Okay Next Chappie is up! Hope you like it! It would be lovely if people would review... please don't make me beg!
Again with the disclaimer: No, Naruto still isn't mine and no Kakashi is not mine either!
Upon arriving at the palace, the three were accommodated out of their special wagon to a chamber that Oni manically insisted was prepared most luxuriously for Princess Yumi's arrival. Apparently luxurious meant a few more pillow cushions (extra large to fit the Prince's expansive behind) and a single gold vase filled with flowers. To be frank it wasn't all that impressive, but Kakashi and Naruto did their best to point out its positive attributes. It may have been to comfort Sakura but more to the point the creeeepy glare that seemed stuck in place on her mouth made them fear for their lives.
"Look, uh, Princess. There is a lovely private room just for you." Kakashi leaned in closer to her ear so that the maids directing them wouldn't hear, "perfect for planning our escape in eh?"
Naruto also leaned in "Yeah and you always like prissy stuff like bubble baths (feels the glare burning his retina), I mean free food anyhow so maybe this isn't such a bad thing right?" He laughed nervously.
Sakura muttered under her breath, "How about you both shut the hell up… I'm thinking!" Graciously her teammates backed off "Yes m'am."
At long last their escort bowed gesturing towards a closet where apparently a dinner gown awaited Sakura. She left with the parting announcement that dinner would begin at 7:30. The minute the door clicked into place the boys cautiously turned to Sakura to await their sentence. Always the braver of the two, Kakashi was the first to inquire her said plan.
"Well, um it appears you have some ideas, so if you would please tell us how we can assist you I will do whatever I can." Naruto struck his best optimist pose.
"Yeah! No way are we going to let this guy take you away from us, psh we can totally take the prince. I mean one right hook and that guy would be out cold for a week, huh ? huh? Or maybe I could bust his nose, or even pull a rug out from under him… although that might be kinda hard considering-"
"Stop it both of you, violence is not the answer." Sakura held her hand out to command silence. She thought it sounded a little weak considering she probably could beat Oni to a bloody pulp but hells bells it wasn't totally his fault that they had been captured. Actually he had been rather kind... as long as he still believed her lie, she knew he would never hurt her.
"Besides, if I lied my way into this whole nightmare just to avoid bloodshed, well dammit I'm not going to set the walls on fire now." She turned to the boys.
"Actually, I have a better idea, and you guys are perfect for the job." She laughed evilly causing her teammates to glance nervously at each other for about the hundredth time that day.
"Um what exactly, do you have in mind… what… what's so funny?" Naruto prodded cautiously. Sakura paused her snickering and eyed Kakashi.
"If I tell you, you're not going to like it." She cleared her voice as Kakashi thought to himself what a bad idea it was to traumatize team seven all those years ago with those same words.
"Kakashi, have you ever worn a dress before?" He shivered at the idea of where this conversation was going.
"Well no not exactly, being a male that generally isn't a part of the uniform… what exactly do you have in mind." Sakura stood up and began to walk around the room. She was like a tiger playing with her food.
"Well supposing I was thinking about wrecking a dinner party, I would need accomplice's right?"
"Well… you don't honestly believe that Oni would allow me to bring in a male servant to our little date. Right?
"Um, yeah that seems logical..."
"Well, how should I put this, since your usual appearance is a tad too manly for this mission I think we are going to have to make you a bit more feminine." At this Kakashi began to pale as Naruto pointed and laughed at his misfortune. Sakura couldn't help but feel justice was served by the look on his face. Although she didn't truly think this piece of her plan was completely necessary, what the hell… who wouldn't want to cause their smart-ass ex-sensei to blush ten (maybe even twenty) shade of red. It was simply irresistible.
"That's what he gets for his cheekiness back at the site." After enough basking in the moment she turned to Naruto.
"As for you I have something even better in mind." Naruto immediately snapped up, color draining from his face.
