In an Instant
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and everything related belongs first, and foremost, to JKR and then to her partnerships with Scholastics, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.
Summary: She knew she'd give anything for him to be hers and never do anything to lose him... "We can't do this! I can't believe we started doing this!"
Author's Note: I said I was hoping to get a multiple-chapter story up here… This may be it, but who knows?
In an Instant
She loved him. She truly and deeply loved him. He was her every thought, every day; her every reason for every action. For the last seven months he owned everything about her and she never wanted that to change. In the past, they were sworn enemies. She hated him more than anything and though he loved everything about her, he was never given the light of day.
Everything changed when she turned seventeen and began her seventh and final year at Hogwarts, Head Girl to his Head Boy. The countless time spent together drove them to become lovers. They grew passion toward each other, a desire to become each other's worlds: they fell oh so deeply in love.
He has been her rock, her everything in the last seven months. She can't think of a time when she didn't need him and when she could imagine a life without him. For some time now, she has known he is the one. She longs for his last name like she longs for his touch, a longing so strong that even when it's granted for her, it's still not enough, she still wants more of his touch. Her mind, her heart, everything about her, has never questioned that. She, all of her, always knew he'd be the one for her.
From finding this love with him, she also grew as a person; learned not to gain one solid opinion about a person or thing because opinions very often mean nothing. James Potter was not an arrogant-bullying toe-rag who'd never change his ways. In actuality, he did. He changed. He proved her wrong in a way she hardly ever imagined possible. Even after seeing the countless number of majestic events over her time at Hogwarts still didn't open her eyes to the possibilities...
But now she knew, knew deep in her heart that he was the one for her. She knew she'd give anything for him to be hers and never do anything to lose him...
And then there's Sirius Black, James' best friend. On the outside, he was carefree, lovable and cool. But on the inside, there was a torment little knew of. She's not even sure James knew of it, but she knew. He was lonely. And Lily hated that he was lonely...
It was a dark and stormy night, as they always seem to be. Sirius and Lily, both with nowhere to go, no place to call home aside from the castle: him, with parents who disowned him, her, with no parents at all, decided to stay back for the holidays. Really, neither of them minded, Hogwarts was a wonderful joy at Christmas time, with its festivities and glowing grounds of snow. But James had gone home for the first few days of Christmas, in a family emergency that neither Lily nor Sirius intruded on.
They sat by the Gryffindor common room fire, listening to the sound of thunder outside and just enjoying the silence of each other's company. So odd was it to rain so near Christmas, and not snow. From the corner of her eye, Lily saw Sirius lay his head back on the head of the couch and stretch his body along it, closing his eyes. It had only been two days since Lily and Sirius had talked about what had been troubling him: the loneliness he felt, with no family. He also admitted, rather ashamedly, that he also missed having a girlfriend. Lily felt a little ashamed as well, knowing that the reason his heart ached more was because often times he was the third wheel.
Sirius yawned loudly and looked up to see Lily smiling at him. Automatically, a "What?" came from his mouth and she shook her head.
"Can't I just smile?" she asked, nicely. "It's not against the rules as far as the Head Girl knows."
He shook his head then leaned back on the couch. When she had assumed he was going back to his quiet self, he pelted a pillow straight at her head and it hit her with a THUNK! He immediately broke into laughter, and even through her angry stare, a laugh came from her mouth.
"That's-not-funny," she said forcefully, grabbing the pillow and throwing it back, missing him by a few inches due to laughter.
"Well," he said, finally sitting up properly, "then why are you laughing?"
"Because I'm tired," she lied. In actuality, she was tired. She'd spent all day with Sirius building snowmen, sneaking to Huneydukes and other Hogsmeade places, going to visit Hagrid and even playing a one-on-one game of Quidditch. It was now almost midnight and she was hardly awake.
"That's not a reason," he said knowingly, but threw a look at his watch, "but it is now officially midnight. Happy Christmas, Lil!"
"Happy Christmas," she said back smiling. Only nine or ten more hours until James was back at school to celebrate the end of Christmas with them. "I think it's time for bed, don't you?"
He stifled a yawn and nodded, standing up and walking toward the portrait hole.
"And where are you going?" she said sternly, her Head Girl instincts kicking in.
"I'm walking you back to the Head's tower," he said as though it were obvious. "It's the gentlemen thing to do - but what would you know about the gentlemen things? You are with James," he said jokingly, and she smiled.
"All right, but if any teachers are out there, then I have to walk you back to the common room, and if they asked, we fell asleep playing wizard's chest."
He nodded his agreement and led the way toward the head's tower, which was only a few corridors down, still on the seventh floor. He paused half way down the second corridor and looked to her. "Do you want to go get some hot chocolate or something? It's still not too late. Plus I know the house-elves, they'd be happy on Christmas to do anything for us."
She stared for a second, and shook her head no. She knew that Sirius just wanted to spend time with her and have someone to talk to for a little bit longer on Christmas. And though she said no to hot chocolate, she invited him into the Head's tower with her.
