Flibber T. Gibbet
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Wow, that was rather tame.
Warnings: kissing boys and "bad words"
Author's Notes: I am... tired. It is 2:34 AM central time. My neck hurts. I think I pretty much typed this entire thing with my left index finger. No wonder I'm so slow. This story has changed so much from my original idea. I had started out with having someone buy a Naruto doll and a Sasuke doll and selling hugs from them both. And then I get a kissing booth. Wow. Anyway, the hug thing probably came from the authors on this site who offer hugs from Naruto for every review. So I thank you all for my inspiration. Oh yeah, and Sasuke never left. This is not a good fic; in fact, it scares me how cliche and lame it really is.
But I'll let you judge for yourself.
This is dedicated to Kaikouken for being awesome. And... being awesome. I have nothing to blame my writing skills on. Well, except your kind words which may have bloated my ego. You rock.
For the first time ever, a fair was taking place in Konoha and the kissing booths were by far the most talked about attraction. It should have been expected. The Uchiha Sasuke was selling kisses. At this particularly juicy piece of news, most girls and a few of the more openly gay guys swooned. To a much smaller but no less intense fanfare, Uzumaki Naruto was also peddling kisses. At least four people were ecstatic at the news, and only one was of the opposite sex. One was a recovering homicidal, one was sure of his fate with Naruto, and one was so insanely jealous that he took up the remaining spot for a boy in the kissing booth.
"I had wanted to work in the ramen stand," complained the unexplainably awake Naruto.
The sun was due to rise in less than half an hour and the fair was getting ready for its first day. In a large, red and blue tent, two tables stood at opposite ends, hidden behind a blue curtain in front of each of them. One curtain had a glittery sign with Tenten's and Ino's names written in curly letters. A much more moderate sign hung on the boys' side and read "Sasuke and Naruto".
"But Sakura said no." He sighed mournfully, but continued with his tale in the same obnoxiously bright tone. "At least she didn't let Chouji man it. Shikamaru is the one working there. He'll probably fall asleep in the noodles." A quiet snicker. "So troublesome. But he said he'll give me the leftovers. Anyway. So I wasn't going to do anything. Y'know... just mill around. But Sakura said I had to do something or she'd never buy me ramen ever again. AND she would tell Iruka-sensei that I was the one who ordered the latest Icha Icha Paradise volume and delivered it to his classroom. He thought it was Kakashi-sensei... The old hag should have never put Sakura in charge. And then the only open spots were here, in the kissing booth. So here I am," he concluded. "What about you?"
"Hn." Sasuke was busy planning how to keep all customers away from his Naruto. The possessive pronoun didn't bother him as much as it did a few months ago. It was just a simple fact, like saying Tsunade-sama was the Fifth Hokage. It just was. Naruto was his. Seeing Naruto's expressive face, he wondered if the innocent boy had ever felt emotions such as... jealousy. Well, today, he would find out.
"Oh, look, our first customers!" Naruto sounded excited and Sasuke felt amused. Their first customers, a pair of girls that Sasuke thought he vaguely recognized as Genin under Hinata, shyly shuffled up to the table. A quiet murmur passed between them, and the red haired girl laughed happily.
"I knew it," she crowed gleefully. Her darker haired companion just scowled.
"Are you going to stand there as a blight to the scenery? Or do you have a reason to be here?" The girls blushed and giggled. And that was why Uchiha Sasuke was gay.
"Um... we would like a kiss..." the dark haired girl mumbled.
"I want Sasuke-kun!" The fire haired girl bounced excitedly to Sasuke, and her companion walked at a more sedate pace to Naruto. But despite all her enthusiasm, the red head froze when she was in front of her crush. The dark haired girl, conversely, seemed emboldened, and pecked a shocked Naruto on the lips before dropping a few coins into an empty basket and running off. Her friend hurriedly kissed Sasuke and copied the raven haired girl's previous actions.
The sudden kiss startled Naruto, and for the first time, he realized exactly what working in a kissing booth entailed. But what surprised him more was the sudden urge he felt to rip off the red haired girl's lips. He shook himself and noticed Sasuke's slightly concerned stare.
"Heh heh heh... I'm okay," he said brightly. Sasuke raised an eyebrow in disbelief.
And all was well for a while. Sasuke resigned himself to the fact that undeserving strangers would be kissing his Naruto. Not many people came in soon after the sun began its westward journey, but later in the morning, two meandering lines suddenly formed in front of their table, the line in front of Sasuke considerably longer than the one before his blonde counterpart.
