Seeking Purchase

SinnamonGirl

Disclaimer: Fake and all of its characters belong to Sanami Matoh.

Set sometime after the sixth book… I apologize if Ryo seems OOC, but I'm going to justify it by saying that fear makes him act this way!

Summary: Dee interrupts Ryo in the shower, and Ryo gets in a little over his head - with destructive consequences.

The sound of the bathroom door closing made his hand go to his side - to his gun - immediately, before he realized that he was in the shower, and his gun was safely locked away.

"Dee!" he shouted at his partner, peering around the shower curtain. With the threat of a thief or attacker gone, Ryo found himself somewhere between annoyance and the unshakeable fondness his partner always conjured in him. It wasn't love he insisted to himself, just… affection. The kind any best friend would feel.

"How'd you get in here?" he asked Dee over the sound of the running water. "Are we adding breaking an entering to a fellow officer's home, no less, to our less than impeccable record?"

Dee chuckled, a sound like warm rain. "No, we are not. I filched your key awhile back and copied it. You're oblivious for a cop."

Ryo rolled his eyes. "How long ago was that?" If Dee had a key of his own, Ryo knew that it wouldn't be long before he added random midnight pounces to his attempts to get into his pants. Considering the dreams he'd been having lately - a delicious shiver went down his spine - he might not mind a few midnight pounces.

Suddenly Dee was in front of him, unabashedly nude, unencumbered. Ryo almost tripped over his feet backing up, then he was spluttering in the shower spray. Dee reached forward and hauled him out of the water, then brushed his damp bangs out of his face.

"Easy. I just wanted to be with you. Don't you trust me?"

Ryo coughed a little. "Dee,"

Dee raised his eyebrows at him, silently demanding an answer,

"Yes. Yes, I trust you. But, Dee? The shower? Men who are not lovers do not shower together."

Dee gave a predatory smile. "Simple - become my lover."

"Dee!"

"All right, all right. Want me to wash your hair for you?" It was a small trespass, one Ryo might allow, and Dee would take anything he could get.

Ryo soundlessly relaxed into Dee's touch, wordlessly giving him permission. A few moments in, he had to resist moaning under Dee's strong hands. Surprisingly, his partner maintained a respectful distance as he lathered in soap, then guided Ryo back under the shower spray to rinse it away. But though his need did not press against him, Ryo had already seen his erection. Involuntarily, he licked his lips. He's so big. He'd felt Dee press against him before when they were fooling around, but he'd never seen his partner fully naked.

There was no denying that Dee was beautiful. Though Ryo could deny his feelings, deny his orientation, even deny how good their recently interrupted "test drive" had been, he couldn't deny the effect Dee's eyes had on him. Trying not to stare, he let his eyes roam over his partner's body. Dark hair… olive skin… hard planes of muscle…hard, ready cock… Ryo struggled again not to moan. He knew the only place on Earth that he wanted to be was on the shower floor.

Suddenly, his inhibitions kicked in. If I get down on me knees now, if I take Dee in my mouth, he thought frantically, then I'll be gay. They'll know… everyone at work, just to look at me. People will hate me.

"Ryo?" Dee asked. "You're looking at me with that scared-to-death face again. What's the matter?"

Afraid of his own feelings, Ryo hastily turned the tables on his partner. "Have sex in the shower much?" His voice was hard, and he hated himself for needing the protection that distance offered.

"What?"

"Is this is a common place for you?"

Dee's face was screwed up in puzzlement. "No, I prefer beds. Why?"

"Well, I've heard you've had plenty of lovers - I just wondered where you had them."

"Ryo? What? Where did you hear that?" Dee found himself wrapping his arms around himself, suddenly chilled, though the water temperature hadn't changed.

"It's a pretty well known fact around the station - that you'll do anything with anyone. That's why you're bi, huh? Twice the action."

By the end of Ryo's speech, Dee's long fingers were clenched, and it was clear that he was physically restraining himself from some or another act of violence. "So that's it, huh?" he asked when he could finally trust his voice. "We're listening to station gossip now? If you were worried that I was with anyone else but you, why didn't you ask me?" He was shaking, more hurt than angry, and blackness was beginning to overtake his vision. "Oh no, I remember. Trusting me would have made too damn much sense. Dick. I haven't been with anyone since I met you! Before that, yeah, there were a couple of one night stands, but no one - and I'm sure it won't matter - meant 1/1000 of what I felt for you." He shook his raven locks out of his face and stepped out of the shower to dress quickly, soundlessly. Before leaving he said, only, "I'm sorry I came. It won't happen again."

Inside the shower, the water went cold long before Ryo made his way out again. The sound of the water covered his sobs.

"Dee in yet?" Ryo asked Drake, stirring a much-needed cup of coffee. The circles under his eyes felt like bruises and his throat was still raw from a night spent in tears.

"No," Drake told him. "He called off. Do you know what he's down with? He sounded totally funny."

Ryo shook his head. "No. I haven't talked to him."

When Drake had gone, JJ turned on him, eyes accusing. "You did something to him, didn't you?"

Ryo flinched. "Dee can take care of himself."

"Not when it comes to you!" JJ snapped back. "He's even praying now. Dee, praying!"

