Summary: Two months in, and Martha's beginning to wonder if it will ever end. Spoilers for 'Human Nature'.

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, etc.


If

By Dagniro Vanaliel


Martha brings him breakfast in the morning and draws back the curtains, barely listening as John Smith attempts to make small talk.

They've been stuck here two months with one more to go. He said it was a risky process, and what if something went wrong? Something neither had foreseen? In one more month Martha will be able to turn him back into a Time Lord, but..

What if...

What would I do if you never came back?

That's the thing. She doesn't know. If she's stuck here forever, in 1913, playing housemaid to a stranger, will she be able to go on? Especially knowing what she does. In one year the Great War will begin, and what happens then? What happens when the happy, peaceful little school is ripped apart and she is possibly forced to leave?

You. Don't let me abandon you.

But what if she can't stop him? What if he is needed elsewhere and she has no way of following? What if she's shipped off with no way back to either John Smith or the Doctor? What if?


One month later, and her fears increase. It's not over. He doesn't change back.
Two months later, and she no longer wonders. A month overdue, and he's still John Smith.

She's resigned herself to her fate. She's stuck here, permanently. All she can do is... forget.


Three months later, and she can't remember the Doctor. She looks at the man she once travelled with and the only person she sees is John Smith, fully-human schoolteacher.
Four months later, and she's stopped crying herself to sleep. She's stopped even the tiny sliver of hope that remained.
Four months and one day later, and she doesn't know what to do.

He's come back. Finally, three months late, he's back. And he's more of a stranger than ever.

He remembers vague snippets of his time as a human. She remembers everything but says nothing. He remembers he was late coming back. She doesn't tell him how late.

And she doesn't tell him the reason for her constant sidelong glances, the wistful looks aimed in his direction. She doesn't tell him why she still looks sad.

She doesn't tell him the greatest secret her heart hides, a secret painful even to think about, a memory too difficult to understand, and an experience that shattered her world.

She misses John Smith.

Fin.