A/N: Back from the dead with another fic in a totally foreign category. I love Mr. And Mrs. Smith though so I had to write something. Reviews are definitely appreciated with this story. Please and thank you!
Disclaimer: Why do we need to write this? The fact that I'm writing a fanfiction is clearly a disclaimer in itself. I don't own, happy? .:fanfiction Nazis…:.
John and Jane Smith were on the run. Two highly accomplished agencies were on their tales and God only knew who else. There one true friend and not to mention, only outside source, was Eddie, whom they communicated with as little as possible.
To say that the couple was stressed would be an understatement. Having been running for two months now, they were -simply put- tired.
They were trained to brave the toughest missions, handle the most urgent situations but they'd never thought they'd seriously have to go head to head with their own organization.
It was engrained into every agent's head that if there was no one to trust, they could trust their agency-The people who trained them and brought them to where they were now. These people knew almost as much about them as John and Jane knew about themselves.
That's what made running so scary.
John and Jane discussed settling down or even starting their own agency. They just really needed something inconspicuous enough to lessen the risk of discovery.
"Right and what's more inconspicuous than 'Smith?'
"I'm just spouting ideas, okay? I don't see you, Ms. 'I'm-Apart-of-a-Big-Fancy-Agency,' making an effort."
"I said I'd be all right with moving to Japan."
"That's because you already know the language and you won't have to spend three months attending 'Japanese 101.'"
Jane sighed. "Then I'm out of ideas because I had already had an intricately-detailed plan for our move there."
"Of course you did…" John mumbled.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Jane snapped sharply.
"Well, I claim to remember you accusing me of not being a 'team player' but here you are, making these elaborate plans to countries I don't know a thing about."
Did I forget to mention they were getting a tad bit touchy?
The phone rang and the couple stopped their bickering to look at the sleek black cell phone on the motel's side table. It was an undeniably rare occurrence for the Smith's to receive any phone calls, most of which were from, as aforementioned, their only 'outside spy:' Eddie.
John grabbed for it but Jane, with her cat-like reflexes, snatched it up and flipped it open, leaving John to glare at her through tiny slits.
"Hey, Jane, is the hubby home?" the familiar voice of Eddie asked.
"I'm putting you on speakerphone," Jane dead-panned. It was annoying how Eddie seemed so resolute to speak with John when she was perfectly available. And John did a terrible job relaying what they had talked about anyway.
After setting the phone to speakerphone, the couple could hear Eddie sigh audibly and mumble something about crazy women.
"I heard that." Jane said, placing the phone on the night stand between the two of them.
"Good." Eddie replied. "I'm just calling to let you guys know I figured out your problem."
"The on-the-run problem or the attempt-at-being-inconspicuous problem?" John inquired.
"Well, in actuality if you solved one you've got the other one, so, in which case, I figured out how to answer both your problems." Eddie said.
"Mind sharing?" Jane questioned, impatience slightly evident.
"Get a kid." Eddie announced triumphantly.
Now, if Jane and John were sipping wine, the white linens on the bed would be positively soaked with the stuff. So instead, the two opted for widening their eyes in shock, silently hoping the other didn't consider the idea a good one.
"Are you nuts?" Jane finally said to John's utter relief.
"You want us lugging a kid around with us? We'll put it in danger." John said, quickly agreeing with his wife's opinion.
"Guys, guys, hey. I've put a lot of thought into this. Think about it. What's the one thing your agencies would never suspect their two top agents would get? I said to myself, 'Simple. Kids.'"
"That's because we don't nor ever will want any." John emphasized.
"Then you see my point." Eddie said curtly.
As hard as John and Jane wanted to disagree to the idea of having a child, they had to admit that it was good and one of their only chances to having a seemingly normal life. Plus, their organizations would never think they, their stone-solid, fierce agents, would become parents. The idea still seemed ridiculous to them!
"God, it hurts me so much to say this, but… Eddie's right." Jane finally said, shaking her head.
"Yeah, and what's that supposed to mean?" Eddie said clearly annoyed.
"It means that we should… get a kid." John concurred after fighting an intense inward battle of pros and cons.
There was a silence as everybody, including Eddie, had a slight case of shock over their agreement to the plan.
"Okay, well, did you two have any plans as to what you wanted or how you were going to get it?" Eddie finally questioned, knocking the couple out of their reverie.
