A/N: Oh my GOD!!!!!!!! Curse this abhorred trait of Laziness!!! Dear Readers, it has been long months since I last updated this story. By now, we already have VP: Silmeria in our possession. Why I'm telling you this….well….I don't even know….sorry…
It's hard to be lazy….I don't want to live like this forever….that's why I'm trying to NOT procrastinate because I'm letting a lot of souls down…so my apologies for making you all wait.
"Hehehehe…..I guess father WAS right…..Saving my entire lunch money from high school CAN make you filthy stinkin' rich…." Snickered the god of mischief, Loki, who was fiddling his time away with ink and a piece of parchment. "…But just enough to buy those supremely expensive resort tickets for those three dumb-dumbs….", his eyebrows in a furrow. "Like god! Those tickets cost me a fortune! NOW I have to ask for more weekly allowance from my old man…!" He mumbled, wrapped in heavenly bed sheets (He not knowingly took possession of Odin's room while he was away…) Scratching his head, he turns his attention back to the pen and parchment, which draped over half of the entire bed itself. "Hmm…let's see. Now where was I--? Dammit! I got no ideas…blank for the moment. It'd be really good to take a walk over to that mortal newsstand down below-----------stop! What am I thinking?! Tabloids are for pornstars! A god like me doesn't take interest in those foolish 'scribbles-on-a-toilet-paper.'!!! Elegies are for brooding emo crackpots!! I'm in!!!" his thoughts in an imbroglio. "Let's see…..'Hands imbrued in bitter murder. Bloody shadows tethered to the wall; a terrifying glitch to the senses…..'…..".
"Foggy scents of ghastly activity; the sunlight darts through the heavy canopy outside, then through the icy blinds of cottage Rafflesia……"
-Looks like the 'party' outside was a success.
Two housemates were already up and about; looks like they had a goodnight's rest despite the reckless rumbles and noise last night. They march up their groggy feet to Odin's locked room and started banging on the door, demanding his attention be snatched away from his godly slumber. "Hey Odin Almighty!! Rise and shine!! It's eight in the morning!! Take a bloody bath, or else!" roared Surt. "Yeah! What do you want anyway?! To sleep in or never make-up again?! Get outta there and face us NOW!!" he yelled angrily.
Groggily yet willingly, Odin unlatched the locks and crawled out to the living room and the others followed. "Hnnn….hnn….." moaned Odin as he drudged. "Jeez, I didn't know you snored that loud…" Surt complained. "It felt like Ragnarök's already here!" added Brahms. "Alright, bathroom!! Me first!!!" shrieked Odin violently, which shocked the other two.
Two hours ran like hell as all three of them took turns taking a shower, when Odin got another impulsive idea for the idea (seemed that he's already in a better mood than earlier), "Hey manly men!! Lord Odin's got another adventure to fulfill!" he yelled, then drinking his morning coffee. "… … WHAT?!!!!" the other two exclaimed, "Wait just a sec, WHO DIED AND MADE YOU LEADER?!!" they roared in unison. "Well, I AM the all-father, eheheheh…" smoothly answered by Odin. "Okay, here's the plan: We go to town, pretty much doing the SAME stuff we did yesterday only this time, WE TELL MAINDISH TO GUARD THE HOUSE AND COVER OUR BACKS ONCE WE GET HOME. Got it?" he gleefully exclaimed. "Hnnn" they replied. "Good. Now off we go outside! The sun's set ablaze, glorious sunlight everywhere you go!! The perfect day. Yeah…." happily said by Odin.
It seemed that the mere sound of 'sunlight', 'everywhere', and 'ablaze triggered a reaction to Lord Brahms, forcing him to cower into a corner in the darker parts of the den. The presence of sweat was evident on his gloomy façade, not to mention his eyes were fixed at the sunlight outside the house which looked stark HOT. Upon noticing such an unusual action by such a powerful lord, Surt grew quite inquisitive. And Odin, quickly caught on to such phenomenon. "OH….I forgot……. You're a Vampire: Got sunlight, will burn." "…" Brahms didn't respond to such a satire comment. "What a sad man…." added Surt, being sympathetic to the creature. "Don't worry, buddy, we'll help you." "… … …" Brahms still didn't respond. Odin and Surt lounged on the sofa, their thoughts caught up in a mess. "Hmm….Brahms, let me ask. What are your thoughts right now?" Odin asked. "I can tell that you have a tale to tell us about this issue. And I can sense that it is going to be…a bit……comedic."
