Gift for in the pretend world, the Jane in my life, and my evil partner. We shall rule the world, and clone an evil gistapo army of kumquats! Mwahahahahaha!
Okay, I was a little bit hysterical after exams, so naturally I wrote this. I finished my exams earlier than everyone else and, as a result, decided it would be fun to write. So Bella is very OOC.
I don't own Twilight. If I did, I wouldn't suck at characterization. And I would be able to say I owned Edward Cullen. How cool would that be?!?
It was, as Alice predicted, a cloudy day that the Cullens had taken Bella to the nearest beach, which wasn't so near. And Bella had been happy to do so, not having to have money spent on her. But sadly, the vampires were a little happy…
Emmett grinned. "Look, I'm David what's-his-name!" He started doing a slow motion run along the beach. Rosalie cringed as he yelled. "Come on, Pamela!" But as usual, she followed her husband's lead.
Edward threw the tennis ball to Jasper, while Alice sprawled out under the non-existent sun, not that it would work even with the sun. Bella waded in the seawater, walking further out, grinning childishly.
"Uh…help?" She joked weakly. No one heard. Pouting, she twisted her fingers together, drew in a deep breath, and ducked under the water.
Edward glanced out at the water to smile at Bella, and his face blanched. "Bella!" Hurling the ball back at Jasper without looking, he was in the water momentarily, no sign he had ever dived in. Bella surfaced, hair dripping, waving at Alice.
"Uh, Bella, Edward's looking for you…underwater." Alice yelled. Bella winced, eyes narrowed, thinking about whether it was worth going under. Deciding it was, she nodded.
"Going down." She blocked her nose, kneeling under the water. Alice watched, amused, as Edward's head broke the water, and he looked around anxiously.
"Bella?" He yelled. Alice motioned to under the water, and Edward dove down again. But, typically, Bella came up, gasping and wiping at her nose, jumping up and down in the water. She slipped under, before jumping back up, nose held tightly as she pouted.
"A crab got me!" She screamed, face scrunched up in pain. "It hurt!" Alice laughed, and Bella heard a splash. Looking sideways, she saw Edward had surfaced. "Edward!" Suddenly Bella was pulled underneath…but Edward was still standing.
"Bella?" Edward's face was full of horror, but as he went to dive own, Bella came up…holding Emmett's ear with one hand, and his nose with the other. Edward snorted with laughter as Bella pulled on them.
"Bad Emmett!" Letting go of his nose, she flicked it hard, still clutching his ear. Rosalie burst out laughing, lying on the towel beside Alice, also attempting to tan, even though she couldn't.
Jasper was suddenly in the water beside Bella. "Go Bella Swan!" He smiled, gesturing to Emmett. "May I?"
"Neh." Bella shrugged, pushing Emmett sideways. Jasper grabbed Emmett's other ear, and pulled…hard.
Emmett swore. "Easy on the goods!" Bella smirked, nodding at Jasper, and they both tugged on Emmett's ear at the same time, as hard as they could.
"Nahahahaha! Gistapo!" Bella laughed. Edward blinked. Gistapo? He focused instead on the pain poor little Emmett was being put through by his girlfriend and adopted brother.
Emmett held his hands up, face contorted in agony. "Evil! Ow! Uncle!" Bella screwed her nose up, poking her tongue out and murmuring something. Emmett blinked. "Did you just call me a sulk? You? The human?" Bella nodded slowly. "You've got to be kidding me."
"Kidding?" Bella glanced at Jasper, wide eyed in indignation. "Who? Me? Never!" Emmett rolled his eyes, and Bella tugged on his ear. Emmett swore. Again.
Edward, meanwhile, had walked back on the beach, exasperated with his brothers and girlfriend, though somewhat amused. "Three…two…one…" He began, waiting for it.
"Ow! Bella!" Emmett roared, swiping at Bella, the attack prevented by Jasper's hand. "It's still attached, you know?"
Edward didn't even look back towards the water, laughing quietly, and shaking his head as he walked, dripping water. "That's my girl." He glanced at his sisters. Alice was lying neatly, flipping the pages of her glossy magazine, while Rosalie basked in her own glory, listening to the music on her MP3 player.
"Even though the guys go crazy, even though the stars are blind, if you show me real love, baby, I'll show you mine…" Rosalie sung. Alice froze in the middle of turning the page, glaring at Rosalie.
"Paris Hilton?" Rosalie nodded, and Alice groaned. "Did I not teach you better than that? Rosalie Lillian Hale, I beg of you, change the song!"
