Disclaimer: Are you kidding me?! Do I type like the kinda person who lives, speaks, and writes in Japan(ease)?!

Warning: Roy/Ed kinky hospital underage luvins!

"What the hell do they think they're trying to pull by this?! This wasn't mentioned in the job interview!" Edward Elric sat in a cold metal chair in the dimly lit room inside the medical ward…In his underwear. "Please brother!" Alphonse Elric, his younger brother, attempted to reason with him. "Everyone at Central has to have their physicals at the same time every few years! If you don't do this, you'll have your state alchemist license taken away!"

The only reason Al had come with Ed was to keep him company…and make sure he didn't try to run away again. "Whatever." Ed muttered, folding his hands behind his head and leaning back. "Just another stiff in a white coat gonna tell me I'm too short for my age 'n need to drink more milk. Stupid milk. It's freakin' unnatural! Have you ever seen how they get it out?!"

The rooms only other occupant stirred from the light nap he'd been taking in the time the nurse had been absent. "Will you be quiet, Full Metal? If I knew I'd have to get the time slot with your loud mouth, I wouldn't have waited so long to register." Roy Mustang the colonel 'bastard' murmured as he yawned and stretched.

Ed's face turned a strange red color that Al had never seen on him before, and that's saying something with all of Ed's many expressions!


"What the hell do you mean by that stuck up straight faced big butted-"


After several deep breaths, Ed seemed to regain his composure and lean back in his chair. "I'm getting thirst, Al." He said as his metallic auto mail right hand dug a few spare coins out of the pocket of a red jacket sitting on the examining table. "Think you can get me a soda from the machine we saw outside the building?"

"Brother, a soda has a lot of sugar, and with all your energy right now, a soda isn't really what you need…" Al began to sweat at the intense stare his brother was giving him.


"What energy?! I'm so tired right now! I've been pulling in nonstop mission after mission for weeks now! I'm wiped out! Oh! Did you see that?! A yawn! Hey! Don't walk away from me!"

Al closed the door behind him, relieved to get out of the tiny examination room for a while after waiting with Ed for a good four hours. Hey, suits of armor could get claustrophobic too! Right now the only doctor still on duty was having his lunch break and wouldn't get back for about thirty minutes, so Al decided he might have enough time to take a walk around the building.

Apparently, almost everyone in Central had waited until the very last day of the examination time to get in. Not even state alchemists liked the white EVERYTHING, being violated by a dude with a stethoscope, and, yeah, needles.

Roy leaned back in his chair, turning to smirk at Ed. "Alphonse is right you know, Ed. You do have WAY too much energy." Ed growled. "What do you know?!" He glared once again at Roy with his annoying smirk and silky black boxers. Ed muttered to himself as he reached down to adjust his own boxers.

"Y'know, Full metal," Roy murmured, casually grabbing the back of Ed's chair. "You're actually around the age where they have to start doing prostate exams." Ed blanched, suddenly pale. "Wh-what?! I don't want some stranger poking his finger up my ass!" The hand on the back of Ed's chair slowly traveled up to grasp him between his shoulder blades, making him gasp at the sudden temperature of the cold chair to the warm soft hand of Roy. "But what if it was someone you did know, Full Metal?" He purred, putting his lips to Ed's ear. "Ed."

Ed pulled away, practically falling out of his chair. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He growled. "Why Full Metal!" Roy gasped, acting hurt. "I'm just trying to make a move on you! You don't need to bite my head off!"

"Don't touch me!"

"Now Full Metal, if we're going to fuck, we need to do it now before that pesky way-to-happy nurse comes back."

"Go to hell!"

Roy was suddenly serious. "Hold still, Edward." He growled. "That is a command from an officer that outranks and is above you…or soon enough will be anyway."

The Full Metal Alchemist was practically speechless at this sudden turn of events. Practically. "Bastard." He whispered as Roy grabbed his hand and pulled the boy into his lap. Roy broke Ed's fall by tangling his fists in Ed's long soft golden locks and forcing their lips together.

Edward couldn't believe what was happening. The colonel was gay?! B-but he was always hitting on girls! And Ed wasn't gay either! Then why was he kissing back?

Wrapping his cold metal arm and his warm fleshy one around Roy's neck, he felt the man shiver when his right one touch the sensitive flesh there. Hmph. Served him right. Then Ed felt his own hair falling back onto his shoulders and he blanched. It took him an hour to get it just right! But it felt so good how Mustang ran his fingers through it…

Ed attempted to pull away from the kiss for air, but Roy just cupped his cheek and forced their lips together harder, forcing his mouth open as well. The only sound in the all white sterile room was the smacking sound their lips made as Ed tried to keep up with his own first kiss. Roy was doing something with his tongue and the younger boy was sweating profusely now.

