Hehe...I've been wanting to write a fic on Al getting drunk for awhile...who knows why, hehe. However, I didn't know a thing about being drunk, since I'd never BEEN drunk before, so I had to conduct a little, ahem, research ((read as 'get drunk')) to find out what it was like, hehe. I already act like Al when I'm sober, so I figured I'd probably act similar to how he'd act drunk. So, here it is. Hope you enjoy it. Yes, I do act like this when I'm drunk. And yes, I am that much of a lightweight. Seriously. Not exaggerating, hehe.
Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. I don't own much, actually, only about two suitcases full of stuff plus a bunch of books. Oddly enough, of the very little I do own, I own a few Fullmetal Alchemist items. Shows what my priorities are, doesn't it? Hehe.
Ed was facing a pretty big problem. A's twenty-first birthday was only a few days away, and the kid was still so innocent it made one sick. If not sick, his innocence at least made one squirm in their seats. One just felt so dirty in the presence of one so angelic. There was only one thing to do: break him of his innocence. This being Al's twenty-first, he had a pretty good idea how to do it too, but he would need help.
"Hey, stupid Colonel," said Ed as he stepped into Colonel Mustang's office. Roy didn't even look up from his paperwork, which was he actually doing, amazingly enough.
"Hey, shortface," came the reply. Ed made a face at that comment, but saw no point in lashing out about it. HE was twenty-two now, and had achieved a height of five food six…more if you could count his hair…so there really was no point in getting angry. He had more important things to do now anyway.
"Colonel," Ed said as he planted his crossed arms over Roy's paperwork in an attempt to get some attention. Roy looked up at him with an irritated look in his eyebrows, but then let it relax. Ed was more fun to be around than paperwork, so why not go along with it?
"What do you want, FullMetal?"
"Drop the formalities for now," said Ed, "I'm not working today. I'm here on business."
Roy glanced quickly at the paperwork that was still ominously calling to him and then back at Ed's face. He sighed. "You may not be working today, Edward, but I…"
"Tut tut tut…" Ed interrupted by putting his finger on Roy's lips to shut him up. "I'll only take a minute of your time."
"What do you want?" Roy reiterated.
"As you know, my little brother is turning twenty-one in a few days."
"Yeah…" said Roy, obviously getting impatient.
"We need to give him a proper adulthood initiation."
"You mean you want to get him drunk."
Ed stood up straight and smacked Roy across the back while flashing him a cheesy grin. "My, you're smart! That ought to make things easier."
Roy recovered from the smack and proceeded to burn a few pieces of scrap paper that just happened to be lying around. Ed couldn't help but wonder if Roy was pretending that those little pieces of paper were him. He shrugged. No matter. On to business.
"So, Colonel," said Ed, "…or can I call you Roy since I'm off work today?"
Poor Roy's eyebrows looked to have gotten a life of their own as they were twitching uncontrollably. "Do what you want," he growled through clenched teeth. Ed smile at the way he was so easily able to tick off his superior these days without hardly doing anything, but he knew that if he wasn't careful, Roy's fuse would actually blow. That wouldn't be pretty. Better get straight to business.
"Okay, Roy," he said, "Al needs a proper initiation with all the right people present…but as you know, we live in the dorms. There isn't enough room for a party there. That's where you'd come in."
"You want my house, don't you?"
Ed smiled his mischievous grin again and patted Roy on the shoulder. "I knew you'd understand." He then turned to leave.
"Wait," said Roy, "I never said that you-" but he was met with empty silence, for Ed had already left the room. He shook his head and sighed. Who was the superior and who was the subordinate? Even he wasn't sure anymore.
"I'm really not sure I want to drink, Brother," said Al as he stared into the glass of wine he was holding. He was seated on a couch in Roy's living room, and for the past twenty minutes everyone present had been trying to encourage him to give in and have his first drink. So far, Ed was the only one who had come close to having him crack.
"Come on, Al, everyone drinks on their twenty-first birthday." He paused for a minutes as he watched Al continue to stare at the ominous red liquid in the glass. "I won't force you to get drunk, alright? Just drink a glass or two. You won't get drunk off of that."
"I don't know…" said Al hesitantly as he swirled the win in the glass.
"Al," Ed tried once more, "If you don't, you'll look back on today and regret that you didn't let yourself have any fun on your twenty-first birthday. Loosen up a bit. You're only twenty-one once."
Al sighed. "True…"
"So come on and try it. It won't kill you."
Al rolled his eyes at his brother. "Fine, but if I do anything stupid, I'm holding you to blame."
"Fine by me," said Ed. Al shrugged, sighed, and continued to stare into his wine glass. He shakily raised his hand as he slowly brought the evil substance closer to his mouth. At last, the glass touched his lips, and he took his first sip. The whole room broke out in cheers which embarrassed the poor boy, and he once again lowered the glass to his lap.
"So…how is it?" asked Ed expectantly.
Al was making a face and licking his lips as though trying to make the taste go away. "…Bitter…" He shrugged and took another sip and said, "But it feels warm."
"It'll do that," said Ed, elbowing his little brother in the side, "Welcome to the world of adults."
Sometime had passed, and Al had opened up all his present, participated in some of the festivities, and had now consumed two full glasses of wine. He'd been warned not to drink it too quickly, so he'd been cautious enough to drink it as slowly as possible. All the same, he felt kind of funny.
"Brother?" Al called, "Brother? Where are you?"