Bella, in the meantime, had dragged Emmett by his ear out of the water, still grinning. Jasper followed, rolling his eyes, but still laughing himself. "Come on Senor Fruitbat, time for a beach burial…mwahahaha." Bella cackled.
Emmett's eyes widened. "Senor Fruitbat?" Bella nodded solemnly, and Emmett winced. "Not even, you know, King Fruitbat? I don't get that much?"
Bella smiled sweetly. "It could be worse. It could be Senorita Fruitbat." Emmett attempted to step away, but her grip on his ear stopped him.
"Why, why, why would you do that?" Emmett demanded, horrified.
Bella shrugged. "Because I'm evil." She cackled again. "Nahahahahahaha!" Emmett cringed as she suddenly pulled on his ear, pointing at the sand. Reluctantly, he sat down. Bella looked at Jasper. "Oh, Jazzysper," she sung, "can you dig me a hole? For Senor Fruitbat?"
Jasper grinned. "My pleasure, Isabella dearest." He dug a hole in a few seconds, big enough for Emmett to lie back into. Emmett laid back in the hole, frowning as Bella sat back on her heels, childishly covering him with sand. Emmett shrugged, relaxing back, and recognizing the song Bella was humming.
"'De seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake, you dream about going up 'dere, but 'dat is a big mistake…" Emmett sung. "Under 'da sea…under 'da sea…" He suddenly stopped, his face blanching. "Sand crab in pants, sand crab in pants!" Emmett started to jerk. Bella hit him neatly on the head with the spade Jasper had found. Emmett stopped, turning to stare at her. "That hurt." He remarked.
Bella screwed her nose up petulantly, examining the spade. "You broke it." She flicked his nose, swatting at his ear. "Bad Emmett!"
One hour later…
Edward and Jasper watched from a distance as Bella finished shaping Emmett's mermaid body. Rosalie walked over, eyebrow raised, looking on with distaste.
"No way is he being a flat-chested mermaid. No, humiliate him, do it properly." She snorted, quickly shaping the top half of his body. Alice found shells to cover his chest, covering his head with seaweed.
Emmett reached up with his free arm to touch the shells and scowled. "You're not serious, right? I don't get, you know, just a little more?" He demanded.
Bella scowled, motioning to her own chest with a glower. "I didn't. Neither should you." She scoffed. Edward turned to glare at her, eyes blazing.
"Isabella Marie, I don't let other people get away with insulting you. So I'm not going to be letting you away with insulting yourself." He growled. Bella ignored him, rolling her eyes, and sprinkling sand into Emmett's open mouth. She grinned mischievously, and Edward turned to glare at Alice.
"What did you give her?" He demanded.
Alice's face blanched, and she shrugged nervously, eyes shifting uncomfortably. "Uh, I gave her…uh…a small…uh, a small…cup of…coffee?" She shrugged again. Edward trembled, eyes moving to rest on Bella.
"Oh, Lord save us all." He cringed.
Emmett squinted. "Bella, it's too bright. Can you get me some shade?" Bella nodded, and looked at Jasper. Sighing, Jasper darted off, reappearing with a deck chair. Bella grinned and stepped on Emmett's sand body, flattening the sand across him until only his head was visible.
"This is…uncomfortable…" Emmett commented. Bella rolled her eyes at Emmett's comment, digging a hole around his head so he wasn't visible from the side on. She dumped the chair over top of him, smiling.
"Happy?" Bella asked wryly. She didn't hear his answer as Rosalie sat down on the chair, not even realizing her husband was lying under it.
Rosalie flipped open her book. "So…where's Emmett?" She asked. Bella grinned, giggling, and shrugged, running back and diving in the water.
On the way home…
Bella sighed, falling asleep against Alice. She was almost completely asleep when Rosalie spoke from the front seat. "So, Emmett decided to run home then, did he?"
Bella's eyes snapped open, and she jerked up.
Mwhahahahaha. I was so hyper after exams, so this was born. Don't hate me, and it was only a oneshot. So yeah. I'm editing 3 wicked stories. "We Don't Need To Whisper" by in the pretend world, "Things Change" by MyForbiddenFruit, and "Fired At Point Blank" by Bad Alice. Read them!
Also, in the pretend world and I are writing a joint story, called "Dying Is Your Latest Fashion". Bound to be morbid, but wicked, seriously. We're creating a joint account, and then I'll let you know what the penname is. To Audrey, though, I hope you like your character. I didn't warn you…but I thought you'd be thrilled.
Please review, for our beloved Edward Cullen!
Just A Little Bit Dramatic