When Roy as well needed air, he ripped Ed's mouth off of his and took a deep breath, using his grip on the boy's hair and cheek to control him. It was clear who was the dominant one in the whole 'situation' and for once Ed wasn't mad because of it.

There was something strange going on to his lower regions and Ed began to pant not only from the heated kiss, his face becoming a cuter pink color than it had even been before. "R-Roy! What's happening?!" Ed knew very well what the alien feeling was, but he couldn't believe he could be so turned on by another man, a bastard like him none the less!

Damn him. The colonel smirked when he noticed Ed's distress and dropped his hands to the boy's bottom, grabbing the boy tightly so that he had a good grip. Ed's cries when Roy began to grind their crotches together were the only other sound besides Roy's grunts and echoed all over the room. "Oh!! B-but what about the d-d-DOCTER!!!" Roy chuckled as Ed rested his head against the older man's chest. "Don't worry, baby. The man was big, he'll be gone for a while."


"Mmm. Your neck tastes good."

"Oh Roy!"

"I could just eat it up."


"Don't worry," Chuckle. "I'm not a vampire. But I can bite."


The man turned Ed around suddenly so that the young Full Metal Alchemist was leaning his back against Roy's chest. He could see that they boy had progressed from the early stages of arousal far into being fully erect. Yep, he did that to people. It was weird how Roy could be so 'persuasive' that people who hated the air he breathed could be transformed into a moaning, quivering, sweating mass of alchemist.

"Roy?" Roy looked down into those curious cutely glazed over almond eyes. "W-what now, Roy?" He gently kissed the tip of the boy's nose. "You tell me what happens now, kiddo." He smirked at the huge blush he got out of that. "I-I-I dunno. I've never really thought about how two men," Gulp. "M-make love."

The Flame Alchemist smirked. "Then I'll just have to show you, now won't I?" He felt the boy shiver as he ran a soft hand down the expanse of Ed's stomach, the boy still sitting with his back to Roy's chest. The man had to smile as Ed watched his hand curiously, innocently. Roy dipped his finger into the boys belly button, hearing a soft giggle come from the short fifteen-year-old.

When he got to Ed's boxers, Roy grabbed the bulge that had become painfully obvious there. He heard a sharp intake of breath and Ed bucked his hips at the once again alien feeling. Roy licked a drop of sweat from Ed's neck as he plunged his whole hand into the boys boxers and grabbed him, touching the boy in ways he'd never been touched before by someone other than himself.

"Oh ROY!!!"

"Hn. You like that, baby?"

"Oh yes, Roy! Please! Stroke it!"

Roy was a little taken back from the command, but he took the boy in his right hand, his left supporting Ed at his hip, and began to pump the boy. "Oh! Oh God! ROOOOY!!!" Roy decided to experiment and ran his thumb over the tip roughly, soaking it in pre-cum and letting the sweet substance drip down Ed's erection.


"Ya like that?"


"Tell me you like it."

"I love it Roy! I love it I love it I looooove iiit!!!"

Roy heard the desperate cries the boy was making and felt him thrusting his hips up, which in turn brought the boy back down onto Roy's lap and ground against him. He graced the boy once by letting him hear the older man moan once. Running the rest of his hand up and down Ed's shaft, he kept his thumb firmly pressed to the tip just to tease Ed. Suddenly the boy screamed loudly and Roy felt a wetness flowing onto his hand as he bucked his hips wildly for almost a minute.

Then Ed lay still in Roy's lap and the man got to listen to the sweet sweet sighs and moans the boy made in the aftermath of such a good climax.

"Hmm did you like it, Ed?"

"I love you, Roy."

"What?" Roy looked down into the boy's smiling face and just had to smile himself.

Then there was a knock on the door and the worst thing that could possibly happen walked in. "Alrighty gentleman! The doctor will see you n-"The clank of an aluminum clipboard hitting the white tile echoed around the room as a nurse in a pony tail and glasses stared with huge glassy eyes.

Then the second worst thing that could possibly happen walked through the door. "I'm back! Sorry, but I got you diet, brother, because I noticed you've been getting a lit-…whoa. That's hot."

Well that's pretty much it. Sorry about the stupid corniness of it all, but it's my second lemon story EVER! Anyways, you know the drill. Five reviews and you get a sequel. Anyone who does review get's a cookie! Thank you and have a nice day! My hand huts and I'm tired.