Title: Precious & Fragile Things - Chapter Five (5/6)
Author: Andrea88
Rating: R for the general theme and perhaps for sex as well
Pairing: Sirius & Remus
Disclaimer: Not mine, JKR's
Summery: Sirius returns from the beyond the veil, but paid a price.
Warnings: It maybe angsty, It maybe icky. Some won't be pretty. Spoilers for Half Blood Price

Precious & Fragile Things

Chapter Five

The only disability in life is a bad attitude. - Scott Hamilton

Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. - Bill Meyer

Sirius rolled over and felt the empty space next to him. It was cold, Remus had left the bed sometime ago. He was always gone when Sirius woke. He had no idea how Remus spent his days, but he had theories. None of the theories pleased Sirius.

"Accio catheter," at least Sirius could still do magic.

The catheter whizzed into his hand. He emptied his bladder into a container he kept by the bed. Waving his wand the container cleaned itself. Closing his eyes and pulling the covers over his head, he went back to sleep. In his dreams everything was the way it should be.

He had tried doing the right thing. Exercises, cleaning, cooking, desk work, and overall niceness had all been done for naught. He had kept his promise and was still useless. His legs would never work again and he wasn't ready to accept that.

Keeping himself holed up in his room was all he felt like doing. How long had he been in bed, days, weeks, months, he didn't know, and it really didn't matter anyway. Harry brought his meals, but he didn't eat much if anything. A stash of fire whiskey was hidden under the bed. He was set, showering was over rated anyway.

"Sirius," Harry called out.

"Go away."

Harry hesitated a moment before entering the room carrying a tray of food.

"I brought you some food." Harry walked over to the bed and tried to hide his concern. Sirius looked awful. Harry hated seeing his Godfather like this. For a time he thought Sirius had learned to manage this. He was close to his normal self and then something happened and he was lost again.

"I'm not hungry." Sirius mumbled from under the covers.

"You have to eat something. I'm not leaving until you do." Settling himself on Remus' side of the bed he waited for Sirius to emerge.

"Shall I sing?
Weasley is our King,
Weasley is our King,
He didn't let the Quaffle in
Weasley is our King."

"Alright, you win." Sirius sat up and looked at Harry. "You truly are your father's son." At Harry's puzzled look he continued, "he would sing the Hogwarts school song or I'm Henry the 8th non-stop until I gave in."

"Really," Harry smiled, he loved hearing stories about his father.

"Yes, but he would also sit on me while singing off key. Remus would watch us and just shake his head."

"Remus didn't help you?"

"Nah, unless it was near the full moon. Moony was overly protective of his ma- of me." Sirius nibbled on a piece of toast.

Harry tried to stifle a laugh. "I am just trying to picture Remus coming to your rescue."

"Remus was always there for me. He always managed to keep me in line. As long as Remus was by my side everything was fine." Sirius tossed his half eaten toast onto the tray. "I'm tired." And with that he lay back down and pulled the covers over his head. Memories of his youth and Remus were too much to bear.

"Ok, sleep well Sirius." Harry left the room. At least Sirius had been somewhat social, that was a start.

Sirius heard Harry get up and leave, finally he was alone. Reaching under the bed, he grabbed a bottle of fire whiskey. Harry reminded him so much of James, and how he had failed him.

It was a nice day so Harry decided to make the most of it. He stepped outside and mounted his Firebolt. Flying freed him, he didn't have to think about anything. The rush of air against his face as he soared and dived purged him of worries. He was just a kid, and should do fun things. Voldemort, horcruxes, and out of sorts Godfathers were to be dealt with when he touched down again. But for this moment he was free.

Sirius watched Harry fly through the bedroom window. How he missed flying. Taking a long swig of whiskey he realized he'd never be able to do that again either.

Harry landed when he saw Remus arrive with Madam Pomfrey.

"Hi Remus, Madam Pomfrey."

"Hello Harry, any changes with Sirius?"

"No, he ate half a piece of toast. We talked a bit about my father and then he went back to sleep." Harry wished he had better news for Remus.

"Poppy, maybe you can do something for him."

"I will try Remus, but he refuses to listen to reason." Poppy shook her head and went to check on her patient.

"Harry, care to help me with dinner?"

"Sure, just let me wash up and change." Harry bolted to his room.

Remus set about preparing dinner. He had been gone all day and was too tired to make anything fancy. Roast chicken, chips, peas and a treacle tart for dessert. Oddly, it was Sirius' favorite meal. Hopefully, he would eat it.

Poppy returned, her report as grim as ever. She was at her wits end. Sirius was convinced his life was over. After briefing Remus she left.

"Wotcher Remus," Tonks said as she entered the kitchen.

Remus rolled his eyes, he really needed to set up new wards.

"Hello Tonks, what brings you here? I am afraid Sirius isn't up for company at the moment."

"I didn't come to see Sirius, I came to see you." She stepped closer to him.

"Does The Order need me to do something?"

"No, I need you to do something." And with that she pushed Remus against the wall and kissed him.

"What the bloody hell do you think you are doing?" Remus shoved Tonks off.

"Get off it Remus, how long have you been without? Sirius can't perform his duties. Why deny yourself physical pleasure? I can be anyone you want." She screwed up her eyes and changed.

Remus watched as Tonks changed into Sirius. It was the spitting image of Sirius, except for the eyes. Suddenly, she was on him again, shoving her tongue down his throat and putting her hands on his backside.

"Get out of my house." He voice was dangerously low.

"You know you want it." Her hands slipped under his shirt.

"Get the bloody hell out of my house." It came out with a growl. It was taking all he had not to lash out at her.

Tonks was at least smart enough to know when to fold 'em. She changed back to her normal self and headed out the door.

"You know where to find me when you change your mind."

