The Lady Killer

R. Winters

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Speedo.

I kind of cheeted 'cause I wanted to give you guys another update. I posted this in a livejournal community a few weeks ago, so if you've already seen it, sorry, I've been busy lately. Do people prefer frequent updates (on the order of once a week) with long waits between stories, or updates as they come out (on the order of once a month)? Either way, I have a new story nearly ready for posting, I just always assume the former because I like it when authors update quickly. But my next story doesn't really star Kakashi, so if more people prefer it, I could start posting one of my uncompleted Kakashi stories... It would just be long waits between chapters. Let me know if you have any preference. If not, I'll just keep doing things the way I am, with one-shots to fill in between stories.


The eleven-year-old burst into the clearing to be met with the raised eyebrows of his teammates. He glanced around anxiously only to breathe a sigh of relief when he found his yellow-haired teacher was no where to be seen.

"Yes! I made it!" He cheered, much to the amusement of his female teammate, who giggled a little at his antics.

"No, you didn't," Kakashi interrupted, pinning the older boy with a dry expression, "It's just that sensei is even later than you today."

"Shows what you know!" Obito retorted, sticking his tongue out at the white-haired youth. "If you get here before sensei, that means you're on time!"

"We were supposed to meet at eight," Kakashi responded, "If you can't get here by then, it means you're late. Just because sensei's late, too, doesn't make you automatically on time."

"... Does too!" Obito argued stubbornly.

Kakashi rolled his eyes but let the matter drop.

The three teammates stood in silence for several minutes until Obito, annoyed, broke it. "Hey, so where is sensei?" He demanded, "Isn't he coming today?" Both he and Rin looked at Kakashi, who seemed to know their teacher's schedule best. The white-haired genius sighed.

"It's Tuesday, so sensei probably had breakfast at Masaki's... After that, he would usually come here..." The boy frowned, eyebrows drawing together above his mask, "Unless..."

"Unless what?" Rin prompted curiously.

"The reason sensei likes to eat at Masaki's is because a lot of traders come in through there and he likes to impress the civilian women with his ninjutsu," he explained, "Sometimes, if he's having a really interesting day, he forgets to leave for training."

"So he's not here 'cause he's flirting with a girl?" Obito demanded, disgruntled.

Kakashi shrugged, "It's more likely than the alternative."

"Doesn't it bother the managers that sensei is using ninjutsu in their restaurant?" Rin wondered.

Kakashi shrugged, "They haven't banned him, so I guess not."

"What kind of ninjutsu does he use?" Obito questioned.

Kakashi frowned at him, "How would I know?"

"Haven't you ever gone to see what he's doing?" Rin asked.

The younger boy shot her a look as though she were crazy, "Have you been to Masaki's?"

"No..." The girl said slowly.

"It's disgusting!" Kakashi said, "It's all pink and frilly and it absolutely reeks of cheap, flowery perfume. I've never seen a self-respecting shinobi step foot through those doors."

Obito frowned, "Hey, but I thought you said sensei..." He trailed off under Kakashi's bland gaze.

"I said self-respecting," Kakashi repeated dryly, "The same kind of shinobi that wouldn't spend their afternoons eating ice cream and chasing cats up trees."

Obito looked like he wanted to say something, but Rin stepped in before the two boys could start arguing again, "Aren't you just a little curious, though?" She asked—she was growing more and more intrigued by the minute.

"I'm curious," Obito agreed with a nod.

"Not really," Kakashi answered with a disinterested shrug, "It's probably something stupid like Henge—civilians always like that one."

"But if it really impresses them, it might be something really cool!" Obito said excitedly, "Maybe if we go, sensei will teach it to us!"

Kakashi shrugged again, "I asked him once, he said I don't need that technique."

"But what if one day you do!" Obito insisted, "Don't you want to learn all the jutsu you can?!"

Kakashi hesitated, frowning slightly in thought.

"It might be really interesting," Rin agreed, "Sensei hasn't really taught us any new jutsu, yet."

"Come on, Kakashi," Obito wheedled, "At least show us where the restaurant is... You can wait outside and just me an' Rin will go in and see the new jutsu."

Kakashi stared at his two expectant teammates for a long moment before releasing a resigned sigh. "Fine, we'll go. But don't get caught."

"Why are you looking at me when you say that?!" Obito exclaimed indignantly.


Kakashi motioned for the two Genin to stay back as he crept around the corner of the restaurant. Carefully peering through the large windows on the street side of the shop, his eyes were immediately drawn to the gaggle of women gathered at the far side of the store. He could just make out some yellow somewhere in the middle of it all and immediately knew—there was sensei.

He turned to head back to his team only to groan in exasperation when he found them right next to him, peering through the window. Obito even had his face pressed right up to the glass, hands cupped around either side for a better view.