"Well, John, did you have anything in mind?" Jane asked, looking expectantly at her husband. This had to be one of the most uncomfortable conversations she'd ever had.
"I don't want a baby, if that's what you mean." John said quickly.
"And I don't want a petulant brat child," Jane shared.
"If you guys don't figure out what you want soon, you'll end up wanting some eighty year-old and... Those aren't up for adoption." Eddie piped up over the phone.
"How about a teenager? I mean, we won't have to keep it for very long and it'll be easier to make it follow orders." Jane reasoned.
"They ask a lot of questions though. And, think about it, what kind of teenager would be willing to have us, 'psycho-strict' agents, as parents?" John said.
"How 'bout some one that already knows you're agents?" Eddie asked which caused the two to pause their conversing to stare at the phone. There was a crazy man on the other line. They knew it. "I don't know if you remember Benjamin Danz but he appears free for the taking."
"What? The bait-boy we were after? The kid who got us into this big mess in the first place?" John queried incredulously.
"That's the one." Eddie established. "I mean, c'mon guys, he knows you're agents. He knows about the whole 'being attacked by the separate agencies' thing-That's probably one of the biggest breaks you'll get. Ever."
John sighed, causing Jane to look up at him quickly.
"Are you actually considering this kid?" She asked quickly. "You saw him. He was the biggest smart-alec on the planet. I'm sorry, but I am not going to put up with any more of that."
"'Any more of that' -What is that supposed to mean?" John asked, looking critically at his wife.
"It means that you are quite enough smart-alec for three teenagers." Jane said testily.
"Well, you're enough annoying for five mother-in-laws." John said.
"Guys, guys, guys, I really don't have the time for this. So could you figure if you want me to set up an appointment with him." Eddie said.
"Appointment? Where is he exactly?" Jane asked.
"Uh, it says here he's in a Juvenile Detention in Kent County, Michigan." Eddie reported. "He's staying there until the court processes his involvement in the shooting -which could take awhile."
"How're we supposed to take him out if he's in a detention facility?" Jane asked.
"Hey, if you're rich enough, you can have any kid you want." Eddie said, smiling.
It was true that after the whole 'combining of forces' act, John and Jane were now insanely rich. It was just hard to spend the cash with people watching their every move though.
John sighed and scratched at his eyebrow with his thumb.
"Let's do it then."
"Why's he here anyway? Doesn't he have his own parents that want to take him in?" John whispered to his wife as they followed a slightly pudgy woman down the hall of the juvenile detention.
"My, my, that isn't very parental of you. But regardless, his parents don't think he's their problem anymore." Jane replied quietly.
"What? Why not?" John asked, looking bewilderedly at his spouse.
"Well, for one, he's 21…" Jane answered.
John halted in his tracks but the women walking down the hall didn't seem to notice (or, in Jane's case, care). John hurried to catch up to them
"What do you mean he's 21?" he whispered hastily, turning to her with incredulity etched into his features. "How are we supposed to get him if he's 21 anyway?"
"You and I both know there isn't going to be a problem there," Jane said with her trademark smirk. It was true. Anything was possible with resources like theirs.
They finally stopped at a door and the lady turned to face the couple.
"This is the interview room. You can just talk to him, ask him about life, and hopefully," her eyes began shining at this point. "Get some details that will make his life with you more comfortable. But, I must warn you; this poor dear's been through some stuff, so try not to be bothered with his cheek. Because he's certainly not lacking in that department." The woman gave a small chortle before unlocking the door and opening it.
"Play nice," John muttered to Jane who simply rolled her eyes before walking into the dimly-lit, sparsely-furnished room.
"Ben, honey, I'm going to leave you alone with this nice couple here." The lady said to the young man who was currently resting his tousled black head of hair on the dark wooden table.
"Uh-huh, Doris, I know the drill." Ben said, thinking bitterly to himself about the past four couples who had come in, interviewed him, and promptly left after only three clipped questions. Although he would have gladly gone with them to get out of this appropriately coined "cheer asylum," he found that they didn't really like him. Ben liked to call his "problem" wit but the previous couples had unanimously described it as "presumptuous sarcasm." The young man doubted this new duo would think differently.
Doris nodded happily at the others, whispering an encouraging "I'll leave you three alone." before exiting the room. At the sound of the click, Ben grudgingly lifted his head to survey the new "parent-hopefuls."