Shaking from his anger, Remus kicked a chair across the room.

Sirius heard the whole conversation and felt a tear run down his cheek.

"Are you alright Remus?" Harry asked, having witnessed the incident.

"Yes, I'm fine thank you." Taking a deep breath he resumed his task.

"Actually, can you keep an eye on this for a moment? I need to change the wards." He left not waiting to hear Harry's answer.

Dinner was a somber affair. Sirius stayed in bed and barely picked at his food. He didn't even touch the tart. Harry went to The Burrow after dinner, he wanted to spend sometime with Ron. Leaving Remus and Sirius alone might just be what the healer ordered. Remus sat at the kitchen table and did some research. His ink stained fingers thumbing through various texts and papers.

Sirius stared at the ceiling. He thought about what Tonks had said, she was right. Remus deserved someone whole, someone who could attend to all his needs, even if it was his prat of a cousin. Remus would never leave him voluntarily. It would much easier on everyone if he were dead.

He wasn't sure if one could Avada Kedavra one's self. But bodies did tend to bleed out if cut too deeply. One flick of his wand and it would all be over. Suicide is painless, so they say. Feeling around for his wand he wondered if he should leave a note.

Hastily he scribbled a letter to Remus, and placed it on his nightstand. Raising his wand, he braced himself for the spell. But the spell never crossed his lips. He was flooded with images, images of Remus. The grief and pain Sirius would cause him would be unforgivable. Lowering his wand he cried, there was no way out of this nightmare.

The clanking of a spoon against a teacup woke Sirius. Glancing over his shoulder he saw Remus sitting with his back against the headboard, glowering at him.

"Good Morning Remus," he said trying to sound as pleasant as possible.

"Explain," he said holding Sirius' letter.

Oh shit, he was in for it now. Damn fire whiskey, he thought he had destroyed that last night.

"It's…"

Remus cut him off. "Do you really think this little of me?"

"Of course not, I just thought it would be better for everyone if I was out of the picture."

"Oh how silly of me, naturally losing you again would make everything better. I am sure Harry and I would jump for joy. Hell I might even run out and shag the first person I see." The bitter words stung Sirius.

"I heard Tonks, and she's right. You deserve someone who can perform." Sirius stared at the blanket, it was easier than seeing the anger and hurt in Remus' eyes.

"I will say this only once. I love you. I do not want anyone else. I do not want to shag anyone else. I just want you. Sex isn't everything you prat." His tone was growing more venomous with each word.

"You don't understand. This is just another prison. I am useless."

"It's only a prison if you allow it to be." Remus rose from the bed flinging the letter to Sirius, and left.

Sirius felt the tears well up and decided that he needed his friend Ogden.

Remus fled the house in search of the one person he could turn to. The Sirius situation was getting out of hand. He had turned to books to help him find the answers he sought. Seeing Sirius like this tore him apart and he had done everything he could. The ball was in Sirius' court now. Right now he needed to find Kingsley, he was the one person he could talk to.

"Hello Remus," Molly's deceptively sweet voice filled the kitchen. "I decided to escort Harry here. I brought something to eat." She placed several dishes on the table. "Harry needed some good home cooking."

"Thank you Molly," He tried to hide his contempt. "Sirius is asleep and I'm not sure he'd want company."

"I wanted to talk to you about that Remus dear."

"He's doing fine, I appreciate your concern."

"I think it would be better for everyone if Harry stayed at The Burrow."

"What," Harry and Remus said in unison.

"Really now, he's not fit to be Harry's Godfather." She was appalled that they were questioning her judgement.

"That's not your decision to make." Remus couldn't believe the audacity.

"I think I'd rather stay here Mrs. Weasley. Sirius is my Godfather and I wouldn't want it any other way." Harry stood next to Remus.

"I really think I would now what's better for Harry. I'm sorry Remus but neither you nor Sirius is fit to handle it."

"What do you mean Remus isn't fit," Harry was shocked to hear this from Mrs. Weasley. She had always been like a second mother to him. Now he was appalled.

"Well his monthly problem does hinder him my dear." She was still sounding sickly sweet.

"I assure you I handle my problem quite well."

Sirius heard the conversation in the kitchen. Molly was right Harry should go with her. He wasn't fit to be a Godfather.

"But I chose you to be Harry's Godfather." The voice in his head that sounded very much like James said.

"You chose wrong."

"Lily and I did no such thing. We knew you and Remus would make the perfect Godparents."

"I'm useless to him, to Harry, to Remus, to everybody."

"Pathetic yes, useless no, you can still be there for him. Give him advice, help through tough times and give him the love he deserves."

"But I'm stuck in this bloody chair."

"So? Ok you won't be running any marathons with him. So what, there is so much more to life than walking. Stop being a pathetic wanker and do what you do best. It's only a prison if you make it."

Great now he was going mad to boot.

"What is Sirius doing now Remus? Is he still holed up in bed, drinking himself blind?" Molly was actually raising her voice, much to her dismay.

"That's not fair he's been through a lot. He needs time to adjust." Harry blurted out.

"You don't need to stick up for him dear. It's ok to want to get away from him."

That did it.

"Molly I will kindly ask you to leave," Remus' eyes were filled with rage.

"Do I need to come back with a Ministry official?"

"That won't be necessary Molly." Everyone turned to see Sirius in the doorway. "James and Lily named me Godfather, not you."

Sirius wheeled towards the door and picked up Harry's broom. "Come on Harry show me what you've got." He tossed the broom to Harry and watched as a smile spread across Harry's face.

With a wicked grin he turned to Remus, "please escort the bat back to her belfry."

"Harry show me your Wronski Feint." He shouted as he reached the lawn. Maybe he could pull this off; he was Sirius Black after all.