you grow from child to man."
"You watched my entire life?" The martial artist asked incredulously.
"Just the highlights and a bit here and there. Being a master of time and space has many perks. I am not all-powerful, however as even I have some limitations. I cannot bring the dead back to life, nor can I kill someone directly, although I can grant someone powers they can be used to kill. I advise against it however. Few indeed are the situations that are improved by killing someone. I can also not interfere in matters of the heart. Love must be won or lost by an individuals own actions. The reason for this is simple, to alter someone's mind that greatly is to kill who they are."
"Huh?" Ranma asked, completely lost in the philosophical tangent things had seemed to head off into.
The Genie sighed. "Let me give you an example. Say you wished for Kasumi to be a stripper..."
Ranma interrupted. "Nope! Not wishing that. No way, no how! I don't think it's even possible."
The Genie chuckled and snapped his fingers. The two figures vanished for a moment before reappearing once more none the worse for wear except possibly a very red faced Ranma. "Where humans are concerned, anything is possible. Now as I was saying if you wished Kasumi were a stripper..."
Ranma interrupted again. "That wasn't Kasumi. She looked like Kasumi and even sounded like Kasumi, but there was no way that was Kasumi! She had glitter on her..." his voice trailed off.
The Genie nodded. "Exactly. That was NOT your Kasumi. By the way, you have some glitter on your face."
Ranma quickly brushed at his face, fighting back a blush. "Did I get it?"
The magical being shook his head. "It's nearly impossible to remove glitter that easily, even with magical powers. It's probably why they use it. She was marking you so the other girls would stay away. Apparently she liked you."
He snapped his fingers "Most of it's gone and you can pop out the nose plugs now."
"Thanks. The nose plugs were a good idea." Ranma's face had regained its former tone.
"Well if you'd bled to death it'd still be considered using my powers to kill someone. You can keep the plugs." He added quickly, as Ranma tried to hand them back.
"Now, as I was saying, if you wished Kasumi were a stripper I couldn't grant your wish because..." he trailed off questioningly.
Ranma nodded. "Because she wouldn't be Kasumi. The girl I met isn't Kasumi as I know her. She is a completely different Kasumi and changing Kasumi here into Kasumi there would be basically killing Kasumi here and replacing her with Kasumi-There."
The Genie smiled broadly. "Exactly."
"So what happened to her? Something horrible had to have happened to change her that much."
The Genie shook his head. "Life isn't an afternoon special, my friend. Stripping isn't something evil and nothing traumatic has to drive you into doing it. In fact, that Kasumi became a stripper because something traumatic failed to happen."
"Really?" Ranma asked "Like what?"
"Mrs. Tendo didn't die."
"How did her mom not dying turn her into a stripper?" He asked incredulously.
"Well, since her mom didn't die she had a much more normal life. Her father didn't stop teaching and concentrated on training Akane, as the heir to the school. Her mother ended up much more involved in Nabiki's life, since Nabiki was found to be a child prodigy and needed special attention to ensure she lived up to her potential. With both parents so involved with their other children, Kasumi tended to be overlooked. She went off to college, but most of the family's money goes towards special schooling for Nabiki and training equipment for Akane. Kasumi had to get a job to help pay for college. So she strips on the weekends. It provides more than enough money for college and gives her the attention she desires. Truthfully, she's fairly well-adjusted, just a bit of an exhibitionist."
"Oh." said Ranma trying to add strippers as well-adjusted people to his worldview. "How did she get so?" His hands made vague movements and gestures that actually spelled out 'help my duck is on fire' in American sign language, but the Genie knew what he meant.
"Oh, she's always been that shapely. In fact, I believe she's even better curved here, than she was there. Here she gets plenty of exercise and has a well-balanced diet, while there she eats what most college students eat and spends the majority of her time studying."
Ranma's eyes took up half his face. "Better?"
The Genie nodded. "Oh, yes. She just covers it here by dressing the way she does, but we're getting off topic. As I was saying, my powers are limited to a degree. No killing or changing people into someone else, no bringing back the dead, and last but not least, no wishing for more wishes."
Ranma nodded, it seemed reasonable. "I wish I was male all the time."
The Genie nodded and wrote it down on a notepad. "Next?"
Ranma blinked. "No fancy light shows?"
"Not until we get all three wishes. Once we get all three we can figure out the best way to grant them to get you everything you want."
The Genie paused for a moment. "In fact, if I may suggest a couple of things you may have overlooked we should be able to improve your life by quite a large margin."
Ranma nodded. "OK, then I want the curse removed, my fiancé problem taken care of and..."
Ranma shrugged. "That's all I got."
The Genie nodded. "Have you considered having all the physical and mental damage your father has inflicted you with fixed?"
"Damage? When did Pops hurt me?" He asked confused.
"Well you're a bit smaller than you should be and the neko-ken's easily one of the most mentally damaging techniques I've ever witnessed."
"You can fix all that?!" Ranma sputtered, shocked that he had never considered it.
The genie nodded absently while figuring out something on his tablet. "Yes, I think I'll be able to grant all four of these was just the three wishes. Not a complete success, but I can get you about 85 of the way. The rest will be up to you. You game?"
Ranma smirked. "Bring it on!"
The genie grinned. "Good. First a health elixir, mixed with some regeneration potion, topped with just a touch of growth potion."
