The Change Chronicles
Spectrums of Hate
A one-shot, Kyo x Yuki style
If you do not recognize it, I own it. Do not take those few, few things away from a poor girl. The unofficial sequel to 'Where They Blur', so go read that one to! Both are part of an ongoing series that I will now call, 'The Change chronicles'
ATTENTION! LADIES AND I'M SURE A FEW GENTS! This story contains, as one viewer complained, a lime. So, the warnings are as follow: A lemon that is boy on boy.
I'm nobody! Who are
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us — don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
to tell your name the livelong day
to an admiring bog!
By Emily Dickinson
Yuki stared down at Kyo's sitting form. The cat's back was to a tree and he was dozing, his legs bent up and his arms folded on top of them. He looked peaceful and Yuki couldn't remember ever seeing the ever rowdy cat like this. He thought it should be strange, the cat being peaceful, but it wasn't. It was just a different side to the coin that was Kyo.
Yuki was lying on his stomach on a branch of the tree that Kyo was leaning against. The limb low enough that if he had wished, he could have reached out to touch the cat's orange hair.
Just hours before, Yuki had watched the cat have a phone conversation with someone, and, if the look on Kyo's face had been any indication, that someone had been Akito. Kyo's face had been smooth and blank enough to remind Yuki of his own. That was strange, the cat should never be cold or icy, he should be bright and loud, shining with that ever present damn light. That was how Kyo was meant to be.
"Get the fuck out of my way!"
The cat had screamed at him before storming out of the house, he'd been gone for hours. Yuki had come upon him on the way to his secret base. He wondered if the cat knew about that place, because if he did he'd never mentioned it and somehow, Yuki felt sure that he wouldn't have, even if he did know. Kyo of all people could understand about needing something to need you.
The cat had been pacing up and down in front of a small pond in the midst of the forest behind their house, stomping his feet, cursing at the top of his lungs, clenching his fists. Finally, finally after an hour, two hours, the cat had collapsed onto the ground, sinking against the tree. He'd closed his eyes and been asleep since.
Was that what made the cat so peaceful? His uncaring ability to let out all his pent up feelings? Those feeling that could eat at you and eat at you until you were nothing but a shell, a husk of a human being. Dragging yourself through life, through living your life. Was that why Kyo was the way he was?
Yuki could understand that, wanting to let those feelings out. The feelings of hate and rage and pain and the cruel unfairness of wondering, why you? What was it that you did wrong, to be born cursed and to be cursed your entire life. Yuki could understand that, he wanted to let his out all the time, but he couldn't. He wasn't strong enough, it felt as though one scream would break him, shatter him.
But oh God, how he wanted to. He wanted to scream and rage, to break things, to break people, to splinter and shatter everything until there was nothing left, then he wanted to build everything back up, just so he could shatter it again. But he didn't, he couldn't.
Yuki touched one finger to his own pale temple, wondering at his thoughts and the paths that his mind led. He understood the cat and that was strange and wonderful and awful and disgusting all at the same time. He understood the cat, and he was sure the feeling was mutual.
He hated Kyo and he respected Kyo and he loathed the bastard and he envied him and he needed the bastard, needed him to be around. Because when he wasn't, Yuki just wasn't as alive. Yuki could feel the hate coiled in his chest right now, coiled around his heart, a part of the very make-up of who he was. Who the rat was. He needed Kyo, the rat needed the cat. Needed to hate Kyo because when he wasn't, he felt that he was unfulfilled, desolate and small. He felt dead.
Yuki reached down and very gently touched Kyo's hair, hair that was soft and like autumn. He touched it and he wondered why the hell he was even near the bastard. Screaming, screaming at himself, asking why he hadn't just walked away, walked away instead of climbing a tree and touching Kyo's orange hair.
"What are you doing?" the husky voice made Yuki jerk his hand back up where it belonged. Kyo's face tipped up towards Yuki, his crimson cherry apple eyes catching the fading sun, turning them to liquid fire gold copper.
"I'm not doing anything" Yuki cursed himself as he said these words, because it was so obvious he was doing something and there was no way to successfully deny it. He repeated himself anyway. "I'm not doing anything."
"Right, just hanging around?" Yuki stared down at the cat in something like awe because awful, awful it may have been, but humor had come out of the cat's mouth. "What? What?" Kyo said in bewilderment.
Yuki laughed under his breath "Nothing, stupid cat." Kyo didn't get angry, the last residues of peace still lingered to near.
"Nothing? So what are you doing in a tree over my head, you never answered me. Damn Rat." he added, just for good measure.
Yuki stared down at him and wondered how to answer, he decided with the truth, it would be the least believable. "I was watching you sleep, you looked peaceful. It was a rare site for me." Kyo's face looked slightly stunned before his eyes turned angry.
A hand shot up and curled around Yuki's white fingers, making the rat gasp. One jerk sent him sprawling to the ground, flat on his back and his head aching. Touching his head gingerly, Yuki tried to sit up. Kyo's palm on his chest stopped his movement. "Why would the rat be doing something as distasteful as looking at the lowly cat?"
Yuki watched Kyo's face flush with anger. "When you talk like that, where do those words come form, do they come from Akito?" he wondered.
Kyo wrapped his fingers around Yuki's throat but didn't squeeze or push, he just let it lie there. "Answer the question." he snarled.
"I told you, because you looked peaceful. I was hoping if I watched you, I could catch it for myself. The peace."
Kyo leaned down, putting his hand on the side of Yuki's head, the other still resting on his throat. "Your idiotic, did you know that?"
"It's been mentioned, I think it runs in the family."
The cat's lips twitched but he didn't quite smile. His face turned even angrier, as though his mouth had betrayed him. He leaned down farther, lowering himself to his elbow, the fabric of his shirt brushing against Yuki's shirt. "I hate you." The words came out with that same need, the need Yuki felt. The need to hate and be hated because it meant you were alive, that you were worth it. Even if you were only worth hating, you were still worth something.