The young man's eyes widened in shock and his mouth gaped open. "J-John… J-Jane?!" He was trying to form something resembling coherent but his tongue was in knots as his brain was traveling at 100 mph. The only thought that seemed to stick as he stared from stoic face to stoic face was "Run!" –Which was just what Ben did or tried to do anyway. He made it out of his chair and mere feet from the door until he was halted by John's hand on his chest.
"Whoa, whoa, we just want to talk, buddy." John stated casually, wrapping an arm around Ben's shoulder and leading him back to the chair. Ben stared anxiously at him the whole time.
"Right, 'talk,'" Ben said knowingly once he was sat back down in his original seat. "Contrary to what you believe, I did attend a few of those agent classes. I know the terminology, and, 'to talk' usually results in some one's death, in this case mine."
"We're not going to kill you," Jane said directly so the boy wouldn't carry on with the topic for what was sure to be hours. At this announcement, Ben shut his mouth and looked quizzically at the couple.
"Well, it's obvious the two of you aren't considering being my new 'parents,' so what do you want?" Ben asked.
Jane and John exchanged glances before fixing their eyes on the young man once again. John cleared his throat.
"We, uh, need your help with something." He said.
"Let me just stop you right there and point out that I have no connections with any of your former agencies. The moment your people got their hands on me, they threw me in this place and stripped me of everything. -Apparently I had failed in my part of the mission. So… I guess you came all this way for nothing." Ben said, leaning back into his chair and shrugging.
"That's not exactly the kind of help-"
"We do want you as our son." Jane interrupted, finally getting tired of her husband's beating around the bush. John looked at her with his "calmly critical" expression but Jane didn't seem to notice. The words that left her mouth were difficult to get out, and the aftermath of vomiting them up had left her biting her tongue.
Jane wasn't the only one surprised by the statement though. Ben held a form of shock upon his face as well but that quickly turned into one of amusement.
"Right," he said sarcastically, laughing a little. "The big, bad agents want a me to be their son. They finally reached that point in their lives where they decide the nearest convicted smart-alec would make the perfect child. That's hilarious. Really, guys, what's your deal?"
John and Jane vided for remaining silent and staring sternly at the expectant young man's face.
Ben's smile faltered after a moment and his eyebrows knitted together as reality hit him.
"Wait, y-you're serious?" Ben asked. John nodded in affirmation. "Um, no… No, I'm not going to be your guys' son. For one, you two are the ones who put me here in the first place. And two, you're on the run. You're going to get caught someday and I don't want to be around for that."
John sighed walked over to lay his hands on the table in front of Ben, hunching over to stare at the young man face to face.
"Look, Benjamin, those aren't good reasons." John said. "We got you in here, so we want to get you out. But, because we're on the run, we need a son to give us a better wrap. Do you see now?"
Ben seemed to think about this.
"Oh yeah, one problem: I don't want you as my parents."
"Why not?" John scoffed, clearly confused. He assumed kids would love the chance to hang around with agents 24-7.
"Oh, I don't know," Ben began sardonically. "Maybe because I don't want to hang out with agents 24-7." John's assumptions were failing him. Maybe it was for the best that Ben denied them parenthood, for he was now truly sure he'd make a terrible father.
Jane noticed her husband giving up on the ordeal and decided it was time to butt in.
"Benjamin, as part of our cover, we'll be acting as normal as physically possible. You won't be able to discern us from the next regular Joes that come knocking to be your parents." The young man seemed to be considering it now so Jane went on. "We picked you because you already know about us and what we do. Plus, you were a junior agent. So, instead of thinking of this as a demand, think of it as a mission. It'll all be over in two or three years anyway, you know."
John stared at his wife in amazement. Jane never bothered to pull out her powers of persuasion on anything. It was mostly just "do it or die" with her. This new side was forcing him to see the true mother in her.
"Okay." Ben grinded out after several minutes of thinking. He immediately regretted the word though. He was sure that getting into John and Jane Smith's life would possibly be the death of him. But, who knows? Maybe this decision wouldn't be the worst in the history of decisions… Ben had to smile at his futile optimism.
A/N: There it is. Because I am unsure about this story, I won't update unless I get review(s). They make me happy and really firm up my decisions. So, please review! Thanks!