And jealousy consumed Naruto. It was a burning sensation in his chest, a feeling he had rarely felt before. He barely noticed lips brushing against his, different faces staring into his distracted blue eyes, and the rhythmic beat of coins falling on coins. All he felt was an overwhelming desire to badly hurt every girl and guy who had kissed Sasuke.
Between customers and their hesitant kisses, Sasuke glanced at the blonde and smirked with smug satisfaction at the tan hands clenched into fists.
So I'm not the only jealous one.
Sasuke had spent many sleepless nights wondering if his affections were returned. If all those little things, the small smiles, the lingering touches, meant something or if they were grossly blown out of proportion by a mind that wanted too much.
The clenched fists made Sasuke feel much better.
The possessive flare that had surged wildly when he had first heard where Naruto would be working had subsided when he took up the same job. And now it only prickled at every kiss, soothed by Naruto's tense posture. It seemed as if none of the kisses he had received were particularly wanted or enjoyed.
Naruto couldn't take it anymore. All of these people were kissing the teme and leaving unscathed. They must be punished for their audacity.
But, that little traitorous voice in his mind pointed out, Sasuke might not feel the same way you do. What makes you think he's gay? Or wants you in a romantic sense? He said you were his best friend, not his true love.
Naruto frowned slightly, an argument between two of his next customers giving him time to ponder the mystery that was Sasuke. This new revelation was not promising. But still... they must suffer. And suffer they would.
In a little while, Naruto's line had dwindled down to nothing while Sasuke's queue was still going strong. A good time to implement his plan. Grinning slightly as he recalled his time as a full time prankster, he set up his revenge.
With a few hand signs and a little chakra, he changed the appearance of everyone whose lips touched Sasuke. Some had warts pop up around their impudent lips, while others had all facial hair painlessly singed off. Sasuke's face remained impassive as he viewed the changes in his customers' faces. Naruto leaned back in his chair beside him, hands resting comfortably on the back of his neck, grinning smugly. Sasuke's only form of acknowledgement was the eyebrow he raised faintly. Naruto's response was to widen his grin to painful extents. And things returned to being well.
Sasuke felt relief relax his body as their first shift ended. The morning had passed and no serious competition had come to claim a kiss from Naruto. He didn't count the gaggle of blushing adolescent girls and occasional boy as serious competition. Serious competition was-
"Gaara!" Naruto leaned back too far and fell, hitting his head with a loud thud. He bounced back up, rubbing his tenderly, and smile brightly. "What brings you here? Not that I'm not glad to see you or anything like that. Because I am. Happy to see you, that is."
The girls and boy in the line to kiss Sasuke hoped that the scary Kazekage wouldn't hurt the blonde too badly.
Sasuke hoped that he wouldn't have to hurt the Kazekage too badly to claim Naruto. Naruto wouldn't be very happy if his friend was hurt.
"I'm here for a kiss." The red head dropped a few coins into the almost full basket.
Gaara kissed Naruto softly, a gentle pressure of lips. Naruto closed his eyes and relaxed into the warmth. He had never been properly kissed before, and this was a very good first impression. Something pressed against his lips and he parted them in surprise. A warm tongue played with his, not fighting for control, not overtaking him with harsh pleasure. It was a heady feeling, having his mouth being massaged by a talented Kazekage. Gaara pulled away, and Naruto blinked cerulean eyes open. Gaara's mouth curved into a small smile tinged with a reluctant regret.
"That was well worth my money, Naruto. See you around." Naruto nodded and weakly waved a goodbye. Once the curtains closed behind Gaara, Naruto let his head hit the table, and he sighed happily, as he relived his first proper kiss. Memories led him back to the abrupt pressure of Sasuke's lips against his in his first, accidental kiss. Gaara's lips were surprisingly soft. He were wondered if Sasuke's were any softer.
If he was jealous, then there might be hope for him after all. He looked up at the dark haired teen, praying for a reaction. But Sasuke's face was as emotionless as ever. Hopes smashed to smithereens, Naruto let his head sink to the table once more. Maybe Sasuke really did consider him as nothing more than a friend. Maybe he could settle with that.
If he had to.
As unperturbed as he was externally, Sasuke was throwing the mental equivalent of a temper tantrum. Damn Gaara. Things had been going so well, and he just had to come and fuck everything up Damn him. Now all of Sasuke's previous confidence vanished, leaving him with a gnawing fear of what life without Naruto might be like. He doubted if he could do it.
Stop being so melodramatic. You'll always be friends with the dobe.
That was the reasonable part of the mind that was Sasuke, which was effortlessly overtaken by the much bigger possessive section.