"Over here, Al!" Ed said, waving from a nearby couch.
Al pretended not to hear him. He wasn't exactly in the mood to acknowledge his brother, merely to call for him. Weird mood. He got down on the ground and picked up the skirt surrounding the bottom of the couch to look underneath it. "Brother, are you under there?"
"Darn it, Al, I'm over here!" Ed stamped his foot for emphasis.
Al stood up and looked around. Hmmm…his brother was getting mad, yet strangely, he didn't feel back about making him that way. This was fun. Without looking in his brother's direction, Al turned and walked right past him, calling, "Brother? Brother, where are you?"
Ed jumped up from his seat and ran up to Al and grabbed his arm. "Al, cut it out! What are you trying to tick me off for?"
Al turned and grinned mischievously at Ed. "Just for the (BEEP) of it." In a matter of seconds, all the commotion in the room had stopped and had directed its attention on Al. He swore? Alphonse Elric swore?
"Al," said Ed solemnly, "You're drunk, aren't you?"
Al began to shake his head, but got dizzy and began to topple over, thankfully being held up by Ed's grip.
"I don't think so, Brother, I only had two glasses."
Ed narrowed his eyes and stared intently at Al for a brief moment, and then sighed. "And here I thought I was a lightweight." He let go of Al and gave him a little push. 'Go have some fun. You're already drunk, so you might as well enjoy it."
"I'm…not…drunk…" said Al, laboriously forming the words with his lips. Man, he was feeling weird.
Ed chuckled at his little brother. "So, you're not drunk, are you? Come here then." Al stepped forward trustingly, and Ed placed his hand on Al's chest and gave a gentle, ever so gentle, shove. Al stumble backwards and knocked over a couple chairs and a table before finally falling down himself…though oddly, he didn't mind it a bit, as he was giggling like crazy. Ed just stood by and shook his head in an amused fashion. "Told you you were drunk."
About this time, Havoc walked up to Edward after noticing the commotion Al was causing. "Geez, we had a hard enough time getting him to drink at al, and now he's drunk? How much did he drink?"
"Two glasses," said Ed, laughing.
"Two glasses?" said Havoc, "You can't get drunk on two glasses of wine!"
"Apparently, Al can," said Ed with a shrug. "Excuse me, I need to go and make sure he doesn't kill himself…or anybody else."
When Ed caught up with Al, the boy was teaching several of the party guests how to moo properly, which the guests found rather entertaining, since they didn't even realize that there was a proper way to moo. Ed stared at Al again and laughed at his antics. "Hey Al, I would've thought you'd be meowing, not mooing."
"Meowooo…" replied Al.
"Is that a…cowcat?" asked Ed.
"No, dummy, it's a dog!" said Al, staggering around in his laughter. Ed looked at the other party guests and shrugged, chuckling along with them. Al was in his own little world right now, making jokes that only he understood.
By and by, the evening started to wind down, even though Al would still occasionally talk about cows, speak in languages only Al understood, or look for Ed underneath the couch. At one point, Al came practically crawling up to Ed. "Brother…I feel kind of sick."
Uh oh, that couldn't be good. How could he have gotten sick on only two glasses? Then again, he'd gotten drunk on only two, so maybe he could get sick on only two glasses too. "Here, Al," Ed led the boy to a couch and gently set him down on it, 'You just sit and rest here."
Al sat down and moaned a bit. "Brother, why am I sick?"
Ed smirked a bit at such an obvious question, so he decided to reply with sarcasm. "Because Havoc smokes too much."
Al groaned again and said, "Could you tell him to stop smoking? It's making me sick."
Ed bit his tongue to keep from laughing and walked off to do Al's bidding. His little brother MUST'VE been drunk to have taken that statement literally. "Havoc," said Ed when he caught up with the man, "Stop smoking, you're making Al sick." Upon seeing Havoc's confused facial expression, Ed burst out laughing and then explained everything so that the other man could join in the fun.
They were interrupted however, but a loud commotion coming from the side of the room where Al was. Ed raced back over to the area where he'd left his little brother and began asking people in a panic, "What happened? What happened?"
"You're little brother apparently had more than he could handle," said Roy.
"He threw up?" asked Ed in shock, "But he only had two glasses!"
"Beats me," said Roy, who shrugged.
Ed finally got to Al, who had passed out by then, and began cleaning the boy up. "Al, when you wake up, remind me never to get you drunk again."
Several weeks later, Al stepped into the break room at the headquarters building to look for his brother, only to find that most of the people who had attended his birthday party were there. Al smiled and walked up to Roy and shook his hand. "Thanks for throwing that party for me."
Roy smiled. "It was nothing."
Alphonse went quiet for a moment as he thought about something, and then he finally voice aloud, "Do you think at my next birthday, we could have-"
The whole room voiced a resounding, "NO!"
Al held up his hands in submission. "Just thought I'd ask," and then humbly walked out the door.
Uh...what can I say in my defense? Yes, seriously I act like that when drunk, hehe, but I can't move around that well...that's the main difference. I get so dizzy that I have to sit still. ((If I didn't, I'd throw up a lot sooner than otherwise...and yes, on two glasses, hehe.)) Anyway, hope you enjoyed this excursion into my drinking life, which I hope I never do again...until I feel like it, of course. Oh, did I mention it was my birthday this month? No, no, I'm not gonna get drunk, I swear! What, don't you believe me?