For a while, Brahms hesitated. "Hnnn. This dude's got ESP. Mind as well confess." His thoughts went. "This sucks." For a moment, Brahms loosened up and started narrating to them about an incident that occurred a long time back. "Erhem…..I just remembered this dude back in pre-school…..we used to call him 'Epilepto' after what had happened that day….." He paused for a moment and then continued. "It was a hot and scorching day back then…. The teacher gave us an intelligence test in distinguishing actual blood from the other substances. Like damn, was he stupid. We tried our best to help him pass. He was given a choice amongst a fresh glass of blood, tomato juice, colored water, and a can of red paint. We even put big labels on them, making sure that the glass of blood was obviously noticeable because we knew that he was a good reader. We told him and gave him clues which one was he suppose to choose, even the teacher tried coaxing him into which one was right. And you know what he did? … … …He drank the can of paint!!! Like dude! It was like a slap in the face! He was hopeless, so we laughed and laughed until our jaws felt like falling off in pain. We started making fun of the poor guy. Eventually, after hours of mean and 'non-chalant' insults and mockery, the little guy kinda……'blew a fuse'. He ran around the room screaming and jumped out of the window-------In broad daylight! It was around noontime, I think. That shocked us so much. We felt sorry for him, so we waited for hours….but the little guy never came back, ever again. All we found were ashes blowing in through the window….it gave me the chills."
"… … …" crickets chirped, silence dominated the moment. Odin and Surt froze in time, neither blinking nor making any other reactions, except that one's eyes were twitching, probably dumbfounded by such a ridiculous account. "Ludicrous, what was Odin thinking! Making me confess such a tale of utter irrelevance and stupidity…" Brahms thought to himself. "…duh…." A sound came up."
"That's it?" muttered Odin. "Pretty much, yah" replied Brahms. "…bummer." added Surt. "Well, looking back at what had transpired, I guess you pretty much have a really sorry excuse for yourself, old man." Odin said. "Damn that boy. Serves him right for being intellectually cumbersome. Impudent fool, I would say. I've never heard of such a stupid idiot in all my life. Are you vampires always like that?". "HELL NO!!!" yelled Brahms "… … … So, what are you suppose to do about it?" Odin wondered. "I was hoping you had the solution, fool!" yelled Brahms again. They started arguing at this point until Surt unexpectedly intervened. "Wait. I think I have the solution to your problem, Brahms." He then searches deep into one of his pockets and emerges with a large canister of what looked like some elegantly-looking tub of petroleum jelly. "What's that?" they asked. "What's it look like? It's sun block." replied Surt with an indifferent look. "Sun block? Pff….you actually think that a mere substance like that could shield me from such deadly solar rays? Huh?" Brahms raised suspicion. "Hey bud, this ain't any ordinary sun block! There's actually quite a tale to tell on how I got my hands on this stuff…." He bragged out, waving the mystery substance in the air. "But first, you gotta try this. It might work miracles." "'Might' you say? What are the chances of 'that' coming true?" the vampire snapped back. "Hmm…based on the circumstances and mysterious effects claimed and boasted about by such a substance, I'd say Brahms has a thirty percent chance of being saved from such a demeanor and a larger, seventy percent chance of being incinerated into nothingness under the heat of the sun." the all-father stated calmly. "Well, what's the use of the thirty percent probability if we won't try it first hand. And when I say 'first hand', I meant that we'll test it on one of your hands, Brahms." Surt continued "C'mon, don't cower. If anything happens to you, sue me. Gut e and keelhaul me under a ship, if you wish. Smash me unto jagged rocks and trap me under frigid waters."
Silence, once more, claimed the moment. Thoughts and doubts played well for now until Brahms was finally convinced to try the mystery sun block on a small portion. Reading the precautions and directions, it stated that "apply a thin layer unto area of exposure…." doing what the instruction implied, they covered his whole left hand and then, carefully exposed it outside the open window; where the baking heat of the sun awaited him. As his hand went farther and farther, the tension builds up….so thick that you could cut it with a knife. Fingers first, sunlight touching its very surface; then comes the back and… … ...voila! Miraculously, there was no sign of smoke from the extremity, even exposing the palm and moving around freely, careful not to expose beyond it. This was truly astounding! Taking his hand back into the shade, Brahms flashed a small yet gleeful expression that could not be beheld by words in detail. "…Surt! You WERE right! This stuff is amazing! What form of sorcery is this?! How long does this last?" "Hmmm….says here that the effects last up to 24 hours exactly. No more, no less." Odin stated. "I say, Surt. Jolly good show. You've saved another Epilepto-to be from utter vaporization. But I doubt that this stuff could actually stand against the intensity of the mighty Sun Rune…..but, nevertheless, I congratulate thee. I guess you're not a such a brainless idiot as I thought you were." He added. "Jee….thankees. Even though that 'auspicious' felicitation was actually a sugar-coated tongue-in-cheek low blow." Surt scratched his head, "Aye, but before we use it on all of Brahms, share your tale on how you grasped this heavenly substance." Odin cajoled. And Surt was happy to oblige. "Okay, so it was like this….." he started.