"I was thinking, after I have some fun completely destroying the romance, what would make a perfect finale… and then I thought, oh you're going to love this, what if the real Princess Yumi were to come barging in. I mean, chaos is bound to ensue and I don't know, I'm thinking a little chaos is just what we need to get out right?"
"Since I don't know where the real Princess is, thus making the odds that my little finale would naturally happen too slim for my liking, I think a replica of me would certainly do the trick. Furthermore, being in the company of the prince himself, I probably wouldn't be able to complete the jutsu myself. That's where you come in. You will play the part of the "real" princess." Finishing and quite satisfied with her ingenious ways of mixing payback with completing the task at hand, Sakura surveyed her work. Both Kakashi and Naruto seemed at a loss of words.
"Apparently, they feel a little uncomfortable… maybe this day isn't so bad afterall! CHYAW!"
"But, but, but, Sakura, isn't there any other way, I mean why do we have to play women?" Naruto whined begging for her to change her mind. Kakashi, although appearing to have calmed back to his usual level couldn't resist from adding his own two cents.
"I must agree with Naruto... I mean, I'm not sure I can even do as you have asked me. I understand your plan concerning Naruto but honestly, why do I have to act like a woman?" Sakura scowled.
"Because I said so, besides, you promised to help me." At this point Sakura knew just how to manipulate men to do her bidding. Curling her knees to her chest and bowing her head, she pretended to cry.
"Or maybe you guys don't even care about me… maybe you want me to marry that ugly old prince. You won't even swallow your pride just for a minute to help a sister out. I thought you guys were cooler than that." Kakashi rubbed his temple as he slung his arm tenderly around Sakura's shoulders.
"Oh jeeze… don't cry… this isn't very becoming of a kunoichi… oh alright I'll do it for you." Naruto conceded as well.
"Okay Sakura, just tell me what to do, I'll help you no matter what." Sakura hid a smile.
"Really? GREAT! You guys are the best! Now my plan will work perfectly!" Although he felt none the less awkward about his role, Naruto couldn't help but ask for more details.
"Okay Sakura now what exactly are you going to do. When do I come in, what's going on?" Sakura giggled playfully ruffling his hair.
"Princesses are supposed to be graceful, clean, sophisticated, and must demonstrate the best manners. This is exactly want Oni is wanting in a wife… and this is exactly the opposite of what I'm, well actually we're (she pointed to Kakashi) going to give him. I'm going to use every atrocious table habit in the book to drive him away from the idea of marrying me while you buffer it with an insistence that this is my usual behavior. If this isn't enough to cancel the wedding immediately. You (she pointed to Naruto) are going to rush in on my signal as the real Princess Yumi who has discovered that she has just been impersonated. When everybody is satisfyingly stupefied, we run… got it?" Despite their feelings of impending doom neither Kakashi nor Naruto could argue that this wasn't a truly brilliant plan. Naruto raised his hand.
"Um, Sakura, what will the signal be?"
"Hm?" She thought to herself carefully. "The signal will be when I profess my undying love for the prince." Her teammates gasped at the idea. Kakashi attempted to change her mind.
"Sakura… you can't…that's too risky! What if he believes you, and tries to, I don't know, kiss you or something?" Flipping her hand she turned towards the closet where a gown apparently awaited her.
"Relax, it's not for real, obviously, besides, what man in this world wants a clingy women who wears her heart on her sleeve, eh? Exhibit A... my old crush on Sauske. ." The men agreed silently shrugging their shoulders. Really, what could you say to a comment like that? Sakura opened the closet revealing a stunning evening gown. It had red silk and a shape that would suit Sakura's body –type perfectly.
"This dress is pretty… too pretty!" Taking out a kunai she spoke over her shoulders.
"Alright boys, action!"
Alright, now I'm open for suggestions, but nothing gross! This is supposed to be funny, not necessarily sick (although Kakashi in a dress is pushing it). Any rate I'll consider constructive suggestions!