He saw it, in Kyo's eyes, that awful nothingness, the nothingness that the hate filled, eased. Only Kyo could understand, feel that. Only the cat and the rat. Only they understood that awful hate and pain and fear that was always bunched in the pit of the stomach, always coiled in a painful ball around the heart. Only the cat and the rat, the ones who had started the curse. Created the curse.
Yuki smiled a painful, bitter smile, "The feeling is, and always will be, mutual." He said it as a declaration and as a promise, one he'd never admit to making. A promise that the hate would always be there, that it would never falter, never leave the cat. It would never leave.
Kyo leaned down more until his chest was a constant weight on Yuki's chest. "Right… right." That need and want and hate and respect and fear and loathing were there. Mixed in Kyo's red eyes. It was there and it was constant, it was eternal.
The cat's lips crashed against Yuki's, bruising, crushing. The rat could feel the soft mouth pressing into his own, could feel Kyo's face twisted into a snarl. It was painful and it was bruising and it passionate. It was supposed to be. Forbidden things are supposed to be. Yuki reached up and twisted his fingers in Kyo's hair, yanking at it, grinding his lips against the cat's. Dancing their tongues together when Kyo demanded entrance. The cat's pointed incisors digging into Yuki's pink lower lip, making it bleed then licking the blood away.
He could feel that Kyo was trembling and that all his anger had come back, all that pain and hate and despair that he'd seen in Kyo's face. The look he saw all the time staring back at him in the form of icy purple eyes and blank snow skin. Kyo was doing this because it was something to do, something to lessen that awful dead weight in the chest, the weight of being cursed and knowing there isn't a damn thing you can ever do to stop it.
Kyo shifted himself until his legs were pressed on top on Yuki's. The rat parted his legs to allow him to settle there. Maybe this was why he'd stayed, maybe this is what he'd wanted from the cat. He just wanted Kyo to notice his existence, to be the only thing that crimson eyes could see.
He didn't love Kyo, couldn't love Kyo. If was impossible. It was desperation that made him pull at the cat's shirt and it was desperation that made the cat pull right back. It was the knowing that the other was the only person they could ever be this close to without changing, without it meaning anything more then what it was. It was only the need to be close and the lust of wanting another hand beside your own to touch you and it was the very human want to be with someone, if only for an instant in time.
Kyo's shirt disappeared over his head, into the bushes, into the tree, God only knew where. The rest of there clothes were shucked until they were both lying naked on the forest floor. Leaves in their hair and dirt smudges on their limbs. Yuki pushed Kyo on his back and the cat let him. It felt good to give up control to someone who understood how painful that could be. Lean, long legs wrapped around Yuki's slim hips, not squeezing, just snug and hot.
Yuki settled between Kyo's warm thighs, his erection nestled right up against the cat's. He pushed against Kyo, warm and slick and rough. Always pushing, always forceful because that's the only way they'd ever been with each other. There cocks slid together and it was warm, Yuki was warm which was weird considering he was lying naked in the middle of a forest. It was so gods damned warm. Kyo's hands were scratching at his back, digging into his shoulders and the tops of his thighs. Yuki pressed his lips back against Kyo's, probing, grinding, sucking. Wanting needing needing wanting. Wanting so fucking much that it hurt.
Pants and gasped filled the air and that was ok, they were at least a half a mile away from the house. It was ok, no one would ever know because no one would ever understand. Never ever understand. Yuki ground harder against his hated, beautifully hated enemy. He was bucking and Kyo was bucking right back, he couldn't be dominant but he sure as hell wouldn't be submissive either. Sweat was sliding between them, lessening the friction between them but not the pleasure.
Yuki found his knees and wrapped his hand around both of their cocks, rubbing and grinding them together. His head was spinning and his stomach was burning in a pleasant, tingly way. It was blissful and it hurt and his vision was going white and Kyo's eyes were rolling back in his head and his hand was right next to Yuki's. Their hands working in unison and it was enough, it was finally enough. Kyo bent up and lapped at Yuki's nipple, twisting and biting until he left a bruise. The pain was sweet and aching. White lights burst behind Yuki's eyes like an exploding light bulb. Yuki came first and Kyo right after and that was ok, it was too small to be a real victory.
"It's enough. enough" Yuki gasped, collapsing on top of the cat's sweat slicked chest. "enough enough" he chanted under his breath. The cat laid sprawled on his back, staring up at the sky. His face wasn't peaceful but it wasn't quite angry or hate filled either. It was a medium, not a happy medium, but a medium.
Yuki buried his face against the cat's neck, just resting there. They lay together until Kyo told the rat to move when he started to go numb from lack of circulation.
They found their clothes and stumbled on shaky legs back to the house, back towards the world. When they reached the lights and the noise again, they felt less at ease, more angry and painful and awful.
Kyo stopped Yuki as he reached for the doorknob. He leaned his forehead against the door his face twisted with that despair and hate and loathing. "Thank you." It was all that he said before yanking the door open and stalking inside. Tohru's voice could be heard within asking of his previous whereabouts. Yuki heard him snap something but he had no idea what it was.
It was enough for now, this day, maybe even this week. It was enough. But it wasn't the first time they'd crossed that invisible line and it most likely wasn't the last. They could step backward though, back to the plain, safe hate. Back to the Cat and the Rat. Back to being cursed and remaining cursed. It was enough.
I'm a faithful reviewer, and if I like a story and I read a story, I review the story. So, if you like my story and you read my story then review my story. Please, you will bring a thousand years of happiness to one poor little white girl.
Next in the Change Chronicles is 'Chaos of the Closet Variety'