"I was in the middle of nowhere, apparently, I wandered off into some medieval castle where this man in a mask was basking in the sun, together with his attendants by his side…..what was his name again….? 'Billiardo Spacecraft…? Oh whatever, it doesn't matter anyway. I found myself entangled in a conversation with him for no goddamn reason. Something about the UV rays…., then he showed me this big canister of elegant-looking stuff and bragged about how it was an ingenious way of saving yourself from getting sunburned. He even bragged about 'even vampires are safe under this sun block….' And so I asked him…."
Surt: Hey, what's that stuff you have there…?
Milliardo Peacecraft/ Zechs: Oh, this? Hnn, this is the most brilliant substance known to man!! It's called: "Gundanium Sun block". Crafted and funded by one of the most powerful men in the world, Treize Khushrenada, who also happens to be my bestfriend. That's why he gave it to me for free.
Surt: Woah, buddy, the maker of that stuff sounds like a real bastard.
MP/Zechs: How dare you----!
Surt:….but I guess it wouldn't stand a chance against this heavenly artifact of which I have here in terms of greatness…
MP/Zechs: H-heavenly a-artifact….? C-could I see it? Hmmm….:3…..
Surt takes out an ordinary cookie from his pocket, in which he just bought it from some old lady up in Mt. Chimney….
Surt: TA-DA!! Behold! The extravagantly made, artifact of the gods! Bow down to the awesome power of the mighty LAVA COOKIE!!!
MP/Zechs: Skeptic at first, but then falls for it and bows down three times before it GASP!! AWE!! I can just feel the awesome power emanating from such a godly artifact!! W-would you….like to….trade it for my…sun block? It's still unopened and brand new….
Surt: Well! What do you know! I was just thinking the same thing! Besides, I was getting' bored of holding on to this piece of 'holy' junk. I was planning to throw it awa---
MP/ Zechs: Nonesense! Here! Have this useless sun block that some great bastard randomly gave to me! I have no need for it!
Surt: WOOT! Whoope!! Now, I guess I have to go now. Got lotsa business to do. See ya when I see ya, buddy! (sucker!!)
"And that's how I made off with the magical stuff…." Surt bragged. "… … Stolen goods, that's what I say." Answered Brahms. "Same here." Agreed Odin. "But--!!" Surt insisted. "Oh c'mon, man! You just ripped it off of some poor mortal." "You just scammed him."
"… … oh….h…"
"Ah, whatever. At least Brahms can walk in broad daylight now." Surt revolted. "C'mon, galloping geezers! Adventure awaits us!"
Having solved such a dilemma, the three scramble outside and made sure everything was in order before locking the doors shut. As they departed for town, Surt instructed their guard dog, Maindish, to guard the house and keep a close watch on the three of them if ever they are spotted returning home. After that whole, briefing, the three darted of as fast as they could through the wooded trail and past the empty bonfire ashes from last night. No one was there at this time, maybe they were off sleeping in or busy strolling in toewn at the moment.
-At the Main Square-
"Wow….sure looks different from last night…" Surt wandered off…… The threee were sight-seeing once more, looking for some excitement; when suddenly, Odin bumped into some total and peculiar stranger donned in black, with a stylish black hat that goes with it. Aside from that, he was beautifully blonde, with long hair fashioned into a long braid. You can't even see his eyes much due to his bangs but you can tell that he is NOT human. "….uh…..S-Sorry!! My bad…..", faltered Odin. The stranger didn't say a word, but got a good look at him and his companions and walked past them as if nothing happened. "Hmf. Freakin' Michael Jackson…." Muttered Odin in a low voice.
