Disclaimer: Batverse, not mine. CATverse co-owned.

Go to the official CATverse timeline website for placement in the series rather than a page and a half of timeline recap. http/ www . freewebs . com / bitemetechie / catverse . html Just get rid of the spaces, darlings.


"Diary Of A Henchgirl" was a smash success.

Metropolis, Gotham, Keystone City--it seemed that everyone, everywhere was reading the thing and you couldn't take two steps without running into someone who had their nose buried in it's pages.

It was only to be expected that the tabloid readers, followers of gossip columns and those fascinated with the criminal element in general would want to read it, but it was gaining both acclaim and scorn in academic circles as well.

Some scholars and psychologists heralded it as a look at the inner workings of a young, borderline criminally insane mind; while others thought it to be the worst type of fantastical popular tripe meant only for the society's lowest common denominator.

Still others claimed it to be nothing more than an elaborate literary hoax.

Regardless of what the critics thought or how much the academics theorized, it had still managed to make it onto virtually every best-sellers list in the country--pushing 'The Michelangelo Cipher' out of the top spot that it had occupied for two years solid.

Thusly, it was no great surprise that it was on everyone's Must Have Christmas list.

And when I say everyone, I mean everyone.

Not only was it the common man who sought to read the most private thoughts contained in the newly published diary, villains and heroes alike were curious about whether or not they had been accurately depicted within it's passages.

Well, perhaps if we're being candid, it wasn't so much curiosity about how they were represented, it was most curiosity about what the anonymous author had said about them no holds barred.

Bruce Wayne, known to a select few as more than just a charming billionaire playboy, was able to procure a copy of the coveted book early on, telling himself that it wasn't so much vanity that made him seek out the tome, but the desire to check it for authenticity.

It certainly wouldn't be unheard of for some ambitious fiction writer to try and break into the dog eat dog publishing world in such a manner; the masses always seemed to clamor for such things and it would definitely be a way for someone to garner national attention overnight, fraud or not…

Of course, that logical explanation fell through once he learned that the author's name had been withheld; not only from the public, but from the publishing house as well.

And someone had yet to come forward to claim responsibility for the book.

This further intrigued the detective within Bruce Wayne. Why would anyone publish their innermost thoughts, become a smash success and then remain anonymous? Furthermore, what was in this little volume that kept the typical con artists from trying to declare ownership of the writing in the interests of making a quick buck?

Well…there was only one way to find out, wasn't there?


It's not like the Bat Blaster--um...Buster--er...Blazer? Screw it, I'm horrible with names when I have a head injury...but I digress...

It's not like Al's car was in terrific shape to begin with, but I broke its will to live.

In my defense: the Captain shouldn't have given me the keys to the thing. I have a license to kill, not a license to drive.

Yes, the ring I own with '007' etched on it is what I consider to be my 'license to kill'. If it's good enough for James Bond, it's good enough for me.

Though he was always considered a 'good guy'...so I don't know if the difference in our ethical alignments have anything to do with the validity of my license as opposed to the validity of his

Oh...wait...he's a fictional character.

Wow...I must've hit my head harder than I thought.

And in conclusion: I am never driving again. Never, never, never.

But hey, at least I'm not the one who hit Batman with the car.

I only blew it up.


Batman's brow furrowed beneath his cowl. Who else knew about that if not those responsible for it?

Maybe this thing was the genuine article.

He flipped another few pages until he spotted his name again...

Tangled with the Bat today and I've got one thing to say--well, two things to say.

One: OUCH.

Two: The man is magnificent

Now I don't usually use words like that to describe just anybody, but my God, he is the very definition of 'Magnificent'. The way he moves, the way he fights...

I could easily see myself trying to become the next Batgirl if it meant learning how he does that thing he does where he flips you over his shoulder in mid-air and drops to land on his feet while you hit the pavement behind him.

(Again, ouch. I'm gonna have bruises for days


"I don't see what's so magnificent about you," Wally West muttered from across the conference table inside the Watchtower, arms crossed over his chest, "I mean, I am the fastest man alive, after all."

"You get a mention in here too," Wonder Woman replied lightly, flicking through her own copy.

She was relieved of it within moments and soon the man known as the Flash was flicking every page frantically.


If you ever tell anyone about this, I'm gonna hurt you, diary (yes, I am aware of how insane it sounds for me to be threatening the continued existence of an inanimate object, but I've had a nasty blow to the head today so I'm blaming that for it and what I'm about to say).

I think I've developed a small crush on the Scarlet Speedster.

A real shame, since we're on opposite sides of the law...


"That's kinda...cute," the Flash said with a grin before the book was plucked from his hand by the man of steel.

The stern look Superman gave Wally forced him to scrunch up his face in disgust. "Party pooper."

"I can't believe any of you are reading this trash."

"Batman wanted to see if the thing was valid or just a hoax," Wonder Woman replied easily. "He said all the dates that are specified in the book do coincide with case files of his own..."

The Flash grinned. "And you're in there too you know, Big Blue."

"Big Blue?"

"That's what she calls you."


Oh my God. Superman is the most boring man on the face of the Earth. Duller than dirt and with twice the fiber. "Blah, blah, blah, you're breaking the law, blah, blah, blah, I'll never understand why girls like you turn to a life of crime, yak, yak, yak."

And then Big Blue shook his finger at me. He actually shook his finger at me like he was scolding a school girl.

But it was worth putting up with the lecture to see Al konk him in the back of the head with a lead pipe.

Granted, it didn't do much damage (or...any damage, rather), but that hollow sounding THUNK is a noise that I'm going to treasure.

Like music, I tell you...


Lois Lane couldn't contain the chuckle that accompanied reading that last passage. "If nothing else, she certainly had a sense of humor."

Clark Kent just grunted without looking up from his work.

"Oh come on, Clark...I know she was a criminal, but this is one of the more fascinating books that's been released of late."

"It's interesting enough, I guess," he replied with a careless shrug, "But it's far from being publishable material."

And if Lois noticed that Clark rubbed the back of his head absently when he said that, she didn't make comment about it.

"I wonder if Superman has read this yet," Lois said conversationally as she flipped a few more pages and froze.

The change didn't go unnoticed by her companion. "What?"

"Oh...I was just thinking it's a good thing the author's not around...seems like Earth's heroes aren't the only ones she wrote about…"