Disclaimer: I don't own one piece. LOUDER! I don't own One piece. LOUDER!!! I DON'T OWN ONE PIECE!! Good, good. Continue.


It had begun innocently enough. The Straw Hats had landed on the island, wanted a change from their everyday accommodations, and decided to check into a hotel. A bed and breakfast, actually, but that's beside the point. The rooms they had been given lay directly above the kitchen, and as much as it may seem it, that's not beside the point. It had been a perfectly normal night (well, as normal as one gets with the Straw Hats) and everybody had turned in, each to his (or her) own room. Then, in the middle of the night, it happened.

Sanji walked down to the kitchen. No, it wasn't to prepare breakfast even cooks want the occasional midnight snack. As he rummaged through the icebox, he heard a faint sound above him.

Squeak Squeak Squeak.

At first he ignored it. But as the infernal squeak kept on, well, squeaking, his imagination got the better of him. He saw and army of mice living in the ceiling. He saw the ghost of a young boy with a rubber ball, cursed to squeak for all eternity in the hereafter. (Narrator: 'Cursed to squeak for all eternity in the hereafter' would make an awesome epitaph.) Then, his imagination wandered a little too far. We won't describe it, we want to keep the rating down to T, but let's just say his thoughts turned… to the gutter.

He quickly ran upstairs, his curiosity getting the better of him. He softly listened in on each of the Straw Hats doors. Luffy's door only yielded the sound of loud snoring. At Usopp's door, Sanji heard the marksman muttering to himself about Sogeking and the giants of Elbaf. He held his breath when he came to Nami's door, but was relieved to hear nothing but the sound of soft breathing. Chopper was still awake; Sanji could hear him messing around with tools or something like that. No squeaking came from Franky's door; though there was an occasional blast of wind from an accidental 'Coup de Vent'. He came to Robin's door. Silence. Not even the sound of breathing. Then Sanji's ear turned towards Zoro's door.

Squeak Squeak Squeak.

Anyone else would have simply smiled and let it go. But not Sanji. Within a minute, the entire Straw Hat crew (besides Zoro and Robin) was down in the kitchen, listening to the squeaks come from above.

Chopper was the only one clueless to what was supposed to be going on (yeah, even Luffy knew what he should think on this one). "Uh… what's going on?" he asked innocently. The crew (minus two people) exchanged looks of embarrassment.

"Well Sanji, you brought us down here" Nami said eventually "why not tell him?"

"Why me? Franky should do it, he's the oldest."

"Em...I'm not sure if that's a super idea…" Franky replied. "Luffy! You tell him, you're the captain."

"That's exactly why I'm not going to do it. I'm the captain, I tell other people what to do." A kernel of accidental wisdom. "Usopp, you're good at telling stories, why don't you give it a go?"

Usopp looked around, desperately hoping that there was someone else to tell Chopper what was going on. Seeing no one, he sighed, and began.

"Right…well… how to explain this…" Usopp's face suddenly lit up with inspiration. "You know how Zoro sometimes practices with his swords?"

"Sometimes? He's always practicing with those things." Chopper commented.

"Well, yeah, but you know how he sometimes practices for accuracy?"

"Oh yeah! He slices through apples and oranges and cherries…"

"ENOUGH!" Usopp said, cringing.

"How does that relate to what's going on up there?" Chopper asked.

"Well…um… I really don't know how to explain this without getting too graphic and losing a T rating…"

"T rating?"

"Nothing… let's see… maybe a different approach… the squeaking is coming from the bed."

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, right now, since Robin wasn't in her room and theirs squeaking coming from Zoro's room, we're assuming that they're both on…. that aforementioned piece of furniture…and are having…. target practice." He cringed. Call it premonition, but somehow he could swear that someone was reading his dialogue and making a face in disgust.

"They're chopping up fruit?"

"In a way" said Sanji "cherries at the very least." Nami smacked him over the head.