"Who?! Me?! Dang it! I AM NOT Michael Jackson!!!", screamed an abnormally white, snake-like man with long gorgeous black hair with purple make-up around the eyes. "!!!" Odin's eyes widened. The snake-man turned to his companion and started complaining but didn't notice the three hgoofs watching them. "I thought you said people are decent here!!! Did you here THAT?! Someone said I was Michael Jackson!! Can you explain that, Kabuto?!!!" The snake-man crossed his arms gayishly. His companion paused and re-settled his glasses, "Master Orochimaru, only people from ninja countries could've said that. "hmmm….you're right. Maybe…" Orochimaru paused, "There's a Konoha spy here! Hurry, we must kill him immediately before he could spread news about my whereabouts!" As the two were about to disappear, some 5-year old boy pointed and screamed at the snake-man, "Look, mommy! It's Voldemort!!" Orochimaru slapped his hand on his forehead, running it down in utter annoyance. "What kind of a place did you take me to, you fool…..even the 5-year olds call me names…" then they disappeared into thin air.
"…..Oh! A café!" Surt drifted off……
The 'gentle giant grabbed his still-stunned companions and dragged them off to the establishment but actually it was an exotic branch of……
--At Tim Hortons--
So here's this wacko Tim Hortons branch that's so busy that they have to hire people to get to all the customers…..sigh…..waiters, anyone? They've that special patio in the front AND back… Now, back to the scene; knowing these all-expense paid vacationists, their battle cry would be…..
"SPLURGE!!!" they cried. They jumped right in, sat back and relax…and started ordering a lot of stuff. A solemn-looking figure approached them and asked their orders whilst the current customers were already occupying open seats in the area. "What would you like, sir?" he asked. Odin then prattled a lot then the waiter went to the other three and asked the same, he then returned inside to fetch what they wanted. "Hey Brahms….I didn't hear mention any coffee back there.." asked Surt. "I don't drink coffee…..I asked for tea." Brahms replied. Thirty seconds later, the waiter returned with the stuff. "Here you go, sirs." He said as he handed it. Seeing that the customers were fulfilled of their wants, the waiter then went off to serve another waiting customer in the distance. As he was walking away, Odin called out to him, "Hey sonny! Get over here and chat for a while. It's still early….." "B-but…" the waiter glanced at the line and noticed the other staff catering to them and then followed Odin. " So, you seem familiar…" started Odin. "….okay….I guess with a face like mine, you've probably seen my look-alikes….." the waiter replied.
"So, you live here?"
"No. It's a summer job. Need cash to burn."
"I'm a conspirator in my spare time."
"Okay….you better not be plotting against me…"
"Why would I do that?"
"Because I'm the all-father..the blahblahblah…yadahyadahyadah…."
Odin started his mindless prattle and their conversation grew longer. On the other hand, Brahms and Surt were just lazing around…still yawning occasionally and then we trail off…..
----Somewhere in Sweden----
It was a dark and cold room; the lights were dim, giving the surroundings a little shade of sepia. There was a laptop sitting on a steel table and two figures around it; one in the front and the other eyeing the laptop stoically.
Figure1: Is that ALL of it?
Figure2: Yeah, the old man even called me some damn pedophile's name.
Figure1: Well, no matter. At least we get paid.
Figure2: Well…actually, we don't.
Figure2: I'm doing this for fun. And so are you. Did you knock yourself out while you were waiting or what?
Figure1: Oh damn. I guess we'll have to reconfigure the whole contract. No biggie.
Figure2: Where are the others?
Figure1: One's working part-time right now. The other's goofing around, somewhere and the fag's locked himself inside the locker room again. Like damn, we're the only one's who are practically doing everything!
Their voices echoed in the hallway outside the room
Figure2: Don't we have any soundproof rooms?! In the way we're talking right now, we're sure to be found!!!
---Back at Tim Hortons---
"Like, Duuuude. I need to go to the washroom." Odin got up in a hurry and dashed inside. "Hnn?" Brahms lazily moaned; his fourth cup of tea half-empty. "I'm bored as usual now." added Surt.