Gaara kissed Naruto. He kissed my Naruto!
Less than ten minutes before their lunch break, only a few stragglers remained. Naruto noticed his chakra was wearing off but couldn't really bring himself to care if Sasuke didn't car about him. And then Neji came. And paid for a kiss. And kissed Naruto. And Sasuke felt a sickening sense of déjà vu.
And Naruto experienced his second proper kiss. He vaguely noted that it was wildly different from Gaara's kiss. This was... hotter? If Gaara's kiss had been like cotton candy, sweet and fluffy, then this was a fire that burned with a fierce pleasure. Neji took over his mouth with unyielding force, leaving nothing unexplored. Hands gripped his shoulders tightly. And then it was over, as if the fiery kiss had been doused with icy water. Neji smiled, a rare sight, and bid farewell to the happily dazed blonde.
And the booth closed for lunch.
And then a final, valiant attempt to incite jealousy.
"I really like Neji and Gaara. They have been really nice to me lately." Naruto hoped the flashing sign above that screamed "be jealous" wasn't too subtle.
"What about me?"
"What about you?"
"Do you like me?"
"You're Sasuke! Everyone likes you!"
"Are you a part of everyone?"
"In this case?"
"No. In the case we discussed last night over dinner."
"So... this case, then."
"Dammit, Naruto! Don't make this harder than it already is! Do you like me or not?"
"Why does it matter?"
"It matters, dobe, because I want to know if you'll get mad at me for murdering the Hyuuga and Gaara for kissing you."
"I love you too. But that has to be the weirdest way to tell someone you love them."
"Dobe." And Sasuke kissed Naruto.
If Gaara was candy and Neji was fire, then Sasuke was a drug. A euphoric high crashed over Naruto when Sasuke kissed him. Sasuke hugged Naruto tightly, their lips still glued together, neither giving a damn to a previous necessity known as air. Sasuke slowly caressed every part of Naruto's mouth with an adoring tongue, Naruto trying to mimic his actions. But it wasn't just the physical pleasure that made Naruto feel faint. It was more of the blissful realization that it was Sasuke making him feel faint.
Stupid little voice, getting me all worried. Naruto liked to make it a habit to chastise the voices in his head.
Sasuke was happier than he had been in what seemed like centuries. But one thing still bothered him.
"Hey, dobe," he said to the teen sitting on his lap, "you never told me whether you would be mad or not when I kill Hyuuga and Gaara."
Naruto gave that great thought and finally replied, "Don't kill them. I mean, they didn't steal me from you or anything. I suppose you can wound them, if you must."
"Deal." And they spent the rest of their lunch break in a thoroughly sappy matter, Naruto never leaving Sasuke's lap. They talked in between kisses of varying lengths. Close to an hour had passed when Sakura opened the curtains to check on her two teammates. She raised an eyebrow at their seating arrangement.
"Well, I see today has been productive for both of you."
"So are you ready to reopen the booth for the afternoon?"
It was Naruto who objected. "There is no fucking way Sasuke is ever kissing anyone else ever again." He shifted slightly, and seated himself on Sasuke's lap.
"Dobe," a pinkish Sasuke muttered under his breath, "stop fidgeting so much." Naruto glanced at him curiously, and he elaborated.
"I don't want our first time to be against a table, in front of Sakura. Kinda ruins the romance of it, y'know." Naruto smacked him, which only resulted in him grinning. That had been fun to say.
Sakura looked up from deep thought and saw a grinning Sasuke.
I suppose I should be glad I missed whatever the hell just happened.
"Well, I can't just close the booth... I have an idea... But it depends on your views on exhibitionism?"
Naruto blushed, and Sasuke's grin grew feral.
After the lunch break, a new booth opened with a sober sign proudly proclaiming its name:
Kissing Boys: A Yaoi Fangirl's Dream
Wince. I can't write kissing scenes. Forgive me? If this deserves a review, good or bad, please review. I'd rather not think about all the tense errors in this. My teacher would kill me. But she can't. School is out. Has been for what? Two days? And I'm already bored out of mind. Maybe I'll post some new fics. Maybe. I think that's it. No, wait, it's not!
Please, please, give some ideas for Naruto's revenge. It's currently PATHETIC. I keep on thinking that it's Harry and Draco, and they have wands, which makes this so much easier. But it's not. It's Sasuke and Naruto, who have chakra. So any ideas I get, I'll gladly edit the fic and use them. Because anything is better than what I have right now. Gah.
That's it. I'm going to bed.