Summary: Before the battle of Farthen Dur, Eragon goes to Murtagh to help him solve a serious dilemma.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the lines from the movie that I threw in. They belong to Paolini and the guy who directed the movie Eragon.
A/N: Hey! Thanks for reading Morzan's Legacy if you have been. Chapter seven will be on soon. Anyway, this is my first attempt at a humorous Eragon story, so please be nice. I kind of combined the book and the movie a little, which is where I got some of my later lines. It might be a little funnier if you have seen the movie, but it's not necessary to get the full enjoyment of it. Anyway, a special shout out to Halo for giving me this idea and supporting me to pursue it. Thanks a bunch!!!! Well, enjoy!
Murtagh looked up from the book that he was reading when he heard the lock on his door open, and he was mildly surprised when he saw Eragon enter, looking slightly worried. The guard gave the older boy a dark look, then closed the door tightly again.
Eragon sighed and slowly sat down on the cold floor next to Murtagh, still looking anxious. "Listen, I need help." he whispered quickly. "You're the only one I could go to, since you're my friend."
"Okay, now you've caught my interest." Murtagh said, setting the book aside. "What can I help you with?"
"Well, don't laugh, but there's this girl…" Eragon muttered, noticeably looking uncomfortable.
"Arya." Murtagh cut in, smirking.
Eragon was startled. "Am I really that obvious?" he asked, alarmed.
Murtagh laughed. "Um, not really, Eragon. I can just read you like a book." he answered. "You see, there's this little thing called instinct that let me know. Women have their intuition, so I guess we were stuck with instinct…"
The Rider sighed with relief, making his dark-haired friend laugh harder. "Anyway, I was wondering if you could…" Eragon said, shaking his head in defeat. "How do I talk to her?"
"Wouldn't you rather talk to Saphira about this?" Murtagh wondered. "She's a girl. She would be able to tell you what a girl would like to hear."
"Yeah, but that's different. She's not exactly human, and she would laugh at me." Eragon told him. "You're a guy, Murtagh."
"Well noticed." Murtagh muttered, rolling his dark eyes. Like he wasn't laughing at him?
"You've had experience talking to girls, haven't you?" Eragon finished, ignoring his friend's comment. "Come on. Please?"
Murtagh grinned. "Well, maybe a little…" he said, getting to his feet. "All right. I'll help you. Are you ready?"
Eragon nodded, pulling out a spare piece of parchment, a quill pen, and a bottle of fresh ink. He dipped the tip into the shiny liquid and held it above the blank parchment, looking up at Murtagh expectantly.
The dark-haired boy laughed. "You're such a nerd, Eragon." Murtagh commented. "Don't let Arya know that, though. It'll ruin your reputation."
The Rider began to write these words down, but stopped and frowned. "Hey, I'm not a nerd!" Eragon protested.
"Do you want me to teach you or not?" Eragon asked, crossing his arms.
"Sorry." Eragon muttered. "I won't disagree with you again."
Murtagh smiled. He was beginning to enjoy this… "The first step is your approach." he told him. "Do you have anything in mind?"
"Well, since she's well enough to fight in the battle against the Urgals, I thought that I would just talk to her before." Eragon replied.
"That's a good start, but you need to have a way to get her attention." Murtagh said. "Some women like the "macho" type of guy, but don't try that. You're nowhere near that level yet. For you, I would say to try the "needing help" method, where you pretend you need help with something. Put simply, just be yourself."
The dark glare Eragon gave him made the older boy laugh again. "I'm kidding, Eragon." Murtagh muttered. "But being yourself is the best thing you can do. There's nothing that a woman hates more than someone who pretends to be someone they're not just to impress them."
This, Eragon wrote down.
"Now, after you get her attention, you have to say something to her." Murtagh continued. "But you can't say something dumb like "you look fit for battle". That is just so cheesy, not to mention way, way overused. Plus, you're stating the obvious. She'll be dressed in armor for crying out loud! You have to be unique and say something that's not used as much."
"Like what?" Eragon asked as he wrote this information down. "What do you say, Murtagh?"
Murtagh laughed for what felt like the hundredth time in the past ten minutes. "The things that I say, Eragon, are way out of your league. You're not ready for that yet." he answered. "You have to start smaller and simpler. Say something like "you look nice today". Women always like when they're complimented on their looks."
Eragon smiled as he wrote down this information. You look nice today. He could remember that. He knew for sure that he wasn't going to make himself look like an idiot and by saying you look fit for battle…
"Then, of course, you have to have a charming, suave nature when you speak with her." Murtagh said. "Of course, Arya likes you the way you are, so you might not want to do that, at least, not yet. You'd be jumping ahead if you did that…"
"So, I shouldn't act suave?" Eragon muttered blankly. This was getting confusing…
"Exactly." Murtagh agreed with a grin. "Just be yourself, remember your approach, and say something nice but simple. If you remember these things, then you should be fine."
Eragon nodded. "All right. I'm going to study this before we're called to battle." he said, getting to his feet. "Thanks, Murtagh."
Before the older boy could say anything, the Rider quickly hugged him. "Okay, Eragon. Get off." Murtagh muttered, embarrassed. "We're friends, but…"
The Rider was unaffected by this. "Thanks, Murtagh!" he repeated, smiling. "Hopefully I'll see you in the battle!"
Murtagh nodded with a small smile, watching as his friend left the room, the door locking shut behind him. The boy sighed, picking up the book again and finding the spot where he had left off.
Eragon struggled with his armor, trying to get the last top part of it fastened. Why was it so hard? It didn't seem like it should be. Murtagh stood near by, tying his sword around his thin frame as he watched the young Rider. Well, at least he was getting the approach right…
Suddenly, Eragon gasped when he felt someone else's hands fasten his armor for him. "It's not as easy as it looks, is it?" Arya asked, giving him a small smile.
Eragon turned fully around to look at her, and Murtagh watched to see what would happen next. Hopefully, he would remember the opening line. He had to.
The Rider was stunned as he looked at Arya. She always looked beautiful to him, but not many girls could pull off the full-armored look well.
But what was that line that Murtagh had told him to use? He said something about battle, but he wasn't sure if he said to use it or not… He would just have to go with something. He couldn't back out now.
"You look… fit for battle."
Murtagh sighed when he heard his friend use the infamous line. He had clearly stated not to use that line. Hadn't he been paying attention at all?
"Wow, Eragon," he muttered to himself, putting his face in his hand, "you really are hopeless."
A/N: Well, I hope you liked it! Reviews are very much appreciated. Thanks for reading!