At this moment, things were slowing down for the three-man team. More people appeared as the streets got more crowded. Knowing Surt, he's bound to follow his hallucinations. His eyes flittered through the strands of people walking by, filtering their faces in rapid motion. Each one dressed as differently as the other according to the hot and tropical weather. But his attention stopped by this particular man in a vibrant green Hawaiian shirt and strongly looked like Lord Odin. He got up and jumped over the patio fence and ran over to the man. "Hey, Odin! I thought you were in the washroom. How'd you end up here all of a sudden?" he rapidly moved his mouth. The clueless man was shocked and had a hard time replying….. "Mister, My name is NOT Odin nor do I know him at all. My name is Bush, The Burning Bush. I am the president of the most powerful nation in the entire world which is also the world's fattest nation; Now please, leave me alone. I'm on vacation." "G-A-S-P!!! You're from Dipan?!!!!!!" Surt exclaimed. "Hell NO!!" the man denied. Then the man tried to pass by him but Surt cut him off route. "Ahahaha. 'Really funny', Odin. Now seriously, let's go back to Tim Hortons." Surt reacted. "Now sonny----" the man's line was cut off. "I'm A LOT older than you." corrected Surt. "Now son, I am NOT joking." Bush continued. Then he wickedly dashed-off with the speed of light, Surt tried to give chase but "Odin" disappeared after taking a blind curve. Feeling disappointed, Surt made his was back but was ultra-surprised to see another Odin at the table. "Yo! The washrooms were congested so I had to wait for minutes on end." The REAL Odin chirped. Surt was speechless; he just dropped to his seat. "A…..a…..y-you…….but……" then his voice fell. "What?" replied Odin, then turned to the waiter." Oh sorry, sonny. What's your name again…? 'Bakla'?" "It's Vaclav, sir." The waiter replied flatly. "Yeah whatever, sonny." Odin replied. "Alright, ladies! Let's go!!"
The three picked up whatever was left wholly unfinished and exited the establishment. The waiter gave them a suspicious stare and grinned slyly as he went back to work….. "Hnnn……so THOSE are the guys, eh? Hmph. This task seems pretty easy…."
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Halo-Halo is famous for their beaches, as well. It is said that no one has ever left the place without taking a dip in one of their beaches. No one could resist the pristine blue waters, the crystalline white sand; even though you don't know what's inside in some of 'em. "Crikey! What is that!?" some famous-looking Australian dude jumped from the bushes and right into the middle of the trail where SOB were walking in. "What is what?!" exclaimed Brahms. "Crikey. I ain't never seen such a huge wombat like THAT!!" he pointed at the HUGE lump of blue feather-fur-hide-whatever you callit. "OH-MY-GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!!!" Odin yelled, his eyes widened like saucers. " Now fellas, this is work for a professional. Stand back." The Australian dude heroically said. He then picked up a rock and threw it a t the huge mass of nightmarish blue ugliness. "Are you even supposed to do that?!" Brahms panicked. The blue 'wombat' moved a little, to and fro, side-by-side, in a ridiculous manner. One ugly yellow eye opened and stared up straight at them. He turned to Brahms, shot him a menacingly hideous glare, and leapt at him like a tree frog to a tree branch. It opened its mouth, filled with hideously jagged sharp teeth, threw back its head and ready to attack, closed in on Brahms' face and…….
BAM! BAM! BAM! The heavenly doors sounded. Someone was waiting outside. "Yeah? Who is it?" Loki yelled but no answer came. He lazily got up and forced open the door but no one was there. He slammed it shut and turned around when someone grabbed his shoulder.
"Shh….it's us." A cold voice whispered.
"Dammit! Don't scare me like that! You know I have a weak heart! You want one of my arteries to blow up?!!" Loki screamed. "It is I, Testament, together with my colleague, Y---"he got cut off. "Yetta, right?" Loki harshly said. "It's Yuber." Another voice came from infront of him. Loki jumped. "Oh! You big foreign bastards! I told you not to scare me like that!" "We have the goods." Testament coolly said. "Goods? Good!" Loki was relieved. Yuber then handed a semi-flat package to Loki, actually, he shoved it right into his client's face. Loki eyed it and nodded in approvement. "Wow! You German Terrorists really know your stuff."
"……I'm Swedish." answered Testament.
"I'm not German. I'm not even human..." added Yuber.
"BAH. German-shmerman, you're as good as Adolf Hitler, so you must be German." Loki deduced. "What's the next plan?" Yuber asked. "Does it involve blood, fire, firearms, bladed weaponry?" "Sure does, man." Loki answered. " I bet you're gonna have fun…..so here it is……." Loki started narrating, his voice reverberates inside the room in grand Valhalla…some words made clear, like: bull sharks...rusty tacks…….angry beavers……..etc…
Yuber: Don't you have any sound-proof rooms?!! This is the second time I'm asking!!!! What kind of villains are you guys if you can't even keep your plans from being heard outside!!!!!!!
A/N: WOOT. That was my ultra-favorite chapter, especially the epilepto part. I personally enjoyed writing this but all the opinions that the characters said are not all mine. Some I just made up. Reviews are dire, pleas tell me about what you think about the story so far; corrections, suggestions, it's all good. WOOT. My New Year resolution was to stop procrastinating and being lazy…and it s hard. I hope you guys won't forget my fanfic…. Thank you! And please watch out for the next chapter!!