"I don't think you've ever really been inside," she explained. "Plus, it is still early, and I'm sure we could find something to do for fun. It is Christmas."
"All right," he agreed immediately and followed her into the tower, behind the portrait who looked at them curiously.
They went in and sat down for a few minutes, then she brought down her and James' wizarding chest set, and played three games. It was 1 am when her stomach gave a gigantic lurch and he looked to her.
She smiled embarrassedly, "So... about that hot chocolate?"
They made their way down to the kitchens and were bombarded with house-elves asking for orders. It took about four minutes to make the sandwiches, hot chocolate, cake and pudding that Lily and Sirius wanted before they were ready to make their way up all the way to the Head's tower.
One step out the door on the way back...
"MISS EVANS!" They turned to see Professor McGongall staring daggers at them. "I'd expect this from Black but not you, Miss Evans, at nearly one thirty in the morning!"
"We were hungry," she said quietly, unable to find proper explanation in her mind. "I apologize, we should be in bed. We'll go straight away--"
"No time for that," she said rather anxiously. "There's news of attacks in Hogsmeade, I want you two to go straight to the nearest dungeon with me. Come now!"
They hurried back through the door they came, walked past the kitchen and in a minutes time had reached a dungeon, right next to Professor Slughorn's potions class. She hurried them in but stayed outside. "I have to go secure the castle, I'm going to lock you in. I assume you don't have your wands."
Lily shook her head no, but Sirius, surprisingly nodded that he did. "It's a habit I've had since I turned seventeen," he explained.
McGonagall muttered her goodbye and quickly locked them in. They heard her footsteps march away and turned to look at each other, the food forgotten on the farthest table.
"I don't know why she just didn't let us go up to the tower," she said in annoyance. "It's not like there's anyone in the castle."
"Safety precautions," Sirius said lazily taking a seat.
"You don't think there's anyone in the castle, do you?" she asked in concern.
"I doubt it," he said assuring, looking at her. "Not with Dumbledore here. Hell, I'd like to see anyone get past Hagrid."
She smiled a small smile at him. She sat down next to him, yawning, and lazily laid her head on his shoulder, only to find his right arm wrap around her waist. She looked over to find him yawning himself and closing his eyes in peacefulness. Then what happened next happened so quickly, neither of them realized: What had begun as an attempt to kiss her on the cheek, as he spoke a "thank you for tonight" caught her turning to look at him and their lips meeting.
They hung for a second, and Lily realized that Sirius was kissing her back, his grip tightening on her side. It was still seconds later before she pulled away and looked up into his gray eyes. She noticed that her hand, once limp in her lap had rested on his thigh for support during the kiss and her face became beat red. Had they really just kissed?
Of course it wasn't on purpose that the kiss had initiated. Both of them would agree that two different thoughts were going through their heads at the time and neither dealt with kissing the other. And for a moment she didn't realize why it had continued, but before she could fully think about it, she found herself staring at his eyes, then his lips, and leaning forward once more to kiss him again. He gave a twitch as though to pull away but didn't. The kiss deepened and before she knew it, they were not only kissing but in a deep embrace. Her hands, which had wrapped themselves around his neck, slowly creased over every part of his shoulders, feeling the broadness and the collarbones, then making their way down his chest and eventually resting on his lap. His had only just moved to her back, slightly under her shirt, touching her bear skin. Even the coldness of his hands didn't awake her to the fact that her hands were moving again, up to his belt, unhooking it, grabbing it from the loops and throwing it behind her. They then went to the button and unlatched it quickly and then to the zipper which she pulled down with haste. She had gained record time, having had a lot of practice with James. When she and Sirius moved in one motion to slide his pants down past his boxers, she stopped. James.
His hands had crept to the front of her stomach, pressing on her hipbones. She pulled away and his hands flew off of her.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." she said in a panic. "I can't do this... We... We can't do this. Oh my God, I can't believe we started doing this, Sirius!"
But he wasn't listening: he jumped off the desk and pulled his pants back up, grasping for his belt and quickly placing it back on. He didn't look at her after he was dressed, only walked toward the door and once he got to it, leaned against it and stared at his feet. Even though none of her clothing had been removed, Lily felt as though she needed to tuck her shirt in and fix her skirt. She wished she had a jacket to cover herself in.
"Sirius..." she said, quietly approaching him.
"Dammit, Lily!" he said, slamming his fist to the door in front of him. "Do you realize how mad James is going to be?"
She frowned, tears appearing in her eyes. She nodded to his back. Then spoke, "What are we going to do?"
"I don't know, but I hate lying," he said firmly.
"I don't want to lose him, Sirius," she said helplessly.
"Neither of us want that," he said, still not turning to look at her and speaking softly to the ground, now. "And I don't want him to hex me into next century."
"What are we going to do?"
When James came back to Hogwarts a few hours afterward, he found Sirius still asleep in bed and Lily locked up in her room in the Head's tower. It broke Lily apart not to tell James what happened. But her and Sirius decided that he didn't need to know because it meant nothing. It was just a huge mistake. They both loved James too much to have him find out and vowed not to tell him. Unless they needed to...