Ranma caught the glowing green vial, the genie tossed him and downed it. "Can't be worse than the tomboy's cooking."
Ranma screamed and curled up into a little whimpering ball on the floor just seconds after imbibing the magical brew.
The genie glanced down. "That's not supposed to happen. What's wrong?"
Taking in Ranma's new size and the clothes he was wearing being quite a few sizes smaller then would be remotely comfortable he winced. "Sorry."
A quick incantation and some medicinal alcohol and Ranma was back on his feet and glaring.
The genie winced again. "Sorry about that, I didn't realize you'd grow that much." 'Maybe a tad too much growth potion.'
Ranma blinked. "What are you talking about?"
The genie scratched a nonexistent eyebrow. "Take a look at your new size."
Ranma pulled out the waistband of his pants. "Looks about the same as always." 'A bit red from being crushed.'
The genie slapped himself in the head. "Not that size! I mean your over all size."
Ranma examined himself. "I don't see any difference."
"Hey, everything shrunk!"
The genie chuckled. "The potion was a bit more successful than I thought it would be. You've grown quite a bit, I never imagined you'd top 7 ft."
"Whoa, I'm taller then Kuno!"
"Now for the mental scarring." The genie's hands glowed with power. Speaking a tongue foreign to man he called, "Yo, Bast! A little help down here. He's got his soul twisted into a feline configuration, class seven and it's not syncing properly with his base human matrix."
Ranma's form shrank in a reverse of his previous change with his clothes shrinking to match, as his hair seemed to spread across his skin leaving him quite a bit shorter and covered in fur. He twitched, as he reached up and felt the tip of a very pointed ear. "Umm... I am a cat?!" 'No fear, but I'm a cat?'
"Relax, Ranma. This isn't a permanent change. You can change back and forth at will. It'll take a bit of training and exposure to moonlight, but with your drive, you should have it down by the next full moon."
Ranma relaxed a little. "Doesn't this kinda undo what you just did to fix me?"
"Not at all. This form is smaller than your other form because it's based on a house cat, but the size of your original form doesn't change."
"Huh?" Ranma scratched the back of his now furry head in confusion.
"Your human form is still over 7 ft. tall, it's only in this form you're smaller, just like your curse, only the size difference is about 2 1/2 feet." The genie explained.
"The last wish is the most challenging. I can send you somewhere where no one can find you, which will take care of your fiancé problems. Before you say anything let me explain. You have far more fiancées then you know. Your father engaged you to another girl about every three months on the average and I don't just mean while on the trip. He's engaged you to six people here as well, not including the Tendo's. For instance he's engaged you to both Kunos."
"Both?" Ranma looked a little green.
"Along with Mousse, who hopes to use it is leverage to keep you away from Shampoo or failing that to be able to join you in marriage to Shampoo. Yuka and Sayuri, who don't want you to interfere in their relationship with Akane. Azusa was engaged to you by her parents, who think she'll make more friends and get out more being engaged to you. I wish I could give you some good news, but the last two or even worse. Nabiki has two blank engagement contracts, one for Ranma and one for Ranko, which she plans to auction off to the highest bidder."
"That's... That's..." The cursed martial artist was almost rendered speechless by the dishonesty of the two thorns in his side.
"Insane, abominable? I quite agree. No matter what you do, you're family' s honor is completely gone, and the situation is only getting worse. The only way to resolve the situation without massive amounts of bloodshed is to remove you from the world and I'm the only option other than seppuku. I can send you to a world where magic and were-felines are much more common."
"Fuck!" Ranma said, in an uncharacteristic burst of profanity.
The genie nodded. "Pretty much, but even without the curse and all the fiancées I'd have suggested sending you anyway. I just can't see you being happy here. Would you really find running a dojo or any other mundane job fulfilling?"
Ranma sighed heavily."Not really, but what else is there? It's not like there's a section in the paper reading: Adventurer wanted, must be able to handle dragons. Knowledge of the modern world not needed. Experience rescuing maiden a plus."
"Actually, where I intend to send you that's a common ad."
"Really?" Ranma perked up.
"Of course. I intend to send you to a world where you can get control of your curse, if not cure it completely and fit into society comfortably."
"Let me pack my bag." Ranma vanished from sight with a sudden crack of displaced air and a rapidly fading black and red after image hanging in the air.
Ranma blurred into action packing everything he owned and some of his father's stuff he didn't, before sprinting back to the dojo, pausing only to give Kasumi goodbye hug and kiss that were far more forward then he normally would have dared, but Kasumi-There had really made an impression on him.
Kasumi just stood there stunned and wondering two things, who the cat boy was and why he had her favorite colors in glitter sprinkled on his eyebrows. 'Was that his tongue?'
OK, three things.
The genie began chanting and waving his arms in what Ranma assumed was a eldritch manner the moment Ranma arrived.
As a cold wind began to blow through the dojo and the world around him began to fade, Ranma thought of something and quickly yelled it out. "I know I already used my wishes, but can you make sure Kasumi-there is OK? Gets what she wants, ya know what I mean?"
The genie's final words echoed in the air as they both vanished from Nerima, never to be seen again. "As you wish."
AN: I have a huge storyline planned for this… but I'm not sure how long it'll be till I get to it.