"Idiot, get back!" The Chuunin hissed, yanking back on the other boy's collar, "I thought I told you guys to wait back there!"

"All you did was make that weird motion with your hand!" Obito argued indignantly, "How were we supposed to know that it meant something?"

"How often do I use hand signs just for fun?" Kakashi asked dryly.

"... Point," Obito conceded reluctantly.

"But we still didn't know what it meant," Rin pointed out.

"Whatever. From now on, that means for you to hang back while I scout ahead," Kakashi stated.

Rin nodded, but Obito wasn't about to concede so easily, "Why do we have to stay behind?!"

"You want to see the jutsu, right? Kakashi asked with irritation.

Obito nodded, arms crossed moodily across his chest.

"Then we have to be careful," Kakashi admonished, "If sensei notices us, we might never see his ninjutsu. He's an elite Jounin, you two have no chance of sneaking up on him on your own. Just do what I tell you to do and we might have a chance."

Obito opened his mouth to argue—there was no way he was going to let himself be bossed around by a brat two years younger than him! Rin jumped in before the grumpy Uchiha could make his claim.

"Okay, Kakashi-kun, lead the way," she conceded, then turned to Obito and hissed, "It's just for a little while, so we can see this new jutsu. Be nice."

Obito reluctantly relented in the face of his crush. Kakashi, seeing he had the support of his teammates, took charge.

"Be quiet, stay low, and follow me," he directed, leading the way to the door while, hopefully, staying out of sight of their teacher. He led them around to duck behind the end of the counter and paused.

Obito, bringing up the rear, coughed, his face scrunched up in disgust as he waved a hand in front of his nose. Kakashi glowered at him, and Rin hit him on the arm.

"Quiet!" Both of them hissed.

Obito flushed, forcing himself to stop gagging, "Sorry, it's just really smelly," he croaked.

Kakashi continued to glower at him, "Which part of be quiet didn't you understand?" He demanded, peeking around the corner to be sure the other boy hadn't attracted any attention. Once he was satisfied, he turned back to his team.

"The best way to do this is to sneak behind them," he whispered, "Do either of you know any Genjutsu?"

"Anô... we know Henge," Rin offered uncertainly.

Kakashi sighed, "Of course. Look, keep down and don't make any noise. Follow me."

With nods, the two Genin crept behind Kakashi. They froze at one point, when Obito accidentally knocked against the lower shelf of the service desk—the Uchiha had been forced to smother a yelp with his hand. Kakashi glared and carefully peeked over the counter a minute and a half later just to make sure they were still moving unnoticed.

Once they were clear they continued on, pausing when the counter ended. Kakashi peeked around the corner—he could see a partially obstructed view of his sensei's jacket, but he couldn't make out much beyond that. Silently, he motioned them forward, spotting a table with a good vantage point a few meters away. He was about to turn to go when he noticed the Genin were simply staring at him with varying expressions of confusion.

With a sigh, he hissed, "Follow me!"

They nodded, Kakashi rolled his eyes and turned, peering around the corner again before quickly—and quietly—crossing the distance to the table. He paused behind the far chair, turning back to watch his teammates progress. He glanced anxiously at his teacher's back, and his eyes widened to see the man turning. Hastily, he motioned for the two Genin to hurry up.

Despite not actually knowing the hand sign, both Genin sped up—with a glance at their sensei, Rin's eyes widened and she increased her pace, Obito simply followed her example.

"Get down! Quick!" Kakashi hissed when they reached him, ducking behind his chair and motioning them to do the same.

He watched anxiously as some petite brunette said something, giggling as she did so and drawing their teacher's attention back in the opposite direction. He nodded to the others and climbed swiftly into his chair, immediately taking up the menu and opening it in front of him. Obito and Rin followed his example, climbing into the remaining two chairs and setting up their menus to hide behind.

"Now what?" Obito whispered, earning himself a glare from the younger boy.

"Quiet!" Kakashi hissed back, "Just watch so you don't miss it when he uses his jutsu!"

The three students settled down to watch, hunkered back so they could easily duck under the guard of their menus if need be. Kakashi watched closely, straining his ears to hear what was being said.

The blonde man stood in the midst of the women, clearly enjoying the attention he was receiving as they oohed and awed over his lean, muscular arms or handsomely chiseled face. Kakashi rolled his eyes as one of the women ruffled his teacher's messy blonde hair, calling it adorable. But what really peaked his attention was when some of them started asking about "ninja tricks."

He glanced at his teammates to see that they were also paying close attention, obviously anticipating their teacher's demonstration of his impressive jutsu. Kakashi turned his attention back as well, wishing the man were facing them so he could see the hand seals he used.

"Mou... I guess I could show you one or two," the man allowed with insincere reluctance. Kakashi could hear the playful grin on the man's face as he continued, probably forming hand seals as he explained, "I think you ladies can appreciate this little trick... It's a great time-saver."

"Shunshin no Jutsu," Kakashi guessed, whispering it under his breath with a little disappointment since it was one he already knew.

A cloud of white smoke exploded around the man, fading away as the women made a show of coughing once or twice and waving their hands in front of delicate noses. Kakashi was a little surprised to realize his teacher hadn't moved after all, and his jaw dropped open against his will to see what, exactly, this "impressive jutsu" had done. Thankfully, he was wearing his mask, so his teammates didn't notice his lapse in control.

The women were, of course, enjoying his teacher's gratuitous show of skin and muscle very much as the man stood unabashedly in front of them, wearing nothing more than a Speedo and his ninja sandals.

"That's his impressive ninjutsu?!" Rin squeaked, mortified as she slipped beneath her menu to hide her flaming face.

"Wow..." Obito breathed, staring at his teacher in awe, "Sensei's... so cool..."

Kakashi didn't comment, but was quick to point to the door and lead the way back out. Rin started to follow, but paused to elbow Obito and hiss at him, "We're going!"

"Okay, okay, I'm coming," Obito whispered back, following the girl—though not without one or two more glances over his shoulder at the impressive build of his sensei, and all the attention that impressive build was garnering.

Kakashi didn't stop until they were out of the building and around the corner, not overly concerned about being seen since the crowd around his sensei had thickened. He stopped to look back at his teammates—Rin's face was still red and Obito was wearing a wide, cheesy grin. He was immensely relieved that his mask didn't give away anything of his own reaction.

"I told you it would probably just be Henge," he commented, pretending he hadn't just suffered through the single most embarrassing moment of his short life.

"Yeah, but you didn't say anything about the Henge being naked," Rin commented dryly, cheeks still pink.

"He wasn't naked!" Obito exclaimed, jumping to their teacher's defense, "He was wearing that swim-suit thing!"

"A Speedo hardly counts as clothing," Rin said pertly.


The Yellow Flash caught up to his team about twenty minutes later, apologizing for being late—"I had to attend an emergency meeting," he excused with a faint blush, "It was kind of a last minute thing, sorry!"

Rin and Kakashi were in like mind, both wanting to put the traumatizing incident of seeing their well respected teacher decked out in nothing but a Speedo behind them. Kakashi didn't even bother to look up from the kata he was practicing. Obito, however, much to the regret of his teammates, didn't know when to leave well enough alone.

"No you weren't!" He shouted, "You were at some sissy restaurant, showing off for girls!"

The silence that followed his accusation was almost a physical manifestation in the training grounds.

"Ah... Well... There's a good reason for that..." The man started awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous habit.

"Obito," Kakashi growled threateningly, shooting the boy a glare that dared him to continue.

The man looked between his three students with renewed interest. Rin refused to meet his eye, choosing to stare instead at the ground, a few feet right of her foot, with a blush coloring her cheeks. Obito was grinning widely and Kakashi looked ready to murder his dark haired teammate.

"We were wondering where you were all morning," Obito continued, fully enjoying the expression of hatred his teammate was focusing on him—he called it payback for having to listen to the little brat all morning, "Kakashi thought you might be at Masaki's, so he suggested we look for you there."

"I wasn't the one who wanted to go, loser!" Kakashi snapped, temper breaking at the insinuation that their embarrassing predicament might be his fault.

"You wanted to see sensei's special jutsu!" Obito accused.

Kakashi very much wanted to refute that, but, unfortunately, he knew it was true. Silently, he vowed to give the Uchiha the beating of a lifetime when they sparred next.

"Kakashi... are you blushing?" The Yellow Flash questioned in a very innocent—and thus very suggestive—manner.

Kakashi shifted his disgruntled glare to the man. He might not be able to beat the Jounin to a pulp, but he was sure he could find something equally painful to put him through.

"Sensei!" Rin finally blurted, all while focusing her eyes somewhere in the tree behind the man, "You're supposed to be setting a good example!"

The man managed to look a little abashed at that. Until he opened his mouth, "Aw, you didn't like my Sexy no Jutsu, Rin?"

The girl blushed all over again while Obito cheered, "It was so awesome, sensei!" He exclaimed, "Teach me! Please?"

Kakashi glowered at the both of them, "That is not proper use of military techniques, sensei," he lectured stonily, "Henge no Jutsu is supposed to be used for infiltrating the enemy—for information gathering and sabotage. Not for getting yourself a date."

"Mou... If it makes you feel any better, Kashi-kun, I didn't get a date," the man offered with a cheerful grin, "Those ladies were on the trading train that came to town last night—they'll be gone by this afternoon."

The look on Kakashi's face stated quite clearly that it did not make him feel any better.