Ryo turned and walked away from the incensed man, shame burning in his face. Damn you, JJ. At least the bruises you left were from loving him too much. I've never been able to love him enough.

When he returned to work a few days later Dee continued to act as his partner, but the only words he spoke were neutral, case-oriented. He had closed the door to his heart firmly and Ryo found himself straining against it, exiled.

He tried to confront Dee about the issue, but Dee cut him off before he could apologize. "Look, Ryo, maybe we'll be friends again. Hell, I'd say we probably will. But I can't talk with you right now, ok? Maybe in a week or two it'll be different but not… not right now."

The slight catch in his voice sent Ryo out of the room, miserable and on the verge of tears. He didn't bring it up again.

Dee dragged up the steps to his apartment slowly, cursing the broken elevator with every floor. By the time he reached his doorway, his jacket was half off, his tie loosened around his neck, and all he wanted was to collapse onto the couch and forget the painful shining of Ryo's eyes. Which would have been a lot easier if Ryo wasn't seated in his doorway, waiting.

Dee didn't even bother to wonder how his partner had beat him home; he hadn't been keeping track of Ryo's movements lately. It was an omission that he felt keenly after two years of keeping close tabs on the blond. "What do you want?" he asked, unlocking the door and pushing his way into the kitchen. His battered briefcase clunked onto the table; he threw his coat and tie on a chair. Ryo stood in the doorway.

"Can I come in?" he asked quietly as Dee rummaged in the fridge for a beer.

"If you want to." He removed the cap from the bottle and walked into the living room to stretch out in an oversized chair. If Ryo was going to torture him, he could at least be comfortable. Ryo shut the door and followed him, eyes downcast.

"I want to talk to you, Dee."

"I think you've said plenty already, but it's still a free country. Go for it." He stared straight ahead, not looking at his partner. Suddenly, Ryo was swept by a feeling of invisibility. He felt like a ghost crying in the rafters.

"Dee, I want to apologize for what I did to you. I know how badly I hurt you. I want things to go back to the way they were between us."

"Funny," Dee replied. "The way things were, huh? And how would that be, Ryo? Me following after you with my heart on a leash? Me sleeping alone hoping that maybe when we're alone sometime you might let me kiss you for a minute?" He turned at last, eyes burning. "Me showing you everyday how much I love you and you just taking and taking without ever giving anything back? No, I can't say I'm real interested in going back to that."

"T-that's not what I mean,"

Dee ignored him. "You're a piece of work, you know that? You were pissed most of the time when I chased you, when I kissed you, when I touched you - but now, when I've stopped, you show up at my apartment to say you're pissed that I don't. What exactly is it that you want from me, Ryo?"

Ryo steeled himself against his anger and moved closer to his partner, fingers aching to touch him, to take his pain from him. "I want a second chance, Dee. I'm sorry for what I said… about the other lovers. I'm sorry for the way I treated you, Dee. Really I am."

Dee just shook his head. "I can't believe you listened to those goofs at the station. Ever since I started there, they've always teased me. It was easy to let them think I was getting some every night. What I don't understand, Ryo, is why you'd choose to listen to a station of gossips over the man who loves you?"

"I was afraid I'd be just another one of those lovers."

"Bullshit. You think I'd put two years into winning your heart just to get you into bed? I'm stronger than you are, Ryo. If I wanted to hold you down and convince you, I could. That never happened, did it?"

"We had a lot of interruptions from Bikky and Carol."

"Yeah, but if they hadn't come in, I wouldn't have pushed you all the way. I wouldn't have taken what you didn't want to give. Then you show up and call me on the carpet, like I've been cheating on you. I don't even have you, Ryo! I never have! A few kisses, a time when I almost got to please you, that's it! Do you realize how hard it is to hang on when that's all you have to hang on to?"

Ryo swallowed hard. "Yes. I'm sorry, Dee."

"I've done everything I could not to hurt you."

Ryo choked. "I know. And I've hurt you at every turn. I was afraid, Dee! That day in the shower… I wanted you! I wanted you in my mouth. I've never felt that way about another man, Dee. It scared me. It scares me that I need you so much. I know it's no excuse, but that's why I push you away." He bowed his head, unable to meet his partner's gaze.

Dee's face had softened; some of the storm had left his eyes. "Why couldn't you have come to me and told me that, Ryo? We could have worked on it, worked through it. I would have shown you there was nothing to be afraid of with me. You did the same thing with what happened to your parents. You hid it from me, you pushed me away. I want to take care of you, Ryo, but you make it so damn hard."

Ryo knelt before him and rested his head on his knees. "Give me a second chance? Please?"

Dee lifted his chin, ran a finger over his lips, undone by Ryo's submissive stance, the pleading in his voice. "Like you even had to ask. You're more trouble than you're worth, but I can't keep away from you."

Ryo caught his finger with his mouth, sucking at it. Dee shivered at feeling his warm breath on his hands. "Take another shower with me?" the blond bargained, playfully.

"On two conditions."

"Sure."

"Don't be afraid to hold onto me… and don't talk so much!"

Ryo kissed his fingers. "I promise." He hoped the hot water would hold out… this time, he wasn't going to be afraid.