As clueless as he was, Chopper knew what was implied by cherry. He pondered for a minute, and then his face began to show signs of astonishment and disbelief. "YOU MEAN THEY'RE UP THEIR RIGHT NOW F…"

Usopp clapped a hand over Chopper's mouth. He wasn't going to lose the T rating, especially not on account of Chopper. Chopper struggled for a moment, and then decided what he was trying to say wasn't all that important. Then, his eyes widened and he began to struggle again. Breathing was important. Usopp realized what was happening and let go. Chopper fell to the floor breathless. "Sorry" he said weakly. Chopper simply glared at him for a moment, and then turned his attention back to the ceiling.

Squeak Squeak Squeak.

Two hours had gone by since Sanji's 'discovery'. The Straw Hats sat in the kitchen, too enthralled to move.

"They've been at it a long time" said Franky finally.

"Well, remember, neither of them are exactly normal" Nami remarked.

"Fair enough, but two hours? I would think one of them would begin to get bored," said Franky.

Sanji eyed Franky suspiciously. "Is it really something you can get bored of Franky?"

"Well… no, I guess not, you got a point."

They all turned their attention again to the ceiling. So distracted were they by the constant squeaking that when Zoro walked in behind them, they never noticed.

"What are you guys doing?" He asked. One would think the sound of Zoro's voice would snap the crew out of their trance, but this was possibly the most distracting thing the Straw Hats and ever seen…er…heard.

"Listening" replied Nami, never taking her eyes off the ceiling.

"To what?" Robin asked as she entered the room.

"Zoro and Robin," said Chopper, never even bothering to check who was asking.

Zoro and Robin looked at each other, trying to suppress the laughter that threatened to break out. "Are they doing what I think they're doing?" asked Zoro.

"Probably" said Sanji, trying to suppress a grin and a sob at the same time. Sure, the prospect of Zoro doing…it… was funny enough but…. Robin-Chan….

They all looked at the ceiling again, while the squeaking continued to come down. Robin was the next to speak. "You know, I could go for some popcorn, anyone else want popcorn?" Murmurs of 'yeah' and 'that sounds good' reverberated from the crew, who never bothered to check who the mysterious popcorn lady was.

Half an hour later, Robin returned, carrying the freshly popped popcorn in had…er…hands. Not that she had to travel far, they were in the kitchen after all. She passed the bowls out to the crew, who murmured 'thanks' while never taking their eyes off the ceiling. Robin looked up at Zoro. It couldn't be contained any longer. They burst out laughing.

Sanji was the first to look away. "WHAT'S SO FUN…ny….oh crap." The rest of the crew looked away from the ceiling for a minute and gazed upon the two laughers. Expressions of shock and comical terror were written all over their faces. There were brief hellos, followed by such excuses as 'I just came for a snack' or 'I was sleep walking'. The six of them were gone and back safe in their own rooms in less than fifteen seconds.

Downstairs, Robin snapped her fingers. The Hana-Hana hands that had been moving the bed up and down disappeared. She turned to Zoro. "Granted, it was nice to be able to go out without them tagging along for a change, but wasn't that a bit harsh?"

"No." replied Zoro. "It's not like we forced them to sit there and listen, they deserve the embarrassment, the perverts."

"I suppose," she said, smiling mysteriously. She gave Zoro a quick kiss. "Good night."

Zoro grinned as he watched her climb the stairs. A thought came to his head, causing him to shudder. I really am turning into Sanji, he thought, half of me didn't want that to be a prank. Shuddering at his newfound perverseness, he quickly climbed the stairs and entered his room.

Another thought occurred to him as he lay on the bed, preparing to sleep. No he thought they couldn't be so stupid as too… he shrugged. Might as well give it a try. He waited silently until he heard someone in the kitchen, then he stood up and began to jump up and down.

Squeak squeak squeak.

Downstairs Robin made herself coffee. She heard the sounds, and knew instantly what Zoro was up to. She sighed, and then she raised her arms and said EIGHT FLEUR CLUTCH!

The squeaking stopped. Robin smiled. Somehow, putting Zoro through that never got old.

So ends the One Piece One Shot. Had you going there for a while, didn't I? No, its alright if I didn't, I really don't care. Read and review, please.