Really long A/N: Okay, so right now I have two stories running: Bella, Isabella and The Weird and Wonderful Tales of the Cullens. All the rest are done, for now. So this was originally just going to be a oneshot, but I felt it had potential for an actual story. I got this idea from a deer running across the road and I thought hey! Edward drinks deer blood! What if it was spiked with alcohol! HAHAH! Let the hilariousity ensue! One more thing here: I don't know if you can poison lakes and rivers, but just go with it. This is totally OOC.

I usually was awoken by Edward whispering something in my ear, or him kissing my neck, or something along those lines, but today was different. I wasn't really woke up, I was scared up; by a loud and earsplitting shout from downstairs. Rubbing my eyes, I noticed a note stuck to my hand with ribbon, puzzled I yanked it off. I unfolded it and hastily read the message. It was from Edward.

Dearest Bella,

I know we talked about this last night, but I wanted to make sure you wouldn't worry one bit. I'm out hunting, not far, just in the woods right outside of town. I'll be back at exactly 6:00 pm, you can even time me, and if I'm late you have full rights to punish me however you wish. But please, be gentle. So go have a human minute and breathe because I'm sure you haven't since you started reading this. I will be back, I promise. If you want, you can go to my house and spend some time with Alice. But I'm warning you now, she went shopping.

I love you more than you will ever know,


I took a deep breath just like Edward said. He may not be able to read my mind, but he sure knew me well. I swore that I would not spend all day moping around and waiting for Edward, but I was sure that as soon as I had run out of things to do I would back to: yes, you guessed it, moping around and waiting for Edward. But I had other things to worry about right now, like why was my dad was ready to burst a blood vessel this early in the morning. He usually saved that for after lunch. I shoved the note into a pocket and hurried downstairs to see what all the hubbub was about.

I rushed down the stairs just in time to see my dad rush past me up the stairs, and a minute later he rushed back down, fully dressed for work. Even though it was a Sunday, and he was supposed to go fishing today.Wow, if he was skipping fishing, it must be serious.

"Dad? What's going on?"

"I really have to run, but it looks like some of the deer are intoxicated. Apparently someone thought it would be funny to poison all the lakes and rivers surrounding Forks, I don't know how and I don't know why, but they must have had a lot of alcohol. But right now I have to head out to the woods right outside of town and see just how bad this damage is, but I have no clue how to fix it." And without another word, he kissed the top of my head, got in his cruiser, and sped off. I just shook my head and walked back upstairs. Whoever did this must have had a lot of money to buy all the alcohol and must have had nothing to do with it. Who would possibly think it would be funny to get all the deer drunk? As soon as the thought popped into my head I stopped dead. I know exactly who would find that funny, Emmett Cullen. I hurried right back down the stairs and, still in my jammies, pushed my truck as fast as it would go towards the Cullen house. I had to warn Alice, just then another horrifying thought came into my mind, Edward was hunting in the woods outside of town, where the drunk deer were. It was going to be a long day.