A/N:: It's funny what my mind can use as inspiration for fics. This, for example, is roughly (& I DO mean roughly!) based on the song "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie. It's not as long as I wanted it, though. :(
FanFic 100 Challenge #:: 094- Independence
The distinct scent of his sweet lemon-smelling skin lingers on me and in the very air around me, as if he wasn't on my mind enough already. I pause for a moment to wonder where he is at this very moment, what could possibly be on his mind...
Our conversation here tonight was almost more than I could bear. I try to immerse myself into my paperwork, hoping for a means of distraction and release from my haunting thoughts, but it is no use. Tonight, in words I did not quite recognize as my own, I unwillingly told him that we could not advance our relationship any further; at least not now. I was only thinking of the students, the school, our work, as he should. I can not, however, forget the look of hurt that darkened his once sparkling light blue eyes; that image still tears relentlessly at my heart.
I promised him that nothing between us would change. We'll still be best friends and play our nightly game of chess together, sometimes remaining engaged in the game until dawn arises. We'll still share our secrets, our fears, our passions, and yes, even still walk arm in arm together, simply enjoying the nearness of each other. And I hope he never forgets: we'll always be the envy of that obnoxious toad, Delores Umbridge. Here, at this thought, I cannot help but smile.
I do not deny my feelings for him, for that would be lying not only to him, but to myself as well. I do love Albus, but I'm afraid this is not the time for us. Lord Voldemort's armies are growing stronger every day, as is his Dark reign over the Wizarding World. Our tomorrow is simply not promised, and I can not allow myself to love him one day and then lose him the next. I do believe that if this relationship is meant to be, it will happen in its own special time. I eagerly await that moment, as there is nothing that I want more in this world than to be with him as his one true love and devoted wife.
I shake my head slightly, as if this will somehow rid my mind of these thoughts and the sinking feeling deep within my chest, which I fear will not subside anytime soon. My eyes become clouded and weariness mixed with tears stings my eyes, but I immediately dab the corners of my lashes to dismiss the teardrops before they can properly form. These papers are due to the Ministry tomorrow morning, after all. I remove my glasses and place gentle pressure upon my throbbing forehead. Replacing my glasses, I sit up straighter in my chair and hold my head a little higher than it had been before. I must put these foolish thoughts aside and again slip into my most important role- Deputy Headmistress...
And Deputy